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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I enjoy the story a lot! It has a perfect mood.
You handle the characters' psychology very well. I like the little furniture, Janus and a bond he developed with Raven. But your Raoul and Katze are also interesting. Wonder how you will develop the relationships.
However, you do need a beta reader and the language needs some improvements. Unfortunately, I can't help you, I'm not a native speaker myself. Maybe try finding someone on aff.net.
You handle the characters' psychology very well. I like the little furniture, Janus and a bond he developed with Raven. But your Raoul and Katze are also interesting. Wonder how you will develop the relationships.
However, you do need a beta reader and the language needs some improvements. Unfortunately, I can't help you, I'm not a native speaker myself. Maybe try finding someone on aff.net.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow what a good story so far i love it is ravon riki son. and i hope that he is okay . good job so for on the story and can not wait for more of the story and see what happen next.
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yes! Yes! The scene with the crop... it shows perfectly what I think of such methods in AnK.
Although I usually don't like second-generation fics, yours really drew my attention. I like how you build Raven's relationships with both – Raoul and Katze. I'm especially glad that Raoul allows his pet to work in the market, talks to him about business and treats him like a human.
Pity you 'sold' Janus, he was such a nice character. But the talk between Katze and Janus was superb.
And btw, check this address: http://czmadzia.livejournal.com/#czmadzia5422 (I hope it'll show up well, I don't think they allow links here).
Although I usually don't like second-generation fics, yours really drew my attention. I like how you build Raven's relationships with both – Raoul and Katze. I'm especially glad that Raoul allows his pet to work in the market, talks to him about business and treats him like a human.
Pity you 'sold' Janus, he was such a nice character. But the talk between Katze and Janus was superb.
And btw, check this address: http://czmadzia.livejournal.com/#czmadzia5422 (I hope it'll show up well, I don't think they allow links here).
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December 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, I really like it! I like the way you made Riki’s son – partly like Riki but also like Katze. The beginning is intriguing. I’m so glad that it’s not another spanking-BDSM fic, but something reasonable. ^^
One little remark: you could work on paragraphing in the first chapter. Start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Make it look like in the second chapter – this way it’s definitely more clear.
And apart from this… please, continue!
One little remark: you could work on paragraphing in the first chapter. Start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Make it look like in the second chapter – this way it’s definitely more clear.
And apart from this… please, continue!
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December 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is a refreshing view. There is no BDSM or overly sexual graphic encounters happening every other paragrath. Most stories get lost with the focus just on sex. I like the balance of Kyle's personality. He has his father's fire but not to the extreme. I'm curious to see how this story evolves and what happens. Will you be writting a bit more about his past?
Looking forward to the next chanter.
Looking forward to the next chanter.
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December 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I must apologize, I meant to say Raven not Kyle. I'm half awake here.