rate_review Reviews

Just some things to mention. The first is that it might work better if you make smaller chapters, also Yui makes less and less sense with Rei's involvement (although that might be your point). Last her rationale for raping Asuka is Asuka's mother, but isn't she making Mana much more like the woman than Asuka ever would be?

Last chapter was freaking amazing. I approve of more Rei x Asuka yuri. Frankly speaking, I like where this is going.

Asuka rimming Shinji's mom?
I am disturbed, and yet AROUSED...

I would like to see them have Asuka wear a reverse strap on that had a big dildo that goes into her pussy like in "Love Is The Number of Keys."

This is pretty boring. Grammatically, it's well-written, with few errors, but the plot moves slower than a frozen mammoth turd. Tighten it up and move it forward a bit faster. More text is not equal to greater quality. The scenes become boring very quickly, and it has nothing to do with my attention span (which is long, I can read 500,000+ words in one sitting if I'm in the mood and the story is halfway decent). I can't make it past the second chapter. It could do with a more concise editing; whole portions of text could be removed/modified and it would still be both arousing, and entertaining as a story. Obviously your characterizations are in question, but as it is a piece of pornographic fanfiction I don't really hold you to any standards on that. As it stands, the names of any of the characters could be replaced and they would serve equally well. Nothing about the characters or the setting makes it uniquely "Evangelion." You might as well replace the names in this with characters from a series with a larger fanbase, you'd have a lot more fans. Or you can edit in more scenes to make it more of an Eva story, maybe even change it up to set it in the main Eva universe, it wouldn't be difficult. Give it a more involved story arc where there are more issues at stake than Asuka's sexual evolution. You gave yourself so much space for text and then made it 98% Asuka-centric. From a third-person omniscient perspective, that gets very boring.

I would like to see Asuka and given enemas or sprayed own with a hose or have thier clits tortured(nothing grisly, just like electric shock or clamps or something :P) or something like that in future chapters. :P

Yeesh. Hardcore indeed, and at some parts, I couldn't really take it so I'll be honest - I skipped ahead. But the dive into the characters psyche's is so accurate and deep, that I find I can't stop reading. This last chapter, especially - the string of "Look at me! Don't ignore me!" was so...Evangelion and reminiscent to Shinji's breakdown. It was great! The optimistic part of me always wished for a happy ending so...but no matter even if that's not in the plan, I have to read this to the end anyway.

This is getting deeper what with all the resentment both Asuka and her 'paramour' are feeling.

Really well written. Though I don't see why Yui involved Rei in the same mess as Asuka.

Really well written, though I must confess I'd like Asuka to beat up the guys. They're so smug.

Love it. What else can I say, lol. Deep, very good! I liked it a LOT