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October 17, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I love it so far, keep it up
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July 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Cool so far with fast updates, I like the way you are doing things but Im also confused about the last angel, if that his real identity, to be a uhh...vampire? Or some sort of thing like that. You last chapter got too many flash bags and strange plot confusion. Still it is nice that you at least update.
This is not a flame but a slight advise, although you included a small dialogue of Rei's masturbation, to please more people you can describe these scenes properly like 'her hand caressed her sensitive spots' and mumbo jumbo. Keep the population happy you see?
Anyway, hope you update soon.
From Venezuela
D4rK
This is not a flame but a slight advise, although you included a small dialogue of Rei's masturbation, to please more people you can describe these scenes properly like 'her hand caressed her sensitive spots' and mumbo jumbo. Keep the population happy you see?
Anyway, hope you update soon.
From Venezuela
D4rK
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July 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Heh, so rather than stupid flames, you would prefer intelligent flames? I personally see no reason to flame you at all. Bookmarkness! I look forward to your next update.
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June 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
AHHHHH yes joyful tears have been brought to my eyes with this awesome update! Yet again I am really impressed on how the story is developing. Honestly I wonder if that creature thing is and whats its name since I would treat it as a x-factor or something. The timel ine got fucked i say!
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May 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Funny, I saw a Crusnik when Shinji changed. His skin black with blue markings, his eyes white, four wings sprouting from his back. Curious. So what are the evil beings (Adam and Lillith most likely)? What is Shinji? And what is the cat doing to my neck?
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April 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 1
Well this is a good start Shinji has the chance for a ‘do over’ and Rei seems to be warming up to him. I’m not big on rehashes of the series but I see that it was necessary to set the stage.
One thing that I need to mention is that you’re mixing more than one person’s dialogue in the same paragraph. That makes it confusing to read. What was beaten into my head with a blunt instrument was, ‘a new line every time a different character opens their mouth.’
I’m looking forward to more of this story.
Lord Saturn
Well this is a good start Shinji has the chance for a ‘do over’ and Rei seems to be warming up to him. I’m not big on rehashes of the series but I see that it was necessary to set the stage.
One thing that I need to mention is that you’re mixing more than one person’s dialogue in the same paragraph. That makes it confusing to read. What was beaten into my head with a blunt instrument was, ‘a new line every time a different character opens their mouth.’
I’m looking forward to more of this story.
Lord Saturn
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April 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter I really enjoyed it and I hope there’s at least one lemon down the road.
Again you need to break up the paragraphs so that only one character is speaking but that just takes practice. Otherwise you’re kicking ass here. If you would like my help you need only to ask.
I have a favor to ask, please shoot me an email when you upload the next chapter. I don’t get to AFF very often because of the lack of stories that interest me and they don’t have an alert system for favorite stories.
I hope to see the next chapter soon.
Lord Saturn
Again you need to break up the paragraphs so that only one character is speaking but that just takes practice. Otherwise you’re kicking ass here. If you would like my help you need only to ask.
I have a favor to ask, please shoot me an email when you upload the next chapter. I don’t get to AFF very often because of the lack of stories that interest me and they don’t have an alert system for favorite stories.
I hope to see the next chapter soon.
Lord Saturn
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April 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You surprised me with this chapter. Being more elaborate since you already got the idea of what you're going to do. Well I think that the concept very well with Shinji remembering his past life to get to help Rei and to stop 3rd impact from happening. I think someone will know that Shinji knows everything. I take for granted that Gendo will be the first one right? It will be okay if you dont include sex in this one; I know its a free for all on this website. But some fics are very nice with or without sex as long as its not sex centered. So congrats in being pro story-then sex later guy. Well I'll talk to ye in the next chapter then...take care, hope you update soon!
From Venezuela
D4rK
From Venezuela
D4rK
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March 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I can't tell you how impressed I am at your story so far. Truthfully, I loved the concept of Evangelion and the characters, but the whole way it was done didn't do it for me. I love this take so far and I'm eagerly hoping you continue!
Not a hit against your beta or anything, but I can't help but point out one thing. In a story, novel, etc., when a new character speaks it's proper grammar to have it in a new paragraph, not one ongoing one as you have been doing so far. It also makes it easier to read, but that's probably why its a grammar rule, LOL. However, when the next words spoken are also said by the same character that spoke last, it's okay to keep it in the same paragraph. Just trying to help you out. Other than that easily rectifiable thing I can't applaud you enough, so please keep up the good work!
Not a hit against your beta or anything, but I can't help but point out one thing. In a story, novel, etc., when a new character speaks it's proper grammar to have it in a new paragraph, not one ongoing one as you have been doing so far. It also makes it easier to read, but that's probably why its a grammar rule, LOL. However, when the next words spoken are also said by the same character that spoke last, it's okay to keep it in the same paragraph. Just trying to help you out. Other than that easily rectifiable thing I can't applaud you enough, so please keep up the good work!
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March 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I certainly hope rei will be alright, if the preview is any indication things are going to be exciting. With everything rei had gone through before the restart she deserves some happiness. I'm certainly looking forward to the next chapter.