rate_review Reviews

Nice twist with the ending! who'dve thought Nagato could be as manipulative as THAT!? xD

very well written and indepth!
if you're looking for a request heres mine: see if you can a fic similar to this in its depth with Tsuruya! shes my favorite personally but there arent that many fics out there with her! and looking at this fic if you can make Nagato act that way then Tsuruya will DEFINITLY surprise me xD

nice work!

Definitely the best "Haruhi" story I've read so far. I do think that Yuki's dialogue felt a bit out of character (too emotional, too casual, too many contractions, not enough passive statements, etc), but that her actions within the fic were in-character.
This was very sexy. And I *do* like the ending. ^-^
I hope you grace this genre with some more stories.

That was funny at the end.

Yuki wanted to make love with Kyon and she tricked him in thinking that it was for Haruhi. I enjoyed this story allot.

XD

That was great! I was utterly convinced by Yuki's character. I found the story idea very intriguing, and the language was some of the best description I've seen in a fanfic. There were a few typos, but overall it was excellent.

I hope you're open to writing another chapter. Kyon may have learned how to make love, but he was overly direct with wooing Haruhi. Sounds like he needs more lessons with Yuki XD.

The one thing I would like to see is Yuki giving a little more active instruction. She could run a program to simulate Haruhi's personality, where Kyon would talk to her and she would answer in Haruhi's voice. When Kyon says something clumsy or make a mistake, Yuki would reset the program and Kyon would have to start from the beginning. That's just my suggestion, but I'm sure you have plenty of ideas already.

Here's to keeping Haruhi fanfiction alive!

zomgrofl at the ending. xD I wouldn't call that ending as much a lame ending as a very twisted, and slightly kyuute ending. Nagato really had her way with Kyon, which is always nice for me. ~.~ I'm always up for some NagatoxKyon fanfics.

Short, but sweet. It got really tedious to read after a while, tho, so it was a good thing you didn't make it too long. One of the first things I noticed was that you didn't quite look at what you were typing. Some of the sentences you wrote didn't make any sense at all. And there were some word errors, too. But the most annoying and tedious of all to read was the constant "He does this. He does that. She does this." kinda thing. As a writer, that is one thing you TRY not to do, because that gets VERY repetitive VERY quickly and can dull even the most interesting of stories. Try to keep variants of sentence structures and words in mind as you write.

All in all, it was a decent fic. Not the best Haruhi fic I've read, but not the worst, either. It didn't have a very lasting impression, sadly to say. I did like it, tho. Keep trying; I know you have potential. =) I'll keep an eye out on your stuffs, too.

This was a great chapter and the ending made me laugh so hard I almost cried I so didn't see it ending like that anyways sure whatever you write next will be good.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae

I loved this story Yuki has always been my favorite girl and i could really belive her acting just like that well hope you add more soon.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae

Don't worry, man, what you're doing is very right. Keep it up.