AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Operation: OH SHIT Phase 1

by SenoritaLucha

schedule February 25, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Well this certainly has a sense of whimsy to it that made it fun to read. Granted, I have no idea who these people are and I wish I did so that I could offer you a better review, but I shall focus my critique on what I DO know:

- the A/N parts are unnecessary in my humble opinion. They take away from the fun of what you're writing and make it more about the author than the story.
- You could try getting a little deeper into the character's heads, or describing them a bit. I know that the people who read your story already know who they are and what they look like, but its always nice to flex those vocab skills.

Keep writing!

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