schedule
January 2, 2012 at 12:00 AM
First of all, I liked it. It's always good to see others posting in this section and especially when they're worth reading. You have an interesting writing style that seems like raw talent, something time a practice will help. The story had a nice tone and progressed well enough, and the dialogue was believable enough, but things seemed a little forced and rushed like you were tying to finish your story without exceeding a character limit.
My only real suggestions are try not to start off every other sentence with, "I..." And leave the explanation for the Twilight reference out until the footnotes.
My only real suggestions are try not to start off every other sentence with, "I..." And leave the explanation for the Twilight reference out until the footnotes.