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October 15, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hah-ha, you are awesome! This story is just my cup of tea. You captured the light-hearted feel of the anime and made the characters pretty well in-character. I liked the little details you put in such as Kenichi feeling uncomfortable in "Miu's" kitchen and the pebble getting embedded in the pole.
Some ConCrit: There is one sentence/paragraph (can't remember which) where you use the word "torso" about three times, and it's kind of awkward. You might find a different way to word it. Also there are a few really minor typos, but nothing vital seems to be amiss.
Overall I love it, and I hope to read more! I'm confused by your A/N though - I'm very curious what exactly it is that you have to edit out based on AFF guidelines...
Some ConCrit: There is one sentence/paragraph (can't remember which) where you use the word "torso" about three times, and it's kind of awkward. You might find a different way to word it. Also there are a few really minor typos, but nothing vital seems to be amiss.
Overall I love it, and I hope to read more! I'm confused by your A/N though - I'm very curious what exactly it is that you have to edit out based on AFF guidelines...