rate_review Reviews

Entertaining. There is some nice imagery in this.mi read both chapters and would like to see more. I am interested with where this is going.

Souji's characterization is good so far. The girl is a little harder to grasp. I thought her transition from upset hurt and scared frm being nearly raped by one guy to being angry and self righteous with Okit - that transition seemed forced, not natural to the situation.

There many spelling and grammar mistakes which could be a product of this or being your first language or just being a bad typist ( I should know, my own typing is terrible). You may want to spend more time editing or find someone to beta/ edit for you. Even still it was a good read and easily understood what was meant.

So far, while slightly forced, I like the tension, the slight dominance display from Okita a total turn on. Hope you do continue this. And thank you for writing and posting.

omg I want more! i like the way you write, a few spelling mistakes but obviously made by accident, when pressing the wrong button :)
But it is exiting to read and you can imagining the scenario while reading
(sorry if my own spelling is terrible, but English isn't my first language)