Thursday

disclaimer: i don't own weiss, though yohji is strapped to my bed as we speak... the songs in this 2-parter aren't mine either

A/N: i'm on a little break from "If You Could Read My Mind" to work on my Naruto fic, but i have plenty of one-shots that i finally thought about adding here. this one is called "thursday" just because that's the name of the song i use. the day thursday is never actually mentioned. keep in mind, this *is* a 2-parter

~italics~=song lyrics, italics=thoughts

Ran POV

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Thursday
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~Well it started out just like a dream
And like a dream I knew that what we had
Would have to end.
’Cause I was looking for a
Lifetime lover and,
You were looking for a friend…~

Ran closed the door to his room slowly and quietly. He didn’t want anyone to know that he hadn’t gone out like he had said. He didn’t want Omi or Ken to know that he was staying in his room the entire day. And he especially didn’t want Yohji knowing either. He didn’t want them to think that he was hiding…

I’m not hiding.

But he was. Everyday he fought with himself that he wasn’t hiding, that he just wanted a little space and a little quiet. But what he really wanted was Yohji, the one thing it had become painfully clear that he couldn’t have. And so he hid, from the emotions, from the hurt, from Yohji. Ran leaned against his door, head bowed, crimson eartails shadowing his face. He remembered so vividly the day he thought his hopes were finally coming true.

Omi and Ken had decided to go deliver the flower orders together, some of the arrangements needing to be carried by two. He had been left in the shop alone, Yohji snoring away upstairs in bed. Of course, he couldn’t fault the blonde. Their mission the previous night had been more “pound on Yohji” than “kill the target,” as the blonde had so loudly and profusely complained.

So Ran had been content enough to let him sleep and dutifully swept the floor of leaves and fallen petals. But as the broom had made its last swipe at the floor, Ran had heard a deafening wail coming from their house. He had thrown down the broom and ran to where the scream had been coming from.

It had come from Yohji’s room. Ran had slowed his steps, as well as his breaths, realization hitting home. A nightmare; Yohji was having a nightmare. Ran had carefully opened the blonde’s door and peered inside. He remembered seeing Yohji then, head in hands, shoulders shaking with barely perceptible sobs. He had been about to leave, return to the shop, when a voice whispered out to catch him as solidly as any hand.

“Aya, please stay.”

That had been the start of what Ran thought to be his heart’s wish. He had comforted Yohji, showed him some kindness, which had strengthened the bond shared by the two assassins. Ran had kissed him. Yohji had kissed back. It hadn’t exactly been fireworks and passionate sparks, but there had been a connection.

But four weeks later, Ran was starting to think he didn’t have what he wanted at all. Yohji was friendly enough during the day, taking him out to the shops, the movies, his favorite book store, etc. However, when the sun went down, Ran would find himself alone, more often than not wondering just where the blonde was. And Yohji would come home drunk, smelling of perfume and cigarettes, his shades secured over his eyes.

Ran found that the way Yohji was treating him was all together friendly, but not what he wanted. And it hit him. Yohji either didn’t know or just didn’t return the feelings that Ran held towards the blonde. And he, being less than perfect in the “saying how you feel” category, couldn’t bring himself to ask Yohji what exactly was going on between them. But if Yohji was spending time amicably enough with him in the day, but going out and getting together with some woman at night, Ran thought that he had a good enough answer without really asking.

And it hurt. So he closed himself in his room everyday, because, though it was fun and exciting to be Yohji’s friend during the day, it was too much not to be his lover at night.

Yohji, I guess it’s over before it even began…

~Someone to be there
After all your night time lovers had gone
The way they came.
Someone who knew the way
And helped to play your daytime game.
It's not the same~

Ran watched as Yohji came into the shop, last night’s clothes wrinkled and carrying faint traces of stale smoke. All of them knew that he had swept some poor, unsuspecting woman off her feet, but the only one who couldn’t tolerate it was Ran. Well, Weiss leader Aya couldn’t tolerate it either, but that was for a completely different reason.

“Oi, Aya, I know I’m late. Just let me get showered and changed, and I’ll be right down for my shift.” Ran watched as Yohji made his way to the back of the shop in order to go into their living quarters, dismay plastered on his features. Of course, since the others had only really seen anger and impassive acceptance on his face, dismay was not what Omi read into it.

“Aya-kun, I know you’re angry at Yohji-kun, but maybe we should lay off him. I mean, he’s not as late as he normally is.” Yes, Aya would be mad at Yohji for being even the slightest bit late. But Ran was sad that the one he cherished had spent another night without him. However, Ran had decided to give up on Yohji, had decided to give up on Ran. He would be Aya, leader of Weiss, with no hampering affections for a blonde playboy.

“Say, Aya, once we close shop, why don’t you and I hit up an arcade? I’m feeling in a childish mood,” came Yohji’s voice returning from the house.

“Since when are you not?” asked Ken. Omi snickered from the register, and Yohji gave him a mock Aya-glare.

“I’d rather not, Yohji,” replied Ran as he ripped off his apron and left the shop. Three surprised pairs of eyes followed his profile until he was out of sight.

~Well I started out pretending that I'd
Come to mean enough to you to make
You want to change.
Then I came to realize that
There was just too much of you you'd have
To rearrange…~

Ran shoved his hands into his pockets, annoyed that he had been so childish as to storm out. He wasn’t even mad. This was just another way for him to hide. Everyday he spent with Yohji in a friendly capacity, he got closer and closer to telling the blonde how he really felt, appropriate words or not. But then again, as the friendliness went on, he became more and more afraid of being rejected.

How could I be so blind? It’s no secret that Yohji doesn’t prefer one over the other, but he frequents women. And I’m the “Ice Prince.” Why would he even think of me that way?

He couldn’t help but remember, however, the only night that he and Yohji had spent together. Maybe not as a couple, but they had still gone out together. Yohji had taken him to a secret place that he had felt he could share with a friend. It had been a nice pavilion in a park near the Koneko that hosted all sorts of parties on the weekends. The weekend Yohji had chosen to take him had been a laid back affair with jazzy music and a potluck dinner. No one had asked him to dance when the band started to play slow songs; they had all asked Yohji. Both the men and the girls.

But Yohji politely turned them all down, with his charming grin and a wink over his sunglasses. Ran had suddenly felt guilty that Yohji was missing out on dancing with all those willing people just to keep him company, if that’s what Yohji had been doing at all. Of course, Ran had started to belittle himself again when Yohji abruptly stood and asked him to dance.

Ran had blushed, brightly. But he hadn’t refused, even though he had known Yohji had just been trying to be nice.

Ran continued down the street, an uncharacteristic sulk pervading his aura.

~And I couldn't bear to wait around
For all your night time lovers to go
The way they came.
And it came to hurt too much for me
To have to play your daytime games.
No one's to blame…~

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. Ithurtithurtithurtithurtithurt!

Ran came in the door quietly, closing it with a barely audible click. He could smell dinner cooking in the kitchen, and he wondered just who would be in there when he walked in. He stopped short as he heard someone speaking.

“Yohji-kun, what did you do to Aya-kun?”

“I don’t know. I just asked him to go to an arcade.”

“We heard that, Yohji. But you must have done something, or else he wouldn’t have skipped out like that.”

“Ken-kun, maybe Aya-kun just needed some air?”

“Yes, Omi, I just needed some air,” said Ran as he entered the kitchen. Silence greeted him for the barest second.

“Welcome home, Aya-kun. Did you eat while you were out?”

“No. Yohji, can I talk to you for a minute?” Ran turned and walked out of the kitchen, assuming Yohji would follow him. He went into the living room and waited until Yohji was standing in front of him to speak.

“Yohji, I’m glad that you find me good company. I’ve enjoyed the fun we’ve been having for the past month. But it has to stop.”

“What?”

“I have other obligations, and I can’t afford to be sidetracked.”

“Or could you possibly mean that you can’t afford to feel? Man, I was just trying to be a real friend. We don’t have a lot of those, Aya. Why can’t we be friends?”

“Because I don’t want to be just friends!” shouted Ran.

Yohji stood in silence.

“Because I can’t be friends,” covered Ran.

Yohji still looked at him in stunned silence, and Ran quickly retreated from the living room before he let anything else slip.

God, what did I say that for?

~Well it started out just like a dream
And like a dream I knew that what we hadWould have to end.
’Cause I was looking for a
Lifetime lover and,
You were looking for a friend.
I was looking for a
Lifetime lover and,
You were looking for a friend.~

I love you, Yohji, so much. But…

TBC

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