Suppressed

Standard Disclaimer: They aren\'t mine.

Warning: Kyo gets a little OOC at the end, it\'s hard to write an assertive but needy Kyo... sorry.


AN: Not to insert my political agenda here, and I think you can pick this up from my story, but I don’t draw such stiff lines between gay and straight. Kyo on the other hand, is struggling with this concept. He always has made definite categories between “fruit and normal,” so his developing attraction to Yuki is really scary for him. So to all of you who might get mad at me for inserting this sexuality crisis, (and not so politically correct terminology for someone who is glbtq, or in a state of flux as the case may be) it isn’t about my politics, it’s about his struggle. Also, the seemingly omnipotent voice is kind of like Kyo’s subconscious… that annoying little voice in your head that nags you on various occasions.

Kyo watched as Shigure grew more and more disappointed as they day passed. It would have been a lot more fulfilling though, if Yuki wasn’t actually ignoring him. He slammed his door as Yuki passed by without acknowledging his existence. He swore he could hear a defeated sigh from the hallway, but then again, it might have been his own.

“Damn rat!” He cursed under his breath. “What the hell was that?!? How the hell can you accidentally kiss someone?!?” Did Kyo accidentally like it? ‘Of course not!!! I’m not gay! I WANT TO BE WITH TOHRU!!!’ He screamed in his head. “I’m not gay!” He hissed into the mirror. Yuki’s words haunted his memory. ‘It wasn’t like that… I still don’t consider myself gay… It was more natural that anything…’ “I’m not gay!” ‘…still don’t consider myself gay…’ “I didn’t want him to kiss me! I’m glad he’s ignoring me! He’s a fag! I’m not!” ‘…still don’t consider myself to be gay… more natural than anything… ever.’ He punched the wall, sending pain ricocheting up his arm. He could feel tears of frustration teetering at the corners of his eyes. He gasped, unable to breathe. ‘I didn’t want him to kiss me, I didn’t like it, I didn’t kiss him back…’ Or did he? Less than a second before Yuki kissed him, did he close his eyes? Did he purse his lips expectantly? Did he accidentally kiss him back? ‘NO, NO, NO! I DIDN’T WANT IT!!!’ Was it only after the fact that he realized what happened, when the shock set in, that he freaked out? Was he momentarily swept away? ‘…more natural than anything… ever.’ “No!” he choked. Was it natural for Yuki to kiss him? Was it natural for Kyo to respond? ‘more natural than anything…’ ‘I’m not gay!’ He flopped defeated onto his futon. ‘I’m not a fag, I’m not like that, I didn’t want it!!!’ He was shaking, panicking. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could. All he could see was Yuki. His eyes reflecting delicate emotions, his cheeks still burning bright from laughter. They were touching, Kyo’s chest enveloping Yuki’s shoulder as he brushed the dirt from his hands. If he didn’t like it, why didn’t he back up? ‘I didn’t know!’ Didn’t know what? ‘He was going to kiss me!’ But being so close should have been uncomfortable. ‘I DIDN’T KNOW!!!’ Kyo buried his face in his pillow, tears streaming down his cheeks. He prayed that sleep would take him. He shuddered and shook, and eventually he cried himself to sleep.

He was back in that room, the one with the hardwood floor. Yuki and Akito took their respective positions following their script the same as every horrifying performance before. This time, Kyo knew his place in the end of the scene. Kyo became the predator to the frightened mouse. He was afraid. Akito’s whip sliced into Yuki’s skin.

“I only do this because I love you!” He hissed, hatred brimming his eyes. CRACK!!! CRACK!!! CRACK!!! Kyo shuddered watching Yuki’s indifferent gaze. It didn’t falter even as the blood began to stain his shirt.

“NO!” Kyo cried. ‘Not again!’

Akito ripped off the rat’s shirt, snapping his whip across his bear flesh a few more times.

“NO! NO! NO! PLEASE STOP!!!” Kyo screamed, straining his voice.

“Kyo.”

“SOMEONE, GOD, PLEASE!!!”

“Kyo.”

Kyo felt someone shaking his shoulders. He sat up in bed, coming face to face with Yuki, kneeling on the floor. He could feel his cheeks still wet with tears. “You’re O.K.” He whispered, clutching the rat tightly.

Yuki nodded. “It was just a dream.”

Suddenly, Kyo pulled away. “What the hell are you doing in here anyway?” He snapped. He instantly felt bad.

“I couldn’t sleep, I was on my way downstairs and you sounded like you were choking.” Yuki turned to leave. “I’ll go now.” He said quietly.

Kyo caught his wrist. “Ah… you don’t have to go. I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed. “It’s just these damn dreams are… well…” He pulled Yuki down on the bed beside him.

Yuki tucked his feet under his legs, sitting cross-legged next to the kitty. “You want to talk about it?”

Kyo shrugged. “It’s just… well remember how you told me Akito… well he had this whip and I was screaming, but I didn’t have a body, and he was hurting you, and I couldn’t do anything, then it was me who was…” Kyo started panting. “…um…hurting you… and I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t…”

“Slow down, Kyo.” Yuki urged. “It was just a dream.”

“But it felt so real.”

Yuki nodded. “But it wasn’t. Let it go.” He placed an encouraging hand on Kyo’s knee.

Kyo quickly grasped that hand with his own shaking one. “But you said it really did happen…” He panted.

Yuki sighed. “Yes, but it wasn’t like that.”

Kyo looked hopefully at the rat. “It wasn’t?”

Yuki shook his head. “No. No whips, no screaming, no formless Kyo.” He smiled, “and you certainly weren’t the one doing that to me.”

Kyo swallowed. “Well, yeah but…”

“It was quiet, not at all violent. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t exactly say ‘no.’”

Kyo sighed and released his death grip on Yuki’s hand. He blushed furiously when he realized what he had been doing. Yuki didn’t seem to notice. They sat in silence as the cat’s breathing and heart rate returned to normal. He sighed heavily, laying back in bed.

“I can go now if you think you can sleep.” Yuki’s eyes were warm and caring. They glistened brightly in the moonlight.

Kyo leaned back. “What about you, can you sleep?”

Yuki shook his head. “I’m used to it, though. You get some rest, O.K.?” He smiled warmly at the cat, who suddenly found himself not wanting this moment to end. In the morning, Yuki would return to the cold indifferent rival who paid no heed of the ‘stupid cat.’

Kyo grabbed his wrist again before he could stand. “No.” He blushed a deep shade of scarlet. His eyes darted about the room. “I mean if you aren’t going to sleep right now anyway. I’m not going to be able to fall asleep for a while…” He paused, embarrassed. “Stay.”

Yuki smiled again. Kyo realized he had never seen Yuki smile so much. There was this morning, but… well, that ended in a disaster. Regardless, his smile really was charming. He now understood why everyone who looked at him fell on their faces. Kyo felt like he was about to do the same. His heart rate picked up again. He could feel his breathing growing shallow.

Yuki must have noticed the change. “Are you O.K.?” He asked, brushing Kyo’s face back from his forehead.

Kyo nodded, his face became flushed. He knew he was just checking for signs of a fever, but his hands delicately touching his face were sending static sparks all through Kyo’s confused body. ‘…more natural than anything… ever.’ It was starting to make sense. ‘…it was like it wasn’t an issue…’ Kyo sat up, afraid. Yuki’s hand slid from his forehead to his lap, sending stronger pulses of electricity through Kyo’s body. He had to make the decision on his own this time. He swallowed as his heart echoed through his throat. He leaned forward wondering what it would be like to really kiss the rat. Yuki’s eyes grew wide filled half with fear and half with excitement. Kyo couldn’t read what the rat wanted him to do. He was afraid, terrified, but the kiss he anticipated did seem more natural that anything ever. Kyo took stock of Yuki’s eyes as they shone in the moonlight. He didn’t seem to be backing away from him.

Kyo had to know. Is this really natural? He closed his eyes and pushed through his fear. Grasping Yuki by the back of his neck, he pressed his lips delicately against those of the rat. He felt Yuki draw his breath in sharply, but quickly relax into the embrace of his rival.

‘That damn rat was right.’ He thought.

He pulled away peering into Yuki’s eyes. They searched his own, questioning, afraid, but happy. Kyo knew that his eyes reflected the confidence he felt. ‘How can this be right?’ He wondered, but right now, he didn’t care.

He pulled Yuki toward him, instigating a slightly more aggressive kiss. He felt Yuki’s mouth open slightly in response to his prodding. He brushed his tongue over the mouse’s as sweet euphoria washed over him. He didn’t care about anything. It wasn’t as issue. It wasn’t an issue that Yuki was a guy, nor that he was his cousin, his rival. He didn’t care about wanting to be with Tohru, or the jealousy of that stupid ox. All he cared about was right here, right now, with Yuki. The cat moved to lay down with the mouse, but Yuki suddenly pulled away.

Kyo looked at him with questions flickering through his eyes.

“Kyo,” he looked distraught, “we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because… because it’s complicated.”

Kyo felt his jealousy flair. ‘I bet it’s that stupid cow!’ He decided he wouldn’t let Yuki walk out on him. He just figured out what he wanted and he’d be damned if he watched it go away. “But you want to?” Kyo asked.

Yuki averted his eyes as they dammed more confusion.

“I know you do, you’re a terrible liar.” Kyo accused.

“Oh?” Yuki asked.

Kyo nodded and reclaimed his lips. Yuki moaned softly into his mouth. “See.”

“But Kyo…”

The kitty cut him off with his kiss, pushing him down to the bed below him. Yuki sighed breathily, seeming to resign himself to this activity. Kyo placed a flurry of kisses on the mouse’s lips. He pulled away and smiled. Yuki looked dazed, but genuinely happy. A timid smile graced his kiss-swollen lips. The rat leaned up and reclaimed Kyo’s lips lapping at his tongue with his own.

“Stupid cat.” He whispered. “What are you doing to me?”

Kyo smiled nuzzling Yuki behind his ear. “Exactly what you want me to, Yun Yun.” He pulled away, confused. “Did I just call you Yun Yun?” He asked.

Yuki nodded and shrugged.

Kyo also shrugged, quickly dismissing his little blurb. He slid over top of the rat, encasing him with his body. He kissed him passionately as his hands wandered the length of the rats sides, resting briefly on his hips before sliding them inside his shirt, feeling his hot flesh for the first time. Yuki’s hands were working their way up Kyo’s back pausing on his taught muscles to knead them slightly. Kyo arched his back. He was sure he could hear a purr rising in his throat, but Yuki either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

Kyo looked down at his Yuki. He reveled in his soft smile, his glowing eyes. The cat stifled a yawn. He glanced at the clock.

Yuki smiled. “I think someone needs to go to sleep.”

Kyo sulked, but Yuki was probably right. The rat started to wiggle out of Kyo’s embrace. The cat held on tighter. He didn’t want Yuki to go away. He didn’t want this to be a dream. “I’ll go to sleep if you stay here.”

“I don’t think we should…”

Kyo kissed him softly, resting his forehead on the mouse’s. “Please.” He whispered, realizing how pathetic he sounded.

Yuki deflated. “Fine.” He tried to sound as if it was an unwanted obligation, but his eyes betrayed his words.

Kyo kissed him on the forehead, and scrunched down to his chest. He let his head rise and fall with Yuki’s breathing, lacing his fingers around Yuki’s. It wasn’t long before Yuki’s breathing slowed as he drifted away into a calm sleep. Kyo smiled. He knew how badly the rat needed his sleep. He snuggled into Yuki’s chest and fell into his own placid dreams.


AN (part 2!!!): Sorry this one is so short, but I felt like it came to a decent conclusion. Plus, I have to flesh out exactly where I\'m going after this, and that might take a little longer. I\'ll post more as soon as I can.