Random Parodies

Disclaimer: We don’t own anyone but our imaginary vampires, and ourselves and you know what would happen if we did. We don’t own Silent Hill either.

Chapter 11: Silent Hill Goodness

“Helloooo? I wanna watch the tape with the counselor again! Hellooo!”

“Haley, stop being a whiny bitch,” Maddie snaps.

All of a sudden, sirens can be heard wailing.

“What the hell is that noise?” Erin said, suddenly walking onto the scene, followed, of course, by Stephan.

“Erin, haven’t you ever played Silent Hill?” Maddie asked.

“No, I’ve heard you talk about it, though,” Erin replied.

“Well, you know how it sounds like a tornado siren? Well, in a minute, the floors are gonna turn into mesh wire, the walls are gonna turn into mesh wire, and everything’s gonna be covered in rust, blood, and be really cool. And unsanitary. And really cool at the same time,” Maddie explained. “It’s better if we go inside when this happens, because outside you’re more open to attack.”

So everyone went inside, including Haley, because apparently the Velcro was no match for her rabid fangirl powers. And then suddenly (because Maddie said so), the counseling building turned into the Alternate School universe from the first Silent Hill.

“What the fuck just happened?” Stephan queried, gazing around the creepy room.

Maddie said, “It doesn’t have a reason, it just kinda happens. Kinda like you being gay, Stephan.”

“Ah, I see.”

“It’s grooooss!” Rosiel whines.

“Like you,” everyone choruses.

“Nyeh!” Rosiel whined, before being flipped off by a giant cricket ('cause, you know, it’s the alternate universe).

DUN DUN DUUUUN! Pyramid Head comes through one of the doors from the other end of the hall (A/N: I know Pyramid Head isn’t until the second game, but work with us here), dragging his knife behind him. And everyone (except for an indifferent Maddie and Ira) begins running around in circles screaming.

After five minutes of this, Katan stops running.

“What’s taking him so long?”

“Duh, he’s dragging a knife that’s like 100 lbs. Come on. That‘s why no one‘s ever afraid of Pyramid Head, because he‘s retarded,” Maddie states, rolling her eyes.

Because Pyramid Head’s head is so big (redundant, I know), he falls over, his pointy head now stuck in the ground.

“Whoa. That was worse than MY dramatic entrance,” Erin mutters incredulously.

Maddie’s eyes start darting about. She runs up, grabs Pyramid Head’s giant knife of doom, and because, as of now, she is stronger than him, she picks it up, and, holding it high above her head, begins chasing after Rosiel with astonishing speed.

Rosiel screams and runs back and forth as Maddie chases him. For about an hour. Everybody else just leans against a wall, tapping their fingers.

“This mesh kinda hurts my ass,” Katan complains.

“I could think of a few other things that would hurt just as bad,” Haley grins suggestively.

“Uh.. no thanks,” Katan mutters, moving further down the hall from the escaped mental patient.

Eventually, because Maddie’s attention span isn’t what some might think it is, she thrusts the knife tip-first into the ground and stands behind it, her hands folded neatly atop the handle.

“Ok, now. If we’re going to get out of here, there are some basic rules we need to know.” Everyone (even Rosiel) sits down and pays attention to Maddie, since she’s the only one of them who’d ever played these games. “Rule one: If it’s covered in blood, you have to take it.”

“Why…?” Ira wondered aloud.

“Because, if it’s covered in blood, you either have to read it, or it’s a key item and you have to take it. It’s just one of those things,” Maddie explained. “Rule two: If it moves, and it’s not one of us (except Rosiel), shoot it. If the freaky music doesn’t stop, shoot it again. And then shoot it again, just for fun.”

“But we don’t even HAVE guns,” Erin piped up. “Can I have a sword?”

“If you can fucking find one,” Maddie mutters.

“Ok,” Erin grins and pulls a katana out of midair.

“Aaaaalrighty then. Anyways…” Maddie continues, “Since this is technically the video game, if you touch something and words start floating over it, that means it’s something you can take. Now, if you can pick it up, and it’s doesn’t say ‘health’ on it and isn’t covered in blood, that means it’s some kind of weapon. Like knives, guns, pipes, the occasional axe… And don’t even try opening a door if you don’t have the key. For some reason you won’t be able to just break down flimsy wooden doors. Now, there’s going to be a series of insane, abstract puzzles that are going to take forever.”

Maddie begins passing out little notebooks with pens slipped into the spirals. “If you find any puzzles, this will help you figure them out. For those of you who are more mentally challenged, you will likely be dragging the puzzles to me to figure out. Any questions?”

“Is there a bathroom anywhere here?” Rosiel whined.

“What is this, a kindergarten field trip?” Maddie groaned.

“Well, with the combined mental capacities of him and Haley…” Erin points out.

“Good point. Well, unfortunately, the bathrooms don’t work, as they’re covered in blood and gore and bodies. Besides, I don’t think angels are supposed to eat, so you probably don’t have to use the bathroom. You’re just stupid.” Maddie then continued being all leader-y. “Now, we split up into groups. I’m with Katan--”

“Why do you get to be with Birdy-man?” Haley exclaimed.

“Yeah! He’s MINE!” Rosiel growled.

“Because I’m one of the few people here who won’t molest him. And, I wanna put smart people with smart people so we can actually get something done here,” Maddie said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Now, Erin, Stephan, and Ira will go in a group, mostly because I don’t trust Erin with a sword and I don’t trust Stephan with anything.”

“Gotcha,” Erin said, tying her katana to the belt-strap on the front-left side of her jeans with a random leather strap.

“That leaves Haley to go with Rosiel,” Maddie continued.

“I don’t wanna be with her!” Rosiel whined. “She touches things that belong to me!”

“Yeah, and he smells funny!” Haley said, pointing an accusing finger at the arch dragqueen - I mean angel.

“I’m just trying to keep the stupid people with the stupid people, so you can stay out of our way and argue and bitch-slap each other while we get stuff done,” Maddie stated simply.

“Eh,” everyone shrugged.

“Ok! Let’s split up!” Maddie exclaimed, grabbing Katan’s arm and dragging him off.

(A/N: We are now going to be following the three different groups. We’ll let you know who we’re with, as though it’s not going to be blaringly obvious. Damn you, lowered standards!)

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(With Maddie and Katan)

Maddie randomly pulls out a magnum (because a magnum is a girl’s best friend).

“Where did you get that?” Katan asks.

“I always carry one with me,” Maddie smirked.

“Since when?”

“Since.. I said so.”

“Right…”

(A/N: Maddie’s too lazy to remember exactly where everything is, so she’s just making it up as she goes along.)

Maddie then started walking towards the storage room. Katan just kind of shrugged and followed. In the storage room, the focal point of the camera was a bright pink rubber ball.

“That’s kind of an eyesore, with all the gloom and then.. whoa, electric pink ball,” Katan pointed out.

Maddie nods, walking over to it.

Words appear floating in midair over the object. “Will you take the rubber ball?”

“Yes,” Maddie says.

The ball magically floats into Maddie’s pocket.

“Whoa, I dunno what’s going on, but have we been dropping acid lately?” Katan queried.

“Well, actually, in the tradition of the game, we’d have to be dropping white Claudia.”

“What?”

“Well, throughout the game, you find out these hints about this thing called ‘white Claudia’. You’re not sure if it’s a drug trip or actually happening.”

“Sounds like something from the mind of Edgar Allen Poe.”

“No.. more like Lovecraft.”

“Good point.”

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(With Erin, Stephan, and Ira)

Erin, Ira, and Stephan, have managed to wander into a room with flashcards scattered atop a table. One of them, of course, had a key drawn on it.

Erin picks it up, and mutters, “Huh, this must be of some use somewhere.”

Because Maddie says so, this is also the room with the disconnected phone that rings. And so the phone rings. Erin picks up the receiver, one eyebrow raised.

“Daddy? Save me!”

“Who the hell are you?” Erin asked.

“Daddy, it’s Cheryl!”

“Who the hell is Cheryl! Shut up! Stop calling me!” she then slams the phone down angrily.

As she’s about to walk away, the phone rings a second time.

“I said, stop calling this number!” Erin shouts into the phone.

“Hello? Is this Paris?” A male (?) voice is heard on the other end.

“OH MY GOD, it’s Armand!” Erin shrieks, quickly hanging up the phone and jumping back as if it were some horrible insect.

“Phew, that was a close one!” she sighed, wiping imaginary sweat from her brow. “Damn you Armand! Damn yooooouuuu!”

“Ugh, I hate that freak,” Ira grumbled.

“Yeah, even I won’t have sex with him,” Stephan said pointedly.

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(With Haley and Rosiel)

Haley and Rosiel stood in front of a staircase, looking at a sign. The sign points to the stairs and says “Up”.

“What do you think it means?” Rosiel wonders.

“I don’t know,” Haley said in awe.

One of those silhouettes of a child ghost runs past Haley. It trips, then squeaks, and disappears. Haley looks at where it was, blinking absently for a few seconds.

“Carl! Come back!” she wails.

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(With Maddie and Katan)

Maddie and Katan have somehow managed to navigate to the roof. They examine the little drainpipe in the ceiling with the keys hanging out of it.

“Ok, it’s obvious that we need water to go down the drain. But whenever we turn the water on with that valve over there,” he points to a valve, “the water goes down the other drain before reaching this one.” Random imaginary beard-stroking ensued.

“I’ve got it!” Maddie exclaims. She places the obnoxiously pink ball in the other pipe, and turns the water on.

The water flows over the hole which is plugged by the rubber ball, and down to the pipe with the key.

“Great, you knocked the keys down, but where do they go?” Katan said.

“Haven’t thought that far yet,” Maddie replied.

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(With Erin, Stephan, and Ira)

The three of them are now standing in the teacher’s lounge area.

“I thought teachers’ lounges usually contained vending machines,” Erin complained under her breath.

Ira was standing at the knobless door with the three square holes oozing blood. Looking back and forth between the two bodies chained to either side of the door, something clicks in his head.

“Erin, give me the card with the key on it,” he requested. Erin tossed the card at him with a practiced flick of her wrist. He caught it and slipped it into a small slot in the door. It clicked, and unlocked.

“Whoa, how’d you figure that out?” Stephan asked.

“Well, the three squares on the door obviously correspond to the three squares on the back of the card. And since the card has a key on it, it’s only natural to assume that it would be the key to this door.”

“Oh.”

They go through the door, and then through a door on the adjacent wall in the room on the other side. They are now in the girls’ bathroom.

“So there IS a bathroom in this place,” Stephan muttered, raising his hand to his chin.

“Yeah, but I don’t think anyone would want to USE it,” Ira pointed out.

For whatever reason, when they leave the girls’ bathroom on the first floor, they come out of the girls’ bathroom on the second floor.

“What the FUCK?” Erin said quite eloquently. They all look around, now definitely not in the room they should have been in. “Okaaaay then.” They all just shrug, and go to the boys’ bathroom.

One of them opens the door to the only stall, revealing a corpse that looked slightly mummified, strung up on wires in a crucified position.

“That would suck, dieing in the bathroom,” Erin commented indifferently, poking at it with her katana. She then proceeds to wipe it off on a piece of cloth lying on the floor, since she didn’t want corpse ickiness on her nice, shiny sword.

And of course, instead of acting disgusted or disturbed, all three of them burst out laughing at the dead person.

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(With Haley and Rosiel)

There they sat, still staring dumbly at the “up” sign. Haley drew the sign in her book, thinking it was a puzzle, and, of course, spelling “uhp” wrong.

Maddie and Katan suddenly run down the stairs.

“Maddiiiieee, I can’t figure out what that sign meeeeaaans!” Haley moans.

“… Haley, it says ‘up’,” Maddie says flatly.

“So?”

“It’s pointing up, indicating that you can, indeed, go up these stairs.”

Rosiel, being the dumbass shit-for-brains that he is says, “But… you just came down the stairs.”

“Why me?” Maddie groans.

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(With Erin, Stephan, and Ira)

Once the three had had their share of laughing at the corpse, Ira noticed a shotgun next to the body and picked it up. Stephan grabs a random broken pipe from next to the sink, smirking suggestively. Then they just kind of shook their heads, walked off, and since the area was blocked, went back into the girls’ bathroom. They grab some ammo, since that’s the only thing there, and exit.

Lo and behold, they were back on the first floor.

“Hey, isn’t that Maddie and those other people?” Stephan said, pointing ahead.

“Yeah, come on, let’s see what’s going on,” Erin said, leading the way back to the rest of the group of crazy psychopaths.

(A/N: End of crazy random group stuff.)

“Come on, guys,” Maddie said, “if my calculations are correct, the keys we need should be in the courtyard, in the drainpipe.” Everyone nodded and followed Maddie. 'Cause she has mystical, magical powers.

Outside, in the clocktower courtyard thing, there was where the drainpipe emptied out, with a key lying in a puddle beneath it.

“Ok, now we have to go up and around and down and down again,” Maddie said distractedly.

“Ok, that made so much sense,” Erin said, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t doubt the game dynamics, Erin. Don’t doubt the dynamics.”

“Sure…”

After proceeding with the previously outlined traveling, they’re in the boiler room. They turn the valve in the proper direction, making the spikes blocking the exit move. They all crammed onto the teeny-tiny platform, resisting the urge to throw Rosiel off. Who knows, they might need to use him as bait later.

Once at the bottom, a giant lizard appeared, its entire head opening and closing like a venus flytrap.

“Why is it doing that?” Katan inquired.

“Because it can,” Maddie said. “Like I can do this!” She then grabbed Katan’s ass. “Basically, we have to shoot it in the mouth a couple of times before it dies.”

While Maddie goes to fight it, Haley finds a switch. A seemingly innocent-looking switch, that says “Warning! Do not touch!” on the top. Haley, being Haley, walks over to said switch, noticing that it is in the on position.

“Ooooh! Button!” she says, and starts flipping the switch. When she turns it off, the world goes back to normal. She switches it back, and it’s back to the alternate world.

Haley decided to flip the switch as rapidly as she possibly could.

The lizard was about to eat Maddie, before she shouted, “Haley! Quit messing with the goddamn switch!”

Haley walks off, leaving the switch at “off”. Maddie promptly grabs Rosiel by the arm and switches positions with him, backing away.

“Haley, turn it on!”

Haley switches the switch, and the poor lizard eats the greasy-haired dragqueen. But alas, he was so disgusting, the lizard barfed him up, before dying of humiliation and various diseases.

Maddie patted the dead lizard on the snout. “Poor split lizard. Never had a chance.”

And then, because, in the game, you hear the sirens and wake up in the boiler room, and everything is normal. While waking up, they see the image of the dead bitch, Allessa.

“Who is that?” someone asked, before everyone realized that they truly and honestly did not give a shit.

Maddie finds a key sitting next to a boiler. She picks it up and reads the tag. “K. Gorden….. For some reason, this guy has his house totally unlocked, but has a key to his back fence, which is located in some alley.”

“Freak,” Stephan says. (A/N: Hopefully, the irony is not lost here.)

As they make their way outside, they hear church bells.

“Ok, now we have to go to the church,” says Maddie.

“Why?” Katan asks.

“Because we can hear the church bells,” Maddie says.

“No shit,” Erin mutters.

They then proceed towards the church, following the map floating in the air in front of them. Maddie walks across the map screen, pointing at where they are.

“We are here,” she explains. Using one of her pointy fingernails, she maps out their course. “We need to be here.”

Ira then notes that they could just walk across the road to the church instead of cutting across some back alleys.

“Why can’t we just take the main road?”

“One, it’s infected with pterodactyl monsters, and two, the other one is non-existent.”

“Ooookay,” the others chorused.

We then walk out of the front of the school, to be promptly attacked by pterodactyl monsters. Rosiel screams like a girl and hides behind Katan.

Haley, not knowing that the gun shoots bullets, stupidly throws the gun at the monster, and of course, misses.

“Great job, deadeye,” Maddie said, shooting it in the head. Its skull exploded, raining brains and gore everywhere in typical Resient Evil fashion.

“Cool,” Erin chuckled.

The rest of the monsters flew off, fearing Maddie and her lazy powers. She then cocks the magnum as they continue on their merry way.

After the long trip to the church, they find a crazy old woman in a mismatched outfit, who begins ranting at them.

“I knew you were here!”

“I knew we were here, too!” Maddie exclaimed.

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

“Um.. Take the flowrose and the key.”

“Oh, can it, doll, and get the fuck out of here.”

“Ok,” the old lady whimpers, shuffling off.

Maddie tosses the flowrose to Ira.

“We don’t really need this, but we can’t leave without it. I’ll grab the key.” She grabs the drawbridge key.

Everyone shrugs and walks off, heading towards the drawbridge.

Once their, Maddie turns the drawbridge on, lowering it, 'cause that’s what drawbridges do. They also grab the map in the control room.

“To Alchemia Hospital!” Maddie declares.

Haley hops on Katan’s back, squealing, “Awaaaay!”

Rosiel then gets pissed and pries Haley off, with his fangirl powers of doom.

And once again, our happy band of misfits go on their merry way to Alchemia Hospital.

And now we’re there because Maddie said so.

In the front room, they hear gunshots, and go off to investigate, only to find a guy pointing his gun down at one of the bird monsters. The man, one Dr. Kauffman, goes into a monologue about how the monsters can’t be real, and blah blah blah.

“Shut the fuck up!” Stephan groans.

“You don’t have to be so mean about it,” the doctor pouts, leaving the room.

“Yes, I did,” Stephan mutters.

“If I remember correctly, we should have to go into one of the offices and grab a key. I don’t remember what it’s called, but I remember where it is. Trust me,” Maddie states.

Maddie led them to the door on the right, not caring about the door to the left, since there was nothing of import in there. She leads them through the proper doors, leading to the key. She grabbed the basement keys off the table.

They locate the basement door, go down the stairs, step on some giant bugs (while Rosiel hides behind Katan), and go into the generator room, turning on the emergency power supply.

“Now we go to the second floor, come out in the elevator room, and then we go to the third floor, then a switch for the fourth floor should appear. We go up there, and will be in the Alternate Hospital,” Maddie explains.

“Wouldn’t that leave us on the roof?” Erin wonders aloud.

“You’d think so, but it doesn’t.”

“Ah.”

After doing said annoying task, they get the button to the fourth floor.

“Who wants to do the honors?” Maddie asks.

Haley being Haley, waves her arms around, yelling, “ME! Memememememe! Ooh, me!”

Maddie, being overly-annoying, cuffed her on the side of the head. Haley just kind of stops, since that happens so often.

“Just press the button, Haley.” And she does.

After that, there’s a cutscene with Allessa walking towards an open door with a green sign reading “antique shop” above it. Since no one really cares, they all just go to the third floor, since all the doors here are locked. They all form their groups again.

(A/N: More grouped randomness, yay!)

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(With Maddie and Katan)

Maddie, for some reason, has already gotten to the puzzle in the nurse’s station. She also reads the poem, giving Katan the magnum and telling him to find the puzzle pieces. He nods, grabs the magnum, and leaves.

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(With Erin, Stephan, and Ira)

They have found the puzzle with the octopus tentacles sticking out of the wall, sucking the blood on the floor.

“Ew, dead blood,” Ira blanches. “Apparently, it’s trying to get at the blood on the floor. What do you think, Stephan?”

Stephan was nowhere to be found.

“Where the hell did he run off to now?”

“Who knows, and who cares?” Ira said indifferently. The two of them shrugged.

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(With Katan)

Somehow Katan ends up in an area inaccessible until the puzzle is solved, because it suits our needs. Technically, he’s in the basement.

Wandering down the creepy basement hallway, two nurse monsters appear in front of Katan, because this also suits our needs. He goes to shoot them in the head, but the magnum clicks, empty. Before they could get their filthy hands on him (because we all know they wanted to molest him), Stephan bravely runs out of nowhere and bludgeons them to death with his metal pipe.

“Oh, thank you, Ira,” Katan sighs, mistaking the twin’s identity. He then finds himself pinned against the wall, golden curls brushing against the side of his face as a seductive voice purrs against his ear.

“Who are you calling Ira?” Stephan whispers, nibbling at Katan’s neck. “Now, how are you going to repay me for this favor?” he mock-wonders, one hand mercilessly groping Katan’s ass as the pipe clatters to the ground.

Katan’s face flushed crimson, as he stuttered incoherently for a moment, trying to escape by edging back into the wall, obviously to no avail. “S-surely there’s something else you’d rather have me do..?” he sputtered hopefully.

Stephan pulled his head back, tracing one impeccably manicured nail across Katan’s lower lip. “You obviously don’t know me very well…” he pouted listlessly.

Stephan’s glance flickered downward for a moment, noting that Katan’s arms rested at his sides. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, he slid one velvet-clad arm around Katan’s waist, effectively pinioning his arms and immobilizing him.

“Let go!” Katan whimpered, trying to squirm out of the vampire’s grasp. “I refuse to commit the sin of premarital sex!” (A/N: That sounded kind of dumb, yes, but the authoresses couldn’t think of a better way to word that.)

“Was that a proposal?” Stephan asked softly, devious humor glinting in his grey eyes. “In that case, I accept! Maintenant, we must find a room for our honeymoon night!”

Still keeping a tight hold around Katan’s waist, Stephan wandered over to the nearest door, throwing it open with his free hand.

The room on the other side was a horrific sight to behold. Corpses lay piled around on the bloody floor, reeking of death and decay. The acrid smell made them both want to wretch. Internal organs, limbs, and skulls were pinned to the walls, with maggots and lice eating away happily at the feast of rotting flesh and tissue. The focal point of the room was actually a mostly-rotted corpse, wired to the wall, with the face painted into a smile, with one hand pinned to the wall with fingers splayed, as though welcoming them into the room.

Stephan raised one hand to cover Katan’s eyes. “… I don’t think so,” he said after a drawn-out silence, before thoroughly shutting the door and moving on to the next one.

Door number two revealed a chamber completely covered in graffiti. Again, several cadavers lay about on the floor. Every few seconds, glass could be heard shattering, although there was nothing glass in the room.

“Another no,” Stephan sighed, shutting the door and moving on, ignoring the struggling Katan.

The next room was an evil playroom of sorts. A few small corpses littered the floor, along with bloodied, macabre variations on different children’s toys. A sort of rainbow was painted in blood of various stages of decay (therefore in a range of darkening reds and browns) decorated the back wall.

“Are there no rooms in this place that don’t contain corpses?” Stephan groaned.

“I hope not,” Katan muttered under his breath.

Stephan slammed the door in dismay and went on to a fourth door.

This room was rather spacious, and contained a large four-posted bed with black gauze drapes and blood-red sheets. The walls were splattered with blood, and chains hung from them in various places.

“Parfait! Finally!” Stephan cried, picking Katan up bridal-style (ignoring the angel‘s cry of protest), carrying him into the room and kicking the door shut behind him. Stopping just inside the entrance, he quickly kicked off his boots and pried Katan’s shoes from his feet, avoiding being kicked in the face.

Unbeknownst to Katan but knownst to Stephan, the girls were busy setting up cameras and getting situated in large, comfy chairs on the other side of a glass wall, which was for some magical reason only soundproof on one side (meaning they could hear what went on, but Stephan and Katan could not hear them). Rosiel was boxed in behind one section of the wall, and was continuously beating his girly little hands against the glass in outrage, to no avail. Erin walked in from a door behind the glass wall, giving a bowl of popcorn to Haley and sitting down in her chair as Maddie set up one of the cameras, with Haley bouncing around gleefully.

(A/N: Lemony goodness starts now, be warned all ye yaoi haters! And for ye yaoi lovers… this is Erin‘s first lemon, so feel special and stuff! It‘s also semi non-con, meaning that Katan‘s not exactly willing, but he‘s not exactly kicking and screaming in protest or anything.)

Stephan released his hold on Katan as he made his way over to the bed. Katan tried to flee, but ended up falling backwards onto the bed. Before the angel had a chance to move away, Stephan was on him, grabbing both his wrists in one white hand and holding them in place over his head. Positioning his legs in a kneeling position on either side of the struggling cherub‘s waist, he lowered his torso, the ivory buttons on his velvet coat brushing against Katan’s skin through the thin white shirt he wore. Stephan lowered his head, golden waves falling into spun silver strands.

“Eros was a cherub, after all…” he breathed into Katan’s ear, before sliding down to trail kisses along the angel’s jaw line. The action elicited a feeble whimper of protest, answered only by the vampire moving further down the body of his “bride” to suck lightly at the shuddering, pale skin of his upper chest, teasing the shirt out of the way with his left hand (his head going nowhere near his neck, as he didn’t want to take things in that direction, yet).

Shifting so he was now fully straddling Katan’s hips, Stephan released the hold he had on Katan’s hands and slowly snaked one graceful hand around his back, still sucking, kissing, and licking his way across the angel’s chest and collarbone. One long index finger trailed down from the joining of his head and neck, down along the back of his neck, down between his shoulder blades, to draw random shapes across the angel’s back, slowly getting lower.

Katan opened his mouth to speak, only a garbled stutter coming out. The vampire’s spare hand raised to brush a few silvery strands away from his ever-reddening face, silencing his protests for the moment before softly caressing his cheek. The hand at his back was now dangerously close to his buttocks, the angel nervously observed. He chose this moment to buck his hips in an attempt to throw Stephan off, only succeeding in grinding his flaccid member against the vampire‘s own steadily swelling arousal.

“Eager, aren’t we, Trésor?” Stephan whispered, the trace of a chuckle on the edge of his voice as he gazed up into Katan’s face. The cherub immediately jammed his eyes shut, his body becoming rigid. The vampire’s lips curved in a smirk as his hand met the angel’s taught ass, which he squeezed triumphantly, earning a little “eep” from his “bride”. Still smiling devilishly, he dug one long nail into the fabric of Katan’s shirt, poking a small hole through it, which he dragged down the length of the garment, effectively tearing it in two. It was then snatched up and discarded, thrown onto the floor somewhere.

He then continued his ravishing of Katan’s chest. He moved slowly downward, kissing and sucking his way down the cherub’s sculpted chest and abs, massaging his ass with one hand all the while. When his probing mouth reached the heavy black cloth of his slacks, he reached down and gingerly hooked one finger over the edge of the material, drawing it back slowly before grasping it fully with all five fingers. He slowly peeled the pants back to reveal Katan’s white cotton boxers, which he eyed hungrily.

At this point, Stephan raised himself up a bit before moving his hand to Katan’s shoulder. With one movement, he rolled the cherub over, a small cry becoming muffled in the crimson sheets. The angel’s arms, which had previously been splayed in front of him over one of the pillows that littered the head of the bed, were now pinned at his sides by Stephan’s legs. The hand that had been caressing his backside now slipped under his undergarments, the thumb catching the hem to grasp the soft cloth before tugging back carefully to fully reveal Katan’s glorious ass.

Stephan bent down to brush Katan’s hair behind the shell of his ear. “As much as that bastard dragqueen Rosiel has done this to you, I’m afraid this may still hurt… I’ll try to be as gentle as possible, Trés…” he whispered, his hot breath tickling the side of Katan’s flushed face as he raised his head, letting out a small cry of dissention that went totally ignored by the horny vampire.

Deciding that he was entirely too clothed for the occasion, Stephan sat back, once again straddling the now-completely-nude cherub’s waist as he removed his grey velvet jacket and lace-cuffed white shirt. He then reached down to slip off his own pants and boxers, carelessly throwing the whole mass of clothes to the floor.

Procuring a bottle of lube from who-knows-where, Stephan busied himself with unscrewing the cap of the bottle and squeezing a portion of its contents onto the tips of his index and middle fingers. He then proceeded to rub his fingers together, using his thumb to aid in spreading the liquid over the two fingers. Bending down and shifting his legs slightly, he carefully spread Katan’s legs and ass cheeks using his non-lubed hand while gently probing one slicked finger until he found the angel’s entrance.

A muffled whimper of sheer horror could be heard from the sexy angel as Stephan slowly eased his lubed finger into him. Pressing slowly, occasionally pausing if the cherub made a noise, he pressed his finger further into Katan’s passage before pulling out, then slipping it back in again. He repeated the process several times before inserting a second finger, slowly and carefully as another cry of pain rose from the angel below him.

“Relax,” he whispered, leaning forward close to Katan’s ear, bracing his unoccupied hand against the angel’s hip. He continued pumping his fingers in and out of the cherub’s ass, slightly faster each time.

Finally, he removed his fingers, then busied himself with applying lube to his rigid member. Once he was satisfactorily coated, he reached down to spread the cherub’s legs a bit further apart. He lowered himself down, pressing his aching member against Katan’s entrance. Placing his hands on the angel’s hips, he carefully thrust forward and into Katan’s tight passage.

Katan let out a little raspy half-scream into the pillow as Stephan entered him. Deplorable as it was, he had to admit that it wasn’t nearly as bad as the brutal fuck-fests Rosiel forced on him. At least Stephan had bothered to use a lubricant. He clenched his fists, grasping at the sheets and trying to simply block out any feeling from the waist down, without much success.

Stephan buried his cock halfway into Katan’s ass before slowly pulling out. Forcing himself to maintain some sort of control, he thrust back into the silver-haired angel, slightly faster and deeper this time. A small gasp escaped the prone cherub as Stephan brushed against his prostate, sending an electric wire of pleasure through him.

Again the vampire withdrew before again pushing forward into Katan’s passage, again striking the bundle of nerves inside him as he picked up the pace of his thrusts as slowly as he could. The angel beneath him was now whimpering slightly as his prostate was struck again and again, sweat beading on his forehead and back as he fought to ignore the pleasurable sensations coursing through his rigid body.

Stephan grunted slightly, moving to change the angle of his thrusts to hit the prostate harder each time. A shiver crept up Katan’s spine as he failed to suppress a moan. His arms clenched tight against his sides as he desperately tried to mentally coax down his growing arousal. He succeeded only in pressing his stiffening cock further into the bed sheets, the friction making him shudder.

A sheen of blood-tinted sweat now crept its way over the vampire’s body as his breathing became more shallow. His thrusts became more rapid as he began to lose what control he’d had, closing his eyes and occasionally letting out a soft moan. Katan was in a similar state, whimpering and squirming slightly as the pleasure coursing from his prostate slowly escalated.

Sensing the state his “bride” was in, Stephan reached one hand underneath the cherub, feeling around until his fingertips found Katan’s swollen length. The angel raised his hips from the bed slightly, grinding his teeth together to avoid crying out. The vampire seized the opportunity to seize the engorged organ, wrapping his slender, pale fingers around the shaft.

This time Katan could not choke back his cry. He moaned loudly, arching his back at the feeling of the cool fingers sliding across his length. His head raised off the pillow as his fists twisted into the sheets. Silver locks were plastered to his forehead from sweat. Lightning bolts of pleasure shot through his body as Stephan began to gently stroke his length. Unconsciously, he began moving against the vampire’s skilled hand, thrusting against it just as Stephan thrust against his prostate.

Stephan continued his assault on Katan’s ass, still brushing against the prostate as his hand moved along the angel’s shaft. He felt himself nearing the edge as the hand he held braced against the cherub’s side tightened, nails digging into sweat-slicked flesh. The whimpers issuing from the angel fueled the vampire’s efforts as he thrust faster and faster, the movements of his hand on the other’s cock mirroring these motions.

Katan cried out, stars dancing before his eyes as he came, spilling his essence over Stephan’s hand and the sheets of the bed. The vampire wasn’t far behind, throwing his head back in a silent scream as he slammed as far into the angel’s perfect ass as he could before he emptied his seed deep inside of him.

Golden curls dragged across Katan’s back, the sensation leaving trails of fire over his feverish skin as he fought to regain his breath. Stephan raised his head to the cherub’s sensitive ear, lying atop him. His blood-soaked chest rested lightly against the sweat-soaked back of his angel as he breathed hot breaths onto the back of his neck. He continued pumping slowly in and out of the cherub’s hot passage, drawing out his orgasm. His heart pounded in his head, Katan’s echoing it nearly as loudly.

Just as he began to calm down, the coppery scent of blood rose to Stephan’s nostrils. The source, the small wounds in Katan’s side from where the vampire’s nails had dug in. This ignited within Stephan a different kind of hunger. The kind that drove him nearly every night to seek out human victims.

He raised one bloodied finger and held it before his face, staring at it. Slowly, he raised it to his lips and ran his tongue over the crimson-soaked digit. His eyes immediately moved to Katan’s pale neck, where the large vein stood out quite nicely through the intermingled silver and gold hair curtained around it. His finger moved to slowly caress the vein, eliciting a quiver from the cherub beneath him.

Slowly, he moved his head to ghost his lips over Katan’s neck, taking in his unique scent. The angel smelt deliciously of lavender and sex. Stephan raked his evil little teeth seductively over the vein, trailing his tongue along with it before finally sinking his fangs into the delicate, pale flesh.

Stephan sighed into Katan’s neck as the angel’s blood flowed over his tongue. He suckled lightly at the wound, drawing the thick, rich blood into his mouth. He became completely unaware of his surroundings, of the small, pained cries issuing from the struggling body beneath him. His skin became flushed, soft, human-looking as he glutted himself on angel’s blood.

When he began to feel the cherub’s heartbeat weaken and slow, he forced himself to pull back. Without much thought, he flipped Katan over, without much resistance. Bending over the angel’s weakened form, Stephan gashed the vein in his own throat with one of his sharpened nails, and brought the cut close to Katan’s mouth.

“Drink.”

His voice was barely above a whisper, but was immediately obeyed. Katan’s mouth gingerly closed on the wound, drawing blood as Stephan had done a moment before. Soon, Stephan felt the angel’s heartbeat strengthen, as his own began to dwindle. Hands were soon grasping at his shoulders as the sucking at his neck became more fevered, before finally he had to wrench his throat from the cherub’s grasp.

Katan whimpered desperately, clutching at Stephan’s hair with wild eyes as blood dribbled down his chin. He was held at arm’s length as he began to calm down, eventually passing out as the vampiric blood began working its Dark Gift on his angelic body.

Stephan finally pulled Katan’s unconscious body into his lap, petting his hair absently. He could see the Dark Blood already taking effect. The angel’s hair had a truly silver sheen to it, and his skin was rapidly paling. He could see his nails becoming translucent, another sign of vampirism. Stephan smiled tiredly before collapsing onto the bed, cuddled against the unconscious former-cherub.

(A/N: End the lemony goodness and vampirism.)

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When Katan slowly came to, he noticed several things at once. For one thing, he was surrounded by something very firm and lacking in heat. Second, his ass hurt. It wasn’t an unpleasant sort of pain, but it was still there nonetheless. Third, there was an unusual pressure in his gums.

Wondering what Rosiel could have done to him this time, he turned his head around to face the body behind him. He was terrified to see Stephan lying next to him.

“Dear god…” he whispered. Memories of what the vampire had done to him assaulted his brain. Had he really.. enjoyed it…?

“Lord Rosiel’s not going to like this…“ he groaned. He noticed that he was having some difficulty speaking, as if there was something in his mouth, though he couldn’t understand why. He happened to raise one hand to his mouth, only to discover to his horror that his canine teeth were much longer and pointier than they should have been. In fact, his entire body felt different… His mind was buzzing with all kinds of sensory information -- sights, sounds, and smells that were so subtle it was a wonder he was picking up on them.

The gears in his head got to working, piecing together the puzzle. Sharp teeth, high-powered senses, Stephan…

“That bastard!” he gasped, turning to the sleeping vampire next to him. It took all his willpower not to begin pummeling said bastard into a bloody pulp. And the blood! The same blood that now shot through his own veins!

His train of thought was, however, cut short as something shiny caught his eye. He reached out, pushing back the gauze curtains around the bed, to see the rest of the group sitting behind a glass wall. Rosiel was lying on the ground, a big bloody lump on his head and blood also trailing from his nose. The girls were all seated on armchairs, the mental patient eating popcorn, all of them staring at him.

He then realized he was completely nude. And also…

“Why is there a dick in my ass!” he screeched, jumping up and effectively dislodging said dick from said ass.

(A/N: Erin’s been waiting to use that bit for some time now.)

His movements woke Stephan, who sat up, looking around dazedly.

Katan scrambled backward across the bed to sit with his back against the blood-smeared headboard. Trying to salvage what was left of his modesty, he attempted to cover his naked body with the bedsheets.

A look of concern crossed Stephan’s face as he eyed the blood on the headboard.

“That blood’s no good, my bride,” he said softly, sitting up and crawling towards Katan.

“I am not your bride,” Katan scowled.

Stephan stopped, lowering the hand he had raised towards the ex-cherub’s cheek.

“But Trés, I seem to recall your proposal. And we’ve already had our honeymoon night…” He continued crawling towards Katan.

“Don’t touch me,” Katan whispered, his voice raspy as he recoiled. He lowered his head, raising his hands to his ears to block out the sound of Stephan’s heartbeat.

Stephan flinched, hurt. He silently made his way over to the former angel, curling up next to him and wrapping one arm possessively around his waist while draping the other over his shoulder.

“You can come out now,” he sighed, his gaze falling on the other side of the room.

The glass wall the girls were behind rose up into the ceiling.

“Well, I have to say, that is probably the best sex I have ever watched,” Maddie commented as she strode forward.

“That was awesome, Birdy-Man!” Haley squealed.

“Ooh, now I want to draw a picture from that!” Erin squealed delightedly after poking Rosiel‘s unconscious body with her sword.

Ira could be heard vomiting from the other room. Could he honestly be related to that pervert?

Stephan sat up a bit straighter so he could find his and Katan’s discarded clothes. With the force of his mind, he sent the garments flying towards the bed, before proceeding to dress himself and his “bride”. (A/N: Katan’s shirt is no longer ripped, because we said so.)

Now fully-dress (though still somewhat bedraggled), Stephan moved to stand at the foot of the bed, dragging a catatonic Katan along with him, keeping one arm clasped firmly around his waist.

Haley, being Haley, sneaks not-so-stealthily forward to place one hand on Katan’s ass. Rosiel suddenly springs to his feet, not noticing the blood dripping from his nose and from the wound on his head, making his hair even grosser than it already was, if that’s even possible.

“That’s MY ass!” he shrieks, launching himself forward to tackle the escaped mental patient thing to the ground, at which point he begins to bitch-slap her.

“Technically, it’s HIS ass,” Maddie says ceremoniously.

“Well, actually, since the blood keeping said ass alive is MY blood, that would make it MY ass,” Stephan adds, tightening his hold on Katan’s waist.

Rosiel stares at the vampire in shock (Haley taking the opportunity to bite him in the arm, likely giving him rabies).

“You didn’t!” he wailed, reaching out to touch Katan’s hand. It was cold as a corpse.

“Don’t touch him!” Stephan spat, promptly kicking the dragqueen in the face (and since he was wearing boots, this probably hurt quite a bit).

“But he’s MINE!” Rosiel sobbed, beating his fists on the ground like a child.

“Not anymore. You treated him terribly,” Stephan said coldly, glaring at the Arch Dragqueen.

“He has a point,” Maddie stated.

“But.. but…” Rosiel howled, before breaking out into a series of annoying, gasping sobs.

“Hey,” Erin suddenly suggests, “Why don’t we just leave him here?”

“Yeah, ok,” Maddie agrees, nodding. Haley and Stephan also voiced their approval, and Ira shrugged, finally finished vomiting. The five of them turned and left the room, Stephan leading Katan, and leaving the hysterical PMSing dragqueen to wallow in his pathetic misery.

Outside in the hallway, Maddie spied a hospital gurney. Grabbing Haley, she quickly strapped the mental patient onto the gurney, where she probably should have been all along.

“Heeey! The straps are digging into my arms… Hellooooo? I need to change my underwear!”