The Bad Adult Anime Fanfic

A/N: Crossovers are a little harder to do than other fics. Crossovers tend to be worse than most other stories. Of course, that doesn't stop badfic writers from doing them... v_v

Chapter Disclaimer: No way, dudes and dudettes.

Chapter summary: Incredibly sick stuff happens here.(1)

Marty Stu was sitting at the bottom of Tokyo bay. He thought he was going to die the slow, tragic death. However, as fate would have it, he landed on top of an alien spacecraft. The aliens, who were all well-endowed females, took him in and healed him.
After he healed, he thanked the captain by fucking her. (2) He left her in the morning, begging for more. (3) Marty Stu bamfed out of that world.
Life aboard the bebop was harsh. Spike and the crew were down to their last 100 woolongs. They needed cash and fast. Spike turned on that bounty-hunting channel thingie that he likes to watch. (4)
"Well, howdy there, buckaroos! It's that time again! Have we got a plum for you bounty hunters here! Our top bounty today is worth $$65 billion!" The cowboy said.
"Wow! I wonder what that is in woolongs?" The cowgirl said.
"His name is Vash the Stampede, and he's somewhere on a frontier planet! Nobody knows what he looks like, or any of his habits! So this one's a tough one, buckaroos. But $$65 billion is worth it, right?" The cowboy said.
"So do we go for it?" Spike asked.
"Don't have much of a choice now, do we?" Jet replied.
"$$65 billion does sound like a lot of money..." Faye added. "That's $$16,250 million for each of us."
"Then let's go there." Spike said. (5)
While on the way there, Marty Stu bamfed into the control center. He had with him his trusty magic sword and a backpack. Naturally, the Bebop crew greeted him by pointing their guns at him. Marty Stu raised his hands.
"Who are you and why have you come aboard our ship?" Spike demanded.
"Uh... hi. I'm Marty Stu, an insanely super powered, super-smart idealization of the writer." Marty Stu said.
"Let's plug him and dump him." Spike said.
Faye lowered her gun. "Well, he's really cute..." She started.
"Faye-Faye in love!" Ed said as she hopped around the place.
"Aw, come on now. You look like you're out of everything. I've got some food here." Marty Stu said.
"Normally I would just take your food and dump you on the nearest planet. But you're so fucking likable..." Spike said as he lowered his gun. Jet lowered his gun as well.
"Come on! Eat, eat!" Marty Stu said.
After their meal, Marty Stu talked to the Bebop crew.
"Mmm... you're a lot better cook than Jet here." Faye said.
"Well, who are you after now?" Marty Stu asked.
"Some guy named Vash the Stampede. He's worth $$65 billion." Jet replied.
"I suppose you want in on this, hmm?" Spike asked.
"Who wouldn't?" Marty Stu replied.
"Fine. You help us out, you'll get your cut." Spike said.
Well, when they arrived on the planet, the crew of the Bebop disembarked and looked around the town. They went to the local bar, a real dive of a place. A few low-life scum types were there, along with the bartender.
"We need info." Spike said to the bartender.
"Information isn't free around these parts." The bartender said.
Marty Stu slipped him a $$100 bill. "Surely this will cover something." Marty Stu said.
"I have no earthly idea how you got that kind of money, especially since you're from another universe, but we'll just let that one slide." Spike said.
"So whadaya wanna know?" The bartender asked.
"Vash the Stampede." Spike said. You could hear a pin drop after that name was said.
"You sure you wanna die? Fine. Word has it he'll be in town later today." The bartender said.
"That's all we needed." Marty Stu replied. "Let's mosey."
The Bebop crew walked out of the bar.
"What the hell was that for?" Jet asked.
"Did you notice the women when the bartender said he'd be in? They all perked up. Especially that purple-hared one. I'd say our target is a skirt chaser. One that likes purple-hared women." Marty Stu said. (6)
"I know that look. You're thinking of a trap with me as bait." Faye said.
"Sounds like a winner." Spike replied.
"Let's get to the station." Marty Stu said.
Vash the Stampede was sitting quietly by himself on the train. It seems that the guy next to him wanted the bounty on his head, and so he tried to take Vash down. Unfortunately, he found himself underneath the railroad car while it was moving.
Millie was sitting opposite the aisle with her coworker, whatever her name was. (7) They were finally relaxing after stopping a guy from trying to blow up a whole town to stop Vash. He ended getting blown up.
"What's the name of the town we're coming into?" Millie asked.
"Seraphim Gulch. I don't know much about it." Her coworker said.
"Oh, I was there two years ago. There are a lot of hot babes there." Vash said.
"Nobody asked you!" Millie snapped.
"Well, the guys were cute too, according to one of the girls I talked to." Vash said. "I wish I could stay in one town for a bit. I don't want to cause all that death and destruction everywhere - it just happens!" Vash then broke down and cried. (8)
"Oh, there, there. It'll be all right." Millie's co-worker responded. The train then pulled into the station.
After getting off, Vash walked around the platform a bit.
"Hey there, you got a moment?" A sexy female voice said. Vash spun around to see Faye there. She was leaning forward, showing Vash what was covered by her top. Vash, however, was still angsting.
"Oh, is there anyone out there who could really understand what I want in life? I just want to live in peace!" Vash sobbed.
"Well, I know a place you can live in peace." Faye replied.
"What kind of girl could be interested in me?" Vash whined. Faye was not amused by Vash's ignoring her. She then got in front of him.
"Hello! Vash the Stampede! Hot purple-hared babe wants to talk to you!" Faye said as she waved her hand in front of his face. Vash noticed Faye and stopped.
"Oh, hello there. I suppose you're here to take me in now." Vash said.
"Why would you think that?" Faye asked.
"It's always the same. Someone tries to take me in, and they get killed. I don't want to hurt anyone!" Vash said as he cried the twin waterfalls.
"Jeez, you sure are a wuss." Faye said.
"I can't help it. Every badfic turns me into a weepy uke." Vash sobbed. Faye shook her head in disgust.
"So are you gonna come quietly or not?" Faye asked.
"What's the point? You'll just get killed like all the others." Vash whined.
"God, no wonder nobody's brought you in. They all probably killed themselves to get away from your incessant whining!" Faye snapped.
"I can't help it if all those badfic writers turn me into a weepy uke!" Vash moaned.
At that point, Marty Stu and the other Bebop crew came in.
"Well, you got him. Good job, Faye." Spike said.
"This guy is a real bag of laughs." Faye said, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"Oh sure. Blame me just because anyone who's tried to bring me in has died. I don't want to hurt anyone!" Vash whined.
"Ooh! Bounty icky-poo depressive! Ed not happy now!" Ed said as she lost her usual smile.
"Let's just take him in." Jet said.
Thus they began the walk from the train station (and how they didn't cause a commotion by fingering Vash and taking him away is not explainable, so I'll just not explain it.) towards the jail. As fate would have it, Vash's constant whining and weeping was really getting on the nerves of the Bebop crew. Only Marty Stu was not on the verge of breaking down after the first block. Marty Stu then gagged Vash to keep him from whining. Ed was in tears.
"Thank God." Spike said tersely.
"Just think happy thoughts. Think about what you're going to do with all those woolongs." Marty Stu said. Vash continued to whine but the gag made him incomprehensible. Slowly, everyone started to feel a bit better, except for Vash.
They had to stop at the hotel for the night. While Vash whined and moaned, they checked into a room. Marty Stu and Faye got into an aside.
"I think I've figured out what Vash's real problem is." Marty Stu said.
"What's that?" Faye asked.
"Pussy depravation." Marty Stu replied. "He needs sex now." (9)
"You're shitting me." Faye replied.
"Try it... If nothing else, he'll stop whining when he's got his face in your pussy."
That evening, Faye went to Vash's bed. He was sitting there, quiet but bemusing to himself. Faye went and sat in his lap.
"From the moment I saw you Vash, I knew you were special." Faye said.
"Yea... especially cursed." Vash said.
"Let's see what that coat of yours is hiding..." Faye said as she unbuttoned his coat. Vash continued to whine.
"I just don't know about this." Vash said. Faye then pulled his coat down and reached for his pants. After undoing them, she reached in and found his limp dick.
"Could I really ever satisfy a woman? Do I even have what it takes?" Vash whined. (10)
"Vash shut up and do me!" Faye ordered.
"Oh great. Now I got her pissed off. How do I make up for it? Can I even make up for it?" Vash said.
Faye pulled down her pants and panties, showing off her hot gash.
"You can start by licking this." Faye said.
"How do I do that? What if I mess up? Can I do it right?" Vash sobbed. Faye guided his head to her snatch.
"You won't know until you try, so do it, damnit!" Faye demanded. She then yanked on his cock, hoping that would snap him out of it.
No such luck, however. Vash yelped in pain and then whined some more.
"OW! Oh, I knew I wasn't up to the task." Vash whined.
"Jeez, did someone beat you senseless with a stupidity stick or something?" Faye asked in disgust. "I'm trying to do you here. Work with me!"
"Can I Even measure up here? Why can't I do this?" Vash whined. Faye gave up on getting head and took Vash's cock into her mouth. She started sucking on it; it was extremely tasty. (11) Faye managed to get Vash hard, but he still cried like a baby. Faye then led Vash's condom-covered prick into her hole. (12)
Faye felt herself filled to the fullest as she started going up and down on Vash. Vash stopped whining and was just silent. Faye rode him in the forward cowgirl position, keeping his cock completely inside her. (13) She rode him hard and moaned while doing it. Vash quickly realized that, yes, sex was a great thing to do. Faye rode him hard, and Vash started caressing Faye's lithe body, lingering slowly on private places. For the first time in his life, he felt it was worth living. To the casual observer, they were at it for a long time. However, just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, Faye came. Then she came again; hehad (14) given her multiple orgasms. Vash shot his foamy load of love in the middle of the second one.
The two of them collapsed and were spent.
"Whoa... Now I know why I need to live." Vash said.
Faye smiled at Vash. "Who'da thought you'd be great in bed." She said.
"You were great as well." Vash replied.
The next morning, Spike and the others woke Vash up.
"Time to go to jail." Spike said.
"No! I can't go to jail just yet! I just discovered how fun life can be!" Vash whined. Marty Stu informed Vash that it would be for the best if he did give up and go to prison, as there he would find peace at last. Vash agreed with him. (15)
When they arrived at the police station, they were greeted by the sheriff. He wasn't very thrilled about getting Vash, but threw him in prison anyway.
Later aboard the Bebop, the crew divided the $$65 billion. It turned out that 1 woolong was about the same as a $$. They bought a mess of supplies and feasted like kings before leaving. The bebop crew was happy, but Marty Stu was not.
"So why so glum, Marty Stu?" Ed asked.
"Ah, you wouldn't understand." Marty Stu replied.
"Marty Stu Mad because Marty Stu not get laid!" Ed replied. "Ed thinks Marty Stu is cute, but Ed too young to have sex. Hehehe." Ed commented.
"This is a badfic. Since when has age stopped anyone?" Marty Stu said.
Ed made a sour face. "Ed thinks Marty Stu is sick!" She said.
"Damn. I wanted someone in bed." Marty Stu said.
"You got laid last chapter! What are you whining about? I haven't gotten any in years!" Jet said.
"How can I be a bratty! wangsty! Stu if I don't wangst?" Marty Stu said. He then bamfed out of the place.
Vash the Stampede was rather enjoying jail. The female sheriff was on the lonely side, and Vash's recent sex experience made him the sex god she had been looking for. (16) She let him go on "good behavior" Millie ran into Woofwood, the catholic preacher. That night, she couldn't help but come to him naked, and he responded in kind. (17)
Millie eagerly took his cock into her mouth and started sucking on it. He moaned softly as she blew him hard. Millie enjoyed the taste of his cock, and ran her tongue around it. After he was very hard, Millie got on her back and spread her legs wide, showing preacher man her swollen lips. He was more than willing to shove this throbbing boner into it. (18)
Millie seized his dick hard, and squeezed the life out of it. Both of them gasped as he rammed her with his love stick. They did a number of positions; Millie liked it best being upside-down and touching her ankles to her forehead. (19) Wolfwood just liked having his cock deep inside a hot babe's crack. He made her go on top in a reverse cowgirl next. Then they did it standing up. On and on they went, never slowing down or looking back. Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, Millie climaxed as Wolfwood came hard deep inside her.

A/n: Thanks for all the good reviews, especially from quamp! Quamp, your review was very heartwarming! (20)
For those of you who hated this: YOU CAN KISS MY FAT HAIRY ASS! I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK AS TO WHAT YOU THINK! (21)

(1) Ah, yet more sucky disclaimers and summaries. The summary alone makes me want to hit the back button on the browser.
(2) Mark Twain once said that fiction is limited by the boundaries of believability. Mark Twain was a good writer. You make the connection. Secondly, why are almost every female humanoid alien well endowed? Is there something about traveling through space that enhances a woman's chest? (If so, maybe we should take flat-chested women and put them in the space shuttle for a round-trip into space.) Also, if you're going to have a sex scene, at least describe what happens!
(3) This is very cliche here. Who's doing the begging?
(4) If you don't know the name of something, either leave it out or do an online search!
(5) O.k., so how do they know where they're going?
(6) Amazing how he could deduce this from just that brief interaction. Sherlock Holmes would be envious!
(7) Nothing says badfic like forgetting the name of a major character. If you're reading this, you have access to the internet. Research!
(8) Seems like every bad Trigun fic turns Vash the Stampede into a weepy uke. While he will cut and run, and he can be a coward at times, he's not a weepy uke.
(9) Sorry, there is NO evidence to indicate that sexual deprivation is bad for you (although admittedly, life is a whole lot more fun with it.)
(10) Ick. A guy has a hot babe wanting him, and what does he do? He angsts! >_< This is a Trigun/Cowboy Bebop crossover, not Sakura Diaries! What a waste!
(11) Why is every guy's dick always "incredibly tasty?" It's not that way in real life...
(12) It's the magical suddenly appearing condom! Don't make things suddenly appear. At least explain it.
(13) O.k., how can he go back and forth while still being completely inside her? Use logic, people!
(14) Watch the spacing! Running words together is a no-no.
(15) Vash suddenly giving up like that? After all he's done, I don't think so!
(16) Sorry. Having sex once does not make someone a sex god, No matter how much you want it to be.
(17) No, no, no! Catholic priests are supposed to be celibate! This goes for nuns, monks, and other religious people bound by oaths of celibacy!
(18) Be considerate. Few if any women like giving head without receiving it. You never know whether your reader is male or female; you'll boost hits more if you cater to both.
(19) That's a pretty awkward position to like the most, don't you think? The blood rushes to one's head that way. Studies show that most women prefer the western missionary the most.
(20) Reviewing yourself is an UNFORGIVABLE sin. We know already how you feel about it, there's no need to inflate your ego. This is especially true of those of you who review under different handles.
(21) now this sounds really emotionally mature, doesn't it?
If someone doesn't like what you do, don't take it personally. If they're trying to give you a constructive critique, don't dis them for it! Flame wars are highly unnecessary. Some people dis something good because either they intentionally want to provoke the author and drag him/her down to their level, or they just don't get it. It's best to ignore both camps.