Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 10


Yuki groaned. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet to the brightness but he could feel the warmth on his face so he knew the light was there. He had obviously forgotten to close the blinds when he had gone to bed.

Not that he could actually remember going to bed in the first place. In fact, he couldn’t remember much of the night before at all.

However, at the moment his head was pounding, his mouth was dry, his throat sore, and his stomach was doing back-flips which were getting to the serious stage which would send him seeking the bathroom rapidly if it continued.

“So you are alive,”

Yuki managed to drag one reluctant eyelid upwards, breaking the hard grittiness that caked the area and the stickiness that seemed to be acting like glue to hold both upper and lower lids together. The unsheathed eyeball wept at being subjected to the bright sunshine as it tried to focus on the owner of that even voice.

Tohma stood at the bedroom door, leaning casually back against the frame, arms crossed over his chest. He wasn’t in his habitual coat and hat, in fact his clothes appeared to be a little rumpled which was quite unlike him.

Yuki blinked, trying to push away the water building up in his eye and making Tohma appear like he was underwater, and slowly dragged the opposite eyelid open also so he could view the world from a more even stance. Now he could also see that Tohma was minus waistcoat and his shirt was open, the buttons undone all the way to the bottom so it hung loosely revealing a long portion of smooth white skin from throat to navel. Yuki began to get a bad feeling, a very bad feeling.

“Well, it does seem like you are back with us once more,” Tohma straightened as he spoke, turning to face Yuki fully as he smiled, one hand raking fingers through his short blond hair, smoothing it back into place from its previously tousled look.

Yuki couldn’t prevent the involuntary groan that sounded close to despair that escaped him as he closed his eyes again, blocking out the sight before him. Tohma half dressed, Tohma’s hair messed up, what the hell is going on?! The bad feeling was beginning to fester.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he managed to growl out with his dry throat.

“You don’t remember? I’m hurt, Eiri,” Tohma replied, placing one hand over his heart and a wounded expression on his face.

Yuki just snorted and Tohma smiled at him. “Get your self into a shower,” he said, turning away. “I’ll have the coffee ready when you’re done,” then he left the room.

Yuki tried listening for the receding footsteps but couldn’t hear any sound of Tohma’s retreat to the kitchen. That man walked so damn quietly, which is why he was able to sneak up on people so easily. It was almost eerie just how quietly he could move, as though he wasn’t even human.

He rolled over and managed to haul his aching body to his feet and make his staggering way to the bathroom. He let out a sigh of relief as he stepped under the warm running water, feeling it cascade over his body and slowly washing away the heaviness that seemed to be weighing down his limbs. He kept his eyes closed, head thrown back as the water rained down on his upturned face and through his hair. Ah, that felt so good!

He grabbed the soap and began to lather his long body. He still didn’t know why he was feeling so tired or sick. He paused in his ablutions as his hand swept over a mark on his skin. He stared at it. There on the inside of his thigh was a blemish, a bruise. A bruise that hadn’t been there before.

He touched it lightly, trying to think. It hadn’t been there yesterday morning, he was sure of that, and he couldn’t remember doing anything that might have caused it. The bad feeling that had begun to fester was starting to feel like a very nasty boil inside his guts.

He almost angrily rubbed the suds over the spot, hiding the mark. He had obviously just forgotten bumping into something yesterday. No big deal.

He continued washing, dragging the soap over his chest, moving down his flat stomach, up over his ribs to under his arms. He turned to do the other side and once again paused. His chest began to hurt as his breathing sped up. He stared in horrified fascination at another set of marks splayed across his lower ribs, almost reaching his hip. There was no mistaking those four marks and he was sure that if he could see he would find a fifth on his back.

He reached out with a shaking finger to lightly touch them; one, two, three, four. He spread his hand and was not surprised that their spacing matched so well. No, there was no getting away from it. These were bruises left by fingers, left by a hand gripping him tightly enough to mark, and in that place that meant….

His mind almost shut down as he was assaulted by a picture of Shuichi on his knees before him as he thrust inside the other. He could see where his hands were gripping Shuichi tightly around the waist and hip area, holding firmly to be able to control the movements so he could pull him back hard as he pushed in deeper.

Although he was in the shower he could feel the sweat break out on his forehead. Yes, that positioning of the hands on the kneeling body before you was the best place to hold, the best place to ensure that you could gain and give the most pleasure. He suddenly felt cold all over. Oh, fuck, what the hell happened last night?!

He stood there shivering, his mind still a complete blank, his thoughts skittering around frantically like mice trying to escape a cage when a cat had been dropped in and they just knew that their doom was approaching.

Now another image struck him. Tohma looking quite unlike his normal self. He couldn’t have just arrived that morning. There was no way he would ever walk out the door looking like that. So he had obviously been there far longer than just arriving this morning to wake Yuki up. Tohma was half dressed, Tohma’s clothes were not the normal neatly pressed suit. Instead they looked as Yuki’s normally did when he had pulled an all-nighter with his writing and then just crashed to sleep for a day without bothering to change. Yes, Tohma’s clothes looked exactly like they had been slept in, pressed against body and what ever else.

And Tohma’s usually immaculate hair ruffled around his face and looking delightfully disheveled. Yuki could honestly admit that Tohma looked rather good all roughed up and not his general straight-laced appearance. It was almost reminiscent of the early Nittle Grasper days when Tohma’s stage dress sometimes went to the sultry and seductive to match Ryuichi.

But the thoughts of why Tohma looked like that again was making Yuki’s blood freeze. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck ….his mind chanted over and over again. What the fuck have I done?!

He dragged himself from the shower, still shivering. The water had gone cold whilst he had been standing there thinking and now he had to very rapidly rub himself down to try and bring some warmth back into his frozen limbs. He half stumbled back to the bedroom and quickly threw some clothes on but his fingers refused to co-operate and he fumbled trying to do up the buttons. He snarled angrily, snapping one off in his frustration. Shit!

He almost tore it from him to grab another but paused. What was the point? Tohma had already seen all his flesh so what’s the point trying to hide it now. He glared at himself in the mirror. Gods, he’s a complete fuck-wit. He restrained the urge to slam a fist into the glass to shatter the reflection gazing back at him. Instead he straightened his shoulders and turned to the door. It was time to face the music, and the mess he had managed to make of his life. Everything had just gone down the toilet in one night!

He made his way out to the kitchen to see Tohma just pouring the coffee. He looked up with his normal gentle smile. “Feeling better now? Have a seat,” he said, turning his attention back to the job at hand. “Your cigarettes are there.”

Yuki threw himself silently onto the couch and immediately reached for the packet and lighter, glad to see that his hands were no longer shaking although his insides were still churning.

“Here you go,”

He looked up at the cup that Tohma was holding out to him, taking it with a nod, still not willing to speak yet.

He was concerned that Tohma would sit down right next to him and was relieved when instead he took the other far corner of the couch. He watched his brother-in-law out of the corner of his eye as he sipped at the coffee with eyes closed and a small smile on his lips.

“So how are you feeling this morning?” Tohma suddenly asked.

Yuki froze, then took another drag on his cigarette trying to think of an appropriate answer. What was Tohma asking him? Was it good last night? He couldn’t fucking remember!

“Not particularly well.” He finally settled for, thinking that was true enough in all areas.

“I’m not surprised.” Tohma replied. “You put away quite a quantity of alcohol last night.”

“I did?” Yuki blurted out before he could stop himself, turning his head towards the other.

Tohma raised an eyebrow. “You don’t remember?” He smiled more fully at Yuki. “I’m heartbroken, Eiri, that you don’t even remember inviting me over.”

“I….invited you?” Yuki was feeling sicker and sicker and put the coffee down. Instead of soothing his stomach the beverage was tasting like it was turning to acid as soon as it reached its destination.

“Yes. Late last night. Well, actually it was the very early hours of this morning if I remember correctly. You called and demanded that I come over.”

“Why….” Yuki paused, struggling to find the courage to actually ask for the truth, for no matter how hard he tried to dredge through his hazy memories he could not recall anything after Shuichi had left him. “What…..did we….do?”

“Do?” Tohma gazed at him, a small frown creasing his forehead. “You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

Yuki was tempted to make a smart comeback but the blankness in his mind was frightening enough for him to bite it back and just shake his head.

Tohma let out a deep sigh, leaning back against the back of the couch. In doing so his shirt fell open fully, slithering to either side of his lean body and exposing fully his chest and taut stomach. Yuki felt himself flush a little. No matter how pissed off he got with his brother-in-law even he could admit that Tohma was one hot guy when he wanted to be. He could give that Ryuichi Sakama a run for his money in the looks department, and he was most certainly saner! At least he managed to pull of the sanity part well enough to fool everyone! He quickly reached for another cigarette, trying to blot out those thoughts.

A soft chuckle made him look up quickly to see Tohma watching him with an amused smile. “Eiri, I think you might be under some serious misapprehensions. Although,” and he now cast his eyes towards the ceiling as though contemplating something. “I am very tempted to leave you with them and see what happens. It would be very…. interesting to see if you would give in to your own illusions.”

He then let out a deep sigh that sounded very reluctant. “However, that wouldn’t be fair to you or Shuichi, and Mika would kill me.” He dropped his gaze to meet Yuki’s and grinned. “As you know, there are limits to what your sister would tolerate and I have no intention of pushing that envelope!”

“What do you mean?” There he had asked it.

Tohma stood and Yuki flinched back a little, almost expecting him to lean over and kiss him. Instead he just chuckled again as he picked up his cup and returned to the kitchen to refill it. “Eiri, from your reactions you seem to believe that something very specific happened last night. What do you think did?”

Yuki glared at him. The bastard was trying to make him say it out loud! He was damned if he was going to do that! He remained silent, puffing on his cigarette angrily.

Tohma chuckled again. “What makes you think that we had sex, Eiri?” he asked bluntly.

Yuki choked. Even though it was what he had been thinking, to have his brother-in-law actually come out and say it still shocked him. He stared at Tohma who just shook his head as he returned to the couch. “Come on, Eiri. What on earth makes you think anything happened?”

“Are you saying it didn’t?” Yuki challenged him.

“I’m asking you what makes you think that it did.” Tohma stood firm.

“Because, you fucking prick, look at you!” Yuki snarled.

“Me?” Tohma glanced down at himself in surprise. “What’s wrong with me?”

“You are fucking half-dressed, blatantly showing off your body to me!”

Tohma frowned, tipping his head to one side as he seemed to ponder this statement. “Is that really so unusual?” he finally asked.

“Yes, it fucking is!” Yuki all but shouted, crushing the cigarette out in the ashtray.

“Really?” Tohma said quietly. “I had no idea.” He began to button up his shirt. “I suppose I didn’t think that much about it because when you were a child you had seen me half-dressed before. I mean Mika is used to seeing me like this. As well as with much less.”

“I’m not interested in hearing about your sex life with my sister!” Yuki growled. Tohma continued to button his shirt. “Isn’t that a little late now?” Yuki pointed out.

“I thought that you found it disturbing.” Tohma said.

“I do, but there’s not much point trying to hide it now, is there? Not after what else we’ve done!”

“Done?” Tohma paused as he was settling his shirt collar down. “What have we done?”

“Don’t play coy with me! Or so help me, I’ll rip your fucking head off!” Yuki leapt to his feet, glaring down at Tohma, hands clenching in fists. “You know what the fuck has gone on! It was probably just a perfect situation for you!”

Even as he said those words, he felt a stab of guilt. He knew that Tohma would never take advantage of him. Tohma was one of the few people whom he trusted explicitly. That is why whenever he wanted to drink himself into a stupour he would always shamelessly ask Tohma over because he knew that the man would look after him. Now he was attacking him. Just like he had Shuichi.

“Eiri, calm yourself. You’re really not making any sense. Just tell me outright what you mean.” Tohma kept his voice even as though he was completely untouched by Yuki’s harsh accusation which only served to anger him more.

“You want me to tell you? Fine! Look!” Yuki opened his shirt wide and against his pale skin the bruises around his waist were clearly evident.

“Oh, my,” Tohma responded, looking at them with wide eyes.

“Is that all the fuck you can say?!” Yuki was beginning to shake with rage, wanting to throttle the man before him.

Tohma waved a hand, indicating that Yuki should sit back down. “Don’t go jumping to conclusions, Eiri.” Yuki refused to be placated, remaining where he stood so Tohma just gave a deep sigh.

“Sit, Eiri,” he said in a quiet voice but one that was firm and brooked no argument.

Yuki had heard that voice a few times. It was the voice that Tohma used only when it was required. It was a warning. Do what he said and pay attention, and don’t cross him.

He was tempted to ignore the warning and just leap on the man and begin to strangle him although he knew perfectly well that he would lose. Tohma may have been smaller than he and weigh less and look far too effeminate at times, but he was all steel underneath and that small body contained not just a razor sharp mind. So taking a deep breath to regain some semblance of calmness, Yuki sat.

“Now,” Tohma said. “We shall start at the beginning and go through the course of events of the night.”

Yuki cringed. He wasn’t sure he could stomach hearing how Tohma had fucked him. His stomach flipped over again. Gods, he needed his medication!

“To begin the proceedings you phoned me, as I had mentioned, just after midnight and demanded I come over.”

“Why?” Yuki interrupted. “Why did I call you?”

“Because you had had a fight with Shindou.”

So that part hadn’t been a dream, or more to the point, a nightmare, he thought despairingly. He inwardly winced at the remembered harsh words he had said. He had really been such a bastard after all.

“From the sound of your voice I had gathered you had been drinking and you were also crying so I came immediately.”

Crying? I was crying? Yuki was amazed. He didn’t cry often so why had he been crying? Apart from realising what a complete asshole he had been.

“Oh, by the way,” Tohma continued. “Mika sent over some food for you so you had better have it for breakfast or you will hurt her feelings.”

Food was the last thing that Yuki had on his mind.

“Anyway, when I got here you were still drinking and very upset so I stayed with you.” Tohma finished.

“What….else, you bastard,” Yuki grated out.

“Else? Eiri, there was nothing else. I let you cry on my shoulder, which by the way is why I do not have my jacket on because you managed to snivel all over it which wasn’t particularly pleasant. Then I put you to bed.”

“And what did you do to me there?!” Yuki reached out and grabbed the front of Tohma’s shirt, bunching it in his hands and creasing it further.

Tohma met his gaze evenly. “Nothing.” he said with a tone of finality.

Usually Yuki would believe him when hearing that tone but his mind was still frightened by what it suspected. “Then how do you explain these bruises?!” he almost screamed with despair.

Tohma reached up and carefully disengaged Yuki’s hands from his clothing. He didn’t try and resist him in anyway. “Eiri, as I was trying to get you to stand up and go to bed your behaviour became a little….erratic and you managed to trip over the chair. I had to try and grab you before you fell, as at that time you were incapable of saving yourself. That is how you got those bruises.”

It sounded plausible enough but....

“What about the bruise on the inside of my thigh?” Yuki almost whispered, shoulders slumping.

“That you probably managed to get when you fell off the end of the bed when you tried to roll over, and landed on some of your books piled on the floor.”

Yuki took a deep breath and looked Tohma in the eye steadily. “Is that the truth?” he asked outright, almost pleading.

“Do you doubt me?” Tohma replied just as evenly.

Yuki gazed into those depths and knew that he was hearing the truth. Tohma never lied to him.

“Besides,” Tohma continued. “Does your arse hurt?”

Yuki’s eyes widened in shock and his hand automatically went behind him although he knew immediately that he hadn’t felt any twinges from that area at all. Of course. He was a complete idiot. If Tohma had taken him last night he would certainly be feeling it this morning and there hadn’t been anything.

“See,” Tohma chuckled, rising again and returning to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out some containers. “Perhaps I should feel hurt that you think that you wouldn’t be able to tell you’d had sex with me. You know that I’m not that small and I do pride myself on my sexual prowess!”

“That’s just gross,”’ Yuki said more calmly, reaching for the cold cup of coffee. A hand closed over his and he looked up into Tohma’s smiling face.

“I’ll get you a fresh one,” and he gently removed the cup from Yuki’s unresisting fingers and took it with him.

Yuki closed his eyes as he smoked, leaning back into the couch, listening to the soothing clattering in the kitchen. He felt himself begin to relax for the first time that morning.

“So are you going to apologise?”

“Apologise? For what?” Yuki cracked one eye open and looked over at Tohma. “You’re the one that didn’t try and clear up the confusion. You know perfectly well that I would probably think the worse.”

Tohma grinned at him. “As much as that was somewhat amusing, I actually wasn’t talking about me.”

“Oh? Then what?”

“Shuichi,” Tohma said.

Yuki’s hand paused on the way to his mouth. “What about him?”

The aroma of cooking filtered from the kitchen area as Tohma began to quickly warm up the food his wife had kindly provided.

“Eiri, I know all about it; every word and action. You told me in great detail last night.”

“I did?”

“Yes, you did. And you,” Tohma now looked across at Yuki with a hard glint in his eye which almost made him shiver. “Were a complete bastard to him. Are you trying to deliberately sabotage this relationship?”

“Ah,” was all Yuki was able to choke out. Looks like he hadn’t held anything back from Tohma after all. And it looks like Tohma wasn’t particularly happy with him either. Not a good thing. He should have kept his mouth shut. Gods, he really must have been drunk!

“You were very drunk last night,” Tohma confirmed verbally. “And you know what you can get like. Although I must admit that that is the first time for many, many years that I’ve seen you lose it that badly. Generally you manage to keep your temper under control when you are drinking.”

“It was a bad day.”

“So I heard,”

“What else did I tell you?”

“Well, actually nothing. You were focused on Shuichi the whole time. But I had already received a message from Mizuki last night so I knew about that as well.” He placed the bowls of food on the table, taking a seat again. “That must have been irritating for you.”

“It was. Very.” Yuki growled, filling his bowl.

“However, it sounds like things are being resolved. I had another message from Mizuki this morning to say that she was keeping an eye on things and she’s happy to leave it all with the lawyers at this stage to iron everything out.”

“Good.”

“You know they were only trying to browbeat you?”

“Sure, I knew that but they also did have a couple of points. Even moving onto another firm they could have caused some issues for me.”

“That’s why you’ve got lawyers. By the way, Mizuki also mentioned that a couple of your supporters from the old guard had been conveniently not invited to that meeting. Even without them they had a full quorum so legally they could have potentially pulled a few things off but they were making damn sure that your support base wasn’t present. They were just flexing their muscles to see what they could get away with.”

“Yeah, well, they’ve learnt they can’t try and pull that stunt again.”

“Oh, I think they have learnt their lesson.”

Yuki shot a quick glance at his brother-in-law at that deceptively calm voice. “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, nothing really. Don’t worry, Eiri,” Tohma smiled beatifically at him. “Everything is going just fine. Your people will look after you.”

Yuki still wasn’t completely reassured but he knew perfectly well that he wasn’t going to get anything more out of Tohma on this matter.

“So when are you going to apologise?”

“Huh?”

Tohma rolled his eyes. “Shuichi. Your bad behaviour. Your apology.” he reminded Yuki.

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that. A very big that. I don’t need you upsetting my employees you know, especially just at this moment. He leaves tomorrow remember. Well, in actual fact he leaves tonight.”

Yuki paused in his eating. Shit, that’s right. Shuichi was going on tour and it began today. Shit, he was going away. He was leaving him again!

The bowl slipped from nerveless fingers as his mind completely froze and his vision blanked out.

“Eiri!” Tohma’s shout broke through his self imposed stasis and brought him back to reality. He could feel Tohma’s hands gripping his shoulders tightly, fingers digging into his flesh as the man knelt before him, gazing up into his face, worry etched over his features.

“I…I’m all right,” he managed to say.

“No, you are not,” Tohma stated bluntly, eyes never leaving Yuki’s. He continued to stare at him for a moment longer and then shook his head. “Go,” he finally said. “For gods sake, go to him.”

“I….can’t,” Yuki finally admitted, cringing at the mere thought of facing Shuichi after what he had done last night. “He’ll probably punch me.”

“And so he should,” Tohma replied, standing. Yuki’s head shot up to stare at his brother-in-law in surprise.

“What? Why so surprised?” Tohma said a little mockingly. “You deserve to be punched. In fact, you probably deserve a great deal more so Shindou has every right to do exactly that. If you get off with just a punch to the face, I would say you are getting off lightly.”

Yuki couldn’t get over what he was hearing. Not only was Tohma saying that he should be subjected to physical abuse but he was actually siding with Shuichi! Would wonders never cease?!

Tohma turned and carried the dishes back into the kitchen then glanced at the clock. “Well, it’s time for me to leave you. I would suggest that you make yourself presentable and go and speak to Shindou as soon as possible. There isn’t a lot of time left.”

Yuki now took note of the time and was alarmed to see the digits indicating it was late afternoon. Where had the day gone?

Tohma collected his coat and hat from the hall stand, slipping his shoes on. “You didn’t wake up till close to midday so most of the day had already gone by. If you want to speak to him you will need to do it quickly. He’s not one to be late to join the rest of the crew. Not for the start of this tour.”

Yuki didn’t reply. How could he even face Shuichi?

“Eiri,” Tohma’s quiet voice reached him over the sound of the opening door. “If you don’t go to him you will have lost him. For good this time. And you will always regret it.”

The door clicked shut as Tohma left, leaving Yuki sitting there, thinking. Could he really go and see Shuichi? He knew where he lived, that wasn’t a problem but would he even let him talk to him? What if he just slammed the door shut in his face? That’s what he would do.

Yuki scrubbed fingers through his hair, frowning. Damn it! He had no choice! Tohma’s parting words were far too prophetic sounding and touched a chord deep inside his psyche. He couldn’t lose Shuichi. Not now, not ever, and certainly not over something like his own stupid, idiotic behaviour!

He stood and took a deep breath. Right, he looked at the clock gauging the time it would take. He would get dressed properly and head over there. He would have to leave now as he was going to get caught in traffic so it would be a slow trip no matter what he tried. Should he take a gift to say he was sorry? He grimaced, what sort of gift would be appropriate? No, probably it would be better to just forget the gift. It might look a little cheesy and Shuichi would probably be rightly suspicious of such actions from him. So scratch a gift. Flowers perhaps? No, even worse!

Okay, not taking anything. He would just go himself and say he was sorry, and that it was wrong of him for doing what he had done. He felt a flush of heat as he remembered being so close to Shuichi, lips so close as to almost be touching. But, shit, he wanted to kiss the idiot so badly!

He made his way to the bedroom. Even if he did apologise to Shuichi, what then? Just where did the two of them stand now? He was going to go away tonight and wouldn’t be back for a number of weeks. What was going to happen with them during that time?

His stomach churned again and he grimaced. He had better take his medication. He felt that he was going to really need its settling influence if he was going to get through the coming ordeal without throwing up over Shuichi’s shoes!