Forever Mine

Chapter Nine : Why?


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Tsuzuki jumped up quickly falling off the couch. Rubbing his head, he remembers where he is at.

"I must have drifted off. I have to go."

The one thing he didn’t want was anyone at Meifu suspicious of his whereabouts, especially Tatsumi. He was suppose to go over his house tonight for a recap on their mission.

"Kazu?"

The brunette notices that Muraki is gone. He gets up fixing himself and sees a note laying on the table.

I didn’t want to wake you as you looked so peaceful and beautiful lying there.

Beside,s if I did wake you, I would of not made it out the door.

However, when I return, I will see to it that I will make it up to you properly.

The Shinigami smiles and looked at his watch. It was around 10 o’clock or so.

"I would love to stay but I have to go. If Tatsumi knew I was with you right now he would probably have my head."

He talked as though his lover was right in the room with him. But all that was there was the flickering shadow of his silhouette from the glowing embers in the fireplace.

"But I promise I’ll be back."


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Tsuzuki nervous, knocks on the shadow master's door. He waited but there was no answer.

"Well, maybe he is sleeping. No. He can’t be sleeping. He’ll kill me when he realizes I wasn’t here for this meeting."

Finally, the door opened. Tsuzuki dreads the worst. But, Tatsumi is not mad. The guardian is shocked.

The younger Shinigami exhales in relief.

"Um, sorry I’m late, Tatsumi."

The younger man thought maybe Tatsumi doesn‘t know what time it really was. Maybe Tatsumi didn't notice the clock and scanned the digits to see that it was passed nine.

"Come in, Tsuzuki. I don’t like keeping my door open. Besides, it is after ten and I have dinner waiting on the table," The shadow master evenly stated toward the violet-eyed man. Not a sign of annoyance or discontent. The secretary was actually in good spirits.

Tatsumi closes the door behind Tsuzuki and pulls the brunette's jacket off. Wow! He really is being nice even after what happened earlier between us. This new development made the brunette feel uneasy.

"I made a quick Bach of pepper beef and steamed vegetables. Frankly one of my favorite dishes to make," The older man said with a cheerful voice noticing Tsuzuki unease.

Tsuzuki takes a seat across from the secretary. Trying hard to ignore the other man's behavior.

"It looks really good. And I haven’t eaten all day."

"Good. Then you should be very hungry. I hope I made enough."

Tatsumi placed a glass in front of Tsuzuki, pouring a clear liquid into it.

"Here. Why not have a drink? It compliments the food."

Tsuzuki felt sick at the idea of drinking any more alcohol. He was still a little tipsy on the saki he had earlier.

"Um, no thanks. I am not really thirsty."

Tatsumi raised a brow, but kept up his cheerful manner.

"Tsuzuki turning down a drink? This is a surprise. Please, I insist."

Tatsumi poured a little of the white wine into his own glass. Tsuzuki got a better view of the bottle and notices it is the same drink they had at the restaurant. He was about to ask Tatsumi if it was, but Tatsumi seemed to read his mind.

"It is the same wine we had at the restaurant. I bought the bottle. Since we really didn’t get to enjoy much of it I thought, why not."

Tsuzuki cringed at the wine remembering what it made him feel like before.

"Um, Tatsumi, this wine doesn’t seem to agree with me. When I had it before it made me feel kind of weird."

Tatsumi laughed shaking his head.

"The wine is an old vintage. You drank it like it was water. Of course, you are going to feel weird. This kind of wine you have to sip."

"Oh," Tsuzuki felt a bit dumb. Of course, gulping down an age-old wine knowing you haven’t eaten anything all day was going to give you some pretty peculiar feelings. The brunette took the wine and sipped a little of it. Tatsumi stares intensly at him.

"Where have you been all day, Suki?"

Here it was. The question Tsuzuki had been dreading. Of course, Tsuzuki being Tsuzuki couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse.

"Well, I went to the bakery. But I didn’t have any money." He paused changing the subject completely.

"You know, I really think I should get a raise for all the hard..." knowing this would get the secretary's attention. Tatsumi cut him off.

"Do you really think you deserve a raise, Tsuzuki?"

"Of course, I do. I’ve been working with this burial for more then seventy years and have never even been mentioned for a raise," he sipped his wine. This time it tasted better then the first time.

Thank god Tatsumi told him about sipping vintage wines than just chugging it down. They taste much better this way.

Tatsumi continued to stare at Tsuzuki. The younger man began feeling uncomfortable. Why was Tatsumi staring at him like that? The guardian started getting nervous.

"Is there something wrong, Tsuzuki?"

"Um, I, um, well."

The brunette started feeling dizzy. The food wavering in front of him. Vegetables and beef dancing. It was that feeling again. But this time it was stronger. He felt sick to his stomach. His fork fell to the ground with a loud clank. The guardian abruptly backed his chair up and stood almost toppling over.

"Tsuzuki, what is wrong?"

“I...I’m having that feeling again. I feel..." He leaned against the chair for support as the touch tingles his hand. His body started feeling flushed and sweaty. The shinigami loosened his tie. Suddenly, he feels he cannot breath.

"I need some water. I’ll be fine once I have some water," he mumbles.

He stumbles into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, but drops it. Panicking his words slur out.

"I’m sorry, Tatsumi! I...I’ll clean it up. I’m sorry."

Tsuzuki grabbed a towel, but fell against the counter losing his balance. Tatsumi calmly held the shaken brunette.

"Calm down, Tsuzuki. It’s okay. Maybe you should lie down."

Tsuzuki couldn’t resist him. It was like his body was acting of its own. His eyes were becoming heavy. As much as he wanted to just puke his guts out nothing would come. His legs felt like spagetti, but still he was able to stand and walk in the direction Tatsumi was taking him. But not by his own free will.

They enter into a room Tsuzuki has not seen before. A queen-size bed fit in the corner of the room covered in tan colored blankets. The room was in orange and brown and hurt the younger shinigami eyes a bit. Tatsumi noticed this as the violet-eyed man squinted and turned the light down to a lower setting.

"Tatsumi, alcohol has never done this to me before. This doesn’t feel like I’m drunk."

Tatsumi stopped before the bed turning the younger man around to meet his eyes.

"It’s not suppose to, Tsuzuki."

The brunette tried to focus on the secretary, puzzled.

"What are you talking about? Not supposed to get me drunk? Then, what is it suppose to do?" The brunette realized Tatsumi intentions.

"Every time I ask you to talk to me about us, you avoid it completely. You tease me, act like you want me then push me away. All you have been doing is playing with my emotions and I can’t take it anymore. You want to be with some fucking sadistic killer who probably is just using you for his own sick pleasures. And you push me away! If I knew you wanted someone like Muraki, if I knew you wanted to just be taken advantage of and thrown aside afterwards..." he slammed the shocked brunette onto the bed.

"Fuck it! I’ll just show you then how much a Muraki I can be!"

Tsuzuki felt like he was going to fall forever. But came to comprehend he was lying on a bed and Tatsumi was straddling him.

"Tatsumi what are you doing?!"

The purple-eyed guardian tried to shout but only sounded weak and helpless.

"What I have been wanting to do for so long."

"Tatsumi! No! Stop!" The older man covers the other man's mouth with his hand.

"Shut up! This is the way you wanted it. You could have just given yourself to me. Or at least not lead me on to believe different!"

The shadow master ran his hand down toward Tsuzuki pants, ripping the brunette's belt open, the button completely off from its thread. The secretary glided his hand along with the zipper opening. Tsuzuki screamed shaking his head frantically at the man above him. But Tatsumi ignored it completely.

"If a sadistic man like Muraki can have you, whycan’t I!"

The older man squeezed tighter onto the others mouth.

"Please," his voice cracks as tears start to fall from his blue eyes. He could hear the other man underneath him crying himself. But Tatsumi was in his own world of grief. He wanted Tsuzuki to want him, desire his touch. But, sadly, the secretary could only see the hurt in those tear-stained eyes, nothing more.

"Please. Just tell me why? How is it he can have you and I can’t?"

Anger rose in his voice again and it wasn’t until he opened his eyes back up that he realized he was choking the smaller man. He let go quickly, rising off the crying Shinigami, scared as much as Tsuzuki.

"He did this to you! Drove me mad with frustration. I just wanted to touch, to feel for you to be mine." Tatsumi mind wrestled with the thoughts.

Tsuzuki regained himself rubbing his neck. He could see the sheer fear in the secretary's eyes. Still jumbled himself, Tsuzuki touched Tatsumi's shoulder

"Tatsumi, it’s okay. I...I..."

"No! No, Tsuzuki! It’s not okay."

The older man snatched the other's wrists, gripping so tight to almost breaking them. Tsuzuki tries to recoil back but Tatsumi slammed him against the headboard. The impact so hard that Tsuzuki starts to bleed from his skull. Tsuzuki winced at the pain tilting his head to the side, causing the blood to run down the side of his face.

Tatsumi not caring but for only his own selfish needs, rips open the brunette's shirt, touching the Shinigami's bare chest.

"Please, just let me."

Tsuzuki still quite dizzy tries to pull away.

“Tatsumi, I...I can’t." Fear etched his voice.

"No! Don’t tell me you can’t."

Tatsumi voice raises again and he snatches the brunette's face hard forcing a kiss onto him. His fingers dug into the younger Shinigami's jaw line. Tsuzuki forcefully tries to pull away, but the drink and whatever Tatsumi put in it was causing his fingers to feel numb against the shadow master.

Tsuzuki felt faint blow to his head, but he wasn’t going to let this happen to him. He bit down onto Tatsumi's tongue as the older Shinigami gasped letting the brunette's mouth go. Tsuzuki felt a hard slap against his cheek.

Tsuzuki couldn’t believe this was happening. Especially that it was Tatsumi that was doing it.
Tatsumi trailed his lips down the brunette's neck finishing his assault by entering his hand into the younger Shinigami pants. Tsuzuki closed his eyes. It was hopeless to fight him. He let his body sag against Tatsumi's in defeat. The brunette closed his eyes as the tears started falling. He thought that maybe if he closed them it would take him to another world away from this dreadful reality. His mouth tasted of metallic and he knew he was bleeding.

His heart sank he trusted this man, trusted him with every ounce of his heart. Believed that this man would never put him in harm's way yet he was the one harming him now and with that said he could only think of one word to say.

"Why? Why? Whywhywhywhy?" he continued to sob the word endlessly.

This caught Tatsumi off guard as he looked up at Tsuzuki in horror.

"Oh gods! What have I done?”

The secretary backed away.

"Tsuzuki! I’m..."

"Don’t touch me!"

Tsuzuki was frantic. He rose from the bed, almost falling to the ground. His whole body hurt, his head hurt. But most importantly his heart hurt.

The secretary watched in sheer horror as Tsuzuki runs out quickly not caring about anything or how bad he really was off he just wanted to get away as quick as he could. He didn’t care if it hurt him with every step he took and he never once looked back. And Tatsumi didn't run after him.


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Muraki always hated the midnight shift. He used to think it was always just a waste of time. Staying in a hospital during such hours when he could be doing much more better things with his time.

But, as a doctor you are never off duty. This night was no exception. He was sitting next to a patient giving her one of her nightly doses of morphine. She had cancer of the lungs. And knowing that he would rather spend his time at home cuddling next to his beloved Shinigami some more, the patient specifically asked for him. She always asked only for him. She wouldn’t let anyone else near her if he wasn’t there. But sometimes patients tend to become attached to there caregivers.

Muraki knew this all to often. As people just loved to see his face. But, then again,
Muraki always knew how to talk to his patients. Such was his way. He just had that aura about him that people just couldn’t get enough of. He knew he could have anyone at his beck and call. All the nurses just melt over him even certain doctors seemed to glare. He could easily make due with all them and be on his way.

But to his surprise one particular person caught his interest. At first he thought it was lust, a need to touch, to conquer those violet eyes. That was all he needed. Just to break him. But it wasn’t so he wanted more. Something the doctor thought he would never do ever in his life. The one thing he dreaded more then anything.

He fell in love. And it wasn’t as though he was questioning if it was true or not. The blonde knew he had fallen for the Shinigami, but what he questioned was why. Why was he feeling that this man he had love for should love him back? And if truly Tsuzuki could love him, why would he?

He thought, "I’ve done nothing but hurt him. Force myself onto him. Why should he love me? Why would he?"

"Mrs. Juiga, it is time for you to take your shot. Where would you like it this time?"

In a wispy voice the older woman responded.

"Dr. Muraki, it has been such a bad day for me. I refuse to eat any of this nasty hospital food and utterly am disgusted with the staff of nurses. It is all to good to see your face again," she sighed coughing a little. "I would like it in my arm today."

The doctor pushed the needles into her arm releasing the fluid.

"There now. You will feel no pain in a moment."

She touches the pale man's hand.

"I never have asked you this before, but do you have a wife, Doctor?"

He gently released her arm from his.

"No, I do not. But I am seeing someone."

"I can tell. You can always tell when someone is happy even with the most stern of faces. But I see worry in those eyes."

"Really?” Muraki cocked an eyebrow at her.

She pulled her hair back away from her sunken eyes’.

"I might be old, Doctor, but I have been in love with my husband for fifty-six years. They say that true love happens out of nowhere. It is when the whole world stops breathing and it is only you and that other person. You remember every detail of that moment. Almost like a picture right down to their clothes you remember..." She sighed.

"When you find it, Doctor, you’ll know. Love is very powerful. Love would protect you, even die for you. Believe me, I had first chance at it with mine."

Muraki allowed her to continue as she looked to see if he was listening. Why she was telling him this he wasn’t quite sure. But something caught his interest in the matter.

"We were heading home from a picture show. It was raining very hard that night and the roads were quite slippery.. He was turning up the radio to a song I liked. That is when it happened. The car veered off toward a cliff. The car only being suspended by a broken rail. I was scared, crying. I knew this was the end for us. He slowly opened my door and told me he loved me. Then abruptly pushed me out. I screamed. The car was gone and all I heard was a loud crash. I didn‘t understand then why he did it. But I realized he loved me and he wanted me to live my life knowing this. It happened twenty years ago. And still to this day I don’t hate him for it. I love him even more. His heart was his sacrifice, his death was his love. That is what I believe it was."

Muraki thought back. He had never risked his life for another. But this was what he had done for his Shinigami. Still, did his guardian of death feel the same way?

Suddenly, his thoughts are interrupted as the door swings open. His eyes widen at seeing it was Tsuzuki. The guardian was swaggering and blood had trailed down his face from his head and mouth. His clothes were torn.

"Kazu, I had no one else...to turn...to. I’m sorry."

Tsuzuki stepped forward, his eyes growing heavy. Muraki recognized this sign all too well.

The doctor gets up quickly toward the brunette as he falls into the blonde's arms.

"Asato!?"


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Chapter Ten : What you can or can't have.

Just some facts about the chapter

I named this chapter Why because I wanted to really made that word show in it. Every character in this chapter is saying why to something.

Tatsumi is saying why did you choose him over me. Why wont you give me a chance.

Muraki is saying why do I feel this way about him.It was only suppose to be lust not love.

Tsuzuki though had the strongest emphasis of this word which was simply stated in the fic. WHY!!

If I confused you please tell me.