Infatuation

The knock came very unexpectedly--not that L liked to admit that he hadn't expected something. It was better to pretend like he'd known all along; that way, his opponent (victim?) would be the one who was wrong-footed and not he. And so, as Watari dutifully went to answer the door, L continued holding a paper in one hand and his coffee in the other, inspecting them both carefully and not bothering to turn around. He bet he could figure out who it was anyway: if the knock had been loud and with no discernible rhythm, it was Mello. If it was steady and firm, it was Roger. If it was a bit hesitant, it was a maid. This knock, however, was simultaneously soft and determined.

"Near would like to see you, L." L smiled a little at this. Of course. He turned in his chair, clutching the back and peering over his knees as Near was shown in. Watari shot L a nervous glance, but then he exited respectfully, and Near sat down on the floor across from L, fiddling with the carpet fibers.

L thought it might be interesting to not say anything and see what Near did. How would he respond? So he stared owlishly, waiting. Near continued to play with the carpet, fluffing it and twisting it determinedly.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, then Near, having decided his purpose was more important than this informal competition, spoke.

"I hope you don't think you've been subtle." L's mind began racing--searching quickly for the correct answer. What could he be talking about? Oh. It must be that. Yes. Near was very clever, wasn't he?

"I don't." Near kept his head down and looked up at L through his fringe in a rather dramatic way. He clearly felt strongly about something.

"And I hope you don't think you're above the law, either." L had to chuckle at that.

"Near, I am above the law. I don't intend to exploit that fact, but you can't possibly think I'll be held to the same standards as everyone else. It's not fair, but that's how it is." Near's cheeks tinged slightly.

"The fact that you can manipulate law enforcement does not make you above the standards of the law. You're still a criminal, whether you'll be held accountable or not." L wanted to smile at Near, but he stopped himself, recognising Near's need for formality. He twisted his chair around so that he could face him properly and clambered back into it, resisting the urge to offer cake that he knew would be refused.

"If you don't mind, will you tell me how, exactly, you came to the conclusion I assume you’ve reached?"

"It was easy enough that it doesn't constitute any bearing on my ability to become your successor, so there isn't much point in your asking."

"Humour me, please." Near sighed heavily and began to speak in a rehearsed sort of monotone.

"On Friday, Mello tripped over me on his way into the library. I was curious as to why he was rushing, so I looked over his shoulder once he'd been working for a few minutes. On his paper was what were quite clearly plans for something. These plans centred around candy, mostly, as well as some truly ridiculous traps. I had just been to see you, so I knew that Mello knew that you were here, and you're the only person I can think of who could potentially fall prey to a candy-themed ruse. These plans, and Mello's defensiveness about them, piqued my curiosity.

"Later that evening, I walked past your room to see if Mello was there. Mr Wammy was standing outside, so I hid from him since I knew he would tell you if I asked anything. After about half an hour, he went to his own room. I went up to the door, intending to put my ear to it and maybe peek underneath it, but then I heard-" Near hesitated, flushing. L, in response, paled.

"I can guess. Go on." Near nodded, almost gratefully, and his face resumed its normal pale color as he focused instead on his task.

"On Saturday night, I saw you carrying Mello back to his and Matt's room. I was very surprised, I have to admit--I assumed you would have been more careful, especially considering you didn't want anyone to know you were here..."

"I don't want any children to know I'm here because I need to work. If one or two spot me late at night, there might be rumors, but there will not be a flood of children entering my room freely. Hovering outside it, perhaps, but not disturbing me."

"Fine. But I saw you, and I would have to be an idiot to have not realised then what was going on between you two. As if that weren't enough, Mello and Matt got into a physical fight that night. They throw punches regularly, but they were both bleeding quite a lot. It must have been pretty emotionally-charged. I'm guessing it was because Matt is extremely jealous but doesn't know how to express himself properly."

"Good, Near." L smiled proudly, unable to help himself.

"Don't. Just...don't." L's smile faded. "I don't want you to be proud of me discovering...what you've been doing. I just can't BELIEVE you. Mello is FOURTEEN, L. He doesn't know what he wants."

"And you are twelve. You can't be considered an expert in development, Near."

"Ad hominem," Near grumbled. "If you're going to refute me, attack what I've said and not who I am. Please," he added as an afterthought.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Near looked surprised at this admission, but didn't see fit to meet L's eye. "So what makes you think Mello doesn't know what he wants?" Near snorted.

"He thinks he knows what he wants because he thinks he knows everything. He just wants to impress you. He thinks that if he makes you like him, you'll make him L instead of me. He's only interested in winning."

L raised a finger to object. "Your phrasing makes me think you are under the impression that I coerced Mello into a relationship for my own ephebophiliac desires."

Near nodded slowly, a bit confused.

"Actually, it was Mello who initiated it. I was against it, in fact, until he...convinced me that it was in everyone's best interest." Near's eyes widened and snapped to L's. His mouth dropped very slightly, just enough to make his teeth look silly, and L thought he might have seen his lower eyelid twitch.

"You...you...you're just humouring him because it's easiest for you?"

"Well, I wouldn't say tha-"

"You are. You're leading him on because you can and it'll keep him content enough to leave you alone. You pretend to be a strict follower of justice until it becomes inconvenient for you, and then it's all in everyone's best interest. I'm not stupid. He threatened you, didn't he? Statutory rape if you didn't cooperate, I bet. That makes you a coward. A coward and a criminal. And you have an entire orphanage filled with kids who want to be you--they aspire to be exactly like you because they think they know who you are, but they don't really. Well, I do. I know you're not above abandoning your morals. You're not above much, really." Near wasn't shouting--his voice was quiet as ever--but it shook with the anger and betrayal that Near couldn't bring himself to express fully.

L picked up on it nevertheless. It was true, after all. He wasn't above much, when he thought about it. But, save for this unfortunate business, all he did was in the name of justice. He couldn't bring himself to defend his morality, though. He felt like scum. Near thought he was scum. Wait, did that-

L looked at Near, a bit frightened. "Near, please tell me you wouldn't refuse to be L because-”

"Of course not. You're a brilliant detective, L. If I can become half of what you are now, I'll still be the greatest detective in the world. I admire you greatly as a detective. As a person, though--not so much. I rather detest you."

L was surprised by how much those words stung.
“…Near, you’re being surprisingly emotional. Why are you so concerned?”

Near shot L a deer-in-the-headlights look and his face turned pink. "Well, I-I feel betrayed. And…I care about Mello. You're mistreating him."

"You really have no reason to be concerned about Mello. He hates you." Near nodded at his knees.

"I don't hate him back, though. I can't hate him." He looked like he had been badly sunburnt, poor kid.

L strongly felt that he should say something wise. Something sage. Something to comfort Near and make him think well of him.

But he didn't.

He watched Near glare a final time, then shuffle out, snapping the door shut with an air of finality.