Want it. Take it. Love it. Keep it.

A/N

Thank you, Evermist, for your review, it totally made my day! I\'m so glad you\'re enjoying the story as much as I\'ve enjoyed writing it. Hope this next chapter is to your liking. : )



***********************************************************************************************



CHAPTER 10

I KNOW



After the first time, both of them still inexperienced and cautious, it was surprisingly Mello that began to take the upper hand in their relationship. He\'d taken to attacking the defenseless detective as soon as he finished his classes. He\'d send L text\'s throughout the day, informing him of his plans. L never replied, and often scolded Mello, warning that someone could easily have peered over his shoulder to read the obscenities. Mello\'s vocabulary was most certainly very...colorful, and L would sometimes feel himself blushing over the content of the messages. Damn teenage hormones.



One morning during class, the blond felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He flipped it open excitedly, checking the text, thinking L had finally given in and responded.



/Mello is very brave/ it read. Simple. To the point. The number was one he didn\'t recognize, and had certainly never dialed before.



/Who the hell?/ Mello texted back. It couldn\'t be L, or Matt. L had obviously not given in (not that he\'d really expected him to but one could hope, right?), and Matt always wrote in capitals, using abrieviations as opposed to actual words. Fucking dork...



/N/



The single letter immediately sent a chill up his spine, his breath caught in his throat. Near. He took a peek over his shoulder to find that the little albino sheep-boy was sitting directly behind him, eyes focused ahead at their instructor.



/Fuck off/



Near had been leaving him alone lately, why would he contact him now? Mello supposed this might be due to some embarassment, if the cold little bastard could actually feel such a thing, hopefully due to his recent defeat. Sure, Mello had stopped worrying so much about becoming L\'s successor but that didn\'t mean wasn\'t absolutely thrilled to put Mr. Perfect in his place once in a while. No matter what, he\'d always compete with Near. Nothing could change that.



/Discretion would be wise/ Was the other boy\'s response.



It still drove the blond crazy how unaffected his rival always was by his animosity. He could swear at him, threaten him with violence, call him names. Nothing affected the younger boy. Mello decided to just ignore him, instead sending a message to Matt, asking him if he\'d like to meet up later.



/Mello is very rude/ Apparently even Near didn\'t like to be ignored but Mello didn\'t have the time or the patience for this shit.



/I\'ll say it again, Near. FUCK. OFF./



This would be the last word on the subject, he decided. Whatever was up Near\'s ass could stay there and rot. He flicked the phone off, cringing at the loud goodbye it sang him.



"Mello, that wouldn\'t have been a cell phone turning on I just heard, would it?" The instructor, as well as most of the room, turned in his direction.



"No, sir, I was it turning off. Near was trying to text me. He doesn\'t think he needs to listen to you." Mello grinned in satisfaction, turning his head to watch what he hope would be a shamed reaction, waiting for his tormentor to offer an apology.



"I doubt that. Please pay attention. Unless you want to do poorly on your final exams."



The blond\'s jaw dropped. Was the brat sticking out his tonuge? How dare he! That little fucker was going to pay.



********************************************************************



At five feet even, the white-haired boy had to stand on his tip toes to reach the upper shelves of his locker, setting a heavy text book in and retrieving the action figure that had been awaiting him. This did not bother him much, even when some kids laughed, or \'accidently\' fell into him, pushing him into the small space that he easily would fit in. There were more than a handful of times that he\'d been shut completely inside. L had once helped him modify the unit, making a latch on the inside to pull for escape. Children could be so cruel.



"Near..." he\'d been expecting the blond to catch him sooner or later, and had purposely lingered in the hall a bit longer than usual. Better to be caught here in public than in the boy\'s bathroom, or upstairs where he could be dragged helplessly into a bedroom for the inevitable fight. He\'d rather have witnesses, thank you very much. "We need to talk."



"Of course." He let himself be pulled along by his thin wrist.



"What the fuck was that about?" The blond asked when they\'d reached a somewhat deserted area.



"Mello did not need to use so much force, I would have come willingly." Near rubbed at his wrist, noting the marks his rival\'s fingers made. It would most likely bruise. He\'d always been exceptionally fragile, born with more illnesses and allergies than you could shake a stick at. "This is no way to treat someone who you are about to ask a favor of."



"What the hell are you babbling about, you idiot?"



"It seems strange to use such a word, considering Mello\'s intellectual inferiority to myself. A more effective insult could be directed at our difference in size and strength certainly."



"I currently rank above you, and don\'t you fucking forget it, you arrogant little prick."



"Even if Mello didn\'t, I suppose it would not matter. Considering his...advantage."



"What adavantage?" He asked, keeping his voice surprisingly steady. On the inside, he was freaking the fuck out. \'Oh. Shit. okay, Mello, stay calm. This is probably just another one of his little mind games. No need to panic. Not until its confirmed.\'



"His highly unprofessional relationship with our mentor." Okay, yeah, this was definately one of those \'Oh shit\' moments. Part of him wanted to just burst into tears, the other wanted to wrap his hands around Near\'s scrawny little neck and strangle the life out of him.



"How dare you, you nosey little bastard!"



"Though, that is true, I do not believe my biological mother and father were married when I was concieved, this is hardly the best way to convince me to assist with Mello\'s troubles." Mello\'s heart stopped as he watched Near twirl a lock of his white hair around tiny fingers just a shade darker. With the exception of his coloring, and lack of emotion in his eyes, he was a dead ringer for a twin to the great detective (maybe more like a photo negative). And sometimes that made Mello hate him even more, if it was possible.



Mello sighed. He knew Near was right, he\'d just have to swallow his pride and - shit, this was not going to be easy...



"What do you want?"



"I was not aware that Mello was so prone to weakness, though I am somewhat shocked at L\'s improper behavior." Near saw himself being above petty things like spite, so it was not out of a desire for cold revenge that he taunted the blond.



"Near, I know you don\'t understand, but you can\'t do this to us, ok? You can\'t say anything. To anybody. Like you said, most people would find our relationship highly improper. L would get in trouble. I\'d get sent away. I know you hate me, but please, don\'t do it."



"I would not wish for Mello to be sent away. Despite our inability to be civil with eachother, I would miss Mello very much. He represents a challenge that none of the other children can offer me."



Huh? Had Near just admitted that he respected Mello? No, of course not. Near didn\'t respect anything, except whoever had come up with the Transformers and home finger puppet kits. The blond wasn\'t even sure Near respected L very much.



"So we can agree that it would be very, very bad to tell anybody about this?"



"I am not stupid."



"Only when it comes to emotions." Mello knew he should bite his tongue, he was in no position to be throwing insults around but he couldn\'t have helped himself if he wanted to. It was the truth. He had never seen the boy show an ounce of empathy for another. It drove him crazy.



"Perhaps it is better to not let emotions rule, as Mello so often does. To me, that is his greatest flaw," Near responded quietly. The blond was always getting into fights, or rushing headlong into the most ridiculous situations without bothering to think through the consequences. He was ruled by emotion, controlled by it. Near was determined to never let these things get in his way. Love and hate were indulgences he could not afford. They made you weak and irrational. They left you defenseless, succeptable to danger and pain.



Mello took a deep breath. He knew that he had to control himself, that he could make a life altering, no, life threatening, mistake if he let himself get carried away this time but it was so hard, knowing what was at stake. That his worst enemy was holding his fate in the palm of his hands. He\'s never been happy before.

Content, yes but never actually happy. He thought he might die if he was forced to part with L, from heartbreak or even by his own hand, especially if it was due to his own stupidity and lack of self control. He swallowed pride, anger, and an array of other self destructive emotions and placed his hands on Near\'s shoulders, forced the younger boy to look him straight in the eye.



"Please. Please, Near just don\'t tell anybody. For once, I\'m not miserable, I\'ve got something really good in my life, and I can\'t let you ruin this for me. Not now. I know can\'t intimidate you into it, that\'s never worked for me before, and I can\'t ask you out of friendship or pity, because none of that matters to either of us. I\'m throwing myself at your mercy, here, isn\'t that what you\'ve always wanted?" Near stared blankly up at him and Mello sighed. "Look, just - Please, Near. Don\'t tell."



"I could not lie if asked."



"No one else suspects anything. And bullshit. You lie more than L. You\'re probably better at it too."



"Since fabrication can be a very useful tool in detective work, I must thank you for the compliment. Mello thinks better of me than he lets on."



"You are so fucking frustrating!" Mello growled, pulling away from the boy, clenching his hands into fists. He could feel his sharp nails digging into his palms but that was good. It helped distract him from wanting to beat the little freak black and blue.

Near smirked, the corners of his lips curving up just a tiny bit. It wasn\'t a smile. He never smiled but, he was definately amused."Mello is too kind. He attempts to compliment me so as to better seal our deal."



"I\'m going to attempt to kick your ass if you don\'t cut the bullshit."



"I imagine L would be very disappointed in you if you did."

How was it that the little rabbit always knew exactly what to say, though he had to give his rival some credit. He\'d make one hell of an interrogator someday. Criminals would give themselves up just for the sake of being left alone.



"Near, be serious. Promise me you won\'t ruin this part of my life for me too." It wouldn\'t be fair to say that Mello might have grown up less competitive, less insecure, if it wasn\'t for his enemy. Near had lived there almost as long as he had. Still, Mello wanted to blame it on him. Without that brat, without the constant disappointment of always being just so close he might have been a happier person. Oh to hell with being fair, this was all Near\'s fault.



"I did not realize that I had such a negative impact on Mello\'s life." Near frowned, not liking the funny feeling tingling in his stomach. Was this...guilt? No, it couldn\'t be that. Guilt was another one of those dangerous emotions that could not fit into his life. Absolutely not.



"You used to."



Near considered this for a moment, absorbing the new information like he would with any lesson. "I don\'t understand how merely beginning a sexual relationship, even with some whom Mello greatly admires, could change him so much."



Mello could not possibly explain this to him, it was beyond the boy\'s comprehension. No one would ever understand unless they themself had felt this way, and he didn\'t think Near would ever be in a relationship, let alone feel something as strong as love for another human being. Still, he had to be sure that Near would not use his knowledge against him. He tried to come up with a list of things he could offer the albino in exchange for his silence, only to come up short. What could he offer, short of stepping out of the running for successor? (He could say he didn\'t care as many times as he liked but, giving up to Near...no way. Just no.) Even having grown up with this child, he had no idea what gave him pleasure, other than toys and he had more than enough of them already to satisfy his needs.



"What do you want? Just name it, and its yours."

Near blinked. "Mello believes I am blackmailing him?"



"No shit. Why else would you be confronting me?"



There was no easy answer to that question. It seemed to boil down to him just wanting his rival to know that he knew. There was an odd tingling sensation he felt when he watched someone squirm under mental pressure. He thought back to times when L had shown them video surveillance of interrogations, where he\'d had a similar reaction. Everyone had secrets, and everyone liked to keep them, even when the consequences seemed so insignificant. If it shamed a person enough to hide their actions, if it consumed every waking thought until it threatened to destroy them, why did they do it?

Mello watched the sick little freak\'s eyes widen, the corner of his lip twitch. \'Pervert,\' Mello thought, not really wanting to know what the boy was dreaming up.



"I give my word that I want nothing in return. I will not reveal Mello\'s secret to anyone. I simply thought it was fair that Mello know that I know." And that was as good as it would get. But it was a promise, and if Near had one virtue, it was that he knew the meaning of keeping one\'s word. Justice and honor went hand in hand. L himself had taught them, that was what kept you above the men and women he captured.



"Thank you. Honestly. Thank you." God, was that ever hard to say...Mello hated being dependant on somebody. Especially this somebody.



Near once again gave his creepy little smirk. "Mello is always welcome."



********************************************************************



As always, please tell me what you think!