Trust

Trust
A Code Geass Fan Fiction Story
Written by Archangel
Edited by Comixgal

Chapter 10 – Catharsis

{Author’s Note: This chapter takes place during episode 2.19. It is dedicated to animefan29. The music suggestion is “The Two Trees” by Loreena McKennitt. Further notes at the end. Enjoy, and please provide feedback! RATE and/or REVIEW, please!}

Kallen nearly bounced with excitement as she neared Zero’s quarters. Here I thought I’d have to think up some excuse to sneak off when I got back, she thought with a smile. Oghi’s so great, *asking* me to go see him! My darling Lelouch, I’ve missed you so much! Judging from the radio traffic earlier he’s in pretty rough shape, she mused. Well, if anyone can help him, it’s me.

She stopped outside the door and knocked. “Zero, are you there? Can I come in? It’s me.”

“Is that… Kallen?” came Lelouch’s voice from within.

The door swished open, and Kallen stepped inside. Lelouch was slumped on one of the couches, looking utterly crushed. Kallen had a momentary flashback to the aftermath of Princess Euphemia’s massacre. Only… this was much worse. The drive, energy, and presence that defined Zero were completely gone.

A million possible things to say flashed across Kallen’s tongue. She stood paralyzed, unable to decide. After a few seconds, her mind defaulted: “Oghi asked me to bring you to Warehouse 4.”

“Why there?” Lelouch asked dully.

Of all the ways to greet a long-lost lover, Kallen berated herself. “Sorry, I didn’t really get the details,” she replied automatically while she ran her eyes over Lelouch. He looked like hell. He looked beautiful.

“Master?” C.C. interjected, drawing a startled Kallen’s eyes away from her love. Kallen had always regarded C.C. as odd—if not insane—but she, too, seemed different somehow. The fact that C.C. was currently in her underwear loosed a million paranoid fears in Kallen’s heart. “Please take off your clothes. I’ll do the best I can, I promise!”

The green-haired woman’s words were a spear of ice plunging straight into Kallen’s chest. “What the *hell* have you two been doing in here,” she yelled, “while I’ve been rotting in a cell—”

“No, you’ve got it wrong!” Lelouch cut her off. His face finally showed expression—fear and panic. “She was—C.C. lost her memory.”

Kallen gasped, feeling a little guilty as his panicked reaction warmed her heart. Only a little; perhaps she really did mean something to him after all.

“It happened because of me,” Lelouch continued, re-crumpling into his defeated slouch. The weight of guilt in his voice wrenched at Kallen’s heart. “So the C.C. you knew is gone now, erased, and it’s my fault.”

Before she realized what she was doing, Kallen found herself crouching in front of Lelouch, cradling his face in her hands. She felt a sudden surge of anger at the gloves of her flight suit, which separated his skin from hers. It took a second to yank them off and then her hands were back on his cheeks, gently lifting his face up to look at her.

The life and fire had gone out of Lelouch’s beautiful violet eyes. He looked utterly miserable. Kallen felt tears welling in the corners of her own eyes, seeing her love in this state. “I heard you over the radio earlier,” she murmured, resting her forehead against his.

Lelouch let out a tiny, bitter little laugh. “Not my finest moment, was it?”

“It’s okay,” Kallen told him sincerely. “I… understand why.”

“Master?” C.C. asked quietly from the side. Kallen glanced over and saw the witch hovering close by, seemingly petrified of both her and Lelouch. “Master, you’re hurt. Please let me treat you. I’m good at sewing up wounds, really I am!” Her earnest desire to please was actually quite touching, Kallen thought.

“Are you hurt, Lelouch?” Kallen asked him. “Physically, I mean?”

He shook his head mutely, rubbing his soft black hair against Kallen’s forehead.

Kallen pulled her head back, her thumbs stroking her lover’s face as she turned her head towards their third wheel. “His wounds aren’t the kind you can sew up with a needle and thread, C.C.,” she explained, favoring her with a gentle smile. “It’s his heart that’s hurt.”

C.C.’s face fell. “I don’t know how to fix that,” she replied, fluttering her arms like a baby bird. “Can you help him, my lady?” She seemed on the verge of tears.

“If anyone can,” Kallen replied, looking back at Lelouch with a loving smile. “Could you give us some time alone?” After C.C. retreated into the next room, Kallen spoke: “Lelouch… when I lost my brother—”

“Was he your entire world?” Lelouch cut her off. “Did you give up everything you were for his sake, only to see him die because of your actions?” His tone was angry, but there was no force behind it. Even his temper had gone flat.

Kallen sighed. “In a way, yes,” she told him softly. “But my point is this: when he died, I learned that… that you can’t hold the pain inside. If you do, it’ll kill you as sure as if you popped cyanide.” Kallen let her hands slip from Lelouch’s cheeks, running them over his shoulders and down his arms.

Lelouch gave another hollow laugh. “That doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.”

What a selfish little—! Kallen’s sudden anger flooded into her voice, and her hands closed tightly around Lelouch’s. “Don’t you ever, EVER think like that!” she snapped at him. “What about the Black Knights, Lelouch? What about *me*?! It’s sure as hell that we need Zero, and it’s doubly sure that *I* need *YOU*! So I won’t have you thinking about suicide when so many people are depending on you!”

Kallen very nearly told him that she was expecting, but stopped short. She wasn’t 100% certain—there hadn’t been time to see a doctor yet—and this wasn’t the right moment in any case. Now that she wasn’t locked in that damn glass cage anymore, there’d be plenty of time to confirm her pregnancy and tell him.

Lelouch’s eyes raised and focused on Kallen, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly upwards. “What good am I to you, Kallen?” he asked in bitter amusement. “In the end, all my schemes and lies and cleverness don’t matter. If I continue, I’ll just get you killed like I did to Euphie and Nunnally.”

“Bullshit,” Kallen told him flatly. On an overwhelming impulse, she seized a double-fistful of Lelouch’s hair and pulled his face to hers. Kallen poured all her love, loneliness, and frustration into a desperate kiss. For a single, awful moment Lelouch tried to pull away. Then he was kissing back, wrapping his arms around Kallen and dragging her close. The long-separated couple embraced with an urgency beyond anything they’d ever felt before, clinging to the only anchors left in their respective worlds.

When they finally parted, gasping for breath, Kallen closed her eyes and rested her head against Lelouch’s chest. “Stay with me,” she pleaded quietly. “Stay with me and don’t give up, Lelouch. You have to keep going.”

“I’m not sure I can,” he replied quietly. “But for you, Kallen… I’ll try.” He leaned down and kissed the crown of her head. “I don’t know how much I have left, but I’ll give it all.”

Kallen pulled out of their embrace, blinking back tears. A sudden thought struck her, and she stood, settling herself on the couch beside her lover. “Lelouch, have you cried yet?” she asked gently, taking his hand in both of hers.

“What?”

“Nunnally. Her death. Have you cried?”

“I… no. I’m just—empty—inside. I don’t have any tears to shed.”

Kallen shook her head. “Tears are how we release pent-up emotions,” she told him softly. “The sooner you cry for Nunnally, the sooner you’ll start the healing process.”

“Healing?” Lelouch replied with an incredulous smile. “You really think I can heal from this?”

“With time and love you can recover from anything except death,” Kallen told him firmly. “And I’m here to give as much love as you can handle.” She reached up and gently turned his head towards her, seeing the faint beginnings of tears in the corners of his eyes. “Let it out,” she whispered. “I’m here with you.”

“I have to be strong, I—”

Kallen actually laughed a little. “Oh, can it. Strength has nothing to do with denying your feelings. Control is one thing, but pretending they don’t exist is stupid. You don’t need to control them right now.”

Lelouch nodded, letting his eyelids half-close as tears began to roll down his cheeks. Kallen ran her fingers soothingly through her lover’s hair, her other hand rubbing his back. Then Lelouch Vi Britannia broke down completely. He sagged into Kallen and buried his face against her chest, his body shaking with huge, wracking sobs. Kallen wrapped her arms about Lelouch and held him tightly, rocking him back and forth like a child. She held her love as he wept for his little sister.

Kallen found herself crying a bit too, remembering the sweet, gentle soul named Nunnally Vi Britannia. May you rest in peace, she thought. You were so kind to me in prison… how I wish I could have known you better. We were to be sisters-in-law, after all… or so I’d hoped…

{More Author’s Note: Not sure what all to say here. For those of you expecting the scene in the cargo bay... that’s next chapter.

Speaking of next chapter, let me remind you that you have between now and the time I finish and post Chapter 11—probably no more than a week—to vote on whether Lelouch and Kallen’s baby is a boy or a girl. Remember, you can vote in a review here on AFF.net, by leaving a comment on my LiveJournal, or by emailing me. Limit one vote per person, so please attach a name of some sort. ^^

Regarding what Kallen says about tears and grieving, I mean every word of it. Don’t hold your pain inside. Even crying alone is better than nothing. Having a shoulder to cry on—lover, friend, relative, it doesn’t matter who—is much better, though.

I’m anticipating at least three more chapters in this story. They will be posted when they are complete, not before. Now that R2 is finished, I should be able to make good progress, but understand that I make only one promise: “Trust” WILL be completed. I have never made any promise about the timetable, and I won’t start now. So don’t pester me, capiche? ;)

Alpha Readers: Mikey, Xagzan.

See you next chapter! Some Angel time, same Angel channel!}