Learning to Land

Learning to Land by Suteishichic. Chapter One Hundred Five ~ Shishido
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"Yes, it...it doesn't feel bad, Shishido-san, just...just kind of strange...or different...and I always like when you touch me, but..." Choutarou licked his lips as if gathering up his courage, "Can I...May I do it to you, Shishido-san?"

"Because of Atobe?" Shishido heard himself sound much harsher than he intended. He shrugged to make it seem like a small thing, "He never did this to me, and like I said, I never did this to him."

Choutarou looked down, "Not just because of him, but more because I..." Choutarou met his eyes, "I want to know what you like, Shishido-san. A little because of him. Because he did other things to you and I want to be the last person to touch you. Just like...if Takeo did those kinds of things to me you'd want to be the last person to touch me, right Shishido-senpai? And I'd want you to be. I mean, even if we had sex all the way right now, I wouldn't tell Atobe-san or anyone because it's not any of their business. I don't want to do it just so I can tell him I did, but it would matter because...because in my heart I'd know I was the last one to make you feel good. That's really why. That's...I just want that...I want to be the person to make you feel really good. Better than anyone, Shishido-san. That's why I want you to...come the same time that I do. If you come with me I think nothing would feel better than that. Us doing that together to me would feel the most like making love even without having sex all the way." Choutarou shrugged as if he ran out of words finally, "May I touch you, Shishido-senpai? Earlier you said I could touch you where I wanted, and where I want is anywhere you wouldn't let someone who wasn't...special to you. Somewhere that makes you feel really, really good. That...that would make me happy. So happy that it wouldn't matter what any girls or even Atobe-san said tomorrow or ever, because in my heart, I'd know."

Shishido thought it over. He tried to weigh the consequences, "Baby, if we do things like this, I might pass out again. I won't mean to or be able to help it. I've never done things like this with anyone else, so I'm not sure. I don't know if I can come with you because of that, but I want you to come even if I pass out and we don't get to together. But we have all the time in the world to practice that so even if it doesn't happen right now, we can some other time. But maybe there is something we can try together now. I haven't done this with anyone else..." Shishido had something in mind. It entered into his thoughts earlier, but he would never ask to do it or talk about it. Something he wanted and something he hoped would feel as good with someone else as when he rarely did it to himself. Rarely because it was so intense, he actually felt afraid. Something from that very hot drunken dream. Setting conditions helped Shishido feel in control and it also helped knowing Choutarou would just accept whatever it was, "But if we do this, you can't edge. You have to come. You have to try to come with me baby, but even if I pass out you still have to. Promise me you won't hold back. Or we can wait..."

"I promise, Shishido-san. I swear. And I won't worry if you pass out again because this time I'll know you're just feeling really good and I won't worry." If Choutarou was a puppy his tail would have been wagging furiously. He looked that eager and excited over this even without knowing yet what this was. "I won't hold back, I swear. Shishido-san, you've really never done this with anyone else before?"

"No." Shishido said and felt more embarrassed now that this might happen than how annoyed the word came out sounding. He combed his fingers through his hair to get it out of his way, "This isn't the kind of thing you'd ask a girl to do with you, but I was thinking, I don't know. I guess in a way...this is a way for you to pass Atobe. In a way, even though we wouldn't be having sex, you'd be doing more with me than he did. Not that I want you to tell him we did any of this."

"I won't." Choutarou eagerly promised. "I won't tell anyone, Shishido-san. Not ever. What do I need to do? And may I...can I please kiss you, Shishido-san?"

He looked so happy, Shishido smiled. He held Choutarou back from kissing him when the freshman reached for Shishido's lips with his own. "Wait, I just licked you," he warned. Choutarou looked confused Shishido felt he had to explain, "Some people don't like to kiss after you lick or taste them."

Choutarou's brow furrowed as if he was even more confused, "Why? I love kissing you, Shishido-san. Oh. Do you mind kissing after?"

Shishido kissed him and moved up to lay more on him, "No, I never mind kissing you. Actually," he looked into Choutarou's eyes for a long moment thinking only how amazing he was, "I really love kissing you too, baby." And Shishido did, except he didn't mean kissing. Both of them knew it. Shishido didn't even feel any pressure to hide his feelings or try to cover it up, instead he kissed Choutarou tenderly and sweet trying to show the freshman how he felt in actions instead of stupid words.

Without hesitating, Choutarou kissed him back, deliciously whimpering in his mouth. It was as if Choutarou agreed and kissed him back to show Shishido that he felt the same. It made the kiss feel and taste that much more meaningful.

While they kissed, Shishido moved them so he was on his back and Ohtori on his side as they kissed. He pulled back to look at Choutarou, "You're sure this is what you want to do, baby? If you don't want to, we can just do it how we did it before? We can save this for later."

"No...I mean yes, Shishido-senpai. Please, I want to do this. If it's okay with you and if you still want to with me?" It was just submissive enough to not feel threatening but also said with so much affection, Shishido felt reassured.

"Sure." Shishido said with a shrug, but it mattered to him. Choutarou just somehow knew it and Shishido liked that he didn't have to spell it out to him or talk about his feelings. "You know, thinking about what Atobe said," Shishido handed Choutarou his own lube in the small white jar. He absently set his own bottle back behind him on his cheap nightstand because they would use Choutarou's until the freshman's scratch healed. "He was wrong. He never did this to me and when we had sex, we always used a condom. No part of him or his skin actually touched inside me. Not like how he said to you. Look, I'm not saying I'm a virgin or anything, and I don't think we're ready to have sex yet or anything, but I thought...well, while we're touching each other like we did before and you touch me inside, you know with your finger inside me while we do it? If we kiss and try to come together? I can't think of doing anything more intimate than doing that together. The only person in the world I would do this with or want to do this with is you, baby. What do you think?"

Choutarou looked confused, "Okay, Shishido-san, but you'll have to show me what you mean because it sounds like something that I've never done before and...I...I don't want to hurt you, but if you help me, I want to." Choutarou smiled, "But the kissing and coming together parts sound good and I want you to feel good."

"I guess it sounds more complicated than it is. Okay, I'll walk you through it." Choutarou nodded looking serious and determined so Shishido continued, "First get some lube. We'll use yours until you're healed in case mine stings your scratch. Put some on yourself for me, baby." Choutarou did looking embarrassed to touch his own waning erection. "That's it. Now make sure you're good and hard for me, okay? Gods, that is so hot baby, watching you touch yourself. Are you all nice and hard and slicked up for me? Good, now do me." Choutarou touched him soft at first and then when Shishido kissed him, more confidently. Shishido kissed the freshman because he had to. Choutarou touched him better than he touched himself. Whatever this lube was, it almost melted into the skin and Choutarou spread it all over his erection, testicles, and even pulled down Shishido's foreskin to slick his sensitive tip up. "Mmm...it feels so amazing when you touch me, baby."

Choutarou kissed him with a lot of tongue and whispered soft and sexy, "I love touching you, Shishido-san..." He had sweetly thrown one of his legs over Shishido's as if he couldn't resist getting closer or touching more.

Shishido grinned, "I love you touching me too, baby." Choutarou rewarded him with an adorable giggle and Shishido added, "I love touching you even more though. Okay, next part. I want you to lube up your index finger really well. Where are you going?"

"Other side, Shishido-senpai. I'm right-handed. Oh, but there's an indent from my bow on my finger and people don't like to touch it...?" Choutarou bit his bottom lip in worry.

Shishido kissed it away and then kissed him until he settled back into the same position he was on the opposite side a minute earlier. "It's fine. Don't worry, baby I love every part of you and touching every part of you. Is this side better for you now?"

"Yes, Shishido-san." Choutarou lubed up the finger on his right hand as if it was a serious matter. "And now? Is this right?"

"Yeah," Shishido felt shy all of a sudden. He hesitated, but was sort of committed at this point. He took the freshman's hand between his own legs and placed it just on his own entrance. "Okay, take your index finger and gently just touch me around there on the outside. Good. Just spread some of the lube from your finger around like you are."

He looked at Choutarou who seemed to be somewhere between captivated and determined, "Okay, Shishido-san?"

"Yes. Good." Shishido resisted the urge to move his hair behind him and the newest urge he had to kiss Choutarou. He decided to not resist and when he didn't say anything for a moment, finally Choutarou looked at him. Shishido kissed him. His heart was beating hard. He wasn't even sure Choutarou really knew what they were going to do, but the freshman seemed to. He knew by now, right? Shishido softly kissed him again and decided he was ready. They were ready, "Okay baby, now with just that finger, go inside me gently. Go slow please, and just in for right now. Not in and out. Just slowly into me. I haven't done this in a while and no one has ever done this to me or been with me." Choutarou so slowly moved his finger in. Shishido tried to relax like he learned to with Atobe. Choutarou was just going really slow. Sort of like he was afraid or unsure so Shishido asked, "How does it feel inside me?"

"H...hot. It's very hot. Like...the temperature inside you I mean, and dolce...soft. You feel so soft there. And it's hard to move. It's very...tight. Shishido-san, even doing this pianissississississimo, I think my finger might be too fat to fit in you." Choutarou's face was full of both wonder and worry.

Shishido kissed him and when the freshman resisted concentrating on the kiss, Shishido kissed him more and touched Choutarou's erection. "I have no idea what half of what you just said was, but don't worry. You won't hurt me. And you don't have fat fingers. It will fit. It stretches. You'll see. Just keep going like you're doing."

"But I can't go in any more, Shishido-san. That's as far in as it can go."

Shishido smiled, "You're barely inside me, baby. You just need to relax me. Know how?"

A frowning Choutarou shook his head no.

"Kiss me, baby." Shishido kissed Choutarou and parted the freshman's lips with his tongue. He pulled back to instruct a little more, "To relax me you have to tell me you want me. Tell me you want to be with me. Tell me you want to be mine and you want me to be yours. Touch me. Make me feel good. Let me touch you more and make you come with me." A sudden rush of heat washed over Shishido as he realized Choutarou was touching him and was inside him. Damn. That was so unbelievably hot. He kissed Choutarou passionately, almost desperately and when Choutarou kissed him back and gently started touching his erection, Shishido moaned with want.

Choutarou looked at him as if wondering why he was suddenly so turned on, but Shishido couldn't find the words. The only thing he could coherently say right then came out in a growl, "I want you. Baby, I want you so much..."

"Oh." Choutarou looked at him as if surprised, "Now I can move in you more, Shishido-san. Am I doing okay?"

"Yeah, baby. Don't stop. It feels good. Real good." Shishido reached to kiss him again. He realized his hand on Choutarou's erection was barely moving so he started moving it more and added his other hand to caress Choutarou's testicles. He loved to feel their weight in his hand and Choutarou moaned at his touch in one of those soft whimpers. "That's it baby. More more inside me. Hey, wait a second, want to know what the prostate feels like? Don't push on it or you can make me come without an orgasm, okay? If you can't find it, don't worry. It's not easy to find, but it feels like you're close. It will feel sort of like a walnut but it might be swollen too. If you touch it, it'll make me feel good if you do it lightly, but if you touch it too hard, it won't be good, okay?"

"Okay, but I don't feel...oh. Do you mean this, Shishido-san?" Choutarou softly touched right on it but with this light, gentle stroking touch that was unlike anything Shishido ever felt before.

Shishido thought he was going to die of pleasure. He heard himself moan and he fought to not come right then. "Yeah...baby...gods..." He cursed and was almost panting. "Wait...don't do anything...don't move...in or out...but...baby, kiss me..." Shishido tried to just focus all his will and heart on this kiss. He was close to coming because of how hot it was for the freshman to be doing this to him and because Choutarou found his prostate right away. Shishido cursed silently to himself because if he had thought ahead he should have guessed Choutarou had sensitive fingers being a musician and all. Through the kiss, Shishido kept stroking Choutarou's erection. He was trying to bring the freshman as close as he was. Shishido knew one thing that might work. "Baby, can you not touch me for a little while? I want you to take your one finger out of me slowly and use your first two fingers together."

"My...my index and my middle finger, Shishido-san? Why? They won't fit...it's too small there and my...my fingers are too big...I don't want to hurt you..."

Shishido tried to kiss the worry away. "Shh...you won't hurt me baby. It feels good. It feels so good that I'm too close to coming. I'll try to get you caught up while you use both fingers inside me so that we can come together. Like you wanted. I want to. I want to come with you, baby. Will you try for me, please? I'll tell you if it hurts, but you won't hurt me, don't worry. Want to come with you, Choutarou..." He reached to try a different stroke on Choutarou.

Choutarou looked suddenly shy and flushed with heat, "Ohh...that feels good how you're touching me now, Shishido-san."

"Yeah?" Shishido gave him a long, hot kiss. "It feels amazing when you touch me, baby. Almost too good. You're incredible, Choutarou."

Choutarou smiled and bit his bottom lip in that happy, pleased way he had. Shishido still kissed it away because he could. When the kiss broke, Choutarou said, "I'll go slow, Shishido-san and I'll tell you when I'm close so you can tell me when to touch you again, okay?"

"Yeah, baby. Gods, you're so hot." Shishido kissed him and felt Choutarou gently, slowly withdraw his finger. Two started touching around his entrance before slowly pressing into him. Words seemed to have an effect on Choutarou so between deep wet kisses, Shishido talked. "Mmm...that feels good baby. You know just how to touch me. Kiss me more, baby. You feel so good. You taste even better." Choutarou whimpered as Shishido sucked on his tongue. He scraped his teeth against Choutarou's lower lip. "I want to make you feel so good, baby. I want to feel you come. I want to hear the sounds you make when you come. I want to taste it."

Choutarou whimpered a groan and then said, "I'm inside you. My fingers are inside you, Shishido-san."

This seemed to turn him on a lot so Shishido went with it, "Yeah you are, baby. You're touching me deep inside me. Skin on skin. Deeper than any one has ever touched me. Move your fingers for me baby. Gently in and out of me while I touch you. Gods Choutarou, just like that. Damn that feels so good. Baby, you're so hot you can probably make me come without you even touching my dick, you know that? Move your fingers for me now. In and out and oh yeah...like that. Just like that. That's good. Find a rhythm, your rhythm. The one you do when you touch yourself or when I touch you. When you jerk off or when you fuck there's always a rhythm. Everyone has one. Show me yours, baby. Mmm...yeah...just like that...that feels good. You feel so good moving in and out of me. Moving in and out of my body. Making me feel so good. I want to know your rhythm, baby and I want you to know mine." Shishido kissed him and tried to match the kisses to the motions inside him Choutarou was making. It was starting to feel damn good and Shishido was feeling close again. Close to coming but not close to...that. He was a little disappointed and then he reminded himself he would at least get to see Choutarou's orgasm. "Mmm...baby that feels so good..."

And then he felt it.

He didn't know what Choutarou was doing different or why, but suddenly it was exactly damn right. The blood started to pound in Shishido's ears and he whimpered a moan of his own because it was just damn right and he was so close to...that. Shishido heard himself moan and it came out sounding like a growl, "Ha...yeah...don't stop baby...keep doing...exactly what you're doing...gods...just like that...mmm..." Shishido wanted it. Wanted it to be with Choutarou. Hoped he didn't feel like an idiot when it was over but right now...damn he wanted it so much and it was so close he couldn't resist chasing it. He moved suddenly shoving Choutarou over on his back and getting on top. Shishido did it so fast he heard Choutarou gasp, but the freshman's fingers stayed inside him. After a split second they kept moving perfectly, "Keep moving baby...just like that...yeah...so damn good baby..." Shishido pushed back on Choutarou's fingers to chase the feeling more. At the same time he put his erection on top of Choutarou's and started stroking both of them together. Like they were riding each other's erections.

Shishido had never done this before, but it was almost a primal urge that he couldn't help but respond to. His wet tip and this slick melting lube helped him slide as he ground down against Choutarou's hard hot erection and then at the end, Shishido pushed back to meet those fingers moving so damn nicely inside him. "Hell yeah, baby. You feel so amazing. Don't stop. Want you to come. Come for me baby, don't hold back. Don't hold anything back from me..."

Choutarou looked close but worried. He looked away and then down.

Shishido kissed him before the freshman could bite his own lip, "You still worried about how much you'll come, baby?" How the freshman could even begin to worry about something like that at a time like this when he was doing that to Shishido, he had no idea. But he did have an inspiration, "Choutarou, don't you see? The more you come, the more it means you want me. The more it means you feel for me. Show me how you feel, baby. Show me with your body now and I'll show you, okay? Your body won't lie. Mine won't either. Come for me. Baby, I want you. I want you so much..." Somehow in Shishido rocking his body back or Choutarou moving his finger they found Shishido's prostate again and did that stroking dance over it. Shishido groaned, cursed, and felt himself start to shake. He cursed again because he wasn't going to be able to hold back and now he was worried about where he would land when he passed out. He shut his eyes and felt the room spin.

When he opened them again an instant later, somehow Choutarou was above him and he was flat on his back. His fingers were still inside Shishido moving...dancing...touching... Now Choutarou's hips were moving and he was grinding down against Shishido's erection and moving his fingers on the back swing at the same rhythm. Shishido moaned and Choutarou kissed him. "Like this, Shishido-san?" If it was anyone else, Shishido would have hit them for teasing him and getting the upper hand at a delicate moment. Choutarou looked down at him so adoringly, there was no way his smile was smug. "Like you showed me, Shishido-senpai? With you. I won't hold back..."

But his fingers inside Shishido kept moving again and again over that spot and hitting right there, "Gods, baby...just like that...faster...faster...yeah...baby, I..."

Choutarou covered his mouth with a kiss. Shishido was at the point of whimpering he was so close and trying so hard to not come. The freshman made a whimpering sound and then another. "Oh...Shishido-san...I'm going to...now...with me now..." In a whimper he said whisper-soft, "Ryou..."

Shishido felt him coming. Felt it hit across his chest in hot, sweet droplets, but he was only distantly aware of it because Choutarou's fingers inside him moved somehow different...faster...even better...oh gods...there...over the edge. This orgasm hit Shishido hard and came from somewhere deep inside his body. He felt everywhere in him and on him shaking and he wouldn't be surprised if later he found out there was an earthquake under them at the same time. He was barely aware of cursing and saying things like, "Baby... oh gods...oh Choutarou..."

The only thing he was sure of was Choutarou was coming and kissing him and touching him and holding him close. Shishido even thought before the wave finally hit him fully and he was gone he might have heard Choutarou say, "Go. Go and come back to me..."

When Shishido opened his eyes, he found Choutarou in his arms smiling and looking at him. When their eyes met, Choutarou smiled wider. Shishido pulled him closer and kissed him. He kissed him for a long time. Long enough for Choutarou to slowly withdraw his fingers. Long enough for them to roll around the bed a little more and somehow snuggle even closer. "You're amazing, baby. You are absolutely amazing." Shishido said when he could find his voice, meaning every word.

Choutarou blushed and smiled, "Shishido-san that was..."

"Yeah, baby it was." Shishido was smiling and had to keep from laughing at how damn good that felt because he knew somehow Choutarou would feel embarrassed by how intense that was. He figured that Choutarou might even be embarrassed remembering that at the end he took control from Shishido. Like Shishido cared about that. Little thrills of lingering pleasure made Shishido shudder now and again as they kissed like aftershocks.

It felt incredibly intense. Even better than that drunken dream. It really was an earthquake-worthy orgasm and now all Shishido felt was sated, spent, and like snuggling. It felt like he couldn't get close enough to Choutarou or get enough of his touch, his smile, his body, or his mouth.

On impulse Shishido licked his wettest hand tasting both that melty lube and a distinct salty-sweet flavor that could only be Choutarou. Choutarou smiled a little at that and did the same thing. Then Choutarou kissed him as if mixing the two of them together in their mouths. To maybe to prove a point that he didn't mind kissing after. He wasn't sure and the kiss was so sweet Shishido forgot to ask.

Shishido kissed him a long time and ignored the uncomfortable wet pool between them mostly on Shishido's abs. To clean them up, Shishido broke the kiss and Choutarou looked shyly away. He wondered how long it would take before Choutarou was no longer like that with him and decided to do whatever he could to reassure him now. "Choutarou? Baby, are you all right?" Choutarou nodded but wouldn't look at him so Shishido asked, "No more pain, right?"

Now Choutarou looked at him surprised. He must have forgotten they supposedly started all this because it hurt but the truth was, they both wanted to do that. That and more.

Shishido kissed him hard now that he had his attention, "Choutarou, gods, that was so hot. You are so hot," Shishido kissed him again. "You said my name when you came. My name makes you come. Damn you're incredible, baby." Shishido smiled and held Choutarou close. He wasn't sure if he needed a moment after an orgasm to come back to himself like Atobe always did after he came or if the freshman was suddenly sad thinking of his dead friend.

Choutarou said shyly, "Shishido-san, it was all right? I did it okay?"

"No." Shishido said teasingly, "Not all right, incredible." He thought for a moment, "Next time though you have to show me how to touch you better. I want to know how to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Okay?"

"N..next time?" Choutarou sounded surprised.

Now Shishido worried, "Unless I was terrible and you don't want to do it anymore? Did I do something...?"

"N...no Shishido-san, I liked it. I really liked it. Its just..." Choutarou smiled, "I didn't know if you would want to do it again."

"Well I do. Of course I do. That was amazing." He kissed Choutarou lightly and then Shishido pulled his pants the rest of the way off. Somehow they'd stayed wrapped around one of his ankles. Choutarou looked at him confused. "Don't move." Shishido used his pants to wipe the freshman off first and then himself. He balled his pants up and shot them towards his hamper without really looking, easily making the shot.

"Nice," Choutarou commented with a smile.

"Practice," Shishido said without thinking and was glad there was just the one light on in his room. He just admitted he did that on a regular basis. Shishido shrugged and smiled, "Now you know my bad habits too. Guess you might as well if you're going to live with me. You know, I haven't lived with anyone in a long time. I might have turned into a slob and if I am you'll have to let me know. Oh." Shishido had a thought, "Sorry. If you want I can go put some other clothes on to sleep in." He honestly hadn't thought about it which he considered sort of strange. He just felt comfortable around Choutarou and forgot that he probably shouldn't sleep naked. Why, he didn't know, but he was trying to be on his best behavior for the freshman.

Choutarou grinned, "Why? Then you'll really be overdressed, Shishido-san." Laughing, he whipped his pants off and threw them. They just caught the corner of the hamper as if to show Shishido he could make the hard shot too. Choutarou was a competitor after all.

Shishido laughed, "You don't sleep naked. I shocked the hell out of you when you walked in on me." He kissed Choutarou to soften the teasing.

"I used to before I came to Hyoutei. Around Taki I wear more clothes to sleep in." Choutarou grinned and surprised Shishido by pressing himself naked up against him and kissing him deeply. He said sounding completely turned on, "I don't just draw it. I also think about that a lot. That morning."

"Yeah? What do you think of?" Shishido was turned on again and curious.

"All the better ways I could wake you up, Shishido-san." Choutarou smiled and looked wicked again. The perfect innocent devil.

Shishido laughed and wondered what he just got himself into, "If I didn't have a match in a few hours, I'd want you to show me. But, baby you're welcome to the morning after our date...well I guess it's tonight. So tomorrow morning, you're welcome to wake me and show me." Shishido suggested with a half-smile while he reached up to click off his cheap clip-on light. He thought about saying sorry to Choutarou again for how bad some parts of the night went but he decided not to ruin the moment. He really liked how warm and willing Choutarou felt and responded as they kissed and cuddled. Choutarou was completely different from anyone Shishido had kissed or fooled around with before. Hell, he was completely different from anyone Shishido had feelings for before. Choutarou stretched during the kiss and Shishido figured he was tired. Still kissing him, he pushed Choutarou onto his back and curled up next to him like they had when they went to sleep to give Choutarou the hint that he should get some rest.

Choutarou slid his hand over Shishido's erection and smiled, "You're hard."

Shishido laughed and did it back to him, "So are you."

"And you're wet," Choutarou said. He kissed Shishido lightly while still smiling.

He said it as if this was a good thing so Shishido shrugged after the kiss and said, "Sorry. Can't help it. You turn me on too much. You know, since this is your fault, you'll have to take responsibility for this Choutarou," He wasn't sure why it hadn't happened in a long time but he was embarrassed about it. He would have moved away from Choutarou but the freshman's hand was cupping his testicles and holding part of his erection.

"Okay, Shishido-san, I will." Choutarou laughed in a delighted little chuckle. "So...um...Shishido-san? Is it okay if I hold you now?"

Shishido wasn't sure exactly what he meant, but then the freshman's hand on his erection moved to cup his testicles and erection, "This is holding? Oh. Like this when we sleep?" Choutarou wanted to hold him there...like that...while they slept? No one had ever done that before. It was a little strange but for some reason felt soothing too. Hell, Choutarou knew how to touch him better than he touched himself. Shishido shrugged, "Sure. Want me to hold you too? You'll have to show me how you like it."

Shishido rested his hand there and Choutarou moved it so it was more of a cradling hold than a clasping grip thing. Interesting. And oddly comforting. This was certainly new.

Choutarou was quiet for a moment and Shishido wasn't sure if he was going to sleep or thinking. "Shishido-san?" Shishido made a noise for him to go ahead. "Does sex..." Choutarou hesitated and Shishido wondered what he was going to ask. "Does it hurt?"

He hadn't expected that, "Did what we do hurt?"

Choutarou shook his head no and Shishido was relieved.

"You mean sex with a guy and not a girl, right?" Shishido needed the broad question narrowed.

Choutarou made a noise as if he wasn't sure how to answer. "All of it. What's sex like? Does it feel better than what we did?"

Shishido went to say yes and then sometimes and then his brain kicked in. "It's completely different...in a way. It's hard to describe. Sex with a girl doesn't hurt. Usually. Unless she's dry or bends you the wrong way or something. And with a guy, I'm really not the best person to ask. I've only done it one way with one guy and it was okay I guess, but what you and I did together tonight actually felt better." Shishido thought about it, "Both times. Especially the after part. And actually the before and the during parts. Hell, I don't know."

"Did your first time with a guy hurt?" Choutarou seemed terribly curious and Shishido figured the freshman had no one to talk to about this. Shishido knew he wasn't the best person to do this but Choutarou was probably as confused as Shishido had been in the beginning of when he was with Atobe.

"You really want to know this? I don't want you to be upset or jealous or anything." Shishido didn't and worried that it would be a huge turn off. "I'm jealous thinking of you doing what we did and kissing your friend so if you really don't want to know, I understand."

"Please tell me. I'm jealous, but you say I should ask you if I want to know something." Choutarou looked sincere and Shishido figured he had better tell him. The rumors were probably worse than the reality. He remembered how shocked Choutarou was when he told him how long ago the last time he had sex with Atobe actually was.

"Okay, the truth is, I don't really remember the first time. I was drunk. Too drunk for the one drink I had and I've always thought that he might have even put something in my drink." Choutarou moved. In the dim light it seemed like he was looking at Shishido in shock.

Shishido sighed. "Yeah, I know. I was really stupid back then. Anyway, all I do remember is that it hurt like hell. He just kind of did it without any warning or prep or anything and I was sore as hell there for days after. It was a long time before I was with him a second time and I dated a few girls in between."

Choutarou surprised him by saying their names. In order. Damn. He knew Shishido's past all too well it seemed.

Shishido shrugged. "Yeah. I dated the last one the longest. I don't know if I really liked her or if it was just to forget what happened. She's pretty, but boring. She doesn't have any hobbies or do much except school and cheering. I wasn't very nice to her and she kind of lay there dead and didn't move when we kissed so no way was I having sex with her. The meaner I was the more she seemed to like me and...I don't know...she was annoying and...it was just all messed up." Shishido sighed and ran his free hand through his hair still damp from their earlier shower in a nervous gesture. He tucked some of it behind his ear.

"Did it hurt the next time w...with him?" Choutarou sounded still very interested.

"Yeah," Shishido admitted, "But it doesn't have to. I've had sex that way with girls and if you think about it, that part of your body, its pretty much the same thing guy or girl. Everyone has one. I've never hurt anyone because you...you just take your time and make sure you don't hurt them. Like you did with me. I won't be sore tomorrow. What we did just felt good. Amazing actually." Shishido realized, "But if you're with someone who doesn't care about you or cares about themselves more than you then they won't...take care of you. Are you worried that sex hurts? Because it shouldn't and you should never let anyone hurt you. The person you're with should put you first. You should walk away from anyone who hurts you." Shishido practically heard the unasked question, 'Why didn't you?'

He didn't have an answer to that yet. Not really.

He was relieved when Choutarou didn't ask it. Instead he asked, "Shishido-san? Why does the bigger guy always have to be the seme? I didn't want to ask Gakuto, but is that a rule? Is he breaking a rule?" Shishido didn't expect that question or any of the next ones either. "And the older guy is usually the seme but sometimes he looks like a little boy and he's the uke but Gakuto said he's a good seme when he offered to have sex with me so did he think I would be the uke? Can you just tell when someone is an uke? Does it always have to just be one way? And what happens when both guys are around the same age and the same size? What are the rules? And what...?"

Shishido kissed him because if he didn't he would have laughed and hurt his feelings. When the long, tender kiss ended, he ran his hand through Choutarou's curly, soft, now sweat-damp hair and smiled at the freshman, "You've given this a lot of thought, baby. Way too much thought. And you've been spending too much time talking to Gakuto. You even picked up too his stupid damn accent."

Against him, Choutarou nodded very seriously and somehow managed to still sound adorably perplexed, "Sorry, Shishido-san, but I just wanted to know...?"

He pulled Choutarou into a hug, "It's okay, baby.You can ask me anything you want to." Shishido's heart went out to him especially because he'd had some of the same questions with Atobe. But back then there was no one for Shishido to talk any of this over with. He suddenly jealously caught something from back in the middle of Choutarou's questions, "And when the hell did Gakuto offer to have sex with you? That day he clung to your side and gossiped your ear off?"

Choutarou nodded but he felt the freshman's mouth against his cheek was now smiling. Probably at Shishido being jealous.

"He's as bad as Taki--no, he's probably worse!" Shishido made a noise to show his disgust of Gakuto. He forced himself to calm down because now was not the time to be angry at stupid Gakuto. He would threaten the little bastard later to stay the hell away from his Choutarou or else. That little shrimp saying Choutarou was the anti-sexy or whatever and then offering to have sex with him! He was dead tomorrow.

Shishido put his focus back on Choutarou for now, "Where did you get all this information from anyway? About these rules?" Shishido suspected where only because he'd done the same thing, "The internet? Rumors? Advice columns? Books? Manga?"

Choutarou nodded. Shishido suspected his face was deeply red. He felt Choutarou look down and away before he probably bit his lip.

Shishido thought a moment. "You've thought about making love? Us making love?"

Choutarou's head whipped up and in the dim light of his alarm clock, Shishido could see him. The freshman looked shocked at him, but his face could get no more red.

"I have," Shishido reassured him and nodded when Choutarou looked surprised at his confession. "Of course I have. We're guys. That's what you do when you like someone. You fantasize about being with them. Have you thought about us?"

Choutarou nodded and Shishido could practically feel the freshman's heart beating faster.

"Okay, when you think about us making love?" Shishido surprised himself by re-using that term because it sounded so old fashioned but it fit somehow, "When you fantasize, who is on top?"

Choutarou looked away and said, "I...I don't know. I...um...I don't think about the details, I guess..."

Shishido remembering what he said about the bigger and older guy suggested, "So you've thought about me? Making love to you, baby?"

Choutarou slowly nodded again, but wouldn't look at him.

Shishido found that sweetly interesting. Knowing what Choutarou was fantasizing about was hot and a bit of a thrill ran through Shishido at the images it stirred up. And positions. Like the one where he was on top facing him earlier. "And you were worried it hurt because what you saw looked like it hurt?"

Choutarou looked at him wide-eyed and nodded as if amazed that Shishido understood. He did because he'd had the same thoughts about a year before. And gone to the same sources. And ended up more confused after than before, because Shishido knew it could hurt like hell even though it didn't have to. Shishido eventually figured that hell, men had been doing that with other men for thousands of years so it had to feel good, but with Atobe, it never really did.

He could fix this for his little brother now though. Shishido said, "It doesn't hurt. Men have been with other men like that for thousands of years, so you know it has to feel good, right? People wouldn't do it if they hated it, right? And if it is me with you, baby, you know I will never hurt you. I'll even tell you a secret. The thing about being on the bottom that no one really talks about is that it feels incredibly good."

Choutarou looked stunned.

"You couldn't tell from what we just did that it felt really good?" Shishido looked at him surprised. "Have you ever thought of doing this with anyone else?"

Choutarou shrugged. He said haltingly, "My best friend wanted to try it. He wanted me on top of him but I didn't want to. It wasn't...right."

Shishido wondered if Choutarou was really a bottom. He didn't have much experience in these things but liked how Choutarou took charge earlier and thought Choutarou did too. Shishido previously just figured they would sort it out over time. Maybe even take turns. Who was on top was not the important thing but he kept his thoughts to himself and just curiously asked, "Did you want him on top?"

"No. I didn't want to have sex with him at all because I wasn't in love with him. He was in love with me though." Choutarou took a deep breath. "I knew I wasn't in love with him when I saw him having sex with that girl. I know he was jealous that I liked her and maybe he was trying to get her away from me because she liked me first." Choutarou sighed. "But that might not be true. I don't know why she did it but I think I know why he did. I think he thought if he could get her to have sex with both of us then I would have sex with him. He was using her. The thing is, I wasn't jealous of him having sex, I felt just relieved that he was moving on and I could too. I did feel jealous of him having sex with her because at the time I liked her. He knew I liked her and I was angry not just because of what he did but who he did it with and also because if he saw me do that, he would accuse me of cheating on him. I don't cheat." Choutarou said and Shishido wondered who it was he said it to.

He smiled, "Good. Neither do I." Choutarou looked at him as if surprised for some reason. "I don't. I'd break up with the person face to face before cheating." Shishido shrugged and wondered why that surprised Choutarou. "What else do you want to know?"

"Why didn't you kiss him except when he was asleep?" Choutarou asked out of the blue. His being with Atobe still really bothered Choutarou.

"Because he wanted me to more than anything." Shishido said without hesitating. He snuggled closer and closed his eyes. He kissed Choutarou's cheek softly and nuzzled his ear.

"And...if I want you to kiss me more than anything Shishido-san?" He could hear the tease in Choutarou's voice, but also there was a small plea there.

One he could easily answer. Shishido kissed him and nibbled on his full lower lip with his teeth gently as the kiss broke.

He smiled until Choutarou asked his next question, "Is that why you were the uke with him, because he wanted you to be the seme more than anything?"

Shishido now looked at Choutarou shocked. He had no idea how far the rumors went and felt a surge of anger at them. But not at Choutarou who was just trying to piece together everything from the little bits he must have picked up here and there. "I'm sorry you heard that, baby. I'm so sorry." Shishido kissed him and wondered at him. He knew Choutarou had a little bit of a big brother hero worship thing for him and it must have really upset the freshman to hear the rumors. The rumors Shishido was sure had them hot and heavy together with apparently Atobe on top and lots of sexual escapades, but that wasn't exactly true.

Atobe was never on top. Just behind. The truth was the last time he and Atobe had sex, Atobe teased him in a very nasty cruel way. He said things he knew would hurt Shishido and then made Shishido beg for release. Shishido didn't just want sexual release though, he wanted to leave. Instead of being gentle, Atobe roughly held him down. He took Shishido suddenly and so hard from behind Shishido bled. Shishido lay there shocked, scared, hurt, and bleeding while Atobe lost in his own lust finished by coming on Shishido's face. It scared the hell out of Shishido that he would allow someone to treat him this way.

Sometimes Shishido thought he would make Atobe fall for him just to hurt him back, but most of the time he kept hoping for something to change. He hated himself for sticking around and hoping to win Atobe by giving only so much when he was good and withdrawing when he was selfish or cold. It did make Atobe fall for him, but the more into him Atobe was, the less into Atobe Shishido felt. Finally Shishido was left with only lingering anger at the two of them.

Now months later the anger was gone. He was able to just be Atobe's friend but he still didn't know why he stayed for so long. In his heart though, Shishido was done with Atobe. He honestly only wanted Choutarou and to move on. Shishido didn't have the words to say that though.

He caressed Choutarou's soft cheek, "I guess it may have been partly that, baby." Shishido tried to think of the words, "It wasn't like...affection or love, it was more infatuation and each of us trying to get the other one to fall first. It was more like tennis and one of us was a pro and the other just an amateur, but neither of us would admit when the other would win a point. We both wanted to win more than we wanted to be together." Shishido thought a moment, "You have a great serve. I've been hoping to play you for a while. If I was playing you for the first time, I'd let you serve first because you'd feel in control believing you can rely on your serve but I'd actually be in control by letting you show your serve first. It was sort of like that. It's hard for me to explain. The other thing is, the thing I never told anyone, is that I was really upset about liking a guy. I know it sounds more acceptable or more masculine to be the top, but somehow because I was being chased, because I wasn't the one chasing him it was easier for me to deal with. I didn't feel like a girl with him though. It wasn't like that at all. He was chasing me, and I would let him chase, but I would never fall for him and never kiss him and never yield. It was a game."

"Do you still feel that way, about liking a guy?" Choutarou looked concerned and Shishido smiled.

He kissed Choutarou. "No, baby. I don't, and everything is totally different with you." Shishido shrugged, "I heard somebody say it's about liking the person and not worrying about their gender. Of course having the entire school and anyone who plays tennis know intimate details about a my dating a guy forced me to get over it back then too. I can't change that I was with him but I'm not proud of it either. I was really stupid back then even though I thought I was being so smart. You've probably heard that I really haven't dated anyone seriously since then and I told you I haven't had sex with anyone. I feel ready now. With you. And before you ask, I don't believe in the curse." Shishido shrugged. "My parents started dating in Junior High, broke up, and went back out in High School and lasted through college. They married and they're really happy."

Shishido grinned, "Hey, did you know my Mom and Atobe's Dad used to date when they went to high school here? Before my Mom got back together with my Dad?" Choutarou shook his head no. "Yeah. Actually Atobe and my Mom are a lot alike. Atobe showed me what I don't want to date more than anything so even when I've been on a date in the last year with someone else, the moment they seem anything like him at all, I am totally turned off and gone."

"What am I like, Shishido-san?" Choutarou asked and stifled a yawn.

Shishido covered them with his hair again to block out the offending light that now peeped into their room. The storm must have blown over. It would be dawn soon enough and soon after his tennis match. They should get some sleep or at least Choutarou should. Shishido moved closer to him. "You're incredible, baby." Shishido kissed him. "You're too good for me. I can't wait for our date tonight." Shishido said and kissed him again. "Are you okay with what I said?" Shishido worried about it. Maybe Choutarou wouldn't want to be with him now, especially now that some rumors, one in particular Shishido just confirmed.

"Yes, thank you for telling me, Shishido-san." Choutarou snuggled down with him. He held Shishido a little closer which felt nice especially as Shishido remembered the freshman was completely naked except for his socks. Which Choutarou probably still was wearing properly and perfectly pulled up to the middle of his calves.

That made Shishido smile and reach out to kiss him. Choutarou returned the kiss just like always so Shishido felt that nothing was wrong. Things were fine. Relieved, he shrugged, "Anything you want to know, I'll tell you. Don't worry about things like sex and position and all that. Really. We'll go at our own pace. We have all the time in the world to figure it out and we'll do what feels good and right for us, okay baby? I like you. I want you. I want to be with you. That's all that matters."

"I want you too, Shishido-senpai." Choutarou smiled and kissed him. He was quiet for about a minute before asking, "Yes...but...um...Shishido-san, when you think of us making love, who is on top?"

Shishido smiled, "Its about 60/40 me." It actually depended on the fantasy, but it was true enough.

"Shishido-san, being on the bottom really feels good?" Choutarou sounded sleepy and curious.

"Yeah. What you did to me tonight felt incredible, baby." Shishido smiled remembering and closed his eyes.

Choutarou nuzzled closer and "held" him a little better, "It...it felt incredible for me too, Shishido-san." The freshman's voice sounded a little husky with lust and Shishido holding him felt Choutarou's waning erection returning to life in his hand.

So sexy. With his eyes still closed, Shishido kissed him once softly, "Good. Hey, what's your favorite number?"

"Hmm?" Choutarou sounded sleepy. "Right now it's twenty-three. It changes. Why?"

Shishido grinned at him and glanced at his clock, "Because that's how many minutes I'll win my match in tomorrow. Just for you, baby. So even if I don't get to see you much until after we get back, you'll know I'm thinking about you and our date tonight, okay?" Choutarou was looking at him surprised, so Shishido kissed him, "Good night. Close your eyes Choutarou. If we go to sleep right now, we'll get two good hours of sleep." Shishido snuggled down and kissed around Choutarou's neck and ear. "Now sleep, baby. Don't say another word until the sun comes up."

He felt Choutarou nod against him and smiled. He peeked out to make sure Choutarou's eyes were closed, although he saw the freshman was smiling. His even white teeth looked surreal reflected in the glow from his cheap alarm clock. Shishido closed his eyes in case Choutarou tried to watch him as the freshman usually did and he moved the covers up to Choutarou's right sore shoulder to keep it warm. Then he put his hand back down to "hold" Choutarou again.

Shishido wasn't sure if he would really sleep or not. He was sleeping more lately than he normally did and sometimes falling asleep was difficult. He started going through a historical time line of the wars around the world and integrating Japanese history in with the western civilizations of Greece and Rome like he did whenever he couldn't sleep. Shishido over time was pretty very good at it because usually it took three or more passes for him to get his brain to turn off completely. The first time around though he didn't even make it out of B.C. before sleep took him.

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A/N: More soon! XD


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