Shades and Shadow

The astrologer didn't think as he dropped to one knee, head bowed,
his breath catching in his throat.

"Get up!" Tsuzuki snapped, clearly pissed off.

Rikugo rose without protest, still avoiding direct eye contact. The
aura around Tsuzuki was immense. Power danced and flexed, ready to be unleashed,
a clear sign of the shinigami's failing control. One wrong move and he
might feel what it was like to have Tsuzuki as a real master, not the friend
he had been.

Had been.

Rikugo felt something inside him clench at the thought. He had lost
Tsuzuki; he was convinced of that.

"Look at me!"

The order was clear and the shikigami followed it, raising his eyes.

Amethyst met his and he shivered under the intensity. Part of him recognized
the same unease in Sohryu's whole stance.

"I want you to Look at me," Tsuzuki repeated. "Really Look. And I want
you to tell Sohryu what you See."

Rikugo was reeling. Look at him… as in…?

"Master?" he queried.

"You know what I mean. Just Look and tell this hard headed dragon what
you See!" Tsuzuki ordered once more, expression fierce.

He wanted him to scan him? Rikugo thought, panic rising inside him.

There was no mistaking the slender shinigami's intent and as his servant
he was sworn to follow his orders.

So he opened the second set of eyes.

Red, reptilian, with a slit pupil, the round eyes opened and Rikugo
looked past the surface of the man who had bested him so long ago. The
man he loved and served with all his being; the man he had lost through
his thoughtless actions.

He saw past barriers and shields, easily recognized the link Tsuzuki
had with Touda, and which was currently strained but looked healthier than
the last time he had checked it.

"What do you want me to See, master?" he asked softly.

"You can See Touda within me, right?"

"Yes."

Quite clearly. Touda's touch was there, like a living, breathing shield.
Passive and protective. A web of carefully woven lines, protecting the
fragile soul, keeping guard over Tsuzuki like a… Rikugo swallowed a little.
Like a parent. Like a mother guarding her young. Like a father ready to
defend.

"What is his influence on me?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Influence?"

Tsuzuki glared at him. "Just tell me what you See!"

And he described it, almost in his own words, his thoughts. He heard
Sohryu's sharp intake of breath, heard the uneasy rustle of expensive silk.

"Do you see manipulation?"

"N…no…"

There was nothing but the clear, bright light of Tsuzuki's essence.
Of course there were the shadows of the shinigami's own pain and guilt
and sorrow, but none of it was connected to the bond he shared with Touda.

"Touda has no hold on me," Rikugo heard Tsuzuki say, and he knew the
shinigami was addressing Sohryu. "He never had, he never would. He is my
lifeline, that's all! He has sworn loyalty to me and what happened was
nothing more than good intent gone horribly wrong!"

Rikugo closed his second set of eyes and watched the small scene in
front of him. Sohryu looked chastised, almost mortified, and the mighty
dragon gazed at the floor, unwilling or unable to meet his master's eyes.

Tsuzuki stepped closer, trying to catch the powerful being's eyes.

"Sohryu," he whispered, his voice suddenly so loving and warm, Rikugo
ached to have his master address him that way.

But he was a criminal, just like Touda had been called. Only he had
truly committed an atrocity. Touda… Rikugo swallowed hard.

"Sohryu, I understand how you want to protect me. I appreciate the
gesture, but I told you…. Touda is mine. Only mine. You are not to judge
him when it comes to crimes against me; perceived crimes against me. I'm
his master and I will act as such if I see fit."

"Yes," Sohryu whispered.

Tsuzuki placed a hand against the robe-clad chest, voice dropping even
more.

"Thank you for your concern, Sohryu. I'm proud to be yours. I know
I can rely on you for protection, my shikigami. You showed me your loyalty."

Sohryu gazed silently at him, then nodded. Rikugo watched as powepowerful
dragon left.

Tsuzuki turned and those warm eyes fell on him. Rikugo felt breathless
for a moment, then showed his respect by bowing his head.

 

Tsuzuki knew he had shocked Rikugo by storming into his home, Sohryu
in tow, and his own emotions were still trying to cope with the latest
confrontations.

He needed peace now. He craved the quiet of before, the friendly encounters,
the leisurely moments together with his shikigami. But all that wasn't
to be as long as there was doubt in anyone's mind, be it concerning Touda
or something else. Emotionally turmoiled by handling the shikigami leader,
he gazed at the bowed, blond head, noticed the less than splendorous dress
Rikugo wore, and the state of the observatory's study.

As much as the room was sparkling clean, Rikugo was just the opposite.
He looked ragged, the hair no longer braided so cleanly in a long tail.
It appeared frazzled, there were signs of dust clinging to it, and the
robe was as plain as it was streaked with dirt from recent cleaning. Rikugo
himself was a pale shadow of his former, powerful self.

Tsuzuki inhaled deeply. He stepped in front of the much taller shikigami,
trying to fight down his still raging anger. It wasn't any anger directed
at his long-time friend. It was just a mix of everything thrown together.
He needed to calm down; he needed Rikugo to understand. He needed him back
as a friend. He needed his hiding place again.

"Rikugo. Look at me, please?"

Dark eyes rose and met his gaze, but there was no challenge in there.
Only despair. Shame and guilt and embarrassment, coupled with lingering
fear. He hated to see all of that.

"Thank you, Rikugo. I appreciate this help with Sohryu."

"I serve you, master."

"No," he whispered, trying not to wince at the address. "No, you help
me. You protect me."

"It's our duty."

Those dark eyes refused to really meet his, darting away. Rikugo was
a dangerous, powerful shikigami, but at the moment he appeared as small
and vulnerable as Byakko had been when confronted with Tsuzuki's anger.

The shinigami came closer, noting in dismay how the tall figure flinched
a little. He touched a hand to the muscular chest, warmth seeping through
the thin barrier.

"Rikugo."

There was a tremor. "Master?"

"Stop being submissive. I don't hate you, Rikugo. I could never hate
any of you," Tsuzuki said softly. "I was just angry and disappointed. I
know you meant no harm, but you did what you accused Touda of doing, and
you behaved so self-righteously… just because he has a checkered past.
You judged him without hearing me out," Tsuzuki repeated what he had told
Sohryu. "You all only did what comes naturally, but so did Touda. I do
not fault him for that, even if the result was less than happy. He is still
mine and I still love him. He's as much a part of me as all of you are.
There is no blame, just misunderstood helpfulness."

"I betrayed you," the astrologer whispered, voice hoarse and shaky.

"Yes, you did. You betrayed my confidence. I was helpless and you scanned
me. You didn't hurt me, Rikugo, but you didn't ask for permission."

The blond started to tremble more.

"But I know you wanted to help. I know you are protective of me. I
know you love me."

"I would never hurt you," Rikugo moaned. "But you were hurting… and
I wanted to know why… Forgive me, master…"

"Stop calling me that, Rikugo. Stop bowing and kneeling," Tsuzuki told
him, voice firm. He stepped closer, now almost pressed up against the other
man. "I need you all. I would never abandon any single one of you. I need
you to be my strength. Neither one of you alone bears the blame for this.
I don't want Touda hurt by the others. I don't want him shunned. He's been
hurt enough as it is in the past before this ever happened."

Rikugo nodded ly aly and Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around him, needing
the physical comfort as much as Rikugo did. Arms curled around him in turn,
drawing him close, and Rikugo rested his head on the dark hair, exhaling
softly. His whole body was relaxing and Tsuzuki gently stroked over the
taller man's back.

"Rikugo?" he asked, voice slightly muffled.

"Yes?"

"Can I… stay here for a while?"

The shikigami gave an almost sobbing laugh. "Of course, Tsuzuki. You
can always stay here."

Tsuzuki looked up and met suspiciously wet eyes. There were a lot of
emotions in them, fighting for dominance, and it hurt him to have hurt
his shikigami so much. All of them. It had been an avalanche of events
which were just now evening out.

Rikugo caressed his cheek, stroking over one side of his face, giving
him a watery smile.

"You're always welcome," he whispered.

Tsuzuki smiled happily. Part of the knot inside him started to unwind.

* * *

Touda woke to the still lingering pain of his slowly healing wounds,
his cursed weak body, and the sight of Byakko curled up on the couch, reading.
Confused as to why the tiger was here, Touda sat up slowly, drawing attention
to himself. Byakko smiled widely as he discovered that the serpent was
awake, closing his book.

"Hey! How do you feel?"

It was an honest question, without pree ore or hidden intention. It
was pure Byakko. A powerful God but still so playful and open-minded, kind-hearted
and warm…

"I'm fine," Touda answered levelly.

"Good. Hungry? Thirsty?"

"No."

It was a lie and by Byakko's frown he had seen it as such. Before the
tiger could say something, Touda asked,

"Where's Tsuzuki?"

"He went out to settle some stuff," was the uneasy answer.

Golden eyes narrowed. "Settle what stuff?"

Byakko sighed and his tail twitched, a clear sign of his unhappiness.

"He went to talk to Sohryu."

Touda's blood ran cold; well, colder than how people claimed it was.
"He went to Sohryu?" he whispered, aghast.

"Yes. He said he had to…err… uh… Well, I guess he'll give Sohryu a
kick in the butt for what he did to you."

Fear coursed through Touda. Fear for Tsuzuki. He frantically threw
open the bond but only ran into a wall of fury and anger and hurt. Without
conscious thought he threw aside the blanket and tried to get up. 'Tried'
was the operative word. His legs, weak and shaky, refused to carry his
weight and he would have crashed to the ground if not for Byakko.

Pain shot through his chest and abdomen and he couldn't help but cry
out. For a moment there was only the agony of the semi-healed d, td, the
lances and pulses and sheer waves of pain that took his breath away. His
fingers dug into the arms holding him and he felt tears gather in his eyes.

The tiger caught the other shikigami and both half fell, half sank
to the ground, Touda ending up in Byakko's arms, held firmly and protectively.
He let him ride out the pain, waited until the weakened body finally relaxed
and Touda exhaled sharply. >"Wh>"What do you think you're doing?" Byakko wheezed, shimmying out from
under him and getting the weak man back to bed.

"Tsuzuki…" Touda whispered, frightened for his master's life.

"Sohryu won't hurt him, though I'm not sure about Tsuzuki. He was really
pissed off."

Byakko deposited him back in bed and made him sit down. Worried red
eyes examined him, gentle fingers brushing over the bandages.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." He weakly pushed away the questing fingers.

Byakko's gaze didn'ver,ver, holding the unprotected eyes, and suddenly
the tiger smiled.

"You worry too much about him."

"I don't…"

The smile widened, calm and gentle, almost tender. "You do. Just like
Tsuzuki worries about you. He's more than capable of handling Sohryu, Touda.
Sohryu would never harm him, even at his worst."

Touda was carefully maneuvered back under the covers, the slender fingers
still checking for blood on the bandages.

"He shouldn't do this," Touda murmured, looking away from the wind
shikigami.

"Do what? Set things right? Defend you? Try stopping him, Touda. This
is Tsuzuki we're talking about. He's got his mind set on something, it's
impossible to convince him to take a different course."

Byakko chuckled a little and sat down next to him on the mattress.
Touda found the closeness unnerving. None of the others had ever been that
close, except Suzaku when she attacked him, or when there was no other
choice. Touda was a loner, but not by choice. No one had wanted anything
to do with him after Tsuzuki had won his pardon.

"Touda?"

He grunted something.

"How about some soup? You have to get your strength back to heal,"
Byakko offered quietly.

Another grunt. He didn't really care whether or not he was given food.

"Be right back!"

And Byakko was gone in a fluof mof movement. The serpent shikigami
continued to stare at the other wall, mind racing. Why was Byakko taking
care of him? Why had he given him his own bedroom? There were enough rooms
in the palace and he had servants to handle Touda. Why had he stayed? Why…
why was he like this?

The door opened once more and Byakko was back with soup and bread.

And why was he bringing him food?

"Here you go. It's hot, so be careful." Smiling brightly, Byakko set
own thay aay and was about to help Touda up when the fire serpent waved
him off. He would this on his own. He wasn't dependent on this man. It
took some effort and he bit back new lances of pain, but he was upright.

Touda ate in silence, worry still niggling at his mind, and the bond
was too quiet. Now and then there was a flare of emotion, but nothing to
tell him how Tsuzuki really was. When the bowl was empty, he set it down.
Byakko seemed delighted.

"Want more?"

"No,nk ynk you."

There was a ripple from Tsuzuki's side of the bond and he immediately
turned to it, like a drowning person would reach for a life-saving hand.
Tuning out Byakko, he cast a question along the connection.

<<Tsuzuki? Are you all right?>>