Suppressed

Standard Disclaimer: Still not mine...


Kyo awoke still snuggled up to the rat. After the initial shock subsided, he relaxed back into his arms. He sighed heavily. What would today bring? How would Yuki treat him in light of the events of last night? Kyo realized that he had largely pressured him into everything, not that the rat didn’t enjoy himself… The kitty didn’t want to move. He was so comfortable listening to the mouse’s slow methodical breathing. He reluctantly shimmied out of Yuki’s arms. He groaned and turned on his side, sliver hair splashing in his face. Kyo smiled and gently kissed his delicate lips.

“Mmm… Kyo Kyun.” He mumbled.

‘Kyo Kyun?’ Kyo thought. ‘Weirdo.’

He slid quietly out off of the futon. He was about to change when he suddenly felt very uncomfortable around the rat. Of the hundreds of times he’s been naked with the rat over the years, because of the curse, he’d never felt so shy. He grabbed his clothes and slipped silently out the door. He came downstairs with a bright “Morning,” to Tohru.

“And a good morning to you!” Tohru chirped. “Hey, have you seen Yuki?” She asked.

“Ah… he’s still asleep.” Kyo suddenly blushed, realizing that the only way he would know that was if… He turned away.

Tohru didn’t seem to notice. “Good! That’s two nights in a row!” She smiled brightly.

He finished his morning training and decided to check on the rat to make sure he wasn’t going to sleep in too late. He was about to enter when he saw Yuki sit up through the crack in the door. Yuki gasped, he looked panicked.

“What have I done?” He heard him whisper. He dropped his forehead into his hands. “No.” He choked.

Kyo’s heart sunk. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

Yuki sighed and removed his hands from his face. Kyo could see the tears forming in his eyes. He looked to the depression in the bed next to him. “Oh Kyo Kyun.” He whispered. “Why can’t I stop loving you?” He buried his face in his hands.

Kyo wanted so much to run and comfort the sullen rat, whose shoulders had begun to shake. But he couldn’t. ‘Love me?’ He wondered. He peered back upon the crying mouse. He crept back away from his door, heart heavy. He wanted to escape to the roof before school, but he didn’t really have the time. He went to sulk outside. ‘Love me?’ He sighed. ‘Do I love you?’ He wondered. He saw the rat’s shadow dancing across the window in his bedroom. Love. Everything was happening so quickly. ‘I thought I hated him, how can I love him?’ He felt his own tears rising to his eyes.

‘There’s a thin line between love and hate, Kyo.’

Kyo scrunched his brow. ‘Who said that to me?’ He wondered. ‘Tohru? No, I’d remember if she said it.’ He racked his brain for any recollection of the source of that comment. ‘Shishou?’ He nodded. ‘Must have been.’

“Love me?” He whispered into the trees, confused, afraid. Love is such a strong word. “I can’t love you.” He tried so hard to tell himself. “I can’t, I can’t, I won’t!” He screamed. He slumped among the roots. “I do.” He choked, picking at the mud. Tears sprang from his eyes. It seemed so odd to him, so ironic. It was the rat’s distress at his feelings that made Kyo realize his own. He didn’t want to suppress his feelings anymore. He shouldn’t have too! Yuki loved him too, but… ‘but what?’ He wondered. ‘Haru?’ He didn’t care about that stupid cow! ‘LET HIM FIGHT ME FOR HIM!!!’ Kyo realized that didn’t make any sense. ‘I just don’t get it.’ He buried his face in his hands, wiping away the tears.

Drying his face on his sleeve, he decided to slip into the house quietly. He walked briskly to his room, which was noticeably empty, changed into his uniform, then crept downstairs.

“Hey, ah…Tohru?” He called, hearing her bustling around in the kitchen. “I’m going to school.”

“You haven’t had breakfast!” He heard her call as he shut the door behind him.

Kyo found himself at school, unsure of how he got there. He remembered leaving, but he couldn’t remember anything after that, he’d been too lost in his thoughts. He sighed heavily and made his way to the roof. He watched the people passing underneath him as he waited for his day to begin. From up there, everything looked perfect. He could hear laughter bouncing off of the walls, he could hear people being happy. He wondered if he were down there, if he’d be happy too. The roof was lonely. He saw Tohru and Yuki arrive at school, he shied away from the edge, fearful that the rat might glance his way. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the barrage of creepy fan girls peering angrily at Tohru. ‘I wonder what they’d do if they knew…’ He sighed. ‘Knew about nothing.’ Yuki was going to have to be nothing. “I was wrong,” He whispered, “I don’t love you.”

He climbed down from the roof and made his way to the classroom. ‘This is going to be awkward.’ He thought.

When he arrived in the classroom, Yuki was at his desk with his head down. He glanced at him longingly, but quickly averted his eyes.

“Hey, Orange Top!” Uo called. “Where the hell have you been? Tohru’s been looking all over for you!”

Kyo heard Yuki stir in his seat. “Ah…” He wanted to say ‘it’s none of your damn business,’ but he didn’t have the energy to fight. He shrugged and slumped into his seat. He heard Yuki sigh. He sighed also.

“What’s with you Kyon?” She asked.

He shrugged again. “Tired.”

“Oh poor baby, did your nightmares keep you up again?”

“No.” Kyo shook his head and pulled his books out.

“What the hell?” She asked. “You’re starting to be as withdrawn as Prince Charming.”

Kyo heard Yuki stir again. He turned to face his cold eyes. “No one can be as withdrawn as that damn rat.” He muttered, narrowing his eyes.

Pain briefly flickered across Yuki’s vise. He sighed and lay his head down again.

Tohru rushed in just as the bell rang. She smiled brightly at Kyo and took her seat. Mayuko-sensei hushed the class to begin the lecture. Kyo struggled to pay attention, praying to whatever was listening that she didn’t call on him today. Lucky for Kyo, today he didn’t have to answer anything, though she seemed to be calling on Yuki an abnormally large amount of times. Every time he’d get that damn rat off of his mind, he’d speak up and be right back on it. Kyo sighed gratefully as the bell rang for lunch. ‘Please have a student counsel meeting!’ He pleaded silently.

Yuki headed toward the library as they left the classroom. Kyo made his way to the roof. ‘Dumb ass!’ He thought. He left his bento in his locker. He turned around heading back to his locker. On his way, he heard someone quietly passing him in the stairwell. He looked up coming face to face with Yuki. His stomach lurched.

Sighing he said, “as much as I’d like to ignore this, we need to talk.”

Yuki sighed, again with the cold aloof stare. “Agreed.”

Kyo sighed again. “So…”

“I’m sorry.” Yuki said curtly. “I didn’t know what I was doing.” He looked away.

Kyo could feel the tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t believe you.” He hissed, backing Yuki against a wall.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Yuki’s voice was steady, he kept his head lifted. It reminded Kyo of the unfeeling expression Yuki wore in his dreams.

Kyo ran his fingers through Yuki’s hair, looping them around in circles. He pressed his face inches from Yuki’s.

“You can’t lie to me.” He pushed in, kissing him passionately. Yuki sighed, opening his mouth to the intruder. He lapped gently at Kyo\'s tongue before pulling away.

“I’m sorry but I can’t…”

“Can’t what?” Kyo started to raise his voice. “Can’t get over Haru?”

“No, this has nothing to do with Haru!” Yuki snapped.

“Can’t be with the cursed cat?”

“No! It’s not…”

“Or can’t stop loving me? Because I’m pretty damned sure that’s what I heard you say this morning.”

Yuki’s jaw dropped and his eyes filled with panic. “I… I didn’t mean it…” He stammered.

“Really?” Kyo accused, moving in for another kiss. Yuki turned his cheek as tears flowed down them unchecked. Kyo’s nose bumped his ear. He bit his lip. “Then why are you crying?!?”

“I… I…” Yuki began.

Kyo pulled away from him and shook his head, he could feel his own tears rising.

“I don’t want to hurt you!” Yuki blurted. “I couldn’t live with myself if…”

“I love you!” Kyo snapped.

Yuki became silent immediately. His tears flowed deeper. “No, no, no! It’s no good! You aren’t supposed to…”

Kyo kissed Yuki again, catching him off guard. Yuki drew in his breath, permitting Kyo access to his mouth. Kyo could feel his tears mingling with Yuki’s on their cheeks. Kyo pulled away.

“This is ridiculous,” he muttered wiping his face on his shoulder, “we’re worse that girls.”

“We are worse, we’re cursed.” The rat muttered back.

“Yuki,” Kyo began, wondering if that was the first time he’d ever called Yuki by name, “you can’t lie to me.”

“I’m just afraid…”

“Yeah, and I’m scared too!” Kyo interrupted.

“I mean, well it’s complicated.”

“AHH! I love you, Yuki. I LOVE you! And I don’t believe you when you say don’t love me back! How fucking complicated can it be?!?”

Yuki sighed and hung his head.

“I’m not Haru. I’m not giving up on you.”

“But…”

“Give me a chance.”

“I just…”

“Please.” Kyo nipped lightly on Yuki’s lip. He pulled away and stared into the depths of his violet eyes.

Yuki sighed. Kyo smiled. “We’ll go slow, I promise.” The kitty urged.

“But…” Yuki began. He sighed and closed his eyes.

Kyo leaned forward and captured his down-turned lips. Yuki slid his hands up the kitty’s sides, relaxing. Kyo removed his hand from the wall and pulled the rat to him, knotting his other hand deeper into Yuki’s muttled mass of hair. They sighed longingly into the other’s mouth. They were lost in their embrace. The two jumped back when they heard a door slam in the stairwell.

“We shouldn’t do this here.” Kyo hissed.

Yuki nodded.

The bell sounded signaling the end of lunch. They sighed and started to class.

“Damn rat.” Kyo muttered. “I didn’t get to eat my lunch!”

“You should have thought of that before you tried to seduce me.”

“I didn’t try to… O.K., well maybe a little…” Kyo paused. “HEY! I WON AN ARGUMENT!!!” He shouted.

“Tell anyone and I’ll kill you, stupid cat!”

“YOU’RE GOING DOWN RAT BOY!!!” Kyo yelled. “FIRST THIS, NEXT I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!!!”

“No you won’t. Even if you could, which you can’t, you won’t even try.”

“HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?!?”

Yuki smiled at him. “You can’t lie to me.” He discretely squeezed Kyo’s hand slipped away to take a seat at his desk.