Silent Acceptance

Something Like Normal


If their old apartment felt small and cramped with their meager belongings, then their new 2 bedroom place was cavernous by comparison. With the help of some of Sawa's friends, moving took one brisk October day and one multi-car caravan. Unpacking took much of the next day. The neighborhood was much quieter and nicer, and closer to Yukihito's school. The trip to ni-chome would take longer, but Sawa felt that it was worth it.

One of the bedrooms acted as an office, with a twin sized bed moved in to keep the appearance of it being Yukihito's bedroom. A new couch replaced the old smelly one they left behind, and they computer and writing desk was moved from the living room to the “office”. The top floor apartment had a beautiful balcony with a great view of downtown and a decent amount of privacy from their neighbors. They could already imagine spending a great deal of time there, sneaking in a cuddle or two.

Sawa started appearing for interviews for the new novel several days after they moved. They took him in and out of Tokyo, making him nervous about leaving Tokyo in drag. Makoto assured him that he could leave on his sunglasses and shades, claiming extreme shyness to anyone who asked. Yukihito busied himself with his schoolwork and neatening the house in his absence.

One day, the boy curled himself up on the couch, about to take a nap after finishing his homework when he heard a knock on the door. Sawa had been gone for about two hours, and wasn't expected to be home that soon. For a moment, he thought about just letting the person keep knocking, not making a sound and having them believe that no one was home. Sawa was the more talkative of the two and Yukihito just didn't feel like entertaining anyone. Maybe he could tell them that Sawa was out and they would go away. He opened the door and was greeted by a deluxe fondue kit with feet.

“Hello!” Suzuki-sensei chirped, looking around the box that dwarfed her tiny frame. “Yukihito-san, I'm so you're here. This is for you and your uncle!” She passed the box to him and made her way inside. “Is he home?”

This was the last person he wanted to see today, but he knew he couldn't be rude to his teacher. “He went out for a bit.”

She was already in the living room, looking around with wide eyes. “Wow, this place is much bigger then your old one. Will he be home soon? I'd like to speak with him.”

Oh sure, he thought. If it's “Nagisa” you're looking for and not “Tsuneo”, then you're in luck. Suzuki could not know about Sawa's secret, and while finding out would solve the problem of her affections, Yukihito would not reveal it.

“I don't know when he'll return, and we're going out to eat right after.” A lie, but he hoped it would work.

Suzuki then took the box from him and set it down at his feet. “Then may I speak with you? You see Yukihito-san, I admire your uncle a great deal. What do you think of that?”

He shrugged. “He's an adult. He can do whatever he wants.” He forced his words to sound calm, but he raged inside. Go away, he thought. Leave us alone.

“I think your opinion matters a lot to him. Do think I have a chance with him? Could you accept that?”

Before Yukihito could forget himself and answer truthfully, the phone in the bedroom rang. Excusing himself, he ran to answer it.

“Hi, Yukihito,” Sawa gushed. “The interview went wonderfully and Makoto is driving me home right now. Is there anything we need while I'm out?”

“Suzuki-sensei is here. She brought us a gift,” he replied matter of factly. He didn't know whether or not the nervy woman was listening, and at this point, he didn't care. A mixture of annoyance, protectiveness and outright jealousy churned in his gut. Over Sawa's gasp of surprise, he heard Makoto ask “Does she ever give up?” That made him feel a lot better.

“I take it she won't leave?” Sawa asked.

“She wants to talk to you.”

He heard a sigh over the phone. “Of course. We have to get you out of the house, then maybe she'll leave. Go to the grocery store down the block, and I'll be there in about 15 minutes, okay?”

It was an idea that could only develop from desperation and cowardice. It was also brilliant enough to work.

“Suzuki-sensei, I'm sorry, but I have to go to the store and pick up some things for dinner,” Yukihito told his teacher once he returned to the living room.

“Oh, I thought you were going out for dinner,” she replied as she went to put her shoes back on.

“Tsuneo-san is running a little late. He thanks you for the gift.” He felt his spirits lifting as she grabbed her coat. He opened the door for her and right before she walked through it, she turned and looked at him seriously.

“Please think about what we've talked about, Yukihito-san.”

Yukihito nodded stiffly and nearly slammed the door behind her. Think about it indeed.

“I'm so sorry you had to deal with that today, Yukihito,” Sawa said when he arrived at the grocery store right on time. He already had the boy in a tight hug, nearly making him drop the basket of foodstuffs Yukihito collected while he waited. “What did she want?”

“She likes you and wants my blessing,” he said, voice muffled by Sawa's shoulder. He remember what he told Suzuki about Sawa being an adult and doing whatever he wanted and the truthfulness of that statement bothered him. Sawa could decide at anytime that he didn't want Yukihito anymore. No one would judge him if he accepted Suzuki's affections.

Sawa felt the boy stiffen, and he pulled away, raising his shades to look at him directly and keeping another hand on his shoulder. “That's a shame. She's only in love with 'Tsuneo' and not the real me. You have nothing to worry about.” With a smile, he pulled the glasses off and pointed at the basket in Yukihito's hand. “Let's grab a few more things and I'll make dinner tonight. If you're still feeling worried after that, then I'll just have to try something...else.”


**********


The Tomodachi was closed for a couple of weeks after Ayame's death. Once it reopened, Sawa worked 4 days a week and shared shifts with Jian, who needed a second gig, to give Toisho a break.

Toisho set up a small shrine to her right in the front of the store. Hana came by one day, looked at the shrine and wailed in his arms in relief. Not only was she not allowed to attend the wake or the cremation, their family sent her a picture of Ayame in the coffin, dressed as “Ryuuen”; no wig, no make up, her implants removed. Toisho ripped up the photo and threw it in the flammable trash. Sawa, also distraught at the sight, suggested burning it right then and there. The next day Hana returned before leaving for her next tour with a elegantly framed photo of Ayame in a traditional kimono and geisha wig for the shrine, grateful to have a place to remember her as she truly was. Incense and candles were lit every day for a week, and patrons visiting the store left tiny offerings. Ayame's videos were sold at clearance prices, with Toisho vowing to never order any more of them. He didn't want to remember his love that way.

Sawa set up a few appointments with Arashi to explore his darker desires. He was becoming rather fond of the man, who was patient with him and understanding of his relationship. While he still thought the world of Yukihito and never told him about this meeting, Sawa appreciated having a source of release.

Other than that, life was returning to something like normal. Sawa and Yukihito even managed to keep their cover stories straight. They were uncle and nephew at school and with family, cousins in polite company and with Makoto, and lovers in the company of Sawa's friends, and none of the terms or company overlapped. With the only other person who knew the true nature of their relationship gone, secrecy became far more important.

The frustration with not being completely physical with each other lead to many mutual masturbation sessions, with Sawa occasionally offering to perform oral, learning by practice what Yukihito enjoyed. Outside of bed, Sawa was also the more affectionate in public. Yukihito opted out of accompanying him to any interviews, even as his “assistant”. He was still very uncomfortable in new situations . At home, though, the boy returned the affections freely, enjoying a good cuddle on the couch after the dinner the most. Sawa adored him that way, but he worried from time to time that he was corrupting him, making him grow up too fast. At 15, he should be obsessed with looking up girls' skirts, not editing gay novels, helping organize their bills, and calming Sawa's other worries.

His next biggest worry was the wait for “Go Jou” to publish. He stayed awake some nights worrying. Sometimes he didn't have the stomach to eat and other times he swore he was getting an ulcer. Yukihito made chamomile tea for the restless nights, passed Sawa antacids for the upset-stomachs-that-were-not-ulcers, talked him out of calling Makoto every other hour, and pinched every doubt he voiced until his arm sported several black and blue bruises. Sawa occasionally joked that Yukihito really should be getting paid as his assistant.


November

“So, when is this guy coming?” Sawa asked with a yawn. “It's been an hour already.”

“Don't worry,” replied Toisho. “We'll give him another 30 minutes. If he doesn't show, then you can go home.”

Sawa sighed. Today was incredibly busy and he was getting tired. First Makoto had him running around town for an interview and then kept him in her office to look over various cover choices for the book, though he was sure that they made the final selection days ago. Then, at the Tomodachi, Jian called in sick, so he ended up working an extra long shift. Toisho needed a hand while he prepared for a sudden visit with a new distributor who had yet to arrive.

“You know what,” Toisho told him 15 minutes later. “I'll call him in the morning and see what happened. Go home.” Sawa could have jumped for joy if he had the energy.

The trip home was a sleepy blur, with Sawa nearly missing his stop. Once home, he barely paused to remove his earrings before curling up next to Yukihito while still dressed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

The smell of breakfast woke up him the next morning. The clock read 9 am, but what was Yukihito doing in the kitchen on a school day?

“Morning,” the boy called to him as he walked in.

“Did you miss the alarm this morning?” Sawa asked. “I know I forgot to turn it on last night...”

“No,” Yukihito replied, pouring two bowls of miso soup.

His nonchalant attitude was puzzling. “Then why are you not at school right now?”

“When did we move in together?” Yukihito was now scooping rice out of the rice maker and had yet to even face his uncle. Once the second bowl was filled, he cracked an egg over each one before walking past Sawa to put them on the table. “Breakfast is ready, by the way.”

Sawa, still dumbfounded, went to his normal seat and noticed a wrapped package lying there. Without even asking what it was, he opened it. Inside lay a beautiful purple and gold scarf and a little note card that read “Happy Anniversary. Love, Y.”

“Yuki-? But wait, oh my, it has been a whole year since we've moved out of my parent's house, isn't it?” He held out the scarf and then cradled the silky fabric against his cheek. It felt nice and cool and the colors would look so nice against his skin. “It's lovely, Yukihito. Thank you.”

Yukihito busied himself with pouring the tea to hide his blush. Actually, Makoto and Toisho deserved some of the thanks. With two nerve wracking phone calls, he was guaranteed that Sawa would be kept busy all of the day before. Makoto even accompanied him to the department stores to find the pretty scarf, complementing him on his eye for color. But he wasn't going to tell Sawa all of that, of course. His plan worked perfectly.

A slim hand covered his as he set the teapot down. Sawa was now standing directly behind him, his breath tickling his ear.

Lifting Yukihito's hand to his lips, Sawa gently kissed each knuckle. “I'm sorry I forgot about this. I didn't even get you a present.” His words, while expressing regret, came out in an unrepentant purr. “So, I guess I just have to make up my present as we go along...”

“But, breakfast,” Yukihito halfheartedly argued as he was led to their bedroom. All it took was that sultry look in those silver eyes, and his reason took a flying leap.

“...can wait...”


Author's Notes:Whew! Not much to say here, other than the end is nigh. Not too nigh (give it a chapter or 3) but upcoming, and for that I am glad. This is the most I have written that wasn't NaNo and I couldn't have gotten this far without the encouragement and other kind words of you guys, the readers. Thank you!


It was an idea that could only develop from desperation and cowardice.