Infatuation

Mello hadn't been able to fall asleep easily, so when Roger woke him up at noon, he was neither pleased nor amused.

"What the HELL, Roger? It's SUNDAY. I'm ALLOWED to sleep in!" Mello wanted to cry out of exhaustion and frustration. Stupid old man. It was a sin to wake up a fourteen-year-old boy on a Sunday afternoon-- hadn't he gone to church as a child?

Roger coughed in a dignified way. "Mello, this is important." He leaned down to whisper in Mello's ear. "L needs to see you."

Life seemed much better, suddenly. Mello tried to blow his fringe out of his eyes, succeeding only in getting a bit of hair in his mouth and some saliva on his nose.

"Did he say when? Now? Right? Does he wanna see me now? Wossit about?"

"Look, I don't know. I didn't ask. Just put on something other than pyjamas and do as you're told." Roger left in a huff. (Jealousy, Mello supposed.)



Mello stared at L. L stared at his own toes.

They continued in this fashion for several moments.

Mello was not a very patient boy, and he really wanted to tell L to either get on with it or give him some chocolate, but that would be rude and not the way to get any. And so he sat there, staring, until finally L decided to explain himself.

"I had a chat with Near earlier today."

"Really?" asked Mello in a terrible imitation of casualness. "And what did this chat concern?" L looked up at Mello, much to his relief. He was beginning to feel neglected.

"Our...er...'relationship'." Shit.

"What did he want? What does he know? How did he find out?"

"Near," said L solemnly, "intends to become a detective. He had a hunch, he looked for clues, he put them together, and he came to a solution. He knows what's going on, and what he wants is for this to have never happened, I think."

"'S none of his business," Mello grumbled.

"Mello, he's concerned about you. He cares about your well-being. He feared that I was taking advantage of you." Mello snorted.

"I'm not a five-year-old girl."

"No, but you are a fourteen-year-old boy, and I'm afraid to say that, in terms of taking advantage, you're really not much better off."

"That's nice how you're being mean when I'm distressed, here. Real thoughtful." Mello pouted, got up, and ate a chocolate doughnut. L spluttered a little in protest, but didn't have the heart to take a pastry from a child. "Er, say, L?"

L whimpered, eyeing the doughnut mournfully.

"Just 'cos Near knows about us doesn't mean..."

"He does not intend to take any sort of action beyond confronting me, if that is what you are asking." Mello sighed audibly with relief.

"Well, that's good. 'Cos I'm really happy, you know? Being with you and all." L suddenly looked down at his toes again.

"Yes, well. I'm glad you're happy, Mello, but I'm afraid I have some bad news..."

"Damn it, L! What?"

"I'm leaving today." Mello snickered.

"Okay, seriously. There's no way you're leaving TODAY. That's stupid."

"How is that stupid?" L looked genuinely curious.

"BECAUSE," Mello said, rolling his eyes, "You...you...would've said something earlier."

"Well, yes, that would have been the decent thing to do, but that would only work if I myself knew exactly when it would become necessary for me to return to Japan."

Mello stopped licking the chocolate frosting off of his fingers, dropped his arms to his sides, and stared straight ahead. He couldn't look at L, so instead he looked at a spot on the wall visible just over L's right shoulder. It looked a little like an elephant, if elephants had three ears and no legs. But it was starting to blur.

He had only JUST said he was happy, hadn't he? He was HAPPY to FINALLY be with L... Matt was being a prick, but other than that, everything had been going so swimmingly, and when L left...

When L left, things would be back to normal. He wouldn't have someone to come back to every night, someone who made him feel loved and wanted and special. When he talked, even if it was about something stupid, L listened--he REALLY listened. Or at least he was REALLY good at pretending. L valued Mello's thoughts; Mello valued L's thoughts. Their relationship was everything Mello had wanted and needed so desperately, and NOW--now L was ruining it.

Because L's work was more important than Mello.

"Now, Mello, you knew I was going to have to leave eventually." L was speaking like he would to an upset toddler. Mello shook his head and was infuriated by the tears that were beginning to fall. "Oh...come here." L gestured toward himself. Mello hopped over into L's lap, wrapped his arms around his neck, and sniffled into his shoulder while L patted his head awkwardly.

"L! I don't want you to go!"

"But I need to go."

"But I don't want you to go!" Mello wiped his nose on his sleeve and hiccuped.

"Well, it isn't really up to you. Chocolate?" L produced a bar of German chocolate from between his chair and its cushion, baring his teeth in what was probably supposed to be a winning grin but was more frightening than anything.

"You SUCK." He took the chocolate nevertheless. The corners of L's mouth twitched at the accusation, but he wisely remained silent.

“No,” said Mello suddenly.

“Beg pardon?”

“You’re not going. I’ve said.” Mello clutched at L’s shirt determinedly, frowning to show he meant business.

“I’m afraid neither you nor I have control over this situation.”

“Well TAKE control! You’re L!”

“This is bigger than me, Mello. This is about the deaths of thousands of criminals. This is about the safety of innocent people. This is about JUSTICE.”

“Could you ignore your hard-on for justice for just a few days and think about what I need?” L looked scandalized.

“No, I can NOT ignore…ignore JUSTICE and pay attention to you instead. Do you appreciate how childish you’re being? You want me to let people die so that you can get fellatio and chocolates?”

This was exactly what Mello wanted, but L was making it sound positively unreasonable.

“Look, I know that Interpol need your help on the Kira case. But would Kira suddenly decide to…I don’t know, bomb Russia or something just because you’re in Winchester and not Kanto?”

“That comparison is not equal. Kanto is a region while Winchester is a city. It would be more accurate to say 'you're in Hampshire and not Kanto'."

“Look, whatever. My point is that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. And don’t even THINK about telling me you’ve already paid for the plane tickets, ‘cos we both know you’re loaded.”

“Mello, it does not matter whether it would, in fact, be the end of the world. I am leaving in,” L glanced at the computer’s clock, “One hour, now you’ve spent this time trying to coerce me into neglecting the single most important case I have ever taken on.” L sighed heavily. “Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?”

“Oh, like YOU’RE a beacon of overwhelming goodness,” Mello scoffed. “You’re a TERRIBLE person. Like Lind L. Tailor? That was an amazing trick, but you still sent him out to get murdered. You’re only interested in what’s best for you—that’s just how humans ARE, and there’s no point pretending. You-”

“I,” L interrupted, “have spent this morning being told of all my shortcomings by Near. Once per day is quite enough, I think.”

“…Near told you off?” L nodded curtly. “What a bastard. So what’d he say?” L rubbed his thumb over his pursed lips.

“I’m not above much. I look for the path of least resistance, even at the expense of others.” He reclined a bit, tilting his head to one side and straining his eyes to focus on Mello from the extreme angle. “What you’ve said. And I can’t say I disagree with either of you.”

Mello was rather taken aback. L had admitted, readily, that he wasn’t actually a good person? Well.

“Then why don’t you START putting other people first? Just…just stay here one more day, all right?”

“NO. Look, I-” L stopped short, closing his eyes and sighing again.

“You regret coming home, don’t you? You’re wishing you’d just stayed in Japan.”

“No, Mello, of course not.” But L didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Just go, then. Whatever. I don’t care.” Mello stood up, crossed his arms, and made as if to leave.

“Mello, you OBVIOUSLY care. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be behaving like this.”

It stung because Mello knew L was right and hated him for it, but L was used to being right and used to people hating him for it, so he smiled knowingly and gestured at himself, inviting Mello to spend more time with him. There was no way in hell Mello would refuse something like that--he needed to be needed too much.

L had gotten back into his chair, so Mello situated himself between L's legs--where his lap would be if he sat like a normal person--propped his own legs up onto L's knee, and rested his head on L's chest.

It was strange, listening to L's heart. Strange to think of him as real. Mello knew L had flaws. He had feelings, though he never placed them above his own reason. He was capable of making mistakes--he had admitted so himself. But even knowing this, Mello frequently found himself thinking of L as an entity rather than a man. Like he was supposed to. But then, every once in a while, Mello would be forcibly reminded that L was human.

It made the sound of L's heartbeat seem almost surreal.

"L?"

"Mm?" Mello met L's eyes tentatively.

"Do you love me?"

"We have been over this. I love Mello very much."

"Good. 'Cos I love you more than anything." L looked as if he were about to say something, but seemed to think better of it and nodded instead.

"When can you come back?"

"That is a difficult question to answer. I doubt I will have time to come to England again before the Kira case has closed, and I've no idea how long it will take to gather sufficient evidence."

"I could-"

"No, you couldn't," said L flatly. "I'm sure you would be very helpful, but I can't risk your life." L ran a hand back and forth over Mello's leg. Had he been anyone else, Mello might have taken it for a half-hearted attempt at seduction, but he knew better. It was more likely that L's hand was just cold.

"...Mello?" Mello stared at him. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to discuss...this...with anyone," L began slowly, "but I think I should ask you to refrain from-"

"Snitching on you?" Mello smirked at L, who was looking deeply uncomfortable.

"Yes, please."

"Fine. I'll never tell anyone. Except Matt." L's eyes widened.

"You told Matt?"

"Well, yeah. I had to. He's my best mate. And YOU told Watari, so don't act like it's unreasonable." L sighed.

"I didn't need to tell Watari. We haven't actually spoken about it. He's wanted to bring it up a few times, but I've just...I don't know what to tell him. I hate keeping secrets from him, but, at the same time, I don't want him to know."

"Well, he does anyway, so it's fine that I told Matt."

"Just don't tell anyone like, say, Roger. He is an example of a person who does not need to know. Neither do any of your other friends."

"I don't really like anyone else."

"Yes, that's good," said L, clearly not paying attention. He rubbed his thumb over his lips and glanced at a clock.

"I need to leave now, Mello," he said gently, lifting Mello and setting him down on the floor. Mello scrambled to his hands and knees and seized L's leg before he could go anywhere. L stopped moving, so Mello sat on his foot and did his best imitation of a koala.

"Don't go, L! Please!"

"Mello, you are fourteen years old. Kindly stop behaving like an emotionally-unstable two-year-old. Off you get." L shook his leg experimentally, but Mello refused to remove himself. L muttered something in Japanese and began to trudge towards the door, dragging his leg behind him.

"No! No! No!"

"Mello, you are being...you are being IMPOSSIBLE," L snapped. Mello took his face off of L's knee and blinked at him.

"No." Mello was not sure how to convey his sheer desperation. Clearly, L did not understand. He had already TRIED reasoning with himself, but the thought of no L made his chest hurt with sheer longing. "NO," he repeated, hoping L would pick up on the obscene amount of emotion he was trying to project. L shook his head.

"Stop it. I do not want to kick you across the room." Mello slowly slid himself to the ground, staring hopelessly at his own knees. Damn.

L leaned over and stroked Mello's hair a bit.

"I'll be back sometime before you're eighteen, all right? I'd hate to completely miss out on your adolescence."

"You promise?"

"I promise." L retracted his hand. Mello leapt to his feet and flung his arms around L's neck, kissing him with as much force as he could muster. L straightened up a little and held onto Mello's waist, patiently kissing him back, then he put Mello down on his feet.

"Bye, L."

"Goodbye, Mello," said L, smiling sadly before closing the door behind him.