Ficlet Series (Tenipuri)

Complicated


Kanagawa was a cold place in December, the season of heavy scarves and wool jackets over school blazers. The holiday season bought a kind of festivity to the climate, but Christmas here was a sedate affair. There were some lights, to be sure, some decorations, but on the whole Jackal felt everything too undifferent. Too much like Kanagawa during the rest of the winter.

Or maybe he was just bitter. Two weeks before Christmas had bought with it a small brown package from his future sister-in-law, holding a button down shirt for him and a ticket to San Paulo for his brother.

"Why do you get to go back?" Jackal complained, though it was a complaint hidden in jest and family camaraderie, and his cousin only laughed and shrugged.

"When you have a fiancée in Brazil, maybe she'll send you tickets to see her."

So it was school and tennis and the holidays in cold, cold Japan for him, and he could only dream about beaches and girls wearing bikinis that were much, much smaller than anything the girls around here ever wore.

The fact that they had won at Nationals for the second time this year had done nothing to mitigate their harsh practices, even though officially the tennis club wasn't even supposed to be meeting any more. The third years were gone, of course, off to study for high school entrance exams, and there had been the agitation of Yukimura's collapse. Worry had quickly spread through the ranks, worry for both Yukimura (of course) and for the tennis club. As their newly appointed fukubuchou, Sanada had taken over, and was proving to be both not as tough as Yukimura and rather violent as well.

Yanagi was, sometimes, a calming effect, and was just as much an authority figure with Yukimura gone as Sanada was, despite the fact that he had no title. To distract the players from Yukimura's illness, and to seek out good doubles teams for next season now that the third years were gone, Yanagi had taken to pairing everyone off in unusual combinations.

Jackal's partnering with Akaya was the worse, but then, every one's partnering with Akaya was the worse. Akaya just didn't work well with partners.

"You have to stop playing singles," Jackal said to him one day, after a particularly disastrous game with the rather strange Sanada-Marui pairing, "and remember that you have some one there to back you up."

"But I'm a singles player," Akaya whined, "I can't play doubles."

"You know as well as I do that you won't have the opportunity to play singles on this club, not when it matters, not with those three here."

But then Akaya had looked a little down, kicking at the net with small movements of his legs, and maybe that had been too harsh. "But Yukimura-buchou's not here, not now. What if he's not here when Spring comes?"

It had definitely been too harsh, Jackal decided, and he felt guilt for reminding Akaya of the absence of his beloved buchou. So when Akaya asked him to go to the arcade afterwards, he went, and treated Akaya to several rounds of games before sending the younger boy home.

Jackal wasn't Akaya's baby-sitter, though he knew that several first years thought just that. It wasn't required that Akaya have some one to watch out for him, despite the fact that he was constantly stirring up trouble. And if he stirred up trouble while one of his sempai was around, if that sempai happened to bear the brunt of the punishment, it was more because of Sanada's penchant for playing favorites than it was because of any guardianship role.

The truth was Jackal spent a lot of time with Akaya because he liked Akaya. Akaya was sweet, once you got past the violence, and strangely docile when it came to his sempai-tachi. He was fun to hang out with, and Jackal valued his friendship, enough to ignore the facets of their relationship that made him rather nervous and uncomfortable.

The next practice had him paired with Marui, a familiar role, and one in which Jackal was confident. Their combination was good enough to secure them regular positions, he knew, and they probably worked better together than they did with any one else.

Afterwards, Sanada and Akaya were in one of their arguments, a strange thing to see because, unlike many of the other club members, Akaya wasn't afraid of Sanada, and, even more unlike other club members, Akaya was able to get away with a lot of impertinence. Their argument had something to do with Sunday, Christmas Sunday, and the fact that Akaya didn't want to go to their one-on-one tennis practice.

"What does it matter if it's Christmas? You don't celebrate it."

"It's still a holiday, I don't want to work on a holiday."

"It' not work, it's tennis."

"But it's not fun when you're the one coaching me."

Sanada looked as though the vein in his forehead was going to pop, but then Akaya turned to Jackal, his expression that contented, happy one that didn't settle well with Jackal.

"Why can't Jackal do it?" Akaya asked, but Jackal was already protesting.

"I have mass in the morning, and then I have to spend time with my family."

"Then you'll just have to wake up early and do it before you go to church," Sanada countered. "I want his control fixed by the time Yukimura gets back."

No one felt the need to remind Sanada that no one knew when that time would be.

And Jackal, being one of the club members who was a bit afraid of Sanada, as loath as he was to admit it, couldn't disagree. Akaya bounced up to him afterwards, a warm hand on his elbow, body contact that made Jackal uncomfortable but that Akaya initiated whenever he could. Boys, Jackal thought, no matter how close they were, just didn't touch each other that much.

"You don't have to practice with me, I won't tell Sanada-fukubuchou," Akaya said, his voice soft and sly.

"He'll get mad."

"We can do something else instead, like breakfast or something. Like, maybe some restaurant has a Christmas breakfast special or something, and we can drink egg nog together."

"Akaya, stop," Jackal said, gently moving Akaya's hand off his arm. "We'll practice tennis. That's it."

Jackal ignored the slightly hurt expression on Akaya's face; he was used to it. He walked towards the club room instead, Marui's voice a distant hum behind him.

"What are you doing, Akaya idiot? You've been making a fool of yourself for almost a year now."

"What do you mean?"

"Bakaya. Jackal's had girlfriends. Get it? As in girls, not boys."

"Shut up, sempai. I didn't ask you."

Jackal ignored that as well.

On Sunday the sun wasn't even up when they woke up to practice, and it had barely risen by the time they had finished. They walked home in the cold, their previous exercise warming them somewhat, Akaya stopping for a moment to tie his shoelace.

A train sped by them, shaky gears and wheels on a clumsy track. It was a loud cacophony in their ears, and for several moments the volume of the rest of the world was turned down low in comparison. He could count the train cars that were left now, could see the bored commuters in the compartments, and then Akaya was finished, was standing up, and they started walking again.

"What's Christmas mass at your church like?" Akaya asked him, genuine curiosity in his voice.

"It's boring. It's in Portuguese."

"Would I like it?"

"No," Jackal answered, and he smiled, because Akaya would absolutely hate it.

"Hey, are you going to go to Niou's New Years party?"

"No. I can't."

"Oh," Akaya said, and there it was, that disappointment that worried Jackal a little bit. "I was kind of hoping you'd be there, you know, New Years, since we... since you couldn't celebrate Christmas with... the team."

"My mom has a New Year's party," Jackal explained, "it's pretty boring, but I can't get out of it."

"Are you lonely?" Akaya asked, about the New Year's party.

"Maybe."

They came to a branch in their paths, and Akaya smiled and shouted a merry Christmas before running off.

Mass was indeed long and boring, but Christmas was pleasant, and for a moment as he exchanged gifts and good will with his family he could forget about the fact that he was in Japan, and not Brazil, for the holidays.

After that New Year's came quickly, and Jackal watched as his apartment became crowded with guests. His mother put him in charge of taking coats into the bedroom, and his bed soon became buried in wool and furs and leather. White dresses filled the apartment, noise and laughter, and every one seemed to be having a fun time. It was after midnight, after the popping of champagne bottles and clinking of several dozen noisemakers, when he heard his mother's voice coming from the foyer, apparently talking to a new guest.

"I didn't know that Jackal had such a cute kouhai," she was saying, which was statement enough to arouse Jackal's interest. As he made his way into the small area he saw Akaya standing there and smiling bashfully at his mother, who quickly excused herself to go back to the party.

"What are you doing here?" Jackal asked, touched in spite of himself.

"You said that you got lonely."

"Shouldn't you still be at Niou's house?"

"Yukimura-buchou's still in the hospital," Akaya said, his voice so small, "so Yagyuu told Niou to have his party there instead. I thought I'd leave early, since your house is on the way, and... I just wanted to spend a little bit of the New Year with you."

Akaya was looking at him then, earnest and hopeful, pointing up at the ceiling. A clump of mistletoes hung above them, left over from Christmas, and Jackal felt all of the sudden awkward. Akaya's hands had somehow gotten tangled in the front of Jackal's shirt, and he was on his tip toes now, lips pink and moving upwards. Jackal panicked slightly, leaned down, and pressed a kiss against Akaya's forehead. As odd as it was, it wasn't as bad as a kiss on the lips.

For a moment, there was stillness, though Akaya held onto his shirt. The soft curls of his hair tickled Jackal's chin.

"Why can't you like me?" Akaya asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"What are you saying?" Jackal asked back, his voice a whisper. "How can I?"

"Would you like me if I was a girl?"

Yes. So much. Because Akaya was sweet, and fun to be with, and many other things that Jackal liked as well. "Yeah. I would."

"So why can't you like me now?"

"It doesn't work like that, Akaya."

Akaya let go then, looking up, a smile on his lips that belied the tone of his voice.

"Happy New Year, sempai," was all he could say, and Jackal only watched as he left the apartment.

.end.