Shades and Shadow

Tsuzuki sat in his favorite place of Rikugo's study. It was a small
corner of the room that had high, wide windows overlooking GensouKai. Cushions
kept him comfortable and he leaned against the old, lacquered wood, eyes
on the peaceful scenery. Dressed in a garb more fitting this world than
his own, Tsuzuki felt like he belonged here. For the brief moments he allowed
himself to completely relax, to unwind in a place that was more or less
a dream world, he was someone completely else.

With things settling down more and more, his own soul began to relax
as well. The whole atmosphere of Rikugo's place helped, even if it was
so unusually clean and sparkling. Lazily he turned toward the bond and
smiled warmly as he was met by an almost frantic Touda.

<<I'm fine// he sent. //Completely okay. Relax>>

The fire shikigami was trembling with worry and Tsuzuki was touched.
He stroked over the dark presence and wished him to relax.

<<What happened?>> Touda demanded.

<<Sohryu and I cleared the air between us>>

<<You shouldn't have…>>

<<Touda, this is as much for his sake as it is for mine and yours.
I can't stand this. I love you all so much, it hurt to have him angry>>

<<He wasn't angry at you>> was the timid reply.

He sighed. <<He was. I know he was. He needed to get things into
perspective and I helped him a little. Touda, it's okay.>>

<<Rikugo…?>>

<<I'm at his place now. We're fine. He's no more to blame than
you are. You all meant no harm, but it came out so wrong>>

Touda curled into his touch, needy and seeking his presence. Tsuzuki
knew how much the shikigami was still hurting, and not just from the physical
wounds. He remembered the naked fear in those non-human eyes when he had
removed the visor throughout the so-called trial. He had seen it, clear
as daylight. He had felt it, almost tasted it. Touda had realized what
he had done, even without fully understanding every detail, and it had
terrified him.

The first time in his life after his pardon he had actively tried to
help, to do something good for Tsuzuki, and it had backfired so badly.

Tsuzuki closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the trembling presence,
holding him. //I'll be back soon// he promised, aware that his physical
presence was required.

Touda didn't reply, but he stayed in his embrace, vulnerable, weak…
like Tsuzuki had never seen him before. A beaten puppy… Not exactly the
way he would ever have seen the serpent, but right now there was little
of the powerful, dangerous and lethal warrior left.

After a while Tsuzuki opened his eyes, aware that Touda had drifted
off to sleep. He turned his head and discovered Rikugo at his desk, reading
through scrolls that looked suspiciously like astrological charts. As if
feeling the amethyst eyes on him, Rikugo looked up, smiling a little.

"How is he?" the astrologer asked quietly.

"Tired, afraid…" Tsuzuki answered softly. "Confused."

Rikugo placed his pen on the desk, sighing softly. There was a brief
expression of pain.

"This will take a very long time to even start healing," he finally
said.

"Yes."

"He will need you for that."

"I'm always there. I might not be able to stay in GensouKai because
of my job, but I'm there for him."

Rikugo smiled softly. "Yes. Yes, you are."

Tsuzuki only smiled, then snuggled back into his pillows, returning
to his peaceful study of the landscape. He knew he couldn't stay here forever,
even if Rikugo claimed he could. The world of the living and Meifu would
want him back.

But not today.

* * *

Byakko looked at the sleeping fire shikigami. He had watched the silent
communication between him and Tsuzuki, had witnessed the multiple emotions
crossing the usually so stoic face, and he had watched as Touda had slipped
off into sleep. A fine smile played over Byakko's features as he smoothed
the blanket and settled back in his couch chair again, waiting as long
as it took for Touda to wake up. He wouldn't leave the injured shikigami
alone.

His eyes strayed to the tattoo that adorned Touda’s left upper arm.
It looked like a stylized flower or some kind of weird star. It was pitch-black,
like it had been burned into his skin since birth. Maybe he had truly been
born with it. The tattoo disappeared the moment the visor was back, limiting
Touda’s powers, and he wondered if that had anything to do with it. Then
again, Touda was a serpent shikigami, related to dragons like Sohryu, and
a dragon’s strength lay within the length of his hair. By cutting the black
strands the others had simply taken Touda’s power down several notches,
and the limiter did the rest.

Byakko sighed softly. For the first time he was truly thinking about
what had been done to this proud man. And it hurt.

Studying the still clearly muscular body, the body of a warrior, he
wondered what would happen now. Touda was in his care and he wouldn't let
any of the other three Gods, let alone the shikigami who served Tsuzuki,
come close with ill intent. It was his duty to protect the wounded man.
Touda had done nothing wrong; they had been rash in judging him and Byakko
blamed his confusion over the topic, his feelings for Tsuzuki, and the
fact that he didn't know Touda at all.

Well, that could be rectified, he thought. He would get to know Touda.

* * *

"Tsuzuki?"

The quietly voiced question made Tsuzuki look at his friend. He had
come to visit, staying with the sleeping man until he would wake, and he
was currently immersed in a book. Touda had been awake for a while, studying
the smooth features, the young man he knew better than anyone else.

Now Tsuzuki looked up, smiling widely. “You’re awake! How do you feel?”

Like shit, he thought. He still hurt. “Better,” he only said.

“Good!”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Tsuzuki put the book aside. “Sure.”

"What exactly did you dream of?" Touda asked carefully, not really
looking at him.

 

Tsuzuki sighed. He had suspected that the shikigami would ask one day,
but he had hoped it would be some time in the far future, not now. He had
never told Touda. The very person who had suffered so badly from all of
it had still no idea what he had done.

The dream was just a faint memory now, something that no longer influenced
him in his interaction with his shikigami. Time healed a lot of wounds,
though not all. These particular ones had disappeared, though.

Touda waited patiently for him to tell or deny him the answer.

Finally Tsuzuki told him. Not in every detail, but he told him of the
'threesome', of the sexual encounter, and Touda's hands clenched into fists.
The shinigami scooted over to the bed, wrapping his fingers around Touda’s
hand.

"You are not to blame. You only sent a trigger, a good feeling, but
my brain was so busy coping with your declarations of love… with my attraction
to Hisoka, and my overactive imagination… well, it did the rest."

Touda still evaded the amethyst eyes. "I shouldn't have done it."

"No, probably not, but I know what the gesture meant. You did it because
you cared. Actually, it worked, though not as you planned to. Hisoka and
I… well, he's helped me through all of this and I think we're getting closer."

Touda finally looked up, lips pulled into an expression of doubt and
Tsuzuki fidgeted.

"Okay, okay, so we didn't really get past first base, but…" He ducked
his head and Touda had to smile a little.

“I’m glad,” he only said.

Tsuzuki looked up once more, right into those fascinating golden eyes.
He still remembered the time he had walked straight into the very belly
of Tenkuu, into the deepest cellars, through the catacombs, and had entered
the prison cell that had held this proud creature. He remembered looking
at the mostly naked, long-haired shikigami, meeting golden eyes that held
nothing but wonder and confusion, need and vulnerability. He had looked
into those eyes and had known what to do. He had held out a hand and he
had touched Touda.

It had been like the sealing of this bond, of this strange friendship.

“Me, too. Touda… I need to go back home.”

The serpent nodded. “I understand.”

“I’ll be back as soon as possible. Byakko will be here, he’ll take
care of you, protect you…”

Touda scowled. “I don’t need a baby-sitter!”

“No. You need a friend.”

That stopped him and Tsuzuki rubbed a thumb over the hand he was holding.

“Just get better, Touda. I need you to be better.”

Touda raised a hand and cupped his cheek. “I will. I promise you.”

“Thanks.”