Red Roses for Your Lover

Seras lay in Walter’s arms enjoying the afterglow. She’d felt that slip again, but still couldn’t get a grip on it. It had felt…it had felt like letting go of…skin, hair, hands, everything. Like her whole body had gone out of focus. She had another problem, though.

“Walter?”

“Mmmm?”

“Between your using me as a five a.m. snack and the blood I lost earlier, I’m in pretty bad shape.”

“Mmm…maybe it’ll help you rest. If you’re a good girl, I’ll take you by the commissary before the attack begins. Go to sleep.”

So much for affection. I should have known better. Seras drifted in and out of consciousness, trying to recapture that feeling she believed might be the key to her freedom. Eventually she drifted completely out.

•••

Sleep could never be the refuge Seras needed for as much time as she needed it. Too soon she felt Walter rise and go about his morning - rather, evening routine. Tonight these bastards, her bastard among them, would be doing to Berlin what they had done to London. Sleep had done nothing to help her extreme hunger and the hunger left her emotionally vulnerable. It was a greater effort than usual to push despair away. All of the memories she had set aside as harmful to her chances of survival were clamoring at her. They brought with them an almost physical pain and she shivered with the emotions.

She set herself to “watching” the activities of the vampires as they prepared for the attack. It was a greater challenge than usual because of the bustle that accompanied their preparations. She welcomed the effort because it kept her mind away from the memory traps it was setting itself.

Seras caught up with the oddly light mind of Schrödinger as he made his way to Walter’s room. She’d been careful about digging around in his head because he was one of the Werewolves. As far as she could tell from the other vampires on the ship, none of the Werewolves could be underestimated, although most of the enlisted troops didn’t understand what exactly set the elite vampires apart. She didn’t want to risk being caught, especially not by the odd little boy. He’s no little boy. He’s probably about the same age as Walter. Don’t underestimate him just because he looks like he’s even younger than I am.

Knowing that company was on the way, Seras rolled over and asked Walter for her shirt. He tossed it carelessly to her and she was able to slip it on before her babysitter’s knock sounded on the door. The effort left her lightheaded and she was forced to lie down again.

Schrödinger entered, practically bouncing through the door. “It’s tonight! I haven’t been home in more than sixty years. I’m so excited!”

“Yes, yes, Warrant Officer, you’re excited. I, on the other hand, have no real interest in killing drearily simple humans. I have to agree with an old acquaintance about the waste of time that is killing those who present no challenge.”

Seras had no doubt she knew who Walter meant. She had a momentary pang for her Master before she ruthlessly crushed it. She could feel for everyone and everything she had lost when she was safely away from her captors.

Schrödinger looked away from Walter and stared at Seras where she lay on the bed. He inclined his head to her in acknowledgement, but didn’t speak.

“Good evening, Warrant Officer. Are you going to play video games while I sleep again? That must be boring for you.”

He shook his head and held up a knapsack. “I brought my computer. If you want, you can watch with me. I can use the in-ship network to see our men and also pick up human broadcasts. This is too big a night to waste playing Harvest Moon.”

Seras didn’t say anything but she felt fairly certain that she didn’t want to watch broadcasts of the invasion of Berlin while she sat helplessly on one of the attackers’ ships. She looked away from Schrödinger and watched as Walter meticulously pulled on and tightened the gloves that housed his wires. She felt a wash of pity for anyone who would face the Angel of Death tonight. She wondered if there was some sign the people of Berlin could put on their doors to make Walter pass them by. No such mercies for the humans tonight.

•••

Walter was long gone. Seras imagined that she could hear the terror of the humans who were running and fighting for their lives below her, but she was very carefully keeping her mind to herself. She did not want to feel what was going on in the city below.

Schrödinger had settled on the bed next to her and pulled out his laptop. Seras had caught him staring at her a few times, but he was mostly absorbed in whatever he was seeing on his screen. Walter hadn’t followed through on taking her to the commissary, and the young woman was too wrung out to do much more than lie there filled with an impotent need to do something.

She couldn’t sleep. No matter how physically or psychically tired she was, she just couldn’t close her eyes and sleep knowing what was happening to hundreds or thousands of people right that moment.

Seras opened her eyes again to find her guardian watching her carefully. “You look troubled,” he commented.

Seras laughed bitterly. “Troubled doesn’t begin to touch it, Warrant Officer.”

“Call me Schro. It’s easier.” He grinned at her but sobered abruptly. “It doesn’t do you any good to feel for those people down there. Why do you do it?”

“That’s a personal question, Schro. What will you give me if I answer it?”

“A kiss?” Seras pulled farther away from him on the bed. The last thing she needed was to deal with another amorous vampire. He seemed to understand the look on her face, “A joke, just a joke. I would not wish to anger your Butler.”

“If I answer your personal question, you answer a personal question of mine. A fair trade.” He nodded his agreement.

She sighed and pulled herself into a sitting position next to Schrödinger. “I feel for the people down there because I don’t want to be a monster. I didn’t understand what I was getting myself into when I agreed to become a vampire, it happened too fast to give it any thought. I know I’m not human, the last few weeks especially have made me stop fighting that, but just because I’m not human doesn’t mean I have to give up on humanity – the people down there or the humanity in me.”

“Are you familiar with history, Seras?” she looked at him, not understanding his question. “Throughout history, the most inhumane acts are perpetrated by humans. The history books are not filled with stories of the horrors wrought by vampires or the supernatural, they are filled with the horrors that humans brought on each other. I wouldn’t overrate the human condition if I were you. At least we can be honest about our need for blood and death instead of pretending we’re doing it for a higher cause.”

“How old are you, really?”

“Is that your personal question for me?”

She looked at him for a moment, she really was curious about his age, but didn’t want to waste her question on something so easy. She shook her head. “No. I have a question I’m more interested in.”

“Ask. We had a deal, didn’t we?”

“Don’t talk to me about vampires and their deals,” she muttered, thinking of Walter’s bargain for her cooperation. “Right. My question for you is why do you stare at me the way you do?” She frowned at him when he burst out laughing.

“Why do I stare at you? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror recently?”

“In fact, I have, and I didn’t like what I saw,” thinking of the roses.

“Look at yourself critically. You’re the woman the most powerful vampire of our time chose as a child, the woman the Angel of Death wanted for himself, the woman who killed the only other woman I have known who frightened me. What could a perpetually youthful vampire Warrant Officer see in you that would be worth staring at?”

“You’re not playing fair. It’s not fair to answer my question with questions of your own.”

He shook his head at her and spoke as though to a child: “You’re blond, curvaceous and a vampire. You’re even my height, which is also a refreshing change. I’m a vampire who has known two other female vampires in the past sixty years and neither of them were my type. I stare at you because you’re a pleasant sight.”

•••

Seras was curled up on her side. Her conversation with Schrödinger had left her ill at ease. He didn’t make sense to her. He seemed so cute and funny and innocent, but then destroyed that illusion with his blithe acceptance of what Millennium was doing and his casual disregard for human life. It seemed that he was just a more palatable monster than the ones she was accustomed to dealing with.

She pretended to sleep to avoid speaking with him any more. She had even more incentive to pursue the slip she had felt. Her hunger helped her in an odd way. It made her feel more disconnected from her body. She hung in the space behind her eyes and tried to recapture the feeling.

Schrödinger had switched his laptop to local newscasts and the sound of German broadcasters in a virtual panic was distracting.

You’re trying too hard. Huh? Do you think that Alucard has to spend all this time in concentration when he changes form? No. He knows what he wants, he wills it, and it happens. Are you less than your Master? Seras couldn’t deny what she was hearing, but she was more interested in why she was hearing it. It sounded like her own thoughts, but didn’t taste right. Stop thinking so hard and do what you need to do.

Do. Right. Just know what I want and make it happen, like opening my eyes or making a fist. She wanted to not be in this body. She wanted to sink through the bed and out of this place. She wanted to be somewhere else. There! The slip had answered her specific wishes and Seras felt the bed under her seemingly turn to a mist she could sink into. She had enough time to hear Schrödinger’s shocked shout before she slipped through the bed and into the room below.