Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 12


“Come on, sleepy head,” The muffled voice reached him, muffled due to the pillow currently pulled over his head which he had used in an attempt to drown out the crowd that was presently in his room.

Shuichi let out a deep sigh and reluctantly pushed the pillow to one side, rolling over and sitting up in bed, one hand raking through his long hair at the back of his head, before rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

He yawned widely and blinked a few times, a frown on his brow as he gazed at the people in various poses scattered around the room. Who ever said that the bedroom was the most private place had never had to live with this lot!

K stood over at the window, gun unholstered but not fired. Thankfully someone had managed to convince him that it wasn’t necessary, probably Hiro. Sakano fidgeted in the doorway, hands nervously rubbing together then being clasped behind his back. Shuichi wondered if something actually might have gone wrong but a few moments later when Sakano repeated the same routine reassured him that all was fine. If Sakano ever stopped fidgeting, then he would know that the world was about to end!

Suguru sat demurely in the corner, legs crossed, absently flicking through a magazine he must have grabbed from the other room, although Shuichi could see that his eyes weren’t exactly following what was before him. Not surprising, he was as tired as them all.

The last person in the room was Hiro, who currently sat on the edge of the bed near Shuichi’s feet. He grinned at him, enough to make him feel like kicking him off just to see him fall flat on the floor but he restrained himself. This wasn’t Hiro’s fault as per se.

He yawned again, this time wide enough that his jaw cracked, making him wince. He saw K’s hand twitch his weapon at the sound and was glad he wasn’t feeling in as trigger happy mood as he generally was. That would have normally resulted in him being aerated.

“So can someone tell me just why the hell are you all in my room?” he grumped, now scrubbing both hands through his hair. The sides and front had grown out from the usual short cut he had maintained since his time in North America. It wasn’t as long as he had used to wear it, but his fringe was now down to his eyebrows. He decided he didn’t mind it like that, but he intended to have the sides shortened again. He tugged at the back of his hair, measuring the length. It was about at the top of his shoulders so he would just have that trimmed a little also. It would still be long enough to cover the scars.

“Well, it is midmorning,” Hiro said, leaning elbows on his knees. “We were beginning to wonder if you intended to sleep the entire day away.”

“It hardly matters if I did. We don’t have the concert till night.” he replied.

‘That is true,” Sakano spoke up from the doorway, hand rising to push his glasses up his nose in his habitual gesture. “But we were concerned that if you slept too long you would feel worse when you awoke.”

“Also that if you slept right up till the concert you might be too lethargic and not have your usual amount of energy.” K added. He grinned, quite evilly. “You need to make sure that you have your natural energy flowing well before then. It’s the adrenalin that makes you so good. We want to make sure you give your best performance.”

“I get hyper doing a concert no matter what,” Shuichi complained, throwing the sheet back and standing, stretching arms and back.

“True, but it’s so much better when you’ve been fired up before.” K rubbed the butt of his gun. “I can always add some incentive.” he offered.

“There’s no need for that!” Shuichi hurriedly assured him. “So are we doing something special today? Is that why you’re all here?”

“Actually, we did have something.” Sakano said. “Since it has been nearly a week already and we are here in Osaka, the President thought it would be quite a good opportunity for you all to visit Universal Studios.”

“Really?!” Shuichi froze in place, not believing what he was hearing. He had actually never managed to visit Universal Studios up till now, apart from some brief promotional shots of the band a number of years ago. It was a place he had wanted to go to so often but it was one of those places he just never seemed to manage to do so. He noticed that even Suguru looked up with sudden interest at that, whilst Hiro’s grin grew broader.

“Yes,” Sakano continued. “The President said that you should all ensure that you have a short break during this time and enjoy yourself.”

“Yeah!” Shuichi shouted, punching the air as he jumped. “Way to go, Tohma!”

“Ahem,” Sakano cleared his throat, flushing at Shuichi’s casual mention of Tohma Seguchi’s name. “We haven’t made any special arrangements.” he said. “It’s not as though the park will be closed down for our exclusive use, so you must all be careful. The advantage is that it is not peak season so there should be less people but do watch yourself. And please be careful to not do anything that might result in injury to your persons. You do still have a concert, remember, and we don’t wish to cancel due to some untoward accident.”

“Aw, stop worrying your pretty little head,” K spoke up causing Sakano to flush at the comment. “I’ll be there to keep an eye on things so crowds won’t be a bother.”

Shuichi had a vision of their manager, in full camouflage wear, blond hair streaming in the wind around him, with a rocket launcher by his side as Universal Studios burned to the ground, laughing manically. He shuddered. It was more than likely a prophetic vision than a hallucination unfortunately where K was concerned.

He turned to him and frowned fiercely. “You are not going to take any dangerous weapons in there,” he stated firmly. “This is an amusement park. It’s a place to have fun and I’m not going to have you ruin it. So no weapons!”

K opened his mouth as though to protest when Hiro spoke up. “He’s right,” he said. “We’ll be fine. You and Sakano deserve a break as well. We’re all going to be together so it’s not like we won’t be able to keep an eye on each other. So let’s just all go and have a good time.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Sakano suddenly added his support, looking over at K. “I’m sure that everything will run smoothly without our added assistance.”

K looked crestfallen but didn’t raise any further objections.

“Right!” Shuichi suddenly clapped his hands. “Now that that’s settled,” he looked at them all in the room. “Can you get the hell out of my room so I can change?!”

“Of course, of course, our apologies, Shindou,” Sakano hurriedly went over and grabbed K, propelling him from the room, as Suguru stood and wandered out with Hiro close behind.

“Don’t take too long,” Hiro said with a wink, “And don’t go back to sleep!”

“As if!” Shuichi said, picking up a pillow and tossing at him which he easily caught and tossed right back so it landed on the bed. “Get out of here.”

Shuichi was ready in record time, so fast that Hiro wondered if he had moved around in the shower so quickly he had missed the water drops completely, but then a tell tale drip slipped from his fringe which at least indicated that some parts of him had actually got wet.

They had all dressed casually for the day, though any die-hard fans would still have no trouble recognizing them but that couldn’t be helped. Hiro had no intention of trying to disguise himself and going to all that trouble, he’d been through all that before and the nightmarish memories still haunted him. So, no disguises this time, not when he wanted to go out and have a bit of fun.

“Let’s go!” Shuichi crowed as he rushed to the door. Everyone else followed along a little more sedately but no less quickly. Despite efforts to appear that they weren’t as interested, none of them could completely hide their own excitement for today’s sojourn. Once downstairs they all piled into waiting taxis and headed off.

The journey took some time, not so much due to traffic but Universal Studios were not near their hotel but finally Shuichi spotted the recognizable area as they drew closer. “There it is, there it is!” he said, bouncing up and down in his seat

“We could have caught the train out here.” Suguru said, checking out the brochures he had on his lap.

Hiro looked over his shoulder. “Perhaps we can take it back,” he suggested.

“It might be a little crowded by that time,” Sakano stated. Hiro and Suguru shared an amused glance at Sakano’s constant worrying.

“Come on!” Shuichi shouted to them, waving. He was already quite a distance in front of them. “Hurry up!”

“Hold on, Shindou!” K called out. “Stay together. We’re not going in through the front entrance.”

“We’re not?” Suguru questioned

“No. I arranged for us to be taken through a side staff entrance to avoid the crowds. So come this way.”

They followed K as he took them down the boulevard walk, Shuichi’s eyes wide with wonder. “Oh, damn it!” he suddenly said, halting.

“What?” Hiro asked.

Shuichi looked like he was about to cry. “I didn’t bring a camera!” he all but wailed. “I’ve finally made it to Universal Studios and I didn’t bring a camera!” Now Hiro could see real tears gathering in his friend’s large eyes.

There was a sudden flash of light and both Shuichi and Hiro turned to see Suguru leaning against one of the poles. In his hands was a camera.

“I didn’t think you’d remember so I made certain to bring mine.” he said.

“Suguru!” Shuichi shouted and rushed his fellow bandmate, throwing his arms around him to hug him in exuberance.

Hiro watched, amused as Suguru’s face turned slightly purple as his oxygen was completely cut off for a moment.

“You are such a good friend!” Shuichi was almost weeping on Suguru’s shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

Suguru patted his back comfortingly, rolling his eyes at his friend’s antics. “There, there, it’s all right now.” He managed to disengage himself from Shuichi’s grip and place his hands on his shoulders, holding him at bay. “Here,” he said, holding the camera out to Shuichi. “You can use it.”

“Are you sure?” Shuichi said hesitantly, not taking the proffered object. “I might break it.”

“You’ll be fine. Hey, it’s just a camera.”

“But what if you want to take photos?”

“If I do you can either take it for me, or I’ll just buy one of those disposable cameras. It’s fine.”

Shuichi now reverently took the camera, holding it to his chest tightly, smiling brightly. “Thanks so much, Suguru!” he exclaimed. “You’re the best!” and he grabbed his friend in another bone crushing hug.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.”

“Ah, Shuichi, you’re starting to attract attention.” Hiro said, noticing the people beginning to stare at their little party and more than one drawing closer. “You don’t want to be mobbed out here, do you?”

“No, no, not at all!” Shuichi quickly released Suguru, who took a deep breathe to ease the ache in his oxygen starved lungs.

“Come on then,” K said. “Let’s get inside.”

They continued closer to the gates when Shuichi let out a small squeal, of considerably less volume than he would normally do so showing his attempted restraint. “Look, look! It’s Snoopy!”

He rushed over to the statue he had seen and sure enough it was the adorable black and white cartoon canine. “Hiro, you’ve got to take a photo, please?!”

“Sure,’ Hiro agreed, smiling indulgently. “Hand it over.”

Shuichi beamed happily as he posed next to the statue as Hiro clicked a couple of different shots, amused by his friend’s antics.

“Let’s go now.” K stated. “At this rate we won’t get to see everything before we have to leave to get back.”

“No!” Shuichi nearly cried. “We can’t leave if we haven’t finished everything!”

“Then let’s get moving, pipsqueak.” Hiro said, slapping his friend’s back.

“Hey, who’re you calling ‘pipsqueak’?!” Shuichi demanded.

“A pipsqueak,” Hiro said with a smile over his shoulder, following the others.

‘Beanpole!” Shuichi muttered, hurriedly catching up.

Hiro laughed as he draped an arm around his shoulders. “You’re going to love it, Shu. You got to go on the Jurassic Park ride.”

That’s right, Shuichi remembered. Hiro had been here before. He had come here with Ayaka a while ago, it had been a special date. Her family even gave permission for them to stay overnight, although it had to be in separate rooms.

Shuichi sneaked a glance upwards at his friend, wondering if those separate rooms were actually both used or if they had shared after all. Hiro had never said - not that he would. He wasn’t the sort of guy to ‘kiss and tell’, he was a real gentleman like that. Not like a certain grumpy blond…..

He cut that thought, pulling away from Hiro and running forward. He did not want to think about a certain someone. A someone who seemed to occupy his thoughts every chance there was. He couldn’t seem to help it. It just seemed that whenever he had a moment of spare thought it was filled with that one person; thoughts of him, memories of him, and with those came the feelings. Emotions of longing and loneliness that were almost strong enough to bring tears to his eyes. Or at least make his heart hurt.

He mentally tried to shake those thoughts aside. “Hurry up, slowpoke!” Shuichi called back to Hiro as he ran to catch up with K and the others. There would be plenty to occupy his mind today surely so he would not be thinking about that other person.

At least he prayed that would be the case.

Once they were inside it was all that Shuichi could do to not stop and stare with wide-eyed wonder. He may not be a goofy teenager any more but he hadn’t lost his wonder and amazement for amusement parks of all sorts. He still loved them; the fantasy, the illusion, the dream-like quality they held as though he had stepped into another world. He loved that feeling. The camera in his hands began working over time.

“So what do we do first?” he asked, bouncing up and down, only stilling to snap another photo.

“Well, I think the most logical way to do this,” Suguru said, looking at the map in his hands. “is to work our way around in a clockwise direction, starting right here. There are a couple of things that start at special times,” Holding the page out and pointing to them so the others could also see. “Are we interested in seeing those as well?”

“Of course we are!” Shuichi exclaimed, frowning at his sacrilege in suggesting anything else.

Suguru just shrugged. “Okay, then why don’t we just work our way around the exhibitions and rides and when it is coming to the time for these special events to happen we go and see them, and then come back to where we had stopped.”

“That sounds like a very good plan,” Sakano stated, impressed by Suguru’s masterful planning. It reminded him of the President, although Tohma Seguchi would not be running this as a democracy.

“Are we all agreed?” K asked. A chorus of nods answered him.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Hiro smiled, turning and heading for the closest building. “We’ve got a lot to get through today so let’s get started!”

“Yeah!” Shuichi leapt up and rushed over also and the day begun.

************

“Oh, wow!” Shuichi exclaimed, brushing the water away from his clothes. Fortunately it was still a warm day so they should dry without too much trouble. “That was awesome!”

Hiro smiled at him as he lit up a cigarette. “Didn’t I tell you that the Jurassic Park ride wasn’t to be missed?”

“Yeah, those spooky dinosaurs, those scary ones were really creepy. And then when that gate looked like it wasn’t going to close,” Shuichi’s eyes were sparkling as he spoke, his hands waving as he walked and described what he had just seen. “And then that T-Rex right at the end! Gods, I swear my heart was going to stop! It looked like it was going to eat us for sure. Then – whoosh!- down we went that drop! I’m sure I felt that monster’s breath across my back!”

“That would be impossible.” Suguru stated evenly. “It’s a mechanical creation, it has no breath.”

Shuichi frowned at his younger bandmate. “You have no imagination,” he complained.

Suguru just rolled his eyes and said nothing as they continued to walk.

“So where did we lose K and Sakano?” Shuichi asked, looking around although they hadn’t seen their manager and producer for the last few attractions.

“I think it was in the line for the Spiderman exhibit.” Suguru replied.

“Don’t worry,” Hiro assured them both. “We’ll meet up with them somewhere no doubt. The park isn’t that big. Besides we’ll certainly find them at the end of the day when we head back. We all know what time we have to be leaving.”

Shuichi glanced at his watch. “Then we’d better move it. We’re running out of time.”

“The biggest time waster is waiting in the lines.” Suguru half complained.

“True. Even though it’s not peak season there are still a lot of people. Though it’s really only been for the most popular rides, or the new attractions.” Hiro stated.

“So where to next?” Shuichi asked.

Suguru consulted his map and pointed off to another path. “Let’s go that way to the ‘Jaws’ exhibit.”

“‘Jaws’?” Shuichi queried, following the others. “What’s that? An eating contest?”

“It’s about a big shark.” Suguru said.

“A shark? Sounds boring.” Shuichi’s steps began to slow.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it,” Hiro said, throwing a smile at his friend, encouraging him. “You’ll like it, honestly.”

“Okay,” Shuichi said a little reluctantly. They’ve got a whole ride about a shark, he thought. What fun could that be? It’s not like it’s going to be a real shark. It really did sound boring to him.

As they approached they suddenly rounded a turn of the path and he stopped. Before them was a large shark, fake of course, hung from its tail. It was huge, stretching up to the sky.

“Wow!” he said, eyes drinking in the sight. He brought the camera up and began to snap.

“Hey, don’t take all the photos here,” Hiro said. “You can get better ones down there.”

Shuichi followed him down and Hiro then took the camera. “Go and stand next to it,” he told his friend.

Shuichi squeeze in while there was a gap in the crowd and proudly stood next to the huge head whilst Hiro took a couple of photos.

“Now,” Hiro said. “Lean down and put your head in the mouth. It’ll make a great shot.”

“What?!” Shuichi exclaimed.

“It’s not like it’s real,” Suguru put in calmly.

“I know that!” Shuichi flared back. Then, with a determined look on his face, bent over and rested his head in the open jaws.

As he looked at Hiro and smiled, he tried not to shiver at the feel of the large teeth hovering over and below his neck but as soon as Hiro indicated that he was done, he quickly extricated himself from that position and took a deep breath.

From this close position he looked up the length of the creature. It was just huge and very impressive. “So this is ‘Jaws’.” he said. “I guess it is pretty cool.” He turned to the others who had come down to join him. “So where next?”

“No, this isn’t it. This is just something fun to do before you go on the ride.” Hiro pointed down another section of the path following behind the hanging shark. “The ride is down there.”

“Really? Okay.”

***********

“So what did you think?” Hiro asked his two bandmates.

Suguru brushed again at the wet spots of his clothing, grimacing a little. “Remind me next time to wear waterproof pants,” he grumbled.

Hiro laughed. “But that’s part of the fun,” he said. “If you were too prepared it wouldn’t be so much of a surprise. How about you, Shuichi?”

Shuichi was leaning against the railing, ignoring the water still dripping from his shirt, eyes still a little glazed.

Hiro peered at him more closely. “Shu, you okay?”

Shuichi took a deep breath and blinked. “Yeah,” he finally replied. “That was just…..” He blinked a few more times. “terrifying.”

“You think so?”’ Suguru looked at him, a little surprised. “You were that scared?”

Shuichi glared at him whilst Hiro chuckled. “You should see the bruises on my arm where he grabbed me.” he said to Suguru.

Shuichi transferred his glare to Hiro. “I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve never seen the ‘Jaws’ films before so I didn’t know what it was all about!”

He wasn’t about to tell either of them that at the climatic moment as the shark appeared to rise from the water to swallow him whole and he really thought he was facing utter doom, the face that had flashed before his eyes had been Yuki’s. That split second of image had taken his breath away and the longing he had felt for the other had almost been overwhelming. That feeling had remained after they had returned to the shore, leaving his knees feeling weak and his heart hurting. He tried to shake the feeling away, returning to the conversation he was currently having.

“It looked so real.” he added, trying to defend his response.

“It’s supposed to.” Hiro lead them away. “Let’s grab a drink over there.”

“Were you really that scared?” Suguru asked with a little curiousity as he fell into step beside Shuichi.

“Yeah, I was,” he replied defensively. “Are you saying you weren’t?” he demanded back.

“Well, it was startling, certainly. I didn’t know what to expect either. But I wouldn’t say I was terrified.”

“Then excuse me for actually getting into the whole feel of the thing!”

There was silence for a moment.

“Yeah, well, that always was your forte.” Suguru then said quietly.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You always do throw yourself into everything whole heartedly. You have a knack of being able to put yourself into what universe you want to. You can seem to visualize it all so clearly. No, not just visualize it, but actually believe it, live it.” Suguru turned his head away so Shuichi couldn’t see his face. “You can even ‘feel’ what it would be like. I wish I could.”

Shuichi looked at his friend’s dark hair, seeing the twinkle of an earring. That had surprised him when he had first seen it. Suguru hadn’t pierced his ear before he’d got on that plane, way back when. When he had arrived in Quebec for that first time he remembered taking note of that flash of light on the gold hoop, though at the time he hadn’t realized why he had made such a note of it. Later, when he regained his memories, he realized why it had seemed so out of place. He had often wondered why the normally straight laced and sedate Suguru had suddenly got his ear pierced when he had never shown any indication of wanting to do so.

“You can feel things too,” he said then, reaching out to place a hand on Suguru’s shoulder, forcing him to stop and turn to face him. “You feel things through your music. It might not be the same way I do, but your music expresses how you feel. The way you can take the notes and arrange them into something so much more than I could even imagine, that’s a real gift.”

Suguru’s face didn’t change in expression.

Shuichi rubbed at the back of his neck, fingers bumping over the slightly raised skin of the scars that ran down one side. He pulled his hand away quickly, not wanting those reminders at this time. “You know, I envy you that ability.” he said, looking at Suguru a little sheepishly. “I always have.”

“Me?” Now Suguru looked surprised.

“Yeah. You can take my music and make it even better. I didn’t particularly like that at the start. It felt like you were stealing my only child or something.”

Suguru snorted. “That’s stupid.”

“Yeah, I know,” Shuichi admitted then shrugged. “But, hey, you know me. I’m a spazz!”

“Oh, yeah, that we know.”

“You don’t have to agree so quickly!”

“Why not when it’s true?”

Now it was Shuichi’s turn to roll his eyes as they began walking again. “By the way,” he said, “I’ve been meaning to ask why you got your ear pierced.”

Suguru’s hand flew to his ear, cupping over the loop as though to hide it, his cheeks colouring. “Oh,” he said, “I…sort of forget about it now that I’ve got it.”

“When did you get it done?” Shuichi questioned. “I know you didn’t have it when I left the last time.”

“No. I got it later.”

“How come? Have you got a tattoo also?” He looked Suguru up and down as though he would be able to see such an illicit thing through his clothes.

“Don’t be stupid,” Suguru chided. “It’s just the earring.”

“So what brought that streak of rebelliousness on?” Shuichi pressed, curiousity eating at him now. “I wouldn’t have thought your family would have approved.”

“It’s nothing. Forget it.” Suguru said, walking faster.

“Hey, what are you hiding?” Shuichi exclaimed, hurrying to keep pace. “Is there a bigger meaning behind it?”

Shuichi saw Suguru’s cheeks flush again and crowed with delight. “There is, isn’t there? There’s some hidden secret about why you got it done. Come on, tell me!” He began to wheedle, drawing closer to his friend. “Is it a girl, is that it? Or…. don’t tell me,” and he suddenly thought of something else, “it’s not a boy?!”

Suguru made to slap him them, cheeks flaming brightly, which he easily dodged. “You are such an idiot sometimes.” he almost snarled. “You’re the only raging homo in this group, remember?!”

“Ah, doesn’t mean that you mightn’t fall for some guy too,” Shuichi said. “Not if they looked as good as Yuki so you can’t blame me.”

“Yeah, well, if he’s so damn hot why aren’t you with him?”

Shuichi suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, feeling like he had been doused in a bucket of cold water. Suguru had a point. Why wasn’t he with Yuki? He’d just told him that he still thought Yuki was hot and he could admit that is exactly what he did think. Yuki was really good looking and he still made his heart skip a beat when he saw him, or even just thought about him. So why wasn’t he with him?

“Hey, Shu?” He looked up to see Suguru standing before him, a worried frown on his face. “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Shuichi cleared his throat. “No, it’s okay,” he reassured his friend, bringing up a small smile. “No big deal.” He began to walk off, still deep in thought.

Okay, why wasn’t he with Yuki? Well, he was on tour at the moment for one. But that’s not really the reason. He could have asked Yuki to come with him. He had wanted to, he really had, but Yuki hadn’t made any indication that he was interested and in the past he hadn’t either.

He had previously come to the odd concert, usually under sufferance, but an entire tour? No, that would have been out of the question. Besides, the man’s got his own work to do. Why would he have put aside all that for three weeks to trail around after him? Touring can be pretty tiring so he wouldn’t have been the best of company most of the time.

Still, he couldn’t help but think that it would have been nice. Even after what Yuki had done that time, he still found he thought of him nearly all the time. Everything seemed to remind him off Yuki for some reason. Even here, he kept wishing that he was with him, although he knew that the man would be doing nothing but complain about being dragged all over the place to see such stupid things. It was just plain weird that he actually missed all that grousing.

“It was for you,” Suguru suddenly said.

“Eh?” Shuichi refocused on his bandmate by his side.

Suguru’s face was a dark red, more than just a light blush, and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets in a stance that Shuichi had come to recognize over the years as when he was extremely embarrassed.

“The earring. It was for you.”

Shuichi’s mind spun. Was Suguru….confessing to him?! Arghhhhh!, his mind screamed and his inner soul ran around in circles waving its arms. “Uhm….” he began but couldn’t get anything more coherent out.

Suguru continued. “When you went missing,” he said, still not looking at Shuichi. “I got it done then.”

“Ah, why?” Shuichi finally managed to ask. How was he going to let Suguru down gently and tell him that he wasn’t interested in him that way?

Instead of answering immediately Suguru reached up and unclasped the earring, passing it over to Shuichi, still not meeting his eyes. “Look inside,” he said.

Shuichi held the gold band up closer, peering at the interior. He could make out etchings and made his way into the shadow of a tree to avoid the glare of the sun so he could read it easier. Some symbols were carved there, then his name written after. He looked up at Suguru who had followed him.

“That symbol is a reiki,” Suguru explained, obviously guessing that Shuichi wouldn’t know what it was. “It’s a chant if you like, or a wish. There are a number of these reiki, all to do different things.”

“What’s this one mean?” Shuichi asked, peering back at the symbols.

“It’s called hon sha ze sho nen, or the Distance symbol.”

“What does it do?”

“It’s used to send healing reiki over distance and time to anyone.” Suguru answered.

Shuichi read it again, sounding out the words Suguru had told him. “So this, with my name…?”

“It’s directing the power of the reiki to the person named.” Suguru said, still not looking at him. “When you went missing I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to try and do something. That’s all I could think of.”

“Thank you,” Shuichi said warmly, touching his friend’s shoulder.

Suguru turned his head and for the first time he looked at Shuichi directly.

Shuichi held the earring out to him with a smile. “Thank you for thinking of me. It must have helped.”

Suguru took back his accessory with a sniff. “Don’t be stupid. It’s all just superstition.” he said as he reaffixed it to his ear.

“Maybe,” Shuichi said. “But then I am back here, aren’t I?” Suguru looked back at him. “What are the odds of that?”

Suguru looked a little uncomfortable at that thought and Shuichi chuckled. “All I’m saying is that every little bit probably helped. I don’t think I could have made it if it had just been my doing. So thank you for wanting to help me.”

“That’s okay,” Suguru muttered, shuffling his feet a little with further embarrassment.

“Hey, you two,” Hiro’s shout startled them both and they turned to see him waving from the front of a food stand. “Get over here and order. I’m starving.”

“Coming!” Shuichi waved back. He turned back to Suguru with a smile. “Hurry up, there’s still a tonne of things to see before we leave and if I miss any I’m going to blame you.”

Suguru rolled his eyes and followed. “So what else is new?” he shouted after him.


“So what were you two talking about?” Hiro asked Shuichi as they sat and ate some cinnamon sticks. Suguru had wandered off for a moment to look at something, leaving just the two of them.

“Nothing in particular.”

“Oh, really?” Hiro replied. “That wasn’t what it looked like to me.”

“It was kind of private,” Shuichi said a little apologetically. He wasn’t used to keeping things from his best friend but he also knew how private Suguru was so he didn’t know if he should say anything.

“Hmm,” Hiro chewed for a moment. “Was it about his earring?” he finally said.

Shuichi was surprised while Hiro just grinned back. “Yeah, I knew about it. He didn’t actually tell me,” he explained, taking a drink to wash the last of the snack down. “I sort of figured it out though.” He looked at his friend. “He’s always full of surprises, isn’t he? Just when you think you’ve got him figured out he does something like that that gives you a whole new perspective on what makes him tick.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Shuichi looked across to where their younger bandmate stood touching some plants growing by the fence. “Even after all this time there’s still so much about Suguru that we don’t seem to know.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Hiro said, nonchalantly leaning back and lighting up a cigarette. “We’ve got plenty of time to figure him out.” He glanced across with a grin. “Besides, isn’t it more fun to still have surprises than to know everything?”

“I suppose so.” Shuichi agreed. “I just never expected something like that from him.”

There was silence for a moment between them.

“Shu,” Hiro then said quietly. “When you went missing it affected a lot of people.”

Shuichi looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean? I know my family and friends were worried. I’m sorry for that.”

Hiro waved his apology aside. “I don’t mean you have to be sorry for it. It wasn’t your fault. All I mean is that, yes, we were worried, but it was more than just ‘worried’. You can worry that you’re going to be late for work, or miss your train, or run out of laundry powder. That’s worry. What I mean is that when you were missing we weren’t just worried.”

Hiro took a deep drag on his cigarette. “I know you know your family loves you. Hell, they’re such a crazy bunch who else could love you!” Shuichi snorted at that accurate assessment of his family, but he still smiled at the thought of them. “But it wasn’t just them.”

Hiro leant forward and let his hand dangle between his knees, cigarette drooping from between his fingers. “When I first heard, I thought my heart would stop.” he said softly. “I couldn’t believe that I could lose you. I don’t know if you really understand just how much a part of my life you are, Shu. I don’t mean just because we’re in a band together, or because we’ve known each other for so long. I mean because you are a big part of my life and without your there, there is just a big gaping hole. I want to be able to keep sharing all the special times in my life with you as my best friend, both the good times and the bad.”

Hiro lifted the almost finished cigarette to his lips. “I really didn’t know what to do when you were gone. I didn’t even know what I could do. Suguru was like that too. He wanted to do something for you but just didn’t know what, so his way of trying to help was to get that earring. Mine was spending time with your family; it sort of made me feel that you were still here, that you weren’t gone completely.”

“I know you did a lot for me, Hiro,” Shuichi responded just as quietly. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend and I want to be there for you too. Even for Suguru. I ….love you both, you know.”

“I know,” Hiro gave a small grin. “Though be careful how you say that because it could be interpreted a whole lot of different ways. Say it to the wrong person and the tabloids would have us in a threesome!”

“Ew! Gross!” Shuichi wrinkled his nose in disgust while Hiro just chuckled.

“I know you love me, and hell, I love you too. In a manly way, of course.” Hiro said.

“Of course,” Shuichi agreed a little sarcastically.

“But you see, when you went missing Suguru and I wanted to do something but we couldn’t do much. We couldn’t think of what we could do that would help. There was only one person who didn’t just think about it. He did it.”

Hiro looked at Shuichi intently. “Shuichi, it was Yuki. He didn’t sit here and wonder what was it that he could do. He didn’t weigh everything up and believe that there wasn’t anything so it was better to leave it in the hands of others. He wasn’t like us. From that very first moment he did something. He was determined to do something, and there’s no way anyone would have been able to stop him. He just up and went after you, as simple as that.”

Shuichi just continued to look at Hiro as he spoke. He had known that Yuki had come in search of him. That was no secret but the way Hiro was now explaining it to him made him look at it in a whole new light. Hiro was right. Of all the people in his life, it was only Yuki that had come for him. It wasn’t that no-one else had cared or loved him, or missed him, or anything like that. It was just that Yuki was the only one who was determined enough to go and get him again, or believed he had the right to come and get him. He suddenly couldn’t stop the chuckle that emerged. Gods, that man was so damn possessive!

“Shu?” Hiro questioned, looking a little worriedly at his friend.

Shuichi waved his concern aside. “It’s fine. I just thought of something, that’s all.”

“About Yuki?”

“Yeah,” Shuichi admitted. “How it’s sort of funny in a way that after so many years of me chasing him, that this time it was him chasing me! He really can’t bear to let anything that he thinks is his, go!”

“Well, you did promise you would stay with him,” Hiro reminded him with a smile. “I think he took that pretty seriously.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Shuichi agreed quietly.

“You miss him, don’t you?” Hiro suddenly sat back, draping his arms across the back of the bench.

Shuichi opened his mouth to deny it, then decided against the lie. “Yeah,”

“So why don’t you call him?”

“I….don’t want to bother him.” Shuichi said.

“Or is it that you’re pissed off with him about something again?”

“Not…really. Well, maybe a little. We had an….argument the night before we left. We kind of sorted it out the next day but…I don’t know, I think he should still be the one to make the first move. It was his fault in the first place!”

“Is that so?” Hiro said in a tone of voice that made Shuichi bristle. It sounded like he didn’t believe him.

What did he know? It was Yuki’s fault! The whole thing was, from start to finish. He should never have done what he did. Hell, he didn’t even ask to join him on this tour so he obviously wasn’t too worried about him being away. If he wants to talk to him he can be the one to damn well ring first! Shuichi remained fuming in silence.

“When are you going to stop testing him?” Hiro suddenly said

“What?!” Shuichi exclaimed, completely caught off guard by that strange comment.

Hiro looked over at him, cigarette dangling from his mouth as he scrutinised his friend. “Is it that deep down you blame him for everything?” Hiro mused as though speaking more to himself than to Shuichi. “Is it that you actually blame him for not being with you when you had the accident? That you were alone during that time? Do you blame him for not being with you during all that?”

“I…I…don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Shuichi snapped, feeling anger beginning to boil in his stomach.

“I wonder,” Hiro continued quietly, seeming unperturbed by his friend’s obvious ire. “I wonder if that is what this is all about. You’re subconsciously constantly testing Yuki’s feelings for you, constantly testing if it’s real because you blame him for abandoning you during that time. You can’t bring yourself to go back to him because you don’t believe him any more. You don’t believe what he feels for you is real. So you keep testing him, keep pushing him to show you, to prove to you again and again that you are the only one for him and mean the most to him above everything else.”

Shuichi’s face was red with anger now, so much so that he couldn’t even speak.

Hiro turned his head away and watched as a tendril of smoke drifted away. “That’s pretty cruel, you know. That guy moved heaven and earth to find you. I may not like him all that much most of the time, but I admire the hell out of him for what he did. I don’t know if I could do what he did for someone. That makes me quite envious of what you two shared. To have someone love you that much, that intensely, well,” Hiro stubbed his cigarette out. “Let’s just say it scares the hell out of me, yet makes me insanely jealous at the same time.”

Hiro stood then, waving back as Suguru motioned to them. “Personally I don’t know if I could handle that kind of intensity, but it still might be nice to experience it.” He glanced down at his angry friend. “You really should have a good think about just why you are doing what you are doing. And think carefully about what you are feeling. Yuki didn’t abandon you. Nothing could keep him away from you, nothing. I think he’s more than proved that, don’t you?”

Hiro moved off, soon joining Suguru. They exchanged words for a moment and then Suguru called out, “Shuichi, come on! You’re the one who said we have to see everything so move your butt!”

Shuichi waved acknowledgement back, then took a deep breath and pushed his anger aside, standing and brushing his pants down. He walked towards them, trailing a little behind, lost in his own thoughts as they chatted in front.

He tried to keep his anger at bay as he thought about Hiro’s words. Was that really what he was doing? Was he testing Yuki? He didn’t think he had been. Did Hiro just expect him to jump back into bed with the man? His face flushed as he immediately remembered what it had sometimes been like previously. Well, based on some of those memories he couldn’t exactly say it had all been ‘bad’ as such.

He mentally shook his head to clear it. Did he really blame Yuki for all that had gone wrong? He remembered what it had been like to wake up in the hospital after the accident, the crushing loneliness and fear. He had been swamped by those emotions, they had threatened to drown him completely and there was no-one there, no-one at all.

He suddenly stopped as he remembered something else. Yes, it was during that time that part of those feelings had been the burning intensity that there should be someone there, that he shouldn’t have been alone. That being alone was so completely and utterly wrong. Was that what this was about? That even back then part of him had believed that Yuki should have been there with him? That the fact that he wasn’t had left a deeper scar on his heart than he had realised?

He raised his head to see Hiro and Suguru’s backs in the distance, still walking, unaware that he was no longer behind. Perhaps Hiro was right. Perhaps there was a lot more to this than just Yuki being a pushy bastard. Perhaps he was being a spoiled brat too? He snorted quietly. Well, some things just don’t change, do they?

He saw the exit sign then and veered off that way, reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. Things weren’t going to change if something wasn’t done. If he was just testing Yuki then he had to talk to the man, to try and spend more time with him to figure that out. At the same time he would be able to see if the other really did want to seriously be in a proper relationship again and it wasn’t just about falling back into old habits. He wasn’t concerned about leaving Hiro and Suguru. They would all come here to the exit when it was time to leave so he wasn’t in any danger of being left behind.

Besides, this was more important.