The Past Life

My heart was beating so loud in my chest that I was certain Master could hear it as well. It wasn't that I was naïve about where this was headed, but it was sobering to hear it spoken out loud.

“My night watch with probably be arriving within the hour,” he continued to whisper, “we would have to get to my chambers before they do.”

I had some time, I realized. It wasn't much, but it would be enough to convince Master that that was a bad idea, before I lost control. Again. “Alright,” I agreed and was relieved when he finally backed off of me.

He took some time to straighten out his uniform before heading for the door. He looked over his shoulder at me, expecting me to follow.

“I will follow you in a moment, Master,” I explained. “Please, go on ahead.”

My Master smiled, misinterpreting my intention. “Of course, we don't need to be seen together.”

I fell back on the sofa again and sighed as soon as he was out of the room. 'Damnit, why did I have to lose my head like that?' I asked myself. Was I truly so weak that the moment someone's lips brush mine I lose command of my own body? I couldn't be. I had to be strong, for my Master.

I stood and sorted out the pieces of my uniform. I was going to go to his rooms, but I would explain why this couldn't happen between us. However, I couldn't allow my Master to get close to me either. Twice now he had easily managed to strip me of my conscience, I couldn't risk a third time.

I played the script I had written over in my mind as I made the short journey through the palace. I had an advantage this time in that I knew what Master was going to do. I could stop him before that happened.

He must have been standing right at the door when I knocked, for it opened only moments after. “Come in,” he invited.

Moving quickly, I entered the room and put some distance between myself and my Master. He was determined to close the distance quickly, but I raised my hands in front of myself defensively and looked him in the eye. “Master, we need to speak.”

Thankfully, he stopped his approach. In fact, he didn't even seem that disappointed. Perhaps he had been expecting this of me.

“What's on your mind?” he asked.

“We can't do this, Master. We both have our duties, and this would undermine those duties. I can't forsake my obligation to protect you for... for a few moments of pleasure.”

Master smiled thoughtfully. “How would you spending the night with me hurt me?”

“Not you, but your future, Master,” I explained. “You have a duty to your people. They expect certain things of you. If... if I did stay here tonight, and someone were to find out? Especially the wrong someone. Things would not be favourable for you.”

“Zoisite...” Master began, taking a step towards me. I immediately took one back and he halted his approach once again. “Zoisite. I know you are incredibly devoted to your mission to keep me from harm, are I am incredibly grateful for what you did for me, but I don't believe that there is any danger in this. It's true that we would need to be careful in keeping it a well guarded secret, but it can be done.”

Had I been foolish in thinking I could convince him? I suppose, being raised as a prince, he would be used to getting whatever he wants. “Master, why me?”

He hadn't been expecting this question, the surprised expression he wore said that much. “I'm not really sure,” he began, “I suppose I felt drawn to you. When you fell, and when I saw the blood, I thought I was going to lose you. The pain I felt at that moment was unbelievable. I felt... there was something about you, something different from anyone else.”

“Master, those feelings can be dangerous...” I warned.

“I know,” he relented, “I should know that better than anyone. I also know, that these feelings cannot easily be discarded.”

“Master...”

“You don't need to worry, I'm not going to forget about everything that is required of me. I know this isn't something that can last, but... if only for now...”

His eyes were pleading with me, begging me to give in to his wishes. I knew that I shouldn't, that I had to tell him 'no', but the words just wouldn't come out.

“I know you would never want to do anything that would hurt me, Zoisite,” he said, focusing on the one thing that was holding me back. “So tell me, what is it that you want to do?”

What I wanted shouldn't have anything to do with what was decided here that night, but I had to answer his question. “I want to tell you 'no'. I want to tell you that this isn't going to happen and then walk out that door. But I can't. I can't because there is another part of me that wants the exact opposite.”

I wasn't looking at him, but I could hear his foot steps. Should I just give in to temptation? I knew that was what was going to happen the second he reach me. Perhaps I was tired of fighting him. I truly was weak.

He reached me, but he didn't touch me as I thought he would. “The opposite?”

I couldn't look him in the eye when I answered. “To stay here tonight.”

He touched my cheek gently and urged me to look at him. I complied for a moment, but my eyes soon darted away. “And which part of you is winning?” he asked.

I could do this. For just one night, forget about who I was and what my obligations were. For just one night...

I found the courage to finally look up at him. He knew the answer I was going to give, and was simply waiting for it, looking down at me expectantly. I tried to vocalize it, but I couldn't. The words just wouldn't form.

Finally, I gave up on words and resorted to action. Placing my hands on his shoulders for balance I reached up and placed my lips on his. He responded immediately, cupping the back of my head with his hand as he kissed me back.

It was not long before our simple kiss grew into one with much more passion. Once I had decided to stop fighting, everything became much simpler. It was so much easier now to forget about myself and become lost in the moment. That moment was shattered by a knock at the door.

The sound startled me and I pulled away from my Master quickly on instinct. It was the night watch, of course, and I couldn't be seen here. My Master went to the door and pointed at the sliding door leading to his bedroom, indicating that I should go there. I nodded and silently opened and closed the door behind me.

I had never been in any of the inner rooms of my Master's chambers. His bedroom was quite large and had several tall windows, which would have looked out over the northern and eastern sides of the palace had the curtains not been drawn. The room was rather dark, the only light coming from a few lanterns flickering on the walls.

The bed itself was fit for a prince. A large four-poster canopy bed with white silk sheets. White sheer drapes hung from the canopy and had been tied back to the posts.

An examination of the rest of the room showed a door which probably lead off to my Master's private bath as well as a round table with two chairs on one side and a dresser and mirror across the room from those. Master had already placed his sword on its rack.

I heard the main door close followed soon after by Master sliding the door to his room open. My stomach was suddenly in knots. The situation before me was new and foreign. I didn't know exactly what I should be doing.

When Master came up to me to continue where we had left off, he must have noticed my sudden tension. “It's alright,” he reassured me, “we'll go slow.” He brought his hand up and brushed some stray hairs from my face. “Would you like something to drink? It may help you relax.”

I considered his offer, but declined. While I'm sure the alcohol would relax me, I preferred to keep my wits about me, even now.

Master ran the backs of his fingers lightly down my neck and over the collar of my jacket, stopping when they reached the intertwined metal on my sash. “I suppose these uniforms weren't designed with easy access in mind,” he commented lightly.

I couldn't help but smile at his remark. I reached behind me with my right hand, found, and released the clasp on my belt, allowing me to slide the entire piece off my shoulder.

Master offered to take it from me and hung it over one of the chairs. He also took this opportunity to rid himself of some of the bulkier pieces of his own uniform. This required a few minutes of his time, as his uniform was much more complex. “Sorry about that,” he apologized when he returned to me, taking one of my hands in his.

He lead me to the bed, which I couldn't help but look at a little apprehensively. I knew the basics, but there was plenty more to it that that. I didn't want to be a disappointment.

“Stop worrying,” Master insisted, indicating that I should sit. My fingers played with the silk sheets nervously as I watched him sit on the bed beside me. He wasted no time in leaning over to continue what we had started.

He was true to his word about moving slowly, capturing my lips and pulling me towards him gently. I realized that my own hands should be doing something. One found its way to his lower back while the other was closer to his shoulder. While he continued to kiss me, I could feel him smiling. I must have been doing something right.

Master shifted his position to move more onto the bed, indicating to me that I should do the same. Following his lead, I brought my legs up on the bed and lay beside him, my head on the pillows. My Master looked down at me, holding himself over me with his arm on the bed. I was expecting him to lean down to kiss me again, but he surprised me by going for my neck instead. That same spot he had discovered earlier.

I moaned lightly, but stopped myself quickly. The less noise, the better. Why did I get the feeling that was going to become more difficult later on?

Master's traced the green piping of my collar with his fingers until he found the hooks holding it closed. He gracefully undid those and continued to follow the line to the first clasp of my jacket. This is where he began to have trouble. The catch was not difficult to release, but he was unfamiliar with it and was attempting this blindly.

I brought my hands to his and relieved him of that task, quickly taking care of it myself. Once finished, Master backed away for a moment to allow me to get out of the garment. It was tossed to the floor, along with the shirt I wore underneath of it. I noticed at this point that I had left my gloves back in my own room, but this thought was dismissed quickly.

I was pushed back down on the bed and Master swung one leg over mine, straddling my hips. As he leaned down to kiss me once more, I reached up to work on removing his own jacket.

It was not easy to work on the clasps while keeping up with the attack he lead on my lips. His tongue was now looking to explore my mouth and I saw no reason to deny it entrance, only that this new contact was making it that much harder to get rid of the article.

I finally finished undoing the jacket and Master broke the kiss quickly to remove it, tossing it over the side of the bed with my own. I wrapped an arm around his back when he returned to me. Feeling his bare skin against mine was a strange sensation to say the least. Curious, I ran my hand slowly down his back and back up again.

Master shifted his weight slightly, and as a result brushed against my now obvious arousal. I gasped at this touch, my mouth and neck suddenly the last things that needed attention. Master was not oblivious to this.

Pushing himself up to look down at me, he had a bit of a smirk on his face when he purposely shifted again. I could tell that he was enjoying the look on my face as I tried to keep quiet. He was giving me only the lightest of grazes and it was becoming almost unbearable. If he wanted me to beg, I would.

“Master...” I pleaded quietly, my voice wavered slightly.

He smiled, but said nothing in reply. His hand lightly brushed my cheek, then travelled down my neck to my chest and continued onward. Master's movements were agonizingly slow, and even slowed more as he got closer to his target. He decided to torment me further by simply playing with the waistband of my pants.

“I thought we had decided to go slow,” Master said teasingly, undoing the first button at least. “I could be persuaded to pick up the pace, if that's what you want.”

It was, and I conveyed this to my Master with a simple nod. He moved to lay beside me once more as he finished with my pants and slipped his hand inside.

I had to bite my lower lip to keep myself silent. It is difficult to describe what I felt. There was relief at finally getting the caress I craved, and yet still the desire for more. Trusting myself to keep quiet, I opened my mouth slightly and found that my breathing was deep and had quickened slightly.

I knew he was watching my expression, seeing how it changed as he changed his pace. Gradually he would increase the speed of his strokes then suddenly slow down again. My fingers gripped at the silken sheets as the intensity of what I was feeling began to build, then Master's fingers uncurled and he abruptly pulled away from me. “Not yet,” he whispered in my ear.

I couldn't hide my disappointment, but I realized then that I was being selfish. I had been taking every pleasurable touch Master was offering me, and yet giving nothing in return. “I'm sorry, Master,” I said as I turned on my side to face him.

“No need to apologize,” he said, brushing away the hair that had fallen in my face.

I glanced down, noting that his pants were still securely in place. I knew those would have to come off, but I was at a loss for what I should do after that. “What... what should I be doing?”

“It's not like there are set rules for what goes on here, but... if you are looking for a suggestion...”

“Please.”

Master brought his index finger to my lips, as though he were telling me to be quiet, but that was not the case. He lightly pushed the tip of his finger slightly past my lips, then glanced down and back up at me, checking to see if I had taken the hint.

I understood, and tested my theory by experimentally running my tongue along his finger. He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply, which I took as a good sign. I started to suck gently and this too elicited similar reactions in him.

Figuring that I had the basic idea down, I pushed his hand away and nudged his shoulder to get him to roll onto his back. I then made my way down to the other end of the bed, quickly discarding the remaining clothing I wore, as it was becoming a bit of a hindrance, before starting on his.

I was frequently looking up at Master's expression to confirm that I was doing everything right. Once I had thrown his remaining uniform to the floor I tried to duplicate the actions he had performed on me earlier. He kept his eyes closed as I moved my hand up and down his length, sighing quietly. So far, so good.

I bent down over him, my hair falling into my face and obscuring my view as I did this. I didn't really know the best way to go about this new task, so I decided to get right to the point and slowly took him into my mouth.

I was rewarded with a loud gasp from my Master. He brought his own hand to his mouth to keep silent, although the occasional moan did escape him. I soon found that Master's reaction to what I was doing was quite arousing. I did my best to push my own desires away for the moment and concentrated on pleasing him.

Confident that I had some idea about what I was doing, I was able to incorporate my tongue into my actions, as well as increase my speed. Master was obviously enjoying every moment of it, so when he suddenly gasped and told me to stop, I was stunned.

“What's wrong?” I asked quickly, worried that it was something I had done.

“You were doing fine,” he reassured me while trying to get his breathing back under control. “It's just that I couldn't hold back any longer.”

I was confused. I knew he would have been reaching his peak soon, and was expecting it. “You don't have to.”

“I do if there is still something else I wanted to try,” he explained, motioning for me to join him again. “If... you're comfortable with it, that is.”

“Certainly.”

He turned away from me to open the drawer in the bedside table. I couldn't help but think that he was a little too prepared for tonight when he returned with the small container. Perhaps it was best that I didn't question it.

“You'll tell me to stop if something's not right, right?” he asked, looking me in the eye. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“Of course, Master.”

His attention drifted over my shoulder and behind me where I assume he was fiddling with the contents of the bottle. Soon after his eyes came back to me as he moved closer, pressing on hand against my back while the other travelled lower. “Try to relax.”

It was a night of strange sensations for me, this was no different. He started with one finger and then, after a few moments, added a second. It wasn't at all unpleasant, I found. I'm not sure it could be with the care he was taking. Every move he made with his hand and fingers was slow and calculated.

“Are you ready?” he asked as he removed his fingers from me. I nodded and rolled over to face away from him. He kept one arm under me, his hand pressed to my chest after I was readjusted. I soon felt his desire pressed against me, but he waited a moment before he pushed forward and into me slowly.

It took some getting used to, and Master was more than generous in giving me the time I needed. Eventually I was able to move with him, and once I found the rhythm, his hand left my hip and moved around front to stroke me.

Any discomfort I had been feeling soon vanished. The entire situation was almost too good. Master moaned softly into the back of my neck, while attempting to keep a slow and steady pace. His hand kept the same tempo, which I was soon finding to be far too slow.

I pressed back against him a little sooner than before and he quickly got the idea. As the speed of his stroke increased, I could feel that intense build up returning. This time, however, Master was not going to pull away.

“Shh,” he whispered, reminding me to stay quiet. I did the best I could, but the sudden burst of pleasure I felt was much more than I had been expecting. It felt as though the sensation washed over my entire body. I must have cried out, for Master's free hand clamped over my mouth to silence me.

Slowly, my breathing returned to normal and the hand was removed. I wanted to apologize, but he would hear none of it. Instead, he moved the hand that had been caressing me to my hip and asked if it was alright for him to continue.

It was soon apparent to me that Master was not far from his own climax as well. He was holding himself back, trying not to be too forceful with me. I would have told him that this was not necessary, but only a couple more thrusts sent him over the edge.

Unlike me, he managed to keep a rein on his voice. His fingers dug into my hip as he pulled me to him and his breath came in short gasps.

He continued to hold me close afterwards, both arms wrapped around my chest. I took one of his hands in mine and held it tightly. I didn't want this moment to end.