Honour, Duty, or Love?

Title: Honour, Duty or Love?
Author: JadeHeart
Located/Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first
Fandom: Saiyuki
Warnings: M/M, sexual situations

Author’s Note: This is the third of eight alternate ending for this story, each featuring a different pairing.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of ‘Saiyuki’, nor am I making any profits

Alternate Ending 3 – Sanzo & Goku


Sanzo sat on the bed and turned the next page of the newspaper resting on his crossed jean clad leg, pushing his glasses up his nose. The light breeze coming through the open window brushed against the skin of his bare torso, making his shiver a little at the contrast to the heat of the day.

He reached out and wrapped his hand around the beer can within easy reach. Raising it to his lips and swallowing he realised there was probably only one more mouthful left. Damn, he would have to get another soon. He placed it back on the table and tried to go back to reading.

His eyes scanned the first few lines when he found his attention wandering again, distracted. It wasn’t a sound that was constantly capturing his attention; it was the knowledge that someone was watching him, watching him with great intensity. That feeling of eyes boring into him was driving him mad.

“What is it, you damn monkey?!” he finally snapped, throwing the paper to floor and glaring across the room. On the bed opposite Goku sat, those large eyes fixed intently on Sanzo even now. “Spit it out!”

“Nothing,” Goku said shortly, then fell silent.

Sanzo took his glasses off, laying them on the table and pinched the bridge of his nose. There was obviously something bothering Goku. For starters he didn’t talk normally in such short sentences, frequently only shutting up when Sanzo hit him with the paper fan.

More so though was that in all the hours he had been sitting here he hadn’t once said he was hungry. For that to happen Sanzo felt certain the end of the world must be nigh. So Goku had something on his mind, and as small as it was, it was only able to hold one thought at a time so Sanzo could pretty much guess what it was.

“You,” he grated out. “Have been stuck to me like a boil for days, and it’s damn annoying! Haven’t we been over this already?!”

The thrown pillow caught Goku square in the face, knocking him backwards.

“I’m just making sure nothing happens to you again!” Goku declared, struggling back up and glaring right back at Sanzo.

“What the hell can happen to me here?!” Sanzo snapped back. The softly chirping birds outside the sunlit window supported his assessment.

“We don’t know if it’ll be like that other place. You nearly got eaten by zombies and buried alive,’ Goku tried to explain. “And I wasn’t there!”

“The stupid kappa was quite enough to deal with!” Sanzo snarled, reaching for his beer. He finished the last of it, wishing he had more.

“That’s not what I mean. It shouldn’t have been Gojyo.”

“So you think you’re better than him?” Sanzo threw the empty can directly at Goku’s head in irritation.

This time Goku reached up and caught it, a mere inch before his nose. His serious eyes met Sanzo’s over the top and then he slowly squeezed the can, crushing it.

“It should have been me,” he stated again quietly.

Sanzo stared at this strangely subdued Goku before him. For so long now he had heard Goku’s voice in his head. Even after freeing him from his mountain prison, the youth’s voice was a distant murmur in the back of his mind. It was a strange, sometimes annoying, and yet oddly comforting sound. It reminded Sanzo that he was no longer alone. The void that had been left when he lost his Master could never be filled, but Goku’s presence gave him meaning again. Once more he actually found something worth living for, a reason beyond just existing.

He actually hadn’t been worried when he was trapped underground with Gojyo. He knew that Goku would come searching for him. Somehow, somewhere, Goku would always come for him. It was a clear constant in his life, an unalterable fact.

“Do you really believe I would leave you?” Sanzo finally said calmly.

“I don’t know,” Goku replied, sounding a little uncertain now.

“Of course you do,” Sanzo stated. “You only have to listen to the voice inside you.”

“Voice inside?” Goku looked confused, glancing down at his own chest as though expecting to see something unexpected there.

Sanzo swallowed a sigh. “What do you think of when you think of me?” he asked.

“The sun,” was Goku’s immediate response.

Sanzo stared at him. “Are you an idiot?” He couldn’t stop the words slipping out.

“You asked me to say what I think when I think of you!” Goku defended himself. “And that’s what I think!”

“Why the hell do you think that?!”

“Because the sun makes everything bright. It drives away the darkness and when you stand in its light there are no shadows. The sun guides you always and is always in the heavens. The world can’t survive without the sun. That’s what I think of you.”

Sanzo let Goku’s words wash over him, letting them sink in. He thought it was stupid to be likened to a heavenly body such as the sun. He was miles away from ever coming close to anything that was in the Heavens, and he doubted he would ever receive that enlightenment. So he couldn’t really understand why Goku would compare him to such a thing. This youth had seen every side of him, in all its bloody gruesomeness. Goku had witnessed his weaknesses, the dirt that sullied his soul. So why would he call him his sun?

Yet, if he was the sun to Goku, Goku was like the earth to him, always keeping him grounded. His steady presence in Sanzo’s life made him continue to move forward, not needing to look back because he knew he would find Goku there behind him. The two of them revolved around each other; unable to break free, and not even wishing to. Could this have described their relationship any better?

“Come here,” he suddenly said.

“Why?” Goku peered at him suspiciously. “You’re probably just gonna hit me with that stupid fan and call me an idiot.”

“Just get here!” Sanzo snapped, losing patience.

“All right, I’m coming!” Goku grumbled, climbing off the bed and crossing the floor. “You don’t have to yell.”

He stopped before Sanzo, looking down at him. “What?”

Sanzo gazed up at that serious face, young by all appearance, deceptive in that sense as it belied Goku’s true age. Yet at the same time it showed his true nature better than anything else could.

Sanzo suddenly reached out and grasped one wrist, yanking Goku towards him. He saw his eyes widen in surprise as he lost his balance and toppled forward.

Sanzo snaked his other arm around Goku’s waist as he fell, rolling him to the side instead of him falling directly on top of him. He kept his grip tight on Goku’s wrist and stared down at the youth now beneath him.

“I’m not going anywhere until it is my time,” Sanzo said in a low intense voice. “Do you truly think I would leave you behind until then?”

“Even if you did, I’d follow you,” was Goku’s low reply, gazing up at him. “Even if you yell at me not to.”

He made no move to escape from Sanzo’s grasp although both of them knew that he could if he truly wished to.

Sanzo kept his eyes fixed on Goku’s, those golden orbs glowing with an inner light that Sanzo had always noticed. Those inner fires showed the intense power that Goku held inside, a power that was almost impossible to comprehend. Sanzo sometimes wondered if Goku really understood just how much power he had. If he wanted to, Sanzo often thought that perhaps, just perhaps, Goku had enough power to destroy the world. That was a frightening thought no matter how you looked at it.

Yet, looking at Goku’s gentle, yet confused at the moment, face it hardly seemed a likely thing to happen. But if it did, would Sanzo be able to bring him back? There had been some close calls during their journey when Goku had lost it. Would he be able to save Goku next time? The thought of losing him made Sanzo’s chest hurt.

His lips thinned in a tight line as he frowned. No, he wouldn’t let that happen. Somehow he would find a way to stop Goku if that happened. He would not lose him, not to anything, or anyone! Goku was his!

“Then follow me,” Sanzo finally said, gazing down at the patiently waiting Goku, eyes boring into him fiercely. “Follow me all the way, whether it be Hell or Heaven.” Sanzo continued, lowering his head, keeping his eyes open and fixed on Goku’s, refusing to break their gaze as their lips met.

The kiss was deep but not forceful. Sanzo didn’t know how Goku would react, or even if the youth had had any experience of this nature before so he didn’t try to force anything. The last thing he needed was Goku freaking out on him.

He broke the kiss and lifted his head, not speaking as he looked down upon Goku. He watched as Goku lifted one hand and lightly touched his lips with his fingers, a small frown furrowing his brow. His face wore a look of intense concentration that at any other time Sanzo would have found amusing, or more likely irritating.

Goku reached upwards, one hand sliding along Sanzo’s cheek, cupping the side of his face. “Again,” he said, almost demanding.

Sanzo hid a smile at this almost child-like response and willingly leant down and kissed Goku again. This time he deepened it, pushing his tongue forward to tap insistently against Goku’s closed lips until they parted and he surged forward. He easily slid past Goku’s teeth to plunge into the warm, moist cavern of Goku’s mouth.

Sanzo felt the young man start under him at this sudden invasion, felt the tensing of muscles in the small body but then the tension slowly released as he continued to hold the kiss.

He felt a touch around his waist and realized that it was Goku’s hands encircling him, sliding over his flesh, pulling him closer so their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. As his leg slid between Goku’s Sanzo knew that he would be able to feel the semi-hard erection building in his jeans.

However Goku made no sign of discomfort if he did, instead simply running one hand up Sanzo’s back, deft fingers probing around each vertebrae and seeking out each sensitive spot that made Sanzo twitch involuntarily.

Sanzo broke the kiss once more, but only to drop his head into the crook of Goku’s neck, pressing a kiss there before trailing his tongue up the youth’s neck which stretched back to allow him better access. He lapped at the underside of Goku’s jaw, peppering kisses along the bone to the ear before nipping at the lobe lightly. Goku jerked at that, a light moan slipping from between his parted lips.

Sanzo now drew his hand towards the front of Goku’s tunic, long fingers undoing buttons and clasps. He reached down and pushed the shirt upwards until it was bunched under Goku’s arms, forcing them away from Sanzo’s body.

Sanzo knelt back now, sitting up so he could look down upon Goku. He reached out and grasped the shirt, pulling it higher so it hid Goku’s face as Sanzo pulled it over his head. Sanzo felt a shudder run though him as he gazed down at Goku spread out beneath him, arms stretched upwards, the outline of lean muscle evident, with hands tangled in his shirt still making him look vulnerable.

Sanzo allowed his eyes to glide over Goku’s exposed torso, tracing each taut abdominal muscle, each outlined rib. One hand dropped down to lay flat on Goku’s chest before slowly moving lower, over muscle and bone. He watched in fascination as Goku’s stomach sucked in as he caught his breath when Sanzo’s touch reached there, before slipping out to the dip of the narrow waist and the jutting hip bone just above the waist of his trousers.

Sanzo dipped his head now to flick the tip of his tongue against the nub of Goku’s right nipple. He heard the hiss as Goku sucked in his breath in surprise even as his body arched up into Sanzo’s touch. Sanzo repeated the gesture, circling the darker skin, feeling the flesh begin to harden and rise, before finally closing his lips around that protuberance and sucking.

Goku’s body bucked under him, hip rubbing against Sanzo’s groin which made him groan at the unexpected touch. The reverberation around Goku’s nipple made the youth echo Sanzo.

Sanzo felt Goku squirming and opening his eyes he looked up the body he lay upon, lips still firmly around the upright nipple they held. He saw Goku fling the last of his shirt free from his hands which now reached down to tangle one in Sanzo’s hair whilst the other rested on his shoulder. He let his eyes drift shut again as he focused his attention back on his task.

Sanzo lifted his head and moved to the other nipple, giving Goku only enough time to utter a small mewl of disappointment before a gasp a pleasure as the opposite nipple was assaulted. Sanzo lathered it with his saliva, tugging it with his lips before nipping it sharply making Goku arch up with a gasp, fingers digging in hard to Sanzo’s shoulder.

Sanzo now lightly licked the abused nipple before running his tongue up the centre of Goku’s chest. Higher, dipping into the hollow at the base of Goku’s throat, higher still, over his Adam’s apple feeling it bob as Goku swallowed hard. Sanzo kept moving upwards, forcing Goku’s head back further, stretching his neck more as Sanzo drew his tongue along the entire length, directly under Goku’s chin.

Sanzo then turned his head and moved his lips sideways until he could feel Goku’s pulse point beating against the tip of his tongue. That beat, ba-thump, ba-thump, rhythmically steady, made him quiver, causing a feeling to grow deep within him, a desire to covet this sensation for eternity. A feeling of fierce possessiveness rose up and with a growl he fastened his mouth hard upon that spot, sucking against the flesh. Goku jerked and let out a sharp cry, hands on Sanzo’s shoulders trying to push him away but Sanzo refused to release his hold. Goku was his, would always be his! He held that position for a moment longer before finally raising his head to look down upon the red mark clearly visible on Goku’s flesh. He felt a sense a satisfaction and a lazy smile graced his moist lips.

“What was that for?!” Goku said, one hand coming up to hide Sanzo’s mark, eyes flashing with uncertainty and a little anger.

Sanzo gazed down upon him, remaining silent for a moment then reached out and gripped Goku’s chin firmly. “Just remember who you belong to,” he said in a low voice, violet eyes boring into Goku’s golden ones.

“I’m not your toy or something!” Goku said accusingly, trying to turn his head away.

“Didn’t you say you would follow me anywhere?” Sanzo demanded, not releasing his hold. “That,” and he pushed Goku’s hand away from his neck to touch the still red mark. “will remind you of where you should be.” Sanzo’s hand now cupped the side of Goku’s face. “By my side.”

Goku was silent now, simply looking up at Sanzo. The monk could tell that Goku was thinking about what he had said, and what he had done. He waited now to see what Goku would choose to do. Was the youth truly willing to bind himself to Sanzo this firmly?

Goku let one hand move from Sanzo’s shoulder, trailing down over his chest to rest over one nipple.

“So, does it feel good for you if I do this too?” Goku said as he slowly rubbed Sanzo’s nipple, using thumb and forefinger to lightly pinch it to a hard peak.

A shudder ran through Sanzo’s body at the contact, even as it sent a stab of desire directly to his groin making his cock twitch in response.

“Yeah,” he replied honestly.

“Good,” Goku said, now brining his other hand down to repeat the action on Sanzo’s other nipple. Sanzo bit back on a groan as his hips pushed down, rubbing his growing erection against Goku’s leg.

Goku lifted his head to brush his lips against Sanzo’s, his hot breath caressing Sanzo’s lips for a moment as he whispered. “I didn’t want to be the only one,” he said softly before kissing Sanzo firmly.

Sanzo wrapped his arms around the youth and pushed him hard back on the bed, grinding their groins together. He could feel the hard bulge pressing against his own erection, clear evidence that Goku was just as turned on.

Sanzo dropped one hand lower to cup around that bulge in Goku’s pants and began to rub it. The youth moaned deeply into Sanzo’s mouth, hips wriggling as he tried to gain more friction, seeking ease for his condition.

Sanzo was happy to oblige and swiftly undid Goku’s trousers, slipping his hand inside the material and wrapping around the firm flesh he found. Goku’s cock filled his hand comfortably, the heat seeming to scold his palm. He swallowed the moan that Goku gave at the first touch, reveling in the way the youth’s hips bucked upwards into his grip.

Sanzo burrowed his head into the crook of Goku’s neck as he began to stroke Goku’s length; slowly at first, squeezing at the base then running his circular grip up to the head, before retracing the path. Each time his grip drew close to the flared head, Goku bucked harder, trying to thrust into Sanzo’s hold. Sanzo could hear Goku’s breath coming in pants, knew that his own breathing was faster than normal. He lipped his dry lips as he continued to stroke Goku faster.

Goku groaned again, hands digging into Sanzo’s back, holding him tightly. Sanzo could feel the sweat trickling down his spine although he was hardly what you would call exerting himself. He could feel the heat generating from the half naked body against his, making him feel even hotter. His hand reached the head of Goku’s cock once more and this time he slid his hand further so his palm ghosted over the tip, sliding through the drops of precum gathered in the slit making his skin slick. Goku groaned again, and his breathing grew more ragged as his body shuddered.

Sanzo felt Goku’s hand slide over his skin, drawing away from his back, slipping around his narrow waist to fumble at the front of his jeans. He thought about chastising the youth but all thoughts of such fled as Goku placed pressure upon the bulge constricted in his jeans. It didn’t take Goku long to release him, drawing the hot flesh away from the confining denim, unimpeded by underwear as it wasn’t part of Sanzo’s normal attire. The touch of warm flesh gripping his firm erection made him push his hips harder into that hold.

The two of them continued to jerk each other off, bodies drawing closer together as though each were trying to crawl under the other’s skin, as if it they wanted to get as close to each other as they could. Their harsh breathing mingled, punctuated with moans and grunts. Goku sounded very mature; there was nothing boyish about the way he moaned at Sanzo’s touch, nothing childish about the firm grip around Sanzo’s cock and the action that was making the monk quiver with need.

They continued on and Sanzo knew that he was getting close. He wanted to reach that climax, his body craved it with a need that was almost animalistic but there was something else that he wanted so much more. He gritted his teeth, calling on all his willpower and strength of mind as pushed the feelings of his own pleasure away even as he sped up his own strokes on Goku’s cock.

Goku bucked harder, moaning and gripping Sanzo, trying to match Sanzo’s strokes but Sanzo was relentless. He concentrated all his efforts onto giving Goku as much pleasure as he could, pressing the tips of his fingers into the sensitive underside of Goku’s cock, pushing the foreskin down to reach the softer flesh usually hidden under the flared head.

He felt Goku’s body begin to shudder, the tensing of the muscles just as Goku’s movement on Sanzo’s cock became jerky as he lost his co-ordination under the onslaught of his own pleasure. Sanzo didn’t let up but kept up the pressure and sure enough, with a hoarse shout, Goku’s body arched up as the cock in Sanzo’s hand pulsed, sending out streams of white liquid that spattered across the youth’s bared torso.

Goku’s eyes opened, his gaze still slightly glazed from his pleasure as Sanzo reached out and gripped the top of his jeans, tugging them down over his hips and easily sliding them off his short muscular legs.

“Uh?” was all Goku managed to get out, obviously intending to question what Sanzo was doing but then he could only moan as Sanzo dropped his head to lick the tip of his moist cock.

Sanzo squeezed the last drop from the cock in his grip, lapping it away, savouring the slightly salty, bitter taste before running his hand through the pooling cum, smearing it across Goku’s chest and liberally coating his own hand.

He then reached down, slipping his hand downwards to cup Goku’s sac and squeezing lightly, rolling his testicles and hearing the youth’s indrawn breath of pleasure. He lifted Goku’s right leg, bending it at the knee and resting it on his shoulder as he knelt between Goku’s spread legs.

Sanzo slid his hand lower, letting long, slick fingers glide over the taut flesh, slipping between the firm buttocks and seeking his goal. He felt the dip of the skin at his fingertip and pushed inwards, keeping his gaze fixed on Goku’s face.

He saw Goku’s golden eyes widen in surprise and a little shock, felt his body tense up as he continued to slide his finger inside, but Sanzo didn’t release his hold on Goku’s leg. He withdrew the finger almost completely and then pushed forward again, sliding a little deeper, then continued to repeat this motion. He watched as Goku closed his eyes, frowning slightly, but could feel the youth’s body slowly began to relax.

Sanzo dipped his head down and licked up the length of Goku’s flaccid cock, feeling Goku start a little at the touch. His hand continued to pump in and out of Goku’s body, only now he had added a second finger.

Sanzo raised his head and captured Goku’s gaze even as he continued to plunder his body. He could see the sheen of sweat gleaming on Goku’s body, could see the flush that was spread across his flesh. Sanzo’s own exposed erection was almost painfully hard, throbbing almost in time with his hand pushing within Goku’s hot depths as though begging to be allowed to enter that place. He knew that he was about to do just that. It would have to be enough preparation.

Sanzo removed his hand, bringing it back to Goku’s chest and gathering up the last of the drying cum into his palm before rubbing it over his own cock. Goku watched, eyes fixed on Sanzo’s erection as though mesmerized by what he was seeing.

Sanzo lifted Goku’s other leg up, resting it on his other shouder as he shuffled forward. Reaching down he held his rigid cock as he guided it towards the red, puckered entrance that was now exposed to view. He rested the tip of his cock at that point, looking upwards to meet Goku’s eyes. He held that gaze as he pushed forward hard. Goku arched off the bed with a cry as he felt the resistance around his cock. Goku’s body seemed to be trying to expel his intrusion but he was having none of that. He leant into his motion, forcing his way past that tight ring of muscle, feeling that brief moment when the head of his cock was finally beyond it and now within the hot channel.

Sanzo held himself still for a moment as he breathed deeply, his cock twitching within Goku. He pushed a little further but was forced to stop and breathe again. It was so damn tight! Instead of pushing forward any further he pulled back instead, sliding out a little. He pushed forward again, then pulled back, then forward a third time. This time he slid a little deeper and groaned as Goku’s channel gripped him tightly.

He heard an echo of his groan and looked down to see Goku’s face crunched up in an expression that was mingled pain and pleasure. Sanzo pushed forward again, shifting on his knees to change the angle a little, searching for that one spot that would make Goku forget about the pain. He continued to keep a tight rein on his own desires. It was difficult but before he could let go of that control he wanted to let Goku experience the full pleasure that could be had from this act. He shifted again, trying to slide in deeper and this time was rewarded with a surprised gasp from Goku, and a deep shudder that shook the body that he held. That’s it, he thought, sliding forward again and receiving the same response, accompanied by a soft ‘ahh’ from Goku.

Sanzo now reached down between Goku’s legs and grasped his cock, slowly stroking it as he set a steady thrusting rhythm. Goku’s pants grew loud as he moaned at each thrust, repeating Sanzo’s name over and over like a mantra. Hearing his name being said like that was exhilarating, giving him a sense of pleasure that he hadn’t expected. Goku sounded like he was praying to a god, and despite the blasphemy, just at that moment Sanzo wanted to be Goku’s god; the one and only thing that was important to the youth for all time.

With that thought he began to thrust harder, not realizing at first the pace he was setting and then it was too late for him to stop. Once begun he could not force himself to slow down, his need too great as he pounded harder within Goku. The hand gripping Goku’s thigh dug hard into the soft flesh, bound to leave bruises after. The hand on Goku’s cock was rubbing rapidly, elongating the growing erection in his grip as Goku moaned and jerked.

Sanzo continued to thrust, hips snapping forward, trying to push deeper and deeper within that hot channel that held him. His body began to shake, sweat trickling down his spine, plastering his hair to his face. His breath was coming in harsh pants as he felt the tension build. As his climax hit, his testicles tightened, his thigh muscles clenching as he pushed as deep as he could and held himself there, back arched, head thrown back as a strangled cry tore from his throat. His cock pulsed hard, forcing the fluid from its tip into the encasing flesh. He could feel it washing around it, feeling it back flow to leak from around the place he was joined to Goku.

His hand on Goku’s cock spasmed as he came, and he felt Goku’s second climax by the tightening of the muscles around his cock and the moisture coating the hand that held Goku’s cock which twitched and jerked in his grip.

Sanzo took a deep shuddering breath and then leant forward, hands coming to rest flat on the bed on either side of Goku’s panting body. He was still buried within Goku, not yet willing to withdraw from that warmth, his cock still semi-hard. He continued to breathe deeply as he gazed down upon the youth beneath him.

Goku’s eyes slowly opened and met his. “No-one,” Sanzo said in a raspy voice, “can do this to you. No-one can touch you except me. You are mine, understand?”

Goku didn’t respond at first then reached up with both arms, sliding hands around Sanzo’s neck and drawing him down to lay over him. “I was always yours,” Goku whispered, clinging to him.

Sanzo closed his eyes for a moment, those softly uttered words giving him a sensation of peace briefly. Yes; this is how it should be, he thought.

He shifted, slowly withdrawing his now limp cock from Goku’s body. He heard the soft grunt as he slipped free and rolled to the side, drawing Goku in close to him. He felt exhausted. Not from the recent activity, it wasn’t just a physical exhaustion but an emotional one also. It was as though a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying had suddenly been lifted from his soul.

He yawned, feeling the light breeze brush across his bared flesh. It felt nice although the stickiness coating his body wasn’t that pleasant. He should get up and wash but that could wait for time.

“Let me sleep for an hour then get me a beer,” Sanzo said softly, one hand tangling in Goku’s hair, brushing against the diadem.

“Sure,” was Goku’s only reply as he burrowed in closer to Sanzo. “But promise me you won’t go off without me again.”

“Are you still on about that?” a touch of irritation coloured Sanzo’s reply.

“Promise me!” Goku demanded, rising up on one elbow to gaze down at Sanzo.

“You know I can’t promise that,” Sanzo responded with a frown.

Goku returned the frown and opened his mouth to argue when Sanzo reached out and touched his cheek lightly.

“But I can promise that if ever we are parted I’ll find you somehow,” he said, locking eyes with Goku. “I won’t let anything come between us.”

Goku held his gaze and then nodded sharply. “Deal,” he said, laying back down at Sanzo’s side. “Same goes for me,” he declared, resting a hand on Sanzo’s chest. “Like you said, not even Heaven or Hell can separate us.”

Yes, Sanzo thought, this was exactly how it should be. A smile tugged at his lips. He was certain to go to Hell for this, on top of all his other faults and sins, but he didn’t care. As long as Goku was by his side he didn’t care at all.

~End~