The Killer in You

For those who read version A of this fic, like before, sorry for the repetitions. It couldn’t be avoided. But there is also some (a lot of?) new stuff. Hope you enjoy. Please, let me know. (Btw, don’t miss the epilogue, I posted it right after this chapter.)


Chapter 63: Checkmate


For a long moment the only sound in the room was the barely audible tapping of L’s toes against the leather cushions of his armchair. Soichiro Yagami stared at his son, occasionally casting a glance at the detective. Matsuda ruffled his hair, and Mogi and Aizawa were perfectly still. Ryuk could feel the tension squeezing the room.

“I also can’t be a reliable judge here,” the chief finally said. “Light is my son, I would do anything to save him.”

“Yes, I agree,” L nodded. “Yagami-san’s voice shouldn’t be considered in this discussion either.”

“But wait!” Matsuda argued again. “I don’t agree to that. You want us to judge Light-kun based on the fifty seconds delay! That’s not enough! The guy could as well have died because of the rule ten seconds later. How can we know what would happen now that you killed him?”

“Matsuda!” Aizawa growled in a low, scolding voice that was usually exclusive for the chief. “Face the facts. Even if the delay itself is short, Ryuzaki gave us enough side evidence to confirm everything he said. And why would he lie to us once he’s convinced the officials that Light is innocent? As much as I hate to admit it, I no longer have any doubts.”

“Thank you, Aizawa-san,” L nodded curtly, then turned to Matsuda. “If fifty seconds doesn’t satisfy you, Matsuda-san, there is another way to prove my words. Now that I used the Note, the rule should apply to me. You can put me under surveillance for two weeks. If the rule is true, I will die. Actually, if what I intend to show within the next hour still won’t convince you, I will insist on doing the surveillance myself.”

Matsuda blinked with stupefaction – partly probably because the finality of the method worked as an argument itself, and partly at the note that there was still something to show. Ryuk himself was mystified. What could dwell in the detective’s mysterious mind? He turned in the air to hang upside down, and watched the inverted world as the drama beneath him continued.

“I am just wondering,” Mogi said. “Since you were sure that the last rule is false, wouldn’t it have been easier to destroy the Death Note earlier, for example that night when Rem died?”

“You are forgetting about Amane, Mogi-san,” Ryuzaki pointed out, raising a tea spoon like an index finger. “She was a perfect insurance policy. She would have noticed that something was wrong and followed Light’s instructions about killing me. I had to carry out this plan to the end so that everything worked.”

“But…” Matsuda’s hand flew to his mouth as the policeman leapt up with shock, “she is still… isn’t she going to realize now? How are you going to handle her?”

“Now I have far better means to control the situation. And I don’t have to be afraid that you will lynch me for telling Light that he was Kira.” At the last words L’s lips quirked in a little wry smile.

The chief looked up at the detective. “Are you going to tell Light that he was Kira?”

“Yes. It will be necessary, Yagami-san.”

“I see.” Yagami murmured. “Perhaps that’s even better.”

His gaze returned to his son. He reached out and brushed Light’s fringe from his forehead, uncovering the closed eyes. His hand stayed entwined in the chestnut hair as he continued to stare at the youth’s handsome face with sad tenderness.

“There is one more thing I don’t get,” Aizawa mused. “Why would Light spare you? Since you were such a risk for him, he should have killed you without as much as a blink.”

Unexpectedly, L’s pale cheeks flushed with faint pink and his gaze dropped to his tea.

“I suppose he simply didn’t want to do it,” the youth said. For a moment it seemed it was the only explanation he was going to give them, but then he continued. “In many ways Light and I are very alike. We lived together for three months. It makes people… close.”

“Yeah,” Matsuda muttered under his breath. “So does sleeping in one bed.”

The chief shot his subordinate a razor-sharp glance. “Matsuda!”

“Please, Matsuda-san.”

The blush on L’s cheeks rose and became opulent. Soichiro frowned suspiciously, noticing it, but if there was anything he wanted to say, he left it for himself. The room fell silent again. L busied himself with sipping his tea in an obvious attempt to ignore their scrutinizing attention. Finally Mogi scratched his head and spoke, breaking the awkward atmosphere.

“I think Ryuzaki is right. It’s unfair to punish Light. Light is a good person, it was Kira who was evil, and Kira was destroyed. Light may have some traits Ryuzaki mentioned, but you don’t punish people for a superiority complex or even psychopathy. Of course, if we spare Light, we should all the more spare Misa-Misa.”

Soichiro raised his eyes on the big man, as if he wanted to praise him to the skies.

“That’s right!” Matsuda exclaimed with unveiled happiness. “Light, real Light is good. Plus, he is a great hope for the NPA, isn’t that what the boss said? We can’t waste such a talent!”

Ryuzaki turned to the last policeman. “Aizawa-san?”

Aizawa was skeptical.

“The truth is, I think that if there were some punishment possible, it would be the best option. Completely absolving them doesn’t seem fair. But, just like you said, the officials accept only strict evidence, and the strict evidence in this case can only lead to one sentence.”

“The extenuating circumstances could be enough to save Misa, if you consider that she was acting out of passion and on Light’s order,” L clarified. “At least that’s what I think, considering the moment of Rem’s death. But I doubt anything could be done for Light.”

“And in that case we can’t allow it,” Aizawa concluded.

L closed his eyes and breathed deeply, relief for the first time visible on his face.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“But I don’t think completely letting them out of sight will be safe,” Aizawa insisted. “Especially Light. I wouldn’t be so sure that there is no threat.”

L nodded and took another long sip. “That is exactly what I have been thinking. And actually I do have an idea what to do about it.”

Ryuk watched all this in bewilderment. It looked like he had just witnessed the end of Kira. But it was not the end he had expected. He’d planned to kill Light once the arrogant little human lost the game. Only he’d never considered Light would lose like this. Had they intended to put the brat on the electric chair, killing him before would be the only option to close the deal. But as it was now, writing Light’s name would be just a whim. And even though such a resolution had some appeal, what was happening at the moment seemed much more interesting. So Ryuk just resolved to let the things unfold and make sure not to miss anything of what was still to come.

* * *
“Are you okay, Yagami-san?” L asked, approaching the chief who was still sitting on the sofa, face buried in his hands. Mogi was carrying the still unconscious Light in his arms, following Watari out of the room.

“No,” the senior Yagami muttered. “It’s not easy to find out that your son is a mass murderer, no matter how great the extenuating circumstances are. It’s just…” He broke off and shook his head.

“Yes.” Ryuzaki answered stiffly. The chief’s misery made him feel awkward. He had a vague urge to put a comforting hand on the cop’s shoulder, but stifled it; it would be unlike him. “I am sorry to bother you then,” he said, crawling onto the couch beside the older man, “but there is one more thing I would like to discuss.”

Soichiro seemed numb to his words, he didn’t show any sign that he was receiving them. L could only hope that he was listening.

“There is this one Death Note left.” He held out his hand with the black notebook hooked between two fingers. The chief raised his head and gave the object a fleeting glance. “It’s the one I used. I was afraid that if I destroyed it, I would lose my memories, but I don’t think it should stay with me. I suppose it’s safest to give it to the police.” Yagami’s gaze followed the Note as L placed it on the table before them. The detective hesitated, but then added carefully. “You may consider using it. The Death Note itself isn’t a totally evil thing. When used properly, it might be helpful in a number of situations.”

Soichiro’s head dropped again. For a moment L thought that he would receive no answer, but eventually the older man nodded.

“Very well, Ryuzaki, thank you.”

“Shall we go then? Light will probably wake up shortly. I think he will appreciate your presence when he finds out.”

“Yes… yes, of course.” But when L started to unfold from crouching, the cop suddenly grabbed his wrist. “Ryuzaki, I want to thank you. What you did for my son is… a great thing. And to think that I claimed that you had it in for Light. I was unfair accusing you. I am sorry.”

L gave him a reassuring smile. “That’s all right, Yagami-san. Light is your son, it’s natural that you took his side.”

The policeman tightened his lips. “Yes. I… thank you again.”

“Yagami-san… about Light and me…”

“You don’t have to tell me,” the chief cut off, a little too hastily to hide his uneasiness. “If there is anything more than friendship between you two… perhaps I’m not very happy about it, but I won’t condemn you either. After all,” despite his gloomy mood, he forced a crooked smile on his face, “I’ve never seen such a good match.” With that, he finally released L’s wrist and got up to follow him out of the room.

They were silent when they went down the elevator and moved through the empty, dimly-lit corridor three levels below. The chief scanned the place with a curious gaze; he’d never been in this part of the building. Finally at some moment he spoke.

“You will be very lonely here once we’ve gone back to our homes. Just look at it. All this huge tower just for you and Watari.”

L refrained from commenting that he’d been lonely all his life and was well used to it. He was sure the topic would be closed if he’d simply let it pass. The more Yagami’s next words surprised him.

“Maybe you could drop in on my place for dinner sometimes. I’m sure you could use some more… ordinary company once in a while.”

He stopped in mid-step and stared at Soichiro, dumbfounded. The chief halted as well and turned to give him a questioning glance.

“You mean, like a dinner with your family?” L asked, unable to believe the man’s words.

“Well yes. You know, me, Sachiko, you kids… My wife is a great cook. She makes wonderful cakes.”

You kids? He felt his eyes grow even wider. Did the chief even realize what he had just said? But at the same time a warm feeling poured into him and spread over his body with a comforting wave.

“Is Watari invited too?”

Soichiro smiled. “Yes, why not?”

Ryuzaki couldn’t help but smile in return. “I’ll be pleased to come, Yagami-san.”

* * *
He opened his eyes into the vague feeling of confusion, at first thinking that he was awakening from a dream… but that moment was very short. He came round too abruptly, without the typical sleepy feeling that made you want to go back to the wonderland. He was at once fully awake and aware of many things that suggested something else than waking up in the morning. The room was not his room; he’d never been here before. It was brightly lit and looked somewhat like a doctor’s consulting room. He was lying on an adjustable table, not in a bed, fully dressed, and there was a face hovering over him. The face with huge, black-rimmed eyes without a gleam.

He looked down. L sat on the edge of the table. Over his shoulder Light saw yet another person – his father, standing behind the detective and looking down at him with a concerned face.

“How are you feeling, Light?” Ryuzaki asked.

Strange words to say ‘hello’. Answering ‘okay’ somehow didn’t fit either. It was not what he was feeling. Something was wrong.

“I don’t know,” his voice came out as a murmur. “What’s this place?”

“A medical bay.”

“A medical bay?” He didn’t even know that the headquarters had one. “What happened?”

“You fainted,” his dad said.

Light raised his brows. “Fainted? How?”

“What do you remember?”

Light frowned, trying to find in his mind the last moment he had memorized. Things seemed strangely blurred, as if something blocked his memory. It took him some effort before he put the fragmented, hazy thoughts together.

“There was this trial. We were testing the rule… um, 13-day rule, to prove Kira’s identity. We… you were testing if I am Kira. But it turned out that I’m not. Granted. The convict died, and I was so happy that I would finally…” he broke off. I would finally what? There was some very odd feeling about all this.

Ryuzaki wrinkled his nose. “Well, not exactly.”

“No? What then?”

The detective sighed and for a moment stared at him silently, then turned around to glance at his father. Soichiro nodded, and Ryuzaki’s gaze came back to Light.

“I guess there’s no other way to tell you, but straight. It has been proved that you are Kira, Light.”

“What?!” He twitched abruptly. What was this? Another of Ryuzaki’s tricks? Why did this guy keep hounding him like that? This guy of all people… Light’s gaze found his father. “Dad?”

But Soichiro’s eyes were sad. The chief lowered his head.

“I am sorry, son, but that’s true.”

It couldn’t be; no, it couldn’t! Something clenched inside him and made it hard to breathe. His father wouldn’t deceive him about something like this, would he? If there was anyone he could trust in this matter, it was his father. But then, his father had deceived him about it once before. Were they plotting something again? What were they trying to prove?

“Impossible,” he gasped. “It can’t be. I remember this guy dying. I’m sure I am not…”

“Yes,” Ryuzaki interrupted. “He died because I killed him.”

“What?!”

“Light,” his father said. “Do you remember Ryuzaki’s theory about losing memories?”

Light felt his eyes growing wide. He blinked a few times as he recalled L’s assumptions about passing the Death Note ownership. Indeed. That would explain… And why didn’t he remember it at first? Why did his memory feel so strange? His confusion slowly turned into terror as realization hit him.

Soichiro’s hand rested on L’s shoulder. “Ryuzaki, I will leave you two alone now. I’ll be in the observing room.”

The detective nodded minutely. “Yes.”

“Light,” the chief turned to him, “it may sound strange at this moment, but don’t worry. Listen carefully to what Ryuzaki has to tell you. It will be alright.”

With that, he moved to leave. Light wanted to stop him, wanted to call after him, but he suddenly didn’t dare, suddenly the shame was too strong to speak. The door swooshed closed, cutting the chief off from view.

Light slumped his head back on the thin mattress and closed his eyes, while Ryuzaki proceeded to tell him what exactly had happened. He didn’t want to believe it; oh, how he wished it was just another trick. But now that the confusion had faded, his mind started to work again. And with that, more details surfaced, showing as moving pictures in his mind. Him and Ryuzaki. On the roof in the rain, in the café, on a walk. Talking. Disagreeing. What about? A shinigami, Rem. A name, L Lawliet. Ryuzaki’s real name. Wait… How did he know it? How could he know it? And then came more, and it was the worst. Efforts to write this name, complete inability to do it, sudden disgust at himself… It opened connections to something else, as if there was more, hidden deep in his memory… but they faded halfway, leaving him with the feeling of loss and frustration.

All those things would suggest that he really was… oh no! But it had to be it. I killed hundreds of people! I am a mass-murderer! His throat tightened in a sharp, repellent feeling of sickness.

His despair must have been visible on his face because he felt a gentle touch on his wrist.

“Light, are you alright?”

“No, I am not,” he snapped. “How can I be alright?”

“Yes. I am sorry.” Wryly. And after a moment. “Have you remembered something more?”

He slowly opened his eyes. He hesitated. Should he reveal it? It would be in fact admitting his guilt. He looked over Ryuzaki’s head at the spying eye of the camera that would mercilessly record his every word. His instinct of self-preservation protested. He didn’t want to die, he had a deep inside feeling that he didn’t deserve it. But the rest of him was repulsed by the discovery and demanded… justice. If he indeed was Kira, he should face the consequences.

“Not much,” he forced his voice through his throat. “Scraps. Fragments. But I remember your name. The real one. And how I tried to write it. But I couldn’t.”

L frowned. “You remember my name?”

He nodded. The black depths of L’s eyes regarded him curiously, as the detective’s thumb rose to his mouth.

“That’s strange. According to my theory you shouldn’t remember any such thing.”

“Maybe… maybe it’s because I started to have doubts. Maybe at the moments when I looked at your name, my usual self sneaked into Kira’s thinking. I don’t know.”

Ryuzaki’s head tilted. “Yes, that’s possible. But actually I am glad that you retained some memories. I wouldn’t want to lead you to believe in things. This way it will be easier for you to help me.”

The unexpected shift in L’s reasoning made Light blink.

“Help you? What do you mean?”

The detective smirked at seeing his surprise, but when he answered the humor was gone. “Misa. I have to handle her fast, otherwise she will kill me.”

Within the next few minutes Ryuzaki had explained to him the situation. Light gathered himself to sit up and listened to the detective’s words incredulously.

“If I do it,” he observed when the other finished, “I would be helping you to bring her to the electric chair.”

“If you don’t do it,” L countered, “it won’t be any better. Really Light, are you so afraid to hurt someone that you’d rather help Kira?”

That was true. Either choice he made would be equally dramatic. It was just that not doing anything seemed easier and gave him the feeling of protecting someone, while acting seemed like treachery. And it was not just someone – it was the girl who loved him beyond reason, the girl who at the moment seemed lonely and helpless. Even if he didn’t love her back, betraying her felt like the worst cruelty. It was the erroneous thinking. Neither was Misa helpless, nor would his actions be crucial in convicting her. The connection between the two of them was so obvious that proving that one was Kira was enough to prove that the other was too. The only thing that could save her at the moment was actually killing the whole team. Which she was capable of doing, but of course it was not what Light wanted.

Strong hands took him by his arms, bringing him to attention. L was leaning over him.

“Light, I promise you that Misa won’t die. Trust me.”

Something in those matte eyes told him that it was true, some intensity in Ryuzaki’s gaze made him indeed believe the detective. It didn’t matter. He knew that L was as excellent a player as he himself was – he could probably make one believe that the Earth was a disc floating in space on four elephants. But that didn’t matter either. Light had already made his decision.

He lowered his head and sighed. “Alright. I will do it.”

He didn’t try to fool himself that it would save him – the law had no mercy for mass murderers like him. But it was minimally comforting to think that before dying he would help to put an end to Kira.

L nodded with a smile, as the grip on his arms tightened. “Very well, then let’s get to it.”

* * *
Light’s hand was shaking a little when he chose the number and pressed the connect button. He kept the receiver at some distance from his ear, expecting a high level of decibels.

He wasn’t wrong.

“Liiight!!!” Misa’s voice twittered from the speaker. “You finally called! Misa was so worried about you! So how did it go? Tell me, tell me!”

Light felt like cringing. Even if by some persistent denial he could still doubt in what L had told him, now he would hear the final confirmation. Everyone would hear it – a little bug L had attached to his phone transmitted Misa’s and his words straight to the observing room. The detective himself stood before him like a watchdog, the black eyes fixed on him attentively. Light wanted to whine; no, he wanted to smash the damned phone against the wall and scream that it was unfair. Instead he forced his voice into smug confidence, just like he supposed the ultimate winner Kira would sound.

“Everything is just fine, Misa. How else could it be? I was…”

“Yay!!! Light!! Misa is sooo happy. It was so long that I thought something went wrong.”

A growl rose in his throat and threatened to escape it. He stifled it.

“No, Misa, I simply didn’t have a chance to call you earlier. Everyone wanted something from me, there were some formalities to take care of, and so on. Only now did I manage to escape them for a moment.”

“That stupid Ryuk.” Her voice turned a little pouty. “He could have dropped in to give me a word. Where is that shinigami anyway?”

Light sucked in his breath and almost let out an unwanted sound again. Here it was. So fast. Checkmate, Misa. But at the same time his mind remained alert. Could that be a test? Was there some trick hidden in her words? Unlikely. Misa was too stupid and too devoted to do something like that. And not that Ryuzaki hadn’t acquainted him with the details that could be helpful in this conversation. He didn’t have any memories about Ryuk, but he knew who Ryuk was.

“Yeah, he was around for a while but then disappeared, so I didn’t have a chance to tell him to give you the news. Actually, I thought he came back to you. I’m surprised that he didn’t.”

He tensed, half expecting that the girl would now burst into evil laughter and tell him what was the trick that he’d fallen for, but of course she didn’t. Instead she continued chirping.

“Oh, never mind. Actually Misa hopes he won’t come back that soon. Because when Light comes to Misa, Misa would like to celebrate with Light alone.”

Only there will be no celebration, Misa, a bitter thought surfaced in his mind. For once he regretted that his rendezvous with the girl was not something that was going to happen.

“Yes, Misa, I can’t wait for that,” he spoke in the most even of voices. “But I probably won’t be able to make it sooner than in the evening. Now, I want you to do something for me. Listen carefully, because it’s very important.” He took a breath, remembering L’s instructions, and set about his key move. “I want you to go and retrieve your Death Note,” he said slowly. Of course Light wouldn’t let me bring it here, it’s hidden in a very safe place. “Before you leave, destroy the separate pages you have.” Oh, Misa can kill Ryuzaki all right. “Then, go to the post office and send the notebook to the address I’ll give you.”

For an instant there was silence in the receiver. Then he heard a sharp intake of breath.

“Light, what are you saying?” Her voice had changed. It sounded softer, lost its high-pitched shrillness.

“What if she doesn’t agree?”

“She said she would do anything.”

“Yes, but forfeit?”

“I’m sure you can convince her. You are good at that.”

He was, wasn’t he? And he already knew how he would do it.

“I am saying that I want you to give up your ownership. You’ve done enough for me, Misa, I am very proud of you. But now I have chosen your successor who will be my eyes from now on. I won’t use you anymore; from now on I just want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be with you for you, not for your eyes.”

“Light…” She sounded like she was about to cry.

“Will you do it for me, Misa?”

“Misa will do it right away! Misa is so so happy!” So hastily, eagerly enthusiastic. In spite of the gloomy circumstances, he breathed with relief. After a short pause she continued more calmly. “Just promise me one thing, Light. Promise that you will tell Misa that you are Kira so that I will know what we are celebrating when we are celebrating.”

Light closed his eyes and swallowed, as something tight closed around his throat. “Of course I will tell you. I would never keep it away from you. Very well then, Misa. Take something to write and I’ll give you the name and address.”

When a minute later he disconnected, he allowed his shoulders to slump and his head to fall onto his chest. “I think it worked,” he muttered.

L gave him a brief nod, already clicking at his own phone.

“Did you pick up everything, Yagami-san? … Very well. Please, have someone follow Amane when she leaves the building, I want to be sure that she really follows Light’s instructions. Ah, and,” he turned to the camera, “turn the surveillance off. We won’t need it anymore.”

* * *
She knelt on her bed for a few long minutes, clutching the cell phone to her chest as if it was Light himself. She’d raised her eyes in a silent thankful prayer. She almost couldn’t believe it, it seemed too good to be true. But it had to be it! Light finally truly loved her.

She’d always known, deep inside, that his assurances of love were not completely honest. She’d heard it in his voice, seen it in his face, although she’d tried to ignore it. But now… I want to be with you for you, not for your eyes. There was no other explanation to that. That was her own proof. Finally her efforts had made her dream come true!

Without more thinking, she leapt up from the bed and reached under the mattress. She produced the remaining sheets. There was some sadness at what she was about to do, but most of all there was joy. Because she knew that once she forgot that she was Kira, the burden she’d been feeling would be finally taken off her chest. Then she would be free. And her prince would be there for her, loving her forever…

* * *
“So,” Light put the cell phone aside and raised his eyes to the detective, steeling himself for the hardest question. “When will they come to take me away?”

For a moment L was giving him an enigmatic look.

“Nobody will take you away,” he finally said. His voice was quiet, but it only made his words sound more serious.

Light almost choked on his breath. “Wha…? What do you mean?”

The detective’s lips curved in something that resembled a wry smile.

“It is pretty amazing that a simple notebook can control your memories and make you see things other people can’t see. Don’t you think?”

He frowned, still not understanding. And so, after heaving a little sigh, L proceeded to give him more explanations. He told him about the things he’d heard from the shinigami Rem, about his own suspicions, and eventually how he had decided to save Light from his sorry end. The youth listened to all this, wide-eyed. He couldn’t believe it.

“And for all this time, for the whole damned half an hour, you let me think that I was facing death? Why didn’t you tell me before I called Misa?”

A slight shrug. “I guess I wanted to see your reaction. The Light I knew when we were cuffed together would decide to act noble in spite of the circumstances. I wanted to see what you would do.”

He grit his teeth in a sudden surge of anger. That little manipulative bastard…

“Ryuzaki,” he said, sliding off the table to stand on his feet. And when L’s gaze moved to refocus on him, he plunged his fist right into the other’s jaw.

It was just like a few months ago. The impact of his blow threw the detective right into the opposite wall. The lanky youth slammed against it hard. He managed to stay on his feet this time – probably because the room was much smaller – but shook his head, clearly dazed, and grabbed onto the concrete behind him to stop himself from falling.

Light was almost surprised when no chain pulled him after the other man and instead he remained in his place. The emotions boiled inside him, but as realization finally settled, the anger subsided abruptly, and was replaced by a dizzying, overwhelming wave of happiness.

He wouldn’t die! Not only that— He brought his hands to his face and broke into laughter— He wouldn’t die, and he wasn’t such a monster after all. The impact of the Death Note – he was more than eager to accept it. It made perfect sense! He still felt the load of what he had done – he supposed he would never stop feeling it – but with this new awareness it was so much lighter. He leaned against the table, as the high-pitched, hysterical laughter bent his body in half. The joy and relief that poured over him were intoxicating.

He was so lost in his own emotions that when something poked his shoulder, he was surprised that he’d never noticed the detective approaching. He straightened, lowering his hands, and forced the manic happiness off his face.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh like that, but I…”

Pain blinded him as Ryuzaki’s fist connected with his own cheek. The world swirled around him in a crazy, chaotic dance, and the next second something slammed against his back. His hand flew up to cup his aching jaw as some detached part of him made a note that L’s fist was just as hard as his foot. When the room stopped spinning, he realized that, unlike L, he had landed on the floor. He looked up at the raven-haired man hovering over him.

“Hey, what was that for?” he exclaimed. “I had a reason.”

“My reason,” Ryuzaki said slowly, “was the bed thing.”

The bed thing? At first he didn’t understand. Then… oh no!

“I didn’t,” he muttered with horror.

“Actually, you did.”

“Shit.” The rude word followed an abrupt thought before he managed to stop it. But it seemed perfectly suitable at the moment. “Aw, shit!” Such a bastard. Such a bastard! He wanted to deny it with all his might, but it wouldn’t make the slightest sense for Ryuzaki to lie to him about something like that; besides, somewhere deep inside he felt that it was true. Perhaps some subconscious traces of his memory… And with all this L still had wanted to help him?

“I guess simply saying sorry will sound inadequate,” he murmured.

L crouched before him. He didn’t really seem angry, but Light was well aware that it didn’t mean that he hadn’t been angry.

“Saying sorry would be very appreciated.”

“Would it be accepted?”

“Perhaps.”

“Well then, I am sorry. Damn. I am very, very sorry.”

Ryuzaki nodded simply and rose. He outstretched a hand in Light’s direction. On reflex, the youth took it and was pulled up to his feet as well. Standing was however too much of an effort for his tired person, so he dragged himself to the table and slumped down on it again.

“So what will happen to me? You didn’t turn me in to the officials, but I don’t believe that you will simply let me out of sight.”

L shoved his hands into his pockets and turned on his bare heel to face him again.

“Correct. I have been thinking about it, and I decided that the optimal option will be to make you work with me from now on.” Light gave out a little startled gasp at that and, surprisingly, Ryuzaki smiled. “I need to have you around to keep an eye on you, and at the same time we can make it productive. With your amazing investigative skills, L’s efficiency will increase by some 80%. We will also continue to cooperate with your father and the team, and they will be watching you as well.”

The first shock subsided and Light was able to give the detective a calm nod. “I see.”

“And by the way, this is not an offer you can reject. For you this is a must, Light. Also, if we notice anything strange in your behavior, or if any Kira-like activity occurs, you will be immediately detained.”

“Alright,” Light agreed easily. He wouldn’t reject it even if he could. He simply liked the prospect. The investigator work was something he’d always dreamt of, and here he had received an offer from the great L himself! As much as he wanted to wallow in his own angst for a little longer, he couldn’t help it when the feeling of joy started to return. His ‘punishment’ actually presented a nice vision of the future.

“Why are you doing all this for me, Ryuzaki?” he asked. “You wanted to catch Kira at all costs, and now you’re giving it all up.”

“I am not giving it up. I did catch Kira. And I killed Kira. Killing you would be a wrong solution. That was the trap in this puzzle. The question is actually, why did you do it for me? You had a chance to kill me. More than once. Even today… In the end I miscalculated a little. You noticed how I destroyed the notebook before you fainted. You could have alarmed Misa. You didn’t.”

Light frowned, considering it. Pictures of himself and L – pictures that made him blush – appeared in his mind. Those he remembered with crystal clarity. Those he would never forget.

“I think you know why,” he whispered.

“Are you saying that you care for me? That much?”

Light gave a slight shrug, for some reason feeling stupid. “I can’t tell you details now, my memory is like a sieve, but… I remember my frustration. I remember how my hand simply wouldn’t move when I tried to write your name. I wanted to… and I just couldn’t.”

He cared for Ryuzaki? No, he loved Ryuzaki. With no girl ever, even if he was intimate with them, had he felt like this. He loved and desired this sloppy guy, and that didn’t change no matter if he was Kira or not.

He was caught completely unawares when L’s hands grabbed him suddenly and pulled him sharply to the bony chest, closing him in a crushing embrace.

“I am glad to have you back, Light,” L whispered. “And by the way, apologies accepted.”

It took him a minute before he found a voice in his throat. “Um… happy to hear that. And what about the, um…”

“Bed thing? I can’t say I dream of getting into bed with you right now. But we can come back to this topic later.”

He said nothing to that, just nodded silently, swallowing a slight disappointment. His own arms rose and wrapped around Ryuzaki. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the detective’s shoulder. It had been quite possibly the most intense day of his life. All the powerful, contrasting emotions mixed in his head. He felt guilty, horrified, relieved, happy… confused. But the sensation of L’s body against him was comforting, and suddenly he found himself smiling and thinking that in spite of everything it would be okay.

* * *
Ryuk lay comfortably on top of the high cupboard, head propped against his hand, and watched the two young males from above. Being invisible indeed had many advantages. It allowed you to hear such spicy details like the one about the ‘bed thing’. He was still bewildered with this little revelation. Who would have thought! Mr. Popular female-heart-breaker, getting together with a guy. Poor ladies. Poor Misa…

Beneath, L finally disentangled himself from the embrace.

“One last thing,” he said, “maybe you’ll be able to tell me. I suspect you have a piece of the Death Note hidden somewhere on you. You needed it, considering some situations. Do you have any idea what this place can be?”

Light’s hands slid off the other’s back reluctantly. The youth thought for maybe two seconds before he answered.

“I have a compartment in my watch. I made it myself, so nobody knows about it. I used it as my little secret hiding place. You know, teenage issues. If it is anywhere, it’s there.”

Ryuk winced with distaste. Sooo correct. Wouldn’t you rather save this little piece for yourself, Light? For a moment of anger or danger… it would be interesting. But Light was already fiddling with his watch, and L stared at it with greedy eyes, gnawing at his thumb.

A little plate sprang out from under the dial, revealing a piece of paper hidden inside.

“Bingo.” In spite of this casual word, Light’s voice was strained. “You take it, I don’t want to touch that thing anymore.”

The detective reached for the sheet carefully. He took it between his fingers, then suddenly raised his head and looked around. Ryuk tensed in anticipation, not sure piece of which Death Note Light had kept in the watch lately. But the matte gaze slid past him unseeing, and L turned back to the youth.

“Just checking,” he explained sheepishly.

In spite of himself, the shinigami felt somewhat disappointed. If that was so, he had nothing to do here anymore. He’d seen enough and it was time to take off anyway. He spread his wings and floated up from his seat. In the last moment he heard Ryuzaki’s shocked words.

“‘Chokes on a candy?’ That’s cruel!”

Amused with that punch line, he shot through the ceiling, chuckling.

I already saw it coming for you, Light. If you chose to kill that guy, you would have followed a straight path to your downfall. Your own perfection would lead you there – your megalomania, your intellect, your strict sense of morality. So strict that with just a little help from the Death Note it became twisted. Your perfection became your curse. But now you are no longer perfect. You’ve been stained with a past as a mass murderer. Your arrogance will have a hard nut to crack. And good. It will teach you a lesson.

Ryuk shook his head, embarrassed with his own preaching, and resolved for another sardonic chuckle. So long, Light Yagami. One day we’ll meet again.