To the Moon and Back

Chapter 12



Blinking blearily against the bright light shining in his eyes, Hiroki awoke slowly, groaning as aching muscles protested to him stretching. God, it felt like he had not used his muscles in forever, and then had all hardened into stone.



When his vision finally cleared enough to look properly at his surroundings, he realised with a start that he was not in his room. Looking around at the white pristine clinical room, Hiroki guessed that he was in a hospital.



‘Shit’, he thought, wondering what the hell happened. His memory was a little fuzzy, and all he could remember was him throwing up in the toilet. How did he end up in the hospital?!



All of a sudden, the door opened, and in walked his mother.



‘Hiroki! You’re awake. Thank goodness, I was worried sick about you. You passed out in the toilet after all that throwing up, and when I couldn’t wake you, I panicked and had you sent to the hospital. My poor son...’ She continued rambling as she fussed over Hiroki, to his great displeasure.



When she got like that, she really reminded him of Nowaki...



NOWAKI. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.



All the vocabulary that Hiroki had amassed in his years of studying literature eluded him, leaving him with a simple profanity that encompassed the anxiety, panic and confusion he felt. Not to mention the sudden blooming of pain and hurt in his chest, that he had long thought was numb and immune to pain. Obviously it was not.



All it took was a few seconds seeing Nowaki face to face, to bring all the buried emotions and issues charging to the surface again.



‘Oh God. I had to get out of the hospital now. I’m fine. I don’t need to stay here. I will be fine at home. I need to leave NOW!’ Hiroki yelled frantically as he grabbed at the wires and tubes that were attached to his body, trying to yank them off himself.



In the midst of his frenzied actions, and his mum’s alarmed cries and restraining, neither of them noticed the door sliding open quietly, and a tall man walking in. Till..



‘Hiro-san’



Hearing that whispered name floating across the room, Hiroki froze, and he could feel dread seeping into every cell of his body. Oh God oh God oh God.



Turning his head slowly and hesitantly to the door, he wished with all his might that the voice he heard was merely a figment of his imagination. But just like always, someone up there really seemed to dislike him and enjoyed playing cruel jokes on him, for at the door stood Nowaki.



Hiroki could not tear his eyes away at the sight of Nowaki standing there, and his mother seeing the exchange between the two men, quietly slid out of the room.



Hulking and tall just like he remembered, and still devastatingly handsome, causing Hiroki’s already frazzled and frenzied heart to skip a few more beats. But as Hiroki eyes swept greedily over Nowaki for that few short moments, he realised Nowaki looked so much thinner. Dark shadows hung on his face, and he looked tired and exhausted. Such a realisation caused his heart to constrict tightly...was this the result of his departure?



Suddenly remembering the situation at hand, and realising that he was staring like a fool, he quickly whipped his head away, and rearranged the look on his face to the one he used to use when teaching. Harsh and unforgiving.



‘Nowaki. What do you want?’ Hiroki bit out through clenched teeth, keeping a tight rein on his emotions.



‘Hiro-san... I... How... You... W-What happened to you? Why are you in the hospital? Are you sick Hiro-san? Is it very serious? Are you ok...’ Nowaki shot questions at Hiroki rapidly once he got over his initial hesitance.



Hiroki could not believe his ears. Here was the man who he had just upped and left without a word or warning, the man who had loved him unconditionally and completely only to be abandoned (like he had been as a child) and hurt, and yet all Nowaki was concerned about upon their reunion was Hiroki’s health and well-being.



The realisation that he had abandoned Nowaki just like his parents had abandoned him, coupled with Nowaki’s selflessness and evident concern made him sick in the stomach with guilt and pain. Lashing out was the only way Hiroki knew to handle such situations, and lash out he did.



‘My health is none of your business. I don’t need your concern. I no longer love you and you’re no longer part of my life. So just get out.’



Hiroki’s heart felt as though it was constricting into a quarter of the size it originally was. It hurt so much in his chest that all he could do was to turn his body and face to the size, while sinking his nails into the flesh over his heart, as though that would do him any good. Unconsciously he had clenched his eyes tightly, to prevent the tears that were behind his eyelids from flowing down. His other hand was fisted tightly in the sheets, as though to stop himself from hurling himself into Nowaki’s arms.



‘Get out’, he repeated softly, defeated and disgusted with himself.



The door closed quietly.



Upon hearing that sound, the tears Hiroki had been holding back burst forth and he curled into himself in pain, sadness, defeat, guilt, disgust and so many more indescribable emotions. This was it. No more salvation for him. He had managed to chase the one good thing in his life out of it permanently.



But before his thoughts could sink any further into depression, Hiroki felt two familiar warm arms wrap around him tightly, engulfing Hiroki’s frail thin body. Nowaki. Hiroki jumped in shock, and fought to pull away. But he was in no better condition to resist Nowaki as compared to the past.



Nowaki had never left the room, nor intended to, but had closed the door quietly to give them some privacy... He fully intended to persuade, cajole, plead, beg or even seduce Hiroki into taking him back. And to find out why he was in hospital.



Seeing Hiroki’s reaction to the door closing, gave him newfound hope that Hiroki might still have feelings for him. He had never considered what Hiroki had wrote in the letter to be untrue, for he always had an inferiority complex with regards to Hiroki, and felt it was a miracle that Hiroki had chosen to accept him and be with him.



But he refused to give up on his love for Hiroki, and he had been waiting to persuade Hiroki to give him another chance. However, seeing Hiroki’s current severe reaction, Nowaki felt a small bubble of hope rising in his chest that maybe, just maybe, Hiroki still felt something for him...



Embracing Hiroki tightly, Nowaki leaned in towards Hiroki’s neck and nuzzled him gently. Hiroki stiffened and kept up his weak struggles, to no avail. Tilting his head up, Nowaki quietly whispered into his beloved Hiro-san’s ear...



‘I love you Hiro-san. I’m never letting you go again. I will follow you into the dark if I have to.’



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Love of mine some day you will die

But I\'ll be close behind

I\'ll follow you into the dark



If there\'s no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I\'ll follow you into the dark



I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie



I cried writing this chapter. Incorporated a bit of my favourite song (: Happy new year everyone. Here’s to more yaoi, more junjou romantica, more writing and love for everyone in 2009! Haha. More reviews please my loves! xxx