I Live For You

Chapter Thirteen – Dead Purple Eyes

Yuki (POV)

When Tohma and I left the bedroom, we sat on the couch, each lost in our own thoughts. When I saw Shuichi bringing up blood, it scared the shit out of me, but I was also relieved. He had finally snapped out of it.

But when I got him back into bed and he met my eyes, I had to suppress a shudder. His eyes held an emotion that I had never seen before. His face an unreadable mask, but his eyes…

Oh Kami-sama. I jump off the couch and run back into the bedroom, but the bed’s empty. I knock on the bathroom door, calling his name, but he doesn’t answer. I kick the door a few times, before the wood splinters and the door bursts open, slamming against the wall.

My heart slams into my chest as I see Shuichi lying on his side, a bloody razor abandoned next to him, his wrists slashed and blood gushing out of the cuts. I vaguely hear Tohma on his cell phone call for an ambulance.

I kneel beside Shuichi, and rip up one of the towels, applying each bit to his wrists, tying them tightly. He moans in pain, at least he’s still alive. Tohma lays his hand on my shoulder.

He leaves a moment later to answer the door. I move out of the way to let the two medics tend to Shuichi, but I watch them carefully.

I ride in the back of the ambulance, while Tohma drives my car. I start to sob uncontrollably as Shuichi stops breathing. I follow as the medics rush him into the hospital.

I try to follow as they take him into the operating theatre, but the damn nurses wont let me. I’m left to pace outside the door, which is where Tohma found me. He stays silent. I think he knows I’m not in the mood for talking or comforting words.

When a doctor finally comes out, he takes us into the nearest waiting room. We sit down, and my heart nearly stops thinking that it’s going to bad news.

“Mr Shindou is going to be fine. He lost a lot of blood, but we gave him a transfusion. So physically he’ll be fine, it’s his mental state I’m concerned about…I’ll have someone come and talk to him in a couple of days. If you follow me I will take you to his room.”

Tohma and I follow the doctor into a private room, and then he leaves us alone. I walk to Shuichi’s side. He looks so pale. I want to hold his hand, but I’m afraid that I will hurt him. Instead I run my fingers through his hair.

He opens his eyes and meets mine, I nearly gasp out loud as I look at his eyes. They look so dead. It’s like there’s no sign of life in him. I’ve never seen his beautiful purple eyes look like this before.

I look at Tohma, and although his face shows no expression, I can tell he’s worried. I look back at Shuichi, and frown, he looks angry.

“What is it?” I ask, a tear falls from my eye as he moves away from my touch.

“Leave me alone.” He snaps.

“What have I done?” I ask confused as to why he’s acting like this.

“You want to know what you’ve done? There was a reason why I tried to take my life. I wanted to die, why the fuck did you have to save me? Just leave me alone, get away from me! I don’t ever want to see you again.”

I look at him, and get angry.

“Your such an ungrateful brat, I can’t believe you…you were going to leave everyone here to grieve for you, especially your parents. They’ve already lost one child, how the fuck do you think they will cope if they lost you too? I’m not going to leave you alone…whatever you say, I know you need me…”

He gets angrier and tries to throw off the bed covers, but he must be into much pain because he gives up. He turns his back on us and buries his head in the pillow.

“Get out and leave me alone…I hate you.”

I swallow the painful lump in my throat. Tohma pulls me out of the room. I’m about to shout at him, when he give me his ‘Don’t argue with me’ face. I let him lead me out of his room, and follow him to the cafeteria. I sit down while he gets us some coffee.

I really hope Shuichi will be all right. I hope he doesn’t mean it. I don’t know if I could handle him hating me. I drink my coffee and look at Tohma watching me.

“I don’t think Shuichi meant what he said…he’s still in shock. You were like that when you were younger, and you still haven’t got over it. You have to give him time. Like you, he will never get over it. Hopefully it will get easier, just give him a while to calm down.”

I know he’s speaking the truth, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. To hear the one I love telling me he hates me.

“Shuichi’s parents have been notified, they will be here soon.”

I rest my head in my hands. I don’t how he’s going to feel about that. I just hope they can knock some sense into him.

“Lets get back, you should be there when his parents arrive.”

I finish my coffee and follow him back to Shuichi’s room. His parents are already there, and we meet at the door. They smile slightly at me and we all enter the room. Shuichi takes one look at us and then turns his back on us.

Tohma and I stand by the window whilst his parents talk to him. I try not to listen, but there talking kind of loudly.

“Why did you want to kill yourself? Why did you want to leave us? Please honey, tell us what’s wrong?”

I look over at Shuichi to see his face buried in the pillow, ignoring his parents. They look at me, and I shrug my shoulders. They sigh. His mother lays her hand on his back.

“Whatever it is Shuichi, we’ll be here for you. Please don’t put us through anymore of this. I don’t think we could handle burying two children…remember we love you… we’ll see you soon.”

They leave the room, his mother crying softly, while his father wraps his arm around her. I look back at the bed to see Shuichi looking at me. He sighs and turns his back on me.

I really don’t know what to do. I just hope what his mother said will sink in and make him realise how much it will hurt everyone if he throws his life away. But what if he never gets better? What if he turns into a cold-hearted bastard like me?