Silent Acceptance

Title: Silent Acceptance
Anime: Haru wo Daite Ita
Rating: Mature

On Holiday


The weather outside was most frightful, with heavy drifts of snow and ice. Luckily, the heating unit inside worked perfectly.

“That looks great, Yukihito. Toisho might not even want to open it,” Sawa complemented as they sat around the kotatsu wrapping gifts. Even with the heating, Sawa insisted on acquiring it, saying that it reminded him of Christmastime back at his parent's house.

Yukihito's nimble fingers could tie the elegant of bows in the how-to book they purchased for the occasion. They wanted to get the gifts wrapped before leaving for their two day vacation. With the help of Taboo resources, Makoto manged to find a very secluded onsen in Hokkaido. Sawa's parents invited them over again, but he thought that after all that they've been though in the past couple of months, he and Yukihito needed to get away from a bit.

Christmas Eve

Yukihito couldn't eat a bite of lunch once they arrived at Yunokawa Onsen. According to the brochure, they had a beautiful nature trail for walking as well as the close distance to the nearby small town of Hakodate, and he couldn't wait to take pictures right away. He bundled up and left Sawa in their room once they got their suitcases to their room. Sawa, for his part, headed for the men's only spring. The plane trip left his back demanding a break to the point that he didn't mind washing off his carefully applied makeup.

The spring offered such a varied view of naked and nearly naked men. While etiquette demanded that he keep his appreciating to himself, he still felt a bit guilty taking in the sights. One fellow bather reminded him of Arashi and their play dates. The absent thought of Yukihito wielding the crap entered his mind and he had to literally shake his head to get the image out. Yukihito would never, ever consider doing something like that...

Though, Sawa thought with a slow smile, it wouldn't hurt to suggest it once he got older. That line of thought got Sawa to imagining his little lover at 20. Taller, definitely, his features strong and those beautiful hazel eyes sharp. At 20, he'd want to go to university. Many one far away...

Again Sawa shook his head, far harder than before to get that very disturbing thought out of his head. Now was the time to relax and enjoy himself, not get all depressed over what may or may not happen in the future.


**********

With every person that walked by, Yukihito had to remind himself to relax. This wasn't school or Tokyo proper, with a bazillion people around to bother him. This was quiet paradise.

His camera was already nearly full of snapped photos of snow covered trees and half frozen lakes. He even got a shot of the resort with a few steaming outdoor pools with the people in them looking very tiny. He'd have to show Sawa this path once the older man got some rest.

Yukihito paused for a moment, thinking of Sawa with a calm smile. The past year had been an interesting and intense one for them both. Sometimes his feelings were hard to explain, but he was so glad that he didn't have to explain much to Sawa. He feared from time to time that the responsibility of caring for him properly kept Sawa back, but he needed him so much. He needed his comforting presence. As long as Sawa would let him, he'd never leave his side

Looking down, he noticed that he had exactly one shot left. Yukihito realized that he had no pictures of Sawa as Nagisa at home. With a tiny grin, he headed back to the resort.

Yukihito found Sawa lying in bed when he returned. He was wearing a women's yukata that spilled off his shoulders in a very indecent way. Yukihito hesitated to take the shot at first-this wouldn't be a photo for the coffee table with the robe opened nearly to his crotch-but he then decided to take the photo and place it in a more “private” collection.

The sound of the camera snapping woke Sawa. Yukihito stood over him, smiling, his cheeks and nose still red from the cold.

“How was your walk?,” he asked as Yukihito shed his clothes, finding a yukata of his own to change into while Sawa called for room service. He watched the boy change with much interest. His face still appeared young, but Yukihito's body was was growing up quite nicely, slim muscles hiding underneath smooth skin. For a moment, he wanted to forget about the dining on dinner and dine on the tempting body displayed before him, but he had to remember their promise. Damn his morals.

Dinner was an elaborate spread of many of Hokkaido's famous dishes, ishikari-nabe, a hotpot of salmon and other seafood, Sapporo ramen, and the famous Ghengis Khan, a sizzling barbecue of lamb and vegetables. Both were ravenous and for a couple of minutes no words were said as they filled their faces.

“Oh look,” Sawa picked up a bottle of warmed sake that sat next to the teapot. “Now we're dining in style. Want a cup?”

Yukihito gave him a reproachful look. “I'm 15, remember?”

Rolling his eyes, Sawa filled two cups. “Who's going to know? You're not afraid I'll take advantage of you, do you? I don't have to get you drunk for that.”

Yukihito's glare did not subside as Sawa slid a cup in his direction. But he did lift it to his lips and took a tiny sip of the bitter liquid. Sawa smothered a laugh as he choked a little. The bit of warmth Yukihito felt coursing down his throat was nice. Maybe he would just nurse this one cup for the rest of the meal. Sawa would make sure that nothing bad happened to him.

One cup turned into two and after dinner Yukihito found himself on the windowsill with Sawa wrapped around him in a nice cuddle. The snow fells lightly outside, and the sake sat nice and heavy on his stomach, warming him considerably. Everything felt so wonderful, from silk of both their robes to Sawa's breath on his cheek as the older man begged him to open his present.

“Christmas is tomorrow, I'll open it tomorrow,” he insisted.

“But I want to see the look on your face now,” Sawa protested. He'd consumed four cups of sake, and cuddled Yukihito close, loving how it felt just to be with him. A touch of nostalgia hit him, and with an evil grin, he whispered Yukihito's ear, “I remember not too long ago when you were not so patient. One Christmas Eve night, I woke up to the sound of a little one who woke up extra early, happily opening every present that had his name on it, including the ones that were 'From' him. He was so proud of himself for waking up before everyone else, sitting next to the tree, surrounded by torn wrapping paper.”

Yukihito huffed, turning his head away. “I was 5 years old then. That was so long ago.”

Sawa kept laughing, and he impulsively decided to show his uncle just how much he'd grown up since then. Turning his head back and grabbing Sawa's face, he kissed his lips, hard and forceful.

Moaning at the sudden assault on his lips, Sawa felt himself melt. Whether Yukihito's aggression had anything to do with the sake didn't matter, it felt so good. Their tongues slipped and slid and played together, while hands crept into robes to rub against naked skin.

Yukihito turned himself around until he straddled Sawa's hips, holding him still. It was exhilarating to hold Sawa against the window. He hold his shoulders down and plundered the hot mouth against his. He shuddered when he felt Sawa part his robe and cup his growing arousal. Returning the favor, Yukihito released Sawa's own erection and held them both together, stroking him slowly.

It was so rare for Yukihito to take control, and Sawa was going to enjoy every last second. He lowered his hand and let his head fall back. “Don't stop, Yukihito, please...”

The silk of their robes slide down their shoulders. They broke contact long enough to pull arms from sleeves, letting their garments pool around their waists. Yukihito leaned forward until their foreheads touched, his hand speeding up, leaving them to fog the window behind them with the heat of their mingled breaths. Sawa's pleas made him shudder and drove him to continue. The feel of his lover's hard manhood pressed against his, slick with mutual offerings of more to come, was too much for his young body to take.

He was done before he knew it, his release coming too soon; he wanted to see Sawa reach orgasm first. In the sweet throes, Yukihito clutched their organs together, willing himself to hold on through his orgasm, his strokes becoming jerky. He kept his eyes, so youthful, hungry and blazing with hazel fire locked with Sawa's.

Watching Yukihito, forehead beading with sweat and his lips clenched together to hold back his moans was the sweetest sight Sawa had ever witnessed, and that brought him over the edge with a wild cry. He cupped Yukihito's face with a trembling hand, reaching around and grabbing a handful of bare smooth rear. His hips rolled upwards with every spasm, mimicking the act he so desperately wanted to do with his little lover. For a few moments, they held each other tightly, slowly coming down from their mutual highs.

Yukihito grimaced at the mess on his hand. It was fun to play like this, but so gooey once it was over. Before he could leave his perch to find a towel, Sawa grabbed his wrist, bringing that hand to his lips and lapping at it. He giggled at Yukihito's upraised eyebrow.

“What? It's not like I'm unfamiliar with the taste,” he grinned cheekily and winked.

“But...isn't it getting cold?”

Sawa paused mid lick. He had a point. It was a few minutes since they both came, and the temperature change had altered the taste. For the worse.

“So, how about a shower instead?”


The next morning, they quickly finished breakfast and gathered the presents on the kotatsu provided by the onsen. Once they were warm and settled with their legs underneath, Sawa slid a shiny wrapped box at Yukihito, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Now looks who's acting like a child,” Yukihito quipped as he pulled the brightly colored wrapping paper from the box. Sawa said nothing, leaning on one elbow with a grin.

Inside the box was another box that contained a brand new Nikon F5 35mm camera, with several rolls of film tucked around it. Yukihito blinked at the box, then looked up at Sawa with a look of complete surprise, utterly speechless. The F5 was top of the line, and very expensive.

“Your pictures from Kyoto were beautiful, and I've noticed that you seem interested in photography. You've got a great talent, and I want to encourage it as much you've encouraged mine.”

Yukihito took the camera out of the box carefully, almost afraid that he would break it. Below that box were a couple of attachable lenses and a flash attachment, all he needed to start taking photos right away. Still not trusting his voice, he placed the camera back inside and bowed his thanks to Sawa. He had no idea that Sawa had picked up on his interest.

His gift to Sawa was a leather bound journal, for when Sawa wasn't writing his next best seller, according to the note on the very front. The very first page had a picture of a new laptop sitting in the chair next to the desk back at home. That, according the note taped to it, was for working on his next best seller.

The laptop was a complete surprise to Sawa. Even with the allowance Yukihito saved up, it couldn't have been enough to purchase such an expensive present. “How in the world did you get a laptop?”

When Grandmother asked Yukihito for what he wanted for Christmas, Yukihito was ready. He had the specs for the laptop down just the way he wanted, down to what programs he thought Sawa would need, and even asked for it early so he could sneak it in the office before they left. What he didn't bother to mention was that the computer was actually for Sawa's use. It would get lots of good use either way, so he didn't feel all that bad for his little untruth.

Sawa leaned forward to caress the side of Yukihito's face after the boy found enough voice to explain how he got the gift. “That's so sneaky of you, but I think I'll keep your secret from Mom. Thank you so much.”


*********


“You were right, Yukihito. This trail is beautiful with all the snow.”

After souvenir shopping in town, Sawa and Yukihito took the trail back to the resort. It was even more popular then the day before with several more vacationers enjoying the view and wishing each other a hearty “Merry Christmas”. Sawa returned each one for them both, Yukihito chose to nod instead.

Snow started to fall when the reached an empty stretch of trail. Yukihito glanced over at Sawa as the walked in silence. The snow lightly covered his hair and shoulders like an airy scarf, and a few stray flecks rested on his eyelashes that framed suddenly mischievous eyes...

Before he could react, he was flat on his back in a snow drift with Sawa on top of him, pressing their cold lips together with a deep moan. While Sawa's frisky body felt warm, there was more chilly snow around them and he was starting to shiver. This was not the best time for a romantic moment. They'd both catch their deaths out here. Perhaps he could find some way to cool his ardor until they got back to their room.

“Gah!”

Sawa shot up to his knees, frantically shaking the handful of snow Yukihito quickly shoved down the back of his coat. Scrambling to his feet, Yukihito took off running back down the trail before his now cursing uncle caught up to him, laughing out loud, much to the surprise of the other vacationers he passed on their merry chase.

Two Days Later

Sawa sat at the new laptop, idea swimming in his head. He wanted to start working on his next novel before the buzz surrounding Go Jou died down. He spent the last hour brainstorming, reminding himself of Makoto's word the last they spoke.

“You can't rush genius, you know.”

While he couldn't rush genius, he knew he could gently give it a prod. For inspiration, he viewed a couple of new rentals from Tomodachi. It was so strange to watch the same guys Ayame and Arashi and even Jian gossiped about acting like cowboys or samurai. One man greedily sucked the cock of the guy who just stole his boyfriend. Another rimmed out his own ex. There was more juicy drama going on behind the scenes than in front of it. And that got Sawa thinking, his fingers quickly flying over the keys.


*********


“Yukihito's pictures from Hokkaido developed well, then?”

“Yes Mom. They're all so beautiful. I think he has some real talent.”

Sawa called his parents to make plans for New Year's. Dad wanted the family to get together, but Sawa wanted to avoid the conflict they had at Obon. Yukihito, for his part, still wanted to see his grandparents.

“Um, Tsuneo?” Mom asked. “Yuuto and I were wondering...”

Sawa rested against the kitchen counter, his heart starting to pound. What was it now? The last time he heard that careful tone of voice was during Obon.

“I'm so glad that you moved into a nicer place. It's good for Yukihito to be closer to his school, but I'm worried that you're overreaching yourself. How are you able to afford such a nice place on your salary?”

It took a moment of stuttering and stumbling for Sawa to come up with a suitable lie. “Well, I've been saving up since we first moved, Mom. Don't worry about us, okay?”

After exchanging a few more niceties, he hung up feeling rather hollow. How does Yukihito manage to keep a straight face when he makes up cover stories on the spot?

It couldn't continue. Sooner or later the truth would come spilling out. It surprised him that it hadn't already. Suzuki-sensei could have revealed part of the truth to his parents before leaving town. They could have seen him in a magazine and seen though the scarf and shades disguise. If they found out in such a way, the consequences could be dire. The loss of his parent's trust wouldn't hurt nearly as much as the loss of his dear Yukihito. He would have to tell them something, reveal some part of himself before the lying and hiding got to be too much for he and Yukihito both. But what and how?

Sawa looked at the clock. Yukihito would be back from picking up a few groceries in about an hour. He needed advice from someone for more knowledgeable than he was on this, and he needed it now. Jotting a quick note to Yukihito, he grabbed his coat and headed to the Tomodachi.

Toisho looked dumbfounded at Sawa's question. “You want to come out to your parents?”

“Well, not completely, but I want to not be so afraid of telling the truth about what I am and what I do. It shouldn't be such a secret anymore. How did you do it?”

The older man stopped stocking magazines and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I'm glad that you decided to ask for advice first. I'm even flattered that you're asking me.”

Sawa picked up a magazine from the box Toisho was stocking from and placed it on the shelf. Toisho was still big on getting a job done when he started, and Sawa didn't want to slow him down with his question. “Ayame told me that you were chock full of advice for her, even when she didn't want to hear it.”

“That's because she was a stubborn little brat who never listened,” Toisho replied with a wistful smile. “I came out years and years ago. My parents were very disappointed, because I'm the oldest son, expected to do my duty by them, marry and give them grandchildren. Being survivors from Nagasaki, grandchildren were very important to them. It took so many years of tears and arguments before I was even allowed to come home. My younger brother having three kids of his own didn't hurt matters either. Now we get along just fine. I look forward to family visits, and they were all there for me when Ayame passed away.”

He paused, moving a magazine Sawa just placed to its proper section. “I wish everyone could have that same conclusion. It doesn't always work out that way. You know that Hana-chan was disowned, and Ayame lived in constant fear of being discovered. And you have an even bigger responsibility with Yukihito. Even if your parents are understanding of your lifestyle, they may not be comfortable with him living with you.”

Sawa flushed slightly. “Why? What would that have do with him?”

Toisho took the magazine he was holding out of his hands. “How would they know that? Think about where you were when you first realized just who you were. Where you scared at what that just might have meant? Think about all the prejudices you had that you were able to put aside. They may still have those same prejudices. It will take time. Do whatever you feel is right, Nagisa, but make sure that you give you a lot more thought.”

He looked over Nagisa's shoulder as Jian walked into the store. With a fatherly smile, he patted Sawa's shoulder. “Now either buy something, clock in, or scram. I can't pay you for thinking, and with school still being out, you should spend more time with your boy.”

Sawa did think about it. He gave it so much thought that it was the day before New Year's Eve before he came to a decision. He talked it over with Yukihito, who, while scared for him, offered as much support as he could. He even stood at Sawa's side holding his hand as he made the phone call.

“Hello, Mom?”

“Hi, Tsuneo! I was just about to call to see when you two were coming over tomorrow How are you doing? How's Yukihito?”

“We're good, Mom. How's Dad?”

“He's fine as always. We both are. I'm so glad you got the holiday off. You've been hard to keep track of lately.”

Sawa took a deep breath as Yukihito squeezed his hand. “Yeah, about that, Mom. There's something I've been meaning to tell you.”

A moment of silence followed. “Yes, Tsuneo?”

“I just want to let you know first that I never wanted to mislead you or Dad in any way. I was just so worried about how you would react, that I couldn't bear to say anything until now.”

He heard his mother take a breath of her own. “Okay, what is it?”

“I'm don't work at MyCity anymore. I quit some time ago to become a writer. It's been pretty lucrative thus far, and that's how I was able to afford the higher rent here.”

Just saying the world made him even more nervous. Sure, it wasn't the entire truth, but the rest could wait. He didn't have to reveal everything at once, after all. The crossdressing announcement could wait until Yukihito was of legal age, so there would be no risk of him getting taken away.

Mom was silent a little while longer. “How lucrative? This is not a guaranteed source of income, Tsuneo. You still have Yukihito to worry about.”

“Don't worry, Mom. We live well below our means, and I do save the excess. We're fine.”

“I do hope so. I'm glad you told me. But if you get into any trouble, you better let us know.”

Sawa was surprised. No yelling, no condemnation. While not liking the decision, Mom seemed to trust him. After assuring her that they would be first he'd call for help and that no, she probably didn't want to know what he was writing exactly since it was under a pen name, he passed the phone to Yukihito so he could talk to his grandmother as well. He simply remained sitting, hand still in Yukihito's, feeling a strange sense of peace. One weight was lifted from his shoulders.

New Year's Eve

Before leaving the apartment, Sawa and Yukihito gave the place a good cleaning form top to bottom. It didn't take very long, the two weren't very messy in the first place.

Yukihito stepped out of the shower just in time to watch Sawa get dressed. He didn't seem as sad as before putting on his clothes, a typical men's kimono, hakama and haori. At closer inspection, Yukihito noticed why. He was sliding on a women's nagajuban, a shorter, lighter kimono worn underneath. The sleeves and back were covered in embroidered ume blossoms. With the rest of the outfit on, no one would notice it. His fingernails were glossy from a coat of clear gloss as was his lips. One small clip-on hoop adorned his ear, and his now-signature single bang was combed back.

When Yukihito pointed out the hoop, he grinned. “I'm thinking about getting both ears pierced after the new year. This should get Mom and Dad used to seeing it. I'm hiding in plain sight now!”

In Chiba, they were immediately recruited in helping with cleaning the house. Yukihito found himself far more comfortable taking direction from his grandfather, and less frightened of his presence. He even accepted a loving hair ruffle without jumping. He thought that it had something to do with the fact that Grandfather had the same friendly twinkle in his eye that Sawa normally did when he ruffled his hair.

Grandmother pulled Yukihito aside to show him a photo album from long ago. “This has a lot of pictures of Yukie and Tsuneo growing up. Would you like it?”

Yukihito opened it up, flipping though the pages in wonder. It was hard to imagine his mother so young, silver hair in odango, grinning over a slice of watermelon, flying high on a swing set, holding up a doll wearing the same little kimono she was, gently touching her mother's swollen belly. The next page was of a very newborn Sawa, still wrapped in swaddling in his mother's arms. The next picture was the same little baby, dressed in a diaper, lying on a blanket, holding Yukie's finger. It was an adorable sight.

Sawa came over, wondering what were they laughing about and blanched when he discovered just what it was. “Mom, that's not the book with THAT picture in it, is it?”

Now Yukihito's curiosity was aroused. Luckily Grandmother was already turning the pages and pointing.

“Mom!”

Sawa's cry fell on deaf ears. Yukihito was already giggling at the dreaded picture. A silver hair toddler, naked as a jay bird, sat in what looked like a closet with one red high heel pump dangling off one one tiny foot. Yukihito had to lean on his grandmother's shoulder, he was laughing to hard. Sawa started young, he supposed.

“Laugh all you want, Yukihito,” Sawa growled as his face burned. “Don't your forget that I have a few embarrassing shots of you...”

After the house was nice and clean, the family settled down to get ready for the stroke of midnight. Yukihito helped his grandmother prepare the traditional soba in the kitchen while Sawa's father pulled him aside. He looked at his son before for a moment before he spoke, making Sawa very nervous. He didn't say anything about the phone call with Mom when Sawa and Yukihito arrived that day.

“Tsuneo,” he finally said. “I have to be honest with you. When your mother told me that you quit the job at MyCity, I was disappointed and angry. I nearly called to have Yukihito sent back to us, but she convinced me to settle down and think about his well being. I watched him today, and he looks so much better than he did when you two left in the first place. And you, son, you look far happier as well. I suppose getting out into the world is doing you both some good. That's all that really matters to us.”

Sawa smiled, placing a hand on his father's shoulder. “Thanks, Dad.”

Dad chuckled, covering Sawa's hand with his own. “Besides, you can't get anymore settled than caring for a teenager. Though once he gets older...”

“We'll talk about it then, Dad.”

Before Sawa could turn that over in his head anymore, Mom called them into the kitchen to look at Yukihito's pictures from Kyoto and Christmas.

She held up a shot of the Otawa-no-taki waterfall from Kyoto. “Yuuto, look at this. I think I want to keep this one framed. It's so pretty. We have such talent in our family.”

Yukihito blushed as his grandmother's praise. It was nice to be doted on so, and when she offered to pay for private professional lessons to go with the new camera, he accepted with a shy smile. Sawa marveled at the subtle changes in his little lover, and resisted the urge to cup his cheek and kiss him. That would have to wait until they were home.


Author's Notes: Whew! We are rounding down to the last chapter, minna! Thanks again to hanging on, and I promise you all of those who've been asking for a lemon will not be disappointed!


“Yeah, about that, Mom. There's something I've been meaning to tell you.”