The Fine Line

Hello world! It’s Niamh again, leaving you an author’s note… I noticed when I read through my last few chapters and I realized that I called Ange Goteborg twice… my bad. You can most likely find it and see where I mean if you look. Also, I’m sorry! My typos are SO BAD! I pledge that I shall search for them better for now on :D

Disclaimer of Damn: Yes. I have fallen so low as to use ‘damn’ as a disclaimer word. I don’t own D.Gray-man. If I did… there would be awkward conversations like the one you are about to read.

WARNING: There is a man. There is another man. There is touching. That’s right, there’s man-lovin’.
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Awkwardness and Love

Kanda lay on the bed frowning at Allen, trying not to say something astoundingly teasing while someone important was on the phone. The way that the younger Exorcist was responding in nothing but short answers made him think that it might have been Komui. He was wrong.

“So… have you two kissed each other yet?” Lenalee asked excitedly in Allen’s ear. He wanted to tell her everything, every detail, but Kanda was sitting right there, frowning at him. He could not exactly go off on how their last kiss had shaken the foundation of the world without causing Kanda to maul him regardless of wounds.

“Yes, a few times.” He answered vaguely. It’s my new favorite hobby.

Lenalee made a sound that meant she thought it was adorable. “I’m sure you two are so cute together! I can’t wait until you get back to the Order so I can take pictures! I can just imagine, him leaning on you because he’s so much taller, you reclining into him… ah! I feel inspired!”

“Aren’t you taking this a bit far…”

She giggled. “They’re just pictures, Allen-kun. I’m not starting a fan club.”

Right. I bet you’re making a members list right now. “Of which I’m glad.”

“Ah! One more question.” She became suddenly silent, almost as if she were afraid to ask. Allen felt his mouth go dry just from the stillness.

“Yes?”

“Who’s the seme?”

Allen literally felt his heart stop beating in his chest. How could she…why did she…how could he…was she really that interested in their sex life? Was that really something that people thought about? And…and… why did she care? Furthermore, did she seriously think that Allen was that easy – or Kanda was that easy – to have gone that far already? It hadn’t even been a month yet! That was not enough time to have grown that close. Allen was not Cross!

“No one.”

“What?!”

“No one, yet. I mean.” His voice was so quiet Kanda couldn’t hear him talking, but he could plainly see the vibrant blush that had spread across his face like a wildfire. Kanda thought that was a nice look on him – it made him look pure at heart.

“Oh,” She sounded disappointed. “Be sure to tell me when you two figure it out!”

Right. I’ll do that after I find and tell Kanda’s mother. “I will if I can.”

“Che, what’s taking so long Moyashi-kun?” Kanda asked softly. “Does Komui really have that much to say about what’s going on?”

“Oh,” Lenalee said at last. “And Nii-san says to wait on getting the Innocence until the others have caught up with you. Just in case the Noah is still around.”

“Understood.”

“Have fun Allen-kun! And tell Kanda-san that I said hello.”

“I will. Goodbye.” He went to hang up the phone but Kanda stopped him.

“Oi, ask if Lavi’s there.” Kanda’s expression was still that cold glare, but Allen thought he saw something else in those eyes. It was like he sincerely hoped the redhead would be around to talk to, which was different.

“Oh! Len-er-Komui!” Allen stuttered into the phone. Curses directed at that first syllable that had slipped out of his mouth floated through his mind, growing fouler and fouler as Kanda’s glare grew curious. “Kanda wants to know if Lavi is there.”

Lenalee’s voice took on a slightly more serious quality when she spoke. “Komui? Oh, is he in the room with you?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, well Lavi and Sable are the ones coming to meet you. I guess she didn’t tell Kanda that when they were on the phone a few days back.” She paused for a moment before she continued. “Come to think of it, they should be arriving in Sweden today.”

“Oh good, Kanda won’t have wait long then.” Allen smiled. He had a vague idea that maybe Kanda wasn’t just going to tell Lavi about them but also going to ask some questions – because if Kanda knew as much as Allen and Lenalee did, Allen was convinced that he’d have lost what remained of his innocence a few days ago. And then Allen would have been able to give her a real answer. “I’ll talk to you later then.”

Kanda watched Allen hang up the phone and sighed disappointedly. So Lavi was away on some mission and Kanda would have no one to ask the infinitesimal, prodding questions that he needed to ask. It wasn’t as if Allen would know the answers – not that he would even think of asking – so what was he supposed to do until the knowledgeable Bookman was there for him to interrogate? Suffer?

As if in answer to his questions Allen looked at him with half-hooded eyes, ran his tongue across the edge of his lip slowly. I wonder if he realizes how seductive that is…

Allen watched the color of Kanda’s face go from normal to blushing in the matter of a half second. All I have to do is look at him and he’s about ready to jump me, broken bones and all. Oh how he wanted to laugh evilly. If it took three days for Kanda to get better, they were going to be three long days – and hopefully making those days so long would make him get better faster. Fast enough to get something done before Sable and Lavi showed up.

“Lavi and Sable should be here tomorrow.” He spoke in a tone that was almost sad sounding. “If they don’t encounter any bad weather.”

Kanda’s face visibly brightened. Oh good, I can tell him and ask questions when he gets here. Though…I assume things like that will be…loud… hmm… I wonder if he’d room separately…

Allen watched Kanda’s thoughts migrate from his brain to his face and back again, his stoic mask all but forgotten now. Allen sat on the edge of the bed so that he could look at that pristine ivory face, the soft dark eyes, those loose ebony tresses. Sure, Allen could make Kanda blush by making a face at him, but Kanda could make Allen blush just by being. He wound his right hand up in the covers while he studied the thoughts on Kanda’s face and attempted to organize his own.

He had almost lost that face, those eyes, that condescending smirk. A Noah had almost killed Kanda – would have killed Kanda – and Allen would never have been able to see him make that face again. Or touch his skin. Or see him smile. Or see him laugh. Or listen to him call him moyashi. Or anything. He never would have been able to tell him how much he cared, how much he would give just to see Kanda happy. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t known that Kanda could die before, it was just that he had not realized what that meant.

Losing him would be like losing half of his soul.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Moyashi-kun?” Kanda cocked an elegant eyebrow at him, thus increasing his seducing powers by ten fold. Allen knew that if he weren’t about to fall apart, he’d be tearing him to shreds.

Instead he leaned forward and laid his lips gently on Kanda’s, with just enough force for them both to know that they were touching. “Because…” He felt the burning of tears behind his eyes and fought them back. He was not going to cry in front of Kanda, he wasn’t going to. He wasn’t weak like that. Kanda would call him weak for it too, he knew. “Because…” He was going to.

Kanda could not take it. He reached up with his more or less healed left arm and took the younger boy around the shoulders, drawing him into a tight, semi-horizontal embrace. The smaller Exorcist sobbed into his shoulder, tears fell into Kanda’s hair as Allen slowly lost control of the emotions that had been turning within him. Kanda did not care though. He just pulled Allen closer. He understood why Allen was crying to an extent, because he had felt something similar when he had nearly killed him with Mugen’s blade. He had wanted, somewhere in his heart, to give up any part of himself if it meant that Allen would have been alright, though he had not realized it then. The difference here was that Allen knew, and the fact that that willingness to sacrifice himself truly meant nothing in the end, which scared him more than anything else ever could.

Kanda wondered if he would cry too, if their roles had been reversed.

He spoke in a soft, gentle voice as he ran his hand through Allen’s hair and leaned his head against his, speaking soothing phrases. He felt that they still were not close enough, even if he could feel Allen’s heartbeat against his chest; they never could be close enough.

“Kanda,” Allen wept quietly.

“Hm?”

“I think I got snot in your hair.”

Kanda grinned out of the side of his mouth and placed his right hand on Allen’s head, even if it hurt him. He hoped that it said the words he was not yet able to speak aloud. Just thinking it sent a silent tear running down his cheek and into Allen’s hair.

It’s alright Allen, I...love you, too.
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“It’s complicated,” Sable sighed, holding the rag to her face. Lavi was far more open to her than she thought he’d be, but then again he was a Bookman – it wasn’t his place to condemn her and call her traitorous by nature.

He smiled at her and poured them each a cup of tea – when the cook had heard that Sable was hurt he’d been more than happy to provide them with it. “It’s alright; we’ve got an hour yet until we get to shore.”

She smiled and thanked him for the tea, just as normal as she had ever been. “Well then… where should I start?” She tried to look at him as if she weren’t at all disconcerted by this, as if she were perfectly willing to be straight forward about everything. It wasn’t true. She wanted to have her secrets and keep them too, but that wasn’t about to happen.

“The beginning sounds good to me,” He took up his seat on the bunk bed and tried to look like he wasn’t frightened out of his mind.

She sighed. “Well, you already know that Uri and I are twins,” She spun the cup in her hand without drinking it. “But… why we’re twins isn’t normal.”

“How so?”

“Before we were born…” She shook her head, that wasn’t a good way to explain it. “We… weren’t supposed to be twins. But my Innocence made us into two people. A Noah cannot be an Exorcist and an Exorcist cannot be a Noah, so the parts of us that were compatible with the Innocence became me, and the parts of us that were a Noah became Uri.” She looked up at him, her green eyes catching the lamplight like emeralds. “You follow?”

Lavi nodded slowly. It made sense, though he wasn’t exactly sure how it would work. “But, if that’s true, why do you have the marks?”

So this was the part that made her want to tell him that it was none of his business. “Some of what was Noah did not become Noah, and some of what was supposed to be Exorcist did not become Exorcist. So…”

“You’re part Noah.” He said flatly.

“And he’s partially compatible with my Innocence.” Sable nodded.

Lavi frowned at that. If she was part Noah, then… did that give her any of the superhuman abilities that the Noah had? And if did, why hadn’t she told Komui that she had them? “So what does that mean? I mean, you’re obviously still good, still normal, still…you.”

She almost wanted to thank him for saying that. “I might seem normal but I’m not. Neither is Uri.”

He gave her the look that meant that she wasn’t explaining anything.

“One of my brother’s powers –” It sounded very odd to her to say that – “Has to do with seeing the thoughts that are at the forefront of someone’s mind, the things that linger there in the light of your focus. I have the opposite talent. I can see the latent things, the hidden truths, the dark secrets people hide even from themselves. I try not to look too deeply at people, for fear that I will awake whatever part of me is… like them.”

It made sense. Sable had been analytical from the beginning, able to get along with even Kanda at their first meeting. No one who was normal could have done that. But she did not abuse her gift, she did not give people away, she did not harm anyone or claim to know things or even make awkward jokes with it. She was good. She always had been.

And then an idea struck him.

“Sable-chan,” His suddenly blank expression made her worry that whatever was on his mind was something dark. “Was it that power that caused you to have me write that poem for Kanda?”

She laughed a real laugh, not a twisted, sadistic laugh or a false one. “I said that I try not to use it, not that I don’t.” And the smile that went with her confession was just as well meaning as the rest of her.

She’s fine. He concluded. Nothing Noah about her.
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Kanda sneezed violently and with a suddenness that ruined the romantic moment they had been sharing. Allen blinked up at him with an expression that was half amusement and half disgust.

“Kanda.”

“Hm?” He wiped at his nose with one of his fingers.

“I think you got snot in my hair.”
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Heeheehee! I just love the two of them together! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! So cute! Ah. I totally want to write more fluff… the urge… must not – deny – the urge.

What did you think? I’ll never know unless you tell me… love and bubbles to my reviewers! ^^