Only in Your Eyes Am I Worthy
I�m All Mixed Up, Feeling Cornered and Rushed
xmlns:st1="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"
xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40">
Evangelion: Only In Your EyesI WoI Worthy
Chapter 14: I’m All Mixed Up, Feeling Cornered and Rushed
Rei lay on her bed with her hand suspended innt ont of her
face, staring at the red scar that was already fading from her hand surgery.
Her thoughts were unfocused and chaotic, swirling around in her head like a
swarm of bees. Feelings like indecision, doubt, and fear were new to her and
she despised them already. First there was Commander Ikari, whom she had been
raised by as a daughter first and a subordinate second, until recently. Ever
since the Eva project started, after that first fateful day when Unit 00 had
gone berserk and the commr har had scorched his hands to pry her out of the
entry plug, he had grown distant from her. His visits became purely as a
commander checking on the status of a subordinate, and the caring looks and
words of a father were never spoken. It was as if the scorching of his hands
had burned away the kindness he showed her, and his recent attitude towards her
made the blue-haired girl feel cold and alone.
That train of thought led Rei to think of the young Ikari
and her recent growth of feelings for the boy. <Have I sought him out to
replace the affection the commander once showed me, or is there more to it than
that? Shinji makes me feel… vulnerable.> Suddenly there was a knock at her
door. <Shinji, you wasted no time in coming here. Are you hiding from Soryu
once more?> “Come in, Shinji-kun.” Rei called absently, eyes never leaving
her scarred hand. The nerves were in the process of finishing up their healing
and the scar itched so badly she knew if she started scratching it, she would
not stop until she reached blood. So despite how maddening the sensation was,
she resisted the urge to scratch.
“Though I am not Shinji, I trust I am welcome to enter
anyway?” A soft foreign voice sounded from her now open door.
Rei sat up slowly and regarded the stranger entering her
home, feeling suddenly exposed as she had dropped all clothing save her
underwear moments after returning home. She would have taken off the bra and
panties as well if her hand had not still been too weak to work the clasp of
the bra. And why bother taking the panties off if the bra remains? “You are
mistaken. You must leave. I do not wish strangers to enter my home.” <He
looks… so familiar. Silver hair... red eyes. Red eyes…> “Do I know you?”
Kaoru gave the girl a gentle smile and leaned against the
doorframe, brushing back his lengthy silver locks up from his eyes. His
attitude seemed almost… flirtatious. “Nagisa Kaoru, newest Eva pilot. Pleased
to meet you, R Was Was his reply.
Though her eye twitched in irritation at such a familiar
tone, the red-eyed girl chose not to comment on that and instead asked a more
important question. “What is your purpose for visiting me then, Nagisa?”
Despite the boy’s familiar tone, she chose to remain respectful… for now.
The fifth child came closer and sat down on the edge of her
bed, despite the glare she was (just barely) giving him. “I heard about your
Eva unit being destroyed. I curicurious to see what state of health you would
be in.”
As he came closer, an uncomfortable feeling began to radiate
out from her stomach. A feeling she usually only got when an angel was near. “I
am well. I would appreciate if you left my apartment now.” The soft-spoken girl
requested, edging away from the boy. A feeling akin to panic was worming its way
through her heart, but she had the impression it was a foreign emotion. <Is
he psychically probing me?>
Kaoru leaned closer suddenly and gave her a warm smile. “You
feel it too, don’t you, sister? Despite how you came to be in this world, you are
still of my brethren. You share a closer link to the mother than the rest of
us, even. I envy you.”
The red-eyes of the first child widened in shock and
confusion. “Nani? I…” Before she could finish her sentence, the fifth d
ld
leaned forward even more and pressed his lips against those of the blue-haired
girl. “MMph!” She protested, raising her hands up to try to push him off. She
felt his hand groping at her breast, then trailing down her flat stomach. The
boy’s invading lips moved down her chin and then found an especially sensitive
spot on her neck and the girl felt at once enflamed with something, desire
perhaps, but also angry. “Get
as hard as her slight frame could manage. The force, surprisingly enough, was enough
to send him crashing into the wall next to the door, as well as creating a
crack in the wall.
Kaoru felt blood boil up from his insides and rush out of
his mouth as he felt the burning heat of the girl’s outrage pushing him back,
and for a moment he knew fear as the energy production of Rei’s S2 organ
suddenly spiked, and her AT field became opaque as the other pilot struggled
against it. The Angel-Alert klaxon suddenly went off, shocking the girl out of
her anger and releasing the fifth child from the confines of her AT field. The
silver-haired boy stood up straight and brushed himself off calmly and smiled.
“It was nice meeting you, sis. I must be going now. Give my love to Shinji,
won’t you?” Without awaiting a response, he was gone.
“To Shinji-kun? Wait!” Rei had raised her hand, intent on
finishing the Angel off but he had already slipped out and was gone. As the
adrenaline wore off, she realized there was a trickle of wetness on her stomach
and legs. She looked down to see blood with a slight blue tint seeping out of a
small wound in her abdomen and it was then that she realized what Kaoru had
been doing. <He was distracting me and trying to remove my S2 organ… he
meant to kill me. Shinji… is he after you now?>
*************************
Asuka plopped down on the couch and stretched out; running
her fingers through her newly washed and dried hair. She was humming softly to
herself, before breaking out into song in a soft melodic voice, “Hast du etwas
Zeit für
Lied für dich von 99 Luftballons auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont.
dann singe ich ein Lied für dich von 99 Luftballons, und daß sowas von sowas
kommt!?” (Nena’s “99 Luftballons”)
“You sound happy.” Shinji said behind her, taking the brush
that was lying next to her and beginning to run it through the girl’s fiery red
hair.
“Perhaps. You shouldn’t sneak up on a girl when she’s
singing, you know.” The girl chastised him gently, though her eyes had drifted
closed as the brushing soothed her.
“I use to brush my mother’s hair like this when I was a
little boy.” The third child commented, leaning over to inhale the cinnamon
apple scent wafting from her tresses. He dropped that line of conversation when
he felt her stiffen up slightly. “Well, I’m not dying. They just noticed some
strange things happening to me but they’re not sure why. Akagi-dono suggested
it might have happened when I re-incorporated, or when that last angel was
infesting me and Ayanami.”
That seemed a safer topic, so the girl leaned her head back
a bit and looked up at the boy. “You seem awfully happy to just get a little
good news about your health. Did something else happen?” At the blush that
crept over the boy’s cheeks, the German girl figured she had her answer. “You
got a kiss from Rei, ja?”
“……… Something like that. So, do you want to do anything
today? I only need to cook some dinner for Rei... I mean Ayanami later.” Unit
01’s pilot inquired, running his fingers through the girl’s hair one final time
to give it the bounce she liked.
Asuka leaned back against the side of the couch and raised
an eyebrow. “It’s ok, baka. You can call her Rei in front of me. It doesn’t
bother me. Only…” She paused and chewed on her lip nervously.
“Only?” The young Ikari prodded gently.
“Only… don’t abandon me, even if you up and marry Wonder
Girl. You have… always been there for me. Even when I tried to drive you away.”
Soryu coughed nervously and shifted a bit. <Damn, this is hard. Damn you Dr.
Kagame, you’re making me sentimental!>
Shinji stared at her, lost for words.
“Baka! Say something. Tell me to go to hell. Tell me to fuck
myself sideways. Tell me you hate my guts. Something!”
She cried, standing up, embarrassment enflaming her cheeks.
Even if I have a relationship with Rei-kun?” He was repeating what she said,
but he had to be sure he hadn’t misheard the startling request. At the girl’s
careful nod, he considered it. Then the third child responded, “I have a
request then. I want you to make more of an effort to be Rei-kun’s friend. I
think you two would get along well if you just tried.”
Asuka’s eyes narrowed. “You’re asking a lot, mein Freund.”
She grew silent and stared at the boy. <Can I be her friend? She’s so…
anti-social.> <And you’re not?>
It was her mother’s voice in her head. <Yes… I suppose I have been. Fine, I
will make the attempt.> “Agreed then. I will try, but I cannot guarantee she
will like me.”
“She takes… patience. And you have to learn her mannerisms
and not take her lack of response personally. She’s just very quiet.” <In
other words…> The third child continued in his thoughts, <your opposite.
But, opposites are supposed to act,act, ne?>
“Ok. So… are you two a couple now?” The German girl asked
hesitantly. <Of course you are.>
“No. We have been having… difficulties, to be honest. But, I
do admit I am interested in her. Do you think I’m crazy?” He asked. <Of
course you do.>
“Of course I do. But, who am I to judge? I had a breakdown
in front of my therapist yesterday.” Asuka responded with a teasing grin. Then
the smile faded as a thought occurred to her. “Wait… you’re having problems but
you were making out with her earlier?”
<Damn! I walked right into that…> “Eh… I didn’t say I
made out with her.” Shinji was beginning to panic. <CHANGE THE SUBJECT!>
“So, what do you want to do today? There’re not too many choices, but I think
we can have a good time.”
<Did he kiss someone else? Misato-san stayed here until
just a little while ago before going into NERV, so it couldn’t have been her.
That leaves the good doctor Akagi and lieutenant what’s-her-name. No… doubtful.
Maybe Rei just smiled at him or something? I’m just assuming it was a kiss. No
point in worrying over it.> “Let’s go check the arcade. If we can’t get in
there, perhaps one of the cinemas will be open? At the very least maybe we can
get inside and start a movie ourselves.” She suggested.
Unit 01’s pilot smiled and nodded. “Sounds fun. Let’s go!”
He paused for a moment, with a worried frown on his face and looked in the
general direction of Rei’s apartment. A moment later, the Angel-Alert klaxon
went off. “Chigau! Let’s go. Plans canceled, I guess.” <Please be ok,
Rei…>
Asuka frowned and hurried after him, hopping into a jeep
across the street and taking it into town. <Can I do this? Please… please
let me be able to do this.>
*************************
Lt. Maya Ibuki took several deep breaths and steeled her
nerves. She couldn’t help but be paranoid as she stood in front of Commander
Ikari’s office door. After all, in the entire time she had worked at NERV, she
had never been called to speak to the commander one on one. Very often she
wouldn’t even see him, as he had an observation room directly over the Eva
control room. He could watch her all day and she wouldn’t know it. The thought
was not a pleasant one, especially considering everything she knew about the
man’s personal life. Finally, she summoned up her courage and brought her fist
up to the door and rapped gently and waited patiently to be called in. Over a minute
later, and just as she was about to walk away and come back later, she heard a
gruff voice tell her to enter. “Commander? Ibuki-chuui reporting as requested.”
Maya said in a soft, non-threatening voice.
“Of course, I was beginning to wonder if you had already
left for the day. Sit down, lieutenant.” Gendo ordered, gesturing towards a
plush leather seat in front of his desk.
The young dark haired girl sat down, having flashbacks of sitting
in front of the principal in high school for her brief bouts of rebelliousness,
but with a nervous shift she tried to focus on the commander. “Yes sir?” She
resisted the urge to chew on her bottom lip as best she could.
Gendo folded his fingers together and regarded the young
girl critically. “You are here for two reasons, lieutenant. The first is more
of a personal issue, the second a professional one.”
Maya cleared her throat nervously and shifted.
<Comfortable seats…> “Yes sir?”
“I have noticed you and my son seem to have established a
sort of… rapport. Have you two become… friends?” He nearly used a different
word, intentionally letting that be apparent. He liked making people nervous,
after all.
“… Yes sir. Is that a problem?” The girl asked, swallowing
nervously.
“No. Actually, I rather encourage it. My son has a difficult
time opening up to people, as you have likely noticed. If your
to him, than I support it.” He stated matter-of-factly.
Maya blinked. “Sir, what do you think our rela-“ she began,
but was cut off when Gendo raised a hand slightly.
“Whatever your relationship entails is none of my concern
and is between the two of you. I simply want positive influences in his life. I
am not asking you to report to me on matters involving Shinji. Just, be his
friend or whatever your relationship entails. He seems to have become less
introverted recently and perhaps I have you to thank for that. If no, I’m sure
you helped a little.” He fought the urge to smile behind his steepled hands,
knowing the girl was trying to figure out whether he was saying he wanted her
to date his son or not.
“Of course, sir…” The dark-haired girl replied, still
confused.
“Now, on to the professional matter.” He indicated a small
box on his desk and leaned back to watch her.
Maya hesitantly took the box and looked up at him with an
upraised eyebrow, asking for confirmation silently. When she received none, she
figured that was an affirmative, so opened the box up. Then stared at the contents.
“I… don’t understand sir.”
“Am I to assume you do not know what they are?”
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and perhaps Ayanami Rei were the only ones in the world
that could have heard the underlining humor in his tone.
“Yes sir… I mean… no sir… I mean… this can’t mean what I
think it means? You’re… promoting me to captain?!” She stared at him in wonder.
“But I just made first class lieutenant last year when I joined the Eva
project!”
Commander Ikari leaned forward again and regarded her
carefully. “Are you refusing your promotion, Ibuki-taii?”
<Oooh… I like the sound of that.> Maya gave him a
bright smile and popped off her 1st Lt. pips, then replaced them
with the Captain ones. “I accept, of course! I’m just curious… why?”
Gendo was silent for several moments before he responded in
a carefully guarded tone. “Your hard work and contributions to this project did
not go unnoticed. You went above and beyond the call of duty more than once. I
felt it deserved a reward.”
The newly-made captain frowned a bit and regarded the new
rank insignia. “But it has nothing to do with my friendship with your son, ne?”
“That may have influenced the decision a bit, yes. Does it
matter?” Gendo wondered how the girl had been successful in seducing his son
where all the other women in his life had failed, but he couldn’t ask her and
expect an honest answer of course. Was there something about the girl? He felt
his own interest in her growing, but he pushed it to the side in favor of
letting his son have his chance. <Don’t say I never gave you anything,
Shinji.> [Arrogant, isn’t he? Heh]
She stared at the insignia a little more then shook her
head. “I suppose not. Thank you again, commander! I will not let you down!”
Commander Ikari nodded. “You are dismissed then, captain.
And… if you see Shinji, tell him I said… no… never mind. It is best you say
nothing about me to him. Dismissed.” He watched the girl and wondered how soon
his son might actually bed her. He glanced at a photo of Rei and mumbled to
himself, a rare indulgence, “It is for the best, Rei. You’ll understand
someday.” He frowned when he heard the Angel-Alert klaxon sound throughout the
city. “So… it is time already. Disappointing. I was curious to see where this
business between the young captain and my son would play out.” He turned to his
monitors and leaned forward to watch the city and headquarters.
*************************