Saiyuki: Reborn

Now we\'re back on track! More angst in this chapter. Just to let ya know, stuff kinda hops
around in these later chapters--it may seem abrupt at times. But
sometimes that happens with RPs, so what can I say? *shrug* Hope you
all still will enjoy.

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Chapter 15


Goku made a last wave as the two older men left before shutting and
locking their apartment door. //Finally...// he thought, then
immediately felt guilty for it. He moved back into the apartment,
hearing Huyen cleaning up in the kitchen. //It\'s so great that we\'re
all together, but....// He paused in the hallway, fingers curled as
he tried to pull his cheerful expression back on his face. //I
wish...he could....//

Huyen put the remains of their snacks back in the cabinets--at least
there wasn\'t any beer left to take care of, he thought with a
snort. \"Hey, Goku?\" Suddenly craving something a little healthier he
found himself an apple and bit into it. It was a little soft, but the
sweetness helped dispel some of the bitter alcohol aftertaste. \"We\'re
gonna need to go shopping again.\"

He straightened, fitting an amused look on his face as he returned to
the kitchen. \"You know, next time Lan can play host--or Jin. They\'re
both a bunch of damn freeloaders.\" He wandered to the table, grabbing
up the empty bowls and cups to clean in the sink.

\"Yeah, really.\" Huyen took another bite, already losing interest in
the fruit. \"But I guess it\'s no different than before, right?\" He
leaned against the counter, passing a glass on to the cabinet with
his free hand. \"It was kind of strange, all of us together again.\"

\"Yeah, m a l a little.\" Goku concentrated on cleaning the potato chip
flakes that seemed to have gotten stuck to the bottom of a bowl. \"It
was fun though, right?\" he asked, glancing briefly, hopefully, over
his shoulder. \"You had fun?\"

\"Yeah.\" Huyen lifted his head, a thin but sincere smile touching his
lips. \"Yeah, I did. Somehow it was a lot easier remembering stuff,
with all of us together. Maybe because I\'ve known Jin for so long.\"
He shook his head. \"That bastard. It\'s...re goo good, having him
back.\"

Goku nodded, though...the answer didn\'t quite help to dispel the
tension in his stomach, but he hid it. \"I wish we knew what happened
to him,\" he went on, changing the subject. \"Why...he was gone for so
long.\"

\"Yeah....\" Huyen glanced away. He didn\'t want to talk about it--he
didn\'t care, as long as hs bas back and all right. \"It doesn\'t really
matter, though, does it? He\'s with us a.\" .\" He slid up behind Goku
suddenly, wrapping his arms around his stomach to halt his
cleaning. \"We\'re together now.\"

Goku did pause, and he leaned obediently against Huyen\'s chest. //All
together...but not.// He closed his eyes. //All together, but not all
there. They still...don\'t know me.// His shoulders hunched faintly,
even as he tried to keep them from doing so.

Huyen frowned slightly when he realized how quiet Goku seemed. \"Are
you all right?\" he asked, rubbing lightly at Goku\'s c. \". \"They
couldn\'t have worn you out that badly.\"

\"Nah, I\'m okay,\" he quickly replied, though his voice wasn\'t quite as
strong as he\'d hoped. \"It\'s just been a long day--looking for work
wears you out, right?\" Goku turned his head to offer a quick kiss,
hoping to reassure the other as he reached for the dishes again.

\"Ah, okay.\" Though he wasn\'t entirely convinced Huyen slipped away,
leaning against the counter again. \"I guess...you\'ll wanna go right
to bed, then, huh?\" He took another bite of his apple before tossing
it half-heartedly into the garbage.

Goku shrugged. \"Or watch TV. Whatever you want.\" He found the dishes
going much faster than he thought they would, and he finally set them
all aside to dry until the morning. He washed off his hands before
facing Huyen. \"What about you?\'

Huyen shrugged. \"I dunno. I\'m kinda tired, but….\" //I\'m in a really
good mood.// He hooked two fingers in the front of Goku\'s pants,
tugging him frd. rd. \"...not *that* tired.\" He urged Goku into a full
kiss.

Goku\'s chest tightened, but he returned the kiss as best he
could. //Just...Huyen, I....// He pulled back sooner than he normally
would have, his smile faint. //Damnit, why...can\'t I be happy with
this? I have you--and now Lan and Jin--why can\'t I just be happy like
this?// \"Huyen....\"

//Something is wrong.// \"What is it?\" Huyen frowned--he\'d been a
little worried about this, how Goku would react to him now that Jin
was back. And the truth was Goad nad no reason for concern; the time
he\'d shared with Jin was over now, and he was glad to be with Goku.
This was the way it should be. \"Something\'s on your mind.\"

He shrugged. \"I\'m...just tired, I guess,\" he replied, trailing a hand
over Huyen\'s chest. He felt...heavy. //Huyen, it\'s just....// Goku
leaned forward for another kiss, slowly. \"Maybe...all this did wear
me out.\"

Huyen urged him gently back before their lips could touch. \"What is
it?\" he asked seriously was wasn\'t like Goku to be down, and he
didn\'t like the idea of leaving whatever worries he had alone. \"This
was supposed to be a fun evening, after all.\"

\"It was fun,\" he protested. \"It\'s great, being together, playing and
drinking and everything.\" Goku flinched slightly beneath the stern
gaze his lover was giving him--he looked away. \"It\'s really fun
talking about...old times....\"

Huyen\'s eyes thinned. //That\'s it, isn\'t it? It\'s not like I was
sharing nearly as much as the rest of them.// He glanced away. //Like
any of the stories were about the two of us. Because I still
don\'t….// \"Goku.\" He pulled his gaze back. \"I know...it\'s hard for
you.\"

Goku still couldn\'t meet his eyes. \"It\'s not....\" //It is that,
but....// \"Huyen, I...don\'t want you to get hurt,\" he murmured. \"It\'s
harder for you, right? If it hurts you to remember, then....\" He
shivered faintly, because...it was wonderful, hearing the others talk
and joke about the lives they once had, the things they shared. But
if Huyen didn\'t remember them....

Huyen\'s gaze dulled a little. //No--we\'ve been through this
before.// \"I\'m still trying,\" he assured. \"And it\'s getting easier. A
lot of the things Jin and Lan mentioned, I...can almost recall.\"

//None of it about me.// Goku nodded, his stomach squirming--it
always did when Huyen got upset with him. \"I know you are, just.... I
don\'t know. It\'s weird, being with you guys but acting like...we\'re
all someone else.\"

\"I guess it would be….\" Huyen didn\'t understand as well as he would
have liked, but it hurt to see Goku like this. //There isn\'t anything
more that I can do, though, is there? It\'s not like I can force it….//

Huyen pulled him close again, resting his cheek against Goku\'s
temple. \"Can you tell me more?\" he asked quietly. \"I want to remember-
-if you push me, it might get easier.\"

Goku shivered, just relaxing against Huyen for a long moment. \"Are
you sure?\" he asked in a whispered tone, hands curling in Huyen\'s
shirt. \"I don\'t want to hurt you, but....\" //Could we try? We…could
try....//

\"I don\'t care if it hurts. I\'ve been running long enough.\" If Jin\'s
return had taught him anything it was that he couldn\'t hesitate any
longer. He eased Goku back once more so he could meet his gaze. \"I
want to know. I think...I have to.\"

Eyes wide, Goku slowly nodded. //He...wants to remember.// A slow
smile touched his lips, and he nodded again with more
strength. \"Okay.\" He leaned in for a brief kiss. \"Okay, Huyen.\" //He
wants to remember me.// Feeling lighter by the moment, he took
Huyen\'s hand and began to lead him to the bedroom.

Huyen followed, already feeling a little light-headed. //No, I\'m not
going to let it get to me. I want to know.// He took a deep breath,
glancing briefly at the open bathroom door as he was pulled
along. \"Wait--I want some water.\" //I should take something, if we\'re
going to do this.//

Goku let him go. \"Sure. I\'ll meet you in there.\" Sensing Huyen needed
a moment, he went ahead to the bedroom and peeled off his
socks. //We\'ll go slow--I\'ll take good care of you.// He licked his
lips.

Huyen slipped into the bathroom, quickly hunting up one of his
stronger painkillers and gulping it down. //We\'ll take it slow,// he
assured himself, taking a few deep breaths. //This is what I want--
I\'m not afraid anymore. I\'m not going to get hurt again.// Finally he
joined Goku in the bedroom, and he couldn\'t help but be swept up a
little in the tangible air of excitement his lover had.

Goku had crawled onto the bed, idly smoothing out the blankets
nervously, trying to decide how to go about doing this. //I want him
to remember. I want him to remember me.// He smiled faintly and
patted the mattress. \"You sure about this?\" he asked.

\"Yes.\" There was no point being nervous about it now--he slipped into
bed next to Goku, stretching out into a comfortable position. //Might
as well make this as easy as possible. I don\'t know how long I\'ll
last.// \"Just stay close to me.\"

Goku opted to lie on his side, curling close against his lover. He
turned his lips to Huyen\'s ear and nibbled gently at the soft flesh
of his lobe. \"Should I just talk?\" he murmured, setting a hand on his
chest. \"Or did you have something in mind?\"

\"Just talk,\" Huyen agreed, closing his eyes. \"It helps, being able to
hear about it. I\'ll let you know if anything sounds especially
familiar.\" He tilted his chin up slightly in welcome. \"Tell me about
Sanzo.\"

Smiling faintly but nervously, Goku wiggled to better settle himself.
He began slowly, relating in a soft tone the daily events of their
lives together. \"Sanzo was pretty quiet most of the time. He liked to
read, usually while smoking and drinking.\" Goku closed his eyes,
taking a deep breath. \"You and Hakkai....would talk a lot--I don\'t
know what about, since you did it when Gojyo and I weren\'t around.\"

\"Hakkai and I....\" Huyen took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind
as his memory drifted. He remembered a calm, quiet voice--the one
member of their small team he could speak to without threat of losing
his temper. It had always been refreshing, and when he concentrated
he could even hear echoes of his soft voice. \"He\'d been through a
lot. I remember...it was hard, sometimes, because he reminded me....\"
He broke off with a quiet sigh. //I don\'t think Sanzo\'s past is
something I want to jump into just yet.//

\"He reminded you of Komyou,\" he murmured. \"That\'s...what we all
thought, anyway.\" Goku lightly kissed his lover\'s cheek. \"And you
saved Hakkai when he was ready to die. You two...were like brothers,
I guess. Kinda like me and Gojyo.\"

\"Maybe that\'s why it\'s a little easier to remember him,\" Huyen said
quietly. \"And I think...after that, we met each other in another
life.\" But as soon as his thoughts turned down that path something
white and hot flared behind his sight, causing him to cringe. He
clenched his teeth and forced it aside. \"Tell me about Gojyo,\" he
said suddenly, trying to get away from that topic.

Goku snorted lightly, though he noticed Huyen\'s sudden distress; he
rubbed lightly at his chest, hoping to ease the tension in his
body. \"He was a player--always trying to pick up some new girl,
always hitting on someone. He was always trying to get to you.
Well...all of us, really. He was always the first to jump in front of
any of us if there was trouble.\"

Goku\'s gentle attentions helped, and he relaxed once more, allowing
the memories to come back to him. \"He was pretty good at cards,\" he
recalled. \"But...not so good at Mah-jong. The two of you….\" He
snorted. \"...were so fucking annoying.\"

He smiled, eyes thinning. \"Yeah, but we kept things lively--
otherwise, you and Hakkai would have pouted all the time.\" Goku
lightly tickled Huyen\'s sides. \"You would have just sat all day in
the temple, gotten really fat, and instead you had to chase me around
because the other monks didn\'t like it that I ate all the food.\"

\"You can\'t get fat on a Buddhist diet,\" Huyen protested. And he
remembered suddenly the feel of hollow wooden floors beneath his
feet, the sound they made as Goku stampeded past. He smiled a
little. \"You really were an obnoxious little brat.\"

Chuckling, Goku bit lightly at his lover\'s ear. //He seems okay with
it, though. I\'m glad--I\'m glad.// \"Maybe,\" he teased playfully. \"But
it was fun. If it weren\'t for me, it would have just been you and all
those snooty monks--they were so boring.\" He stuck out his tongue,
which probably didn\'t have the effect he wanted, since it ended up in
Huyen\'s ear.

Huyen squirmed, elbowing him lightly. \"Yeah, maybe.\" //I remember
chasing him through the temple. The tree in the courtyard he would
hide in.// \"You...brought that puppy in,\" he said vaguely. \"It made
such a mess….\"

Goku laughed softly, pushing up on his elbow to better see
Huyen. \"That\'s right! He was so cute. Everyone got really mad, just
because he dared me to chase him and then went through that big
puddle.\" Still giggling, he rubbed at Huyen\'s chest again. \"The monks
tried to me me clean it up, but I ignored them.\"

\"I remember. It was a huge mess.\" Huyen sighed. \"And your fight with
the pilgrims that came through. And the incident with that priest
with the long hair. And the mess you two caused at the marketplace….\"

His laughter paused at the last statement, eyes widening just
slightly. //Priest...with long hair.// Goku leaned closer, watching
Huyen expectantly. \"What priest was that?\" he asked. //There...was no
priest with long hair. Not while I was with Sanzo, anyway.//

\"Hm? I...don\'t remember his name,\" Huyen replied, not even
trying. \"But it was an old man I didn\'t like, so...I was kind of glad
when you cracked the veranda and gave me an excuse to get rid of
him.\"

\"Huyen....\" Goku leaned closer, eyes wide. //That priest--that
market....// He licked his lips in excitement. \"Huyen, that didn\'t
happen with Sanzo.\"

\"Huh?\" Huyen blinked his eyes open, turning to meet Goku\'s stare.
There was something about the gold shade that shook his insides,
suddenly making him wary. \"What do you mean?\"

He shook his head, stomach twisting with excitement. \"That priest in
the market--he kept trying to grab me, \'cause I was running around. I
knocked him into that fruit cart.\" Goku shifted with too much energy,
almost giddy. \"That wasn\'t with Sanzo--that was with Konzen.\"

\"Kon...zen...?\" Huyen frowned, trying to draw out more. \"The
market...and Gojyo was...and then we...\"

For a moment he could see it, more clearly than any memory he\'d
recalled once more--Goku, his eyes wide and bright with mischief, the
othersh thh their calm presence, their laughter.... But suddenly his
sight flared red, and he hissed sharply as a throbbing pain spread
through his skull and into his chest. He pressed his palms into his
eyes as he tried to fight it back. //Fuck...damnit, that hurts…!//

Goku had half been expecting that, and he pressed his hand firmly
against Huyen\'s chest. \"Huyen--it\'s okay.\" He ran his other hand
through his lover\'s hair, trying to soothe the pain in his
expression. \"Just breathe--calm down, and breathe....\"

\"Shit….\" But it wasn\'t going away as quickly as it usually did, and
for some reason Goku touching him wasn\'t helping. With a strained
growl he sat up, curling his knees up to his chest. I died. It was
suddenly too clear, thevy pvy pain stabbing into his chest, and it
made his breath ragged. //I\'m dying--I can feel it.// \"Goku….\"

//Huyen...?// Growing a bit distressed, Goku sat up as well, now
rubbing at the other\'s back. \"Huyen?\" He shifted
anxiously. \"Huyen....\"

\"I...I can feel it,\" Huyen whispered, trying to get his breath under
control. His lungs were still tight and pained, making it difficult
to draw enough air in. \"They….\" He clenched his teeth until his jaw
ached. ey key killed me….\"

Goku pulled back, startled by the other\'s words. \"Huyen....\" A shiver
ran through him, the cool metal on around his head tingling with the
memory. \"I....\" He shrunk away uncertainly. \"Yes,\" he
whispered. \"Yes, they....\"

\"I….\" At last Huyen was able to take a deep breath, but that didn\'t
ease the twisting pain in his stomach. He gasped quietly as he
crawled to the edge of the bed. \"I\'m gonna be sick,\" he said weakly,
not sure if he would make it in time.

Goku pulled himself together enough to clamor off the bed, grabbing
up a plastic bag that had been flung into the corner from his last
shopping trip. He quickly offered it to Huyen before trying to help
him upright. \"Huyen....\" //I...didn\'t want this. I didn\'t want to
hurt him....//

Huyen sat at the edge the bed, shuddering, but by the time he was
ready for it his stomach began to settle. He pressed the back of his
hand against his mouth for a long moment until he was confident that
the spell had passed. And just as it receded--leaving the ache in his
skull behind--he felt something, like a breath of cold wind brushing
against him.

//What…was that?// \"Goku?\" He reached out blindly for the boy\'s
shoulder to help support him. \"I\'m...I\'m all right.\"

Goku hovered over him anxiously, taking the offered hand but unable
to sit yet. He shifted from foot to foot as he watched his lover\'s
pale skin. \"You sure? You want anything? I...I could get some water?\"

\"Please.\" Huyen rubbed at his temple, focusing on the shape of his
feet under him to help clear his mind of those memories. \"Just some
water.\"

//I felt something.// He frowned, resting his elbows on his knees as
he tried to think. //That wasn\'t me. It didn\'t feel like a memory. It
was…something else.// He licked his lips. //But what?//

Goku all but ran into the bathroom, hastily filling a glass and
hurrying back to his lover. He pressed the cup into Huyen\'s fingers,
kneeling before him. \"Huyen? Are you okay? Is your head okay?\"

\"I\'m all right now.\" Huyen drank the liquid down eagerly to help
banish the taste of bile from the back of his throat. \"It was...I
think I remember dying,\" he explained quietly, enduring the tiny ache
those words threatened to rise in him. \"The first time.\"

Goku\'s brow furrowed, and he lowered his head
guiltily. \"I...understand,\" he murmured weakly. \"It was...a really
bad death. You--\" He choked, fingers clenching around his
knees. \"You...and Ten and…brother Ken….\" His shoulders curled. \"You
all--\"

\"Goku.\" Huyen touched the top of Goku\'s head, hoping to calm him
somewhat. //Though I don\'t know how much telling him this will
help.// He licked his lips. \"You know how I said once...there\'s
something wrong with me?\" He glanced away. \"I think...I was wrong. I
don\'t think it\'s me.\"

Blinking rapidly, Goku slowly lifted his head, watching Huyen through
his bangs. \"It\'s...not you?\" He took several deep breaths to calm
himself. \"What...what do you mean?\"

\"I don\'t know,\" Huyen admitted. \"But just now...I felt something.\" He
forced himself to meet Goku\'s eyes. \"Something touched my mind. I
don\'t know why I didn\'t feel it before, but...it wasn\'t part of my
mind. There might be...something else....\"

Goku slowly straightened, growing serious at these words. \"Huyen....\"
He shifted closer. //Maybe...something else? A spell or....// His
eyes widened with a sudden fear. //Someone could have, couldn\'t they?
There\'s been so much time.//

Goku stood up quickly. \"I\'m calling Lan,\" he said flatly, turning
towards the living room. \"Hakkai\'s the only one who knows enough
about chi and spells to be able to check.\"

Huyen started to protest--it was late, and Lan was probably tired
after all they\'d done that night. \"We could wait for tomorrow,\" he
suggested, but he didn\'t suspect Goku would listen.

Goku paused at the door, glancing back. //Huyen, I....// He wanted to
be sure his lover was all right, but the thought of having to face
Lan and Jin again--to relive those painful memories again--made him
sag against the doorframe. \"Okay,\" he whispered, lowering his
gaze. \"We...we can wait....\" He ran a hand through his hair,
flinching as he touched his headband.

//Goku….// \"It\'s so late already,\" he tried to explain, pushing to
his feet. He slowly approached. \"I know it\'s hard for you, but
tonight\'s been so much, and….\" He sighed. \"I want to be strong enough
for this, and Lan, too.\" He touched Goku\'s shoulder. \"Come to bed.
We\'ll be a lot more rested in the morning and ready to deal with
this, if...there really is something.\"

Nodding, Goku allowed himself to be urged back to the bed. \"Okay,\" he
said again, rubbing at his nose. //Konzen...you really are in there,
aren\'t you. You really are still with me....// Before reaching the
bed, Goku stopped and turned to wrap his arms fiercely ad hid his
lover\'s neck. \"Huyen--\"

Huyen stumbled a step, still a little unsteady, but soon enough he
was wrapping his arms around Goku\'s waist. \"I\'m sorry,\" he murmured
around a sigh. \"I...really did want to remember more. Maybe after
tomorrow….\"

He shook his head. \"It\'s not that,\" he whispered. \"I just don\'t want
you to hurt anymore. I just want us to be together--I want us to be
together, Huyen....\" His arms tightened slightly, face buried against
a warm neck, skin tingling with the power in his headband.

//But…we are together....// Huyen frowned but he didn\'t reply,
holding Goku close. Even if that wasn\'t enough.... \"Come on,\" he said
softly, giving him a tug. \"Let\'s go to bed. We\'ll get some rest, and
in the morning we can call Lan over and get this figured out. All
right?\"

Goku nodded, allowing himself to be urged back. He clicked off the
bedside lamp before climbing across the mattress. He drew Huyen down
with him, a surge of protectiveness making his chest ache. Leaning
close, he kissed Huyen slowly. \"We\'ll figure it o" he" he promised
softly, running a hand through the boy\'s hair. \"I\'ll take care of you
for sure, Huyen.\"

\"I know.\" The truth was...Huyen was happy like this. And even if he
never remembered another thing--another puppy or another priest or
another death--he could live like this, with the four of them
together. //But it means everything to him. And for that....// Huyen
drew him into a firm, reassuring kiss.

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