Unlocking My Love

Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.


Unlocking My Love: Chapter 15

He wasn’t awake yet.

Deep in his mind he knew that, still floating in that warm blankness of slumber, relaxed and comfortable. There was no reason for his consciousness to wake but it stirred just slightly to register something. A touch, a sensation, something that seemed to brush against his hair for just a fleeting moment and then was gone and the tendril of thought fell back into blissful blankness.


Yuki rolled over onto his back, yawning widely as he did so, arms sliding from beneath the covers to stretch over his head for a moment.

He yawned again, this time cracking an eye open to look around him. He was thankfully not assaulted by any bright light. Shuichi had considerately left the curtains pulled shut so the room was still shrouded in darkness. He sat up, glancing around and noted that a breakfast tray was set out on the table by the window.

He scratched a hand through his hair, raking nails over his scalp and yawned again. His hand paused for a moment as he tugged at his fringe. Hadn’t he felt something earlier? He frowned, trying to remember but it was just a vague thought that something had touched him during the night. Perhaps Shuichi had tried to wake him after all. Not surprising he hadn’t succeeded. He had really been very tired. Too many restless nights in a row had completed exhausted him.

He stood up and stretched again, reaching hands towards the ceiling, rolling his shoulders and neck. That felt so good! For the first time in a long time he actually felt that he had had a decent sleep.

He padded over to the tray and lifted the covers to gaze down at the meal. Not bad, he thought, as his stomach lightly rumbled in agreement. He turned to search for his cigarettes, finding them laid out on the bedside table. That’s funny, he thought as he picked them up, he didn’t remember putting them there last night. In fact he would have sworn they had still been in his jacket when he’d gone to bed.

He lit one as he looked around and noticed that the clothing that he had worn the previous day and shed before his shower, tossing them onto a chair at the foot of the bed, was also gone. What the hell was going on?

He walked over to the long wardrobe and slid open the door to see his clothing neatly hanging there next to Shuichi’s. Oh, Shuichi must have hung them up for him. Huh.

The call of coffee, the aroma of which he had been smelling since he awoke, pulled him back to his breakfast. Well, he might as well make this leisurely, he thought, pouring a cup and taking it with him as he dragged the curtains back. He winced a little at the sudden brightness but was happy enough to step outside into the fresh air to smoke his cigarette.

There was no rush at the moment. He could have breakfast, although when he glanced at the clock inside the room, realized that it would be more accurate to call it brunch. Anyway, he could eat, read the paper as he had noticed it neatly folded by the tray, take his time showering and shaving and then he would call Shuichi and see what time he thought he might be finishing today.

The thought of seeing Shuichi made his heart give a thump and his blood tingle. He almost didn’t believe he was here with him, it all seemed so surreal. Yuki still found that he was grappling with this new situation between the two of them. Shuichi was different – hell, if he was completely honest with himself, he was different too. The events of the past year, the trauma and pain he had experienced had altered his way of thinking as well. How sudden it had been; the loss of Shuichi’s presence by his side; the knowledge that he may have lost him for good was still terrifying and had left an indelible scar on his soul. He didn’t want that again.

And it had made him, perhaps for the first time in his adult life, to actually realize what was truly important to him; Shuichi, first and foremost, but also his family and friends. Without Tohma’s assistance and steadying presence by his side during those first months he didn’t know if he could have gone on at all. Mika and Tatsuha’s unobtrusive ways of looking after him and helping him once he had returned to Japan.

Even Mizuki’s constant dedication to his well-being and support through it all went far beyond her duties as his editor, and he had to include Jim Harris in that also for his constant efforts, as well as the two detectives, Ryo and Dee, in New York.

He hadn’t expected to find new friends through this ordeal but he had. People who had helped him, supported and assisted him through his search, people who actually seemed interested, even cared about him and also Shuichi. He really did want Shuichi to meet those people in America. He was sure he would like them too.

He sipped at the cooling coffee, his cigarette long finished. It had been quite a journey, in more ways than one. A journey that began as a search just for a person, yet it also became a journey for himself finding his heart again, learning to care, accepting the love he felt, realizing that he needed these things in his life. No, not just needed them, but actually wanted them, truly and honestly wanted them in his life. The thought of that love being completely absent, of returning to the way his life had been before was not something that he wanted.

But even acknowledging those changes in himself and knowing that his what he wanted, he still found it hard to deal with it. It was all so foreign to him that he was grappling with these new thoughts and emotions, and he was the world’s worst at expressing such things. Endearments and compliments did not roll easily off his tongue, his first thoughts were generally cutting and sarcastic. It was hard to break habits of a lifetime and he sometimes wondered if he ever could.

Still, Shuichi seemed to accept him the way he was, even now. Well, most times. He cringed inwardly as he remembered the mess he had created only a week ago, that night he had got drunk and took his frustrations and fears out on Shuichi. He had nearly completely blown it then, but even though Shuichi had been pissed off at him he had still forgiven him. He half grimaced. Well, that was Shuichi after all, nothing ever kept him down for long; it never had and never would.

He turned and made his way back into the room. Since he was here now he had the chance to see what would come of things. He needed to know if Shuichi would accept him or not. He was prepared to wait, but what would be the point if there really was no chance? He gripped the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white at that horrific thought. What would he do then?

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment. He couldn’t think like that. It didn’t help him in anyway to do so. It was entirely up to Shuichi anyway, but Yuki hoped that perhaps spending this time with him, together, he would get some real sign from Shuichi that he would come back to him.

He was still hopeful. For the glint of gold around Shuichi’s neck beckoned to him like a promise waiting to be fulfilled.

********

Shuichi sat slumped in his chair, head leaning on his crossed arms on top of the table, one hand idly tracing patterns before him.

He wasn’t really listening to Sakano as he spoke, his soft voice a comfortable drone in the background of his mind. They had already gone through the most important things that needed to be discussed and apart from a few minor changes they were all pretty happy as to how the concert had gone. The lighting crew were going to set up a few different things, and the sound engineers said they were going to have a look at the equipment as they felt there was some feedback coming through the sound system, but apart from these technical issues, from the performers perspective all the members of Bad Luck were pretty happy with how it had gone. The only thing that was being changed there was that Suguru wanted to be set up a little closer to Hiro so when the guitarist came over to play directly with him he wasn’t having to walk so far and thus perhaps lose a little of the vitality of the moment during that particular song.

Shuichi agreed with their assessment as he watched the two of them act out that portion as though they were on stage. Yes, it would work in much better if the distance was shortened and it didn’t really affect anything else apart from some lighting.

However, once all those essential points were out of the way Shuichi quickly lost interest as Sakano gave them a run down on the financials as they stood, what was expected of this leg of the tour, and any changes already in for the rest of the concerts. He generally did listen, with at least half an ear, to this part of the debrief but today he just wasn’t interested. What was occupying his mind at present was what could he do with Yuki this afternoon?

A small smile touched his lips, hidden from anyone else’s view by his folded arms. He had awoken before the alarm had run so had quickly turned it off to prevent it from waking the slumbering occupant in the other bed. He had checked to make certain that Yuki was definitely still asleep before heading off to begin his morning preparations.

He kept his shower short so that the sound of the running water didn’t disturb Yuki and was able to dress in the semi-darkness without opening the blinds. Phoning from the bathroom, he arranged for a breakfast tray to be brought up to the room, choosing all the things that he knew that Yuki liked and asking for them to be placed on warmers so no matter what time he awoke it would still be edible.

He intercepted the hotel staff as this arrived before they could ring the bell, and ensured that everything was in order, laying the paper at the side of the tray and quietly ushering the hotel staff member out.

He checked everything over once more and then peered down at the still sleeping man. He does look pretty beat, Shuichi thought, taking note of the shadows around the closed eyes. He probably hadn’t been kidding when he said that he was tired. He was glad now that he’d not waken Yuki.

He reached out and gently brushed the long hair away from the closed eyes, the silky strands sliding through his fingers. His hair was getting really long, Shuichi thought, longer than normal. It doesn’t look that bad really.

He smiled softly as he lightly stroked the soft hair, withdrawing his hand quickly at the sleep murmur that arose.

Time to go, he thought, as he dashed to the door, securing it behind him and left to start his day.


Now, sitting here in the function room, he only had to think of some place to go this afternoon with Yuki as he had promised, and for the life of him he couldn’t come up with a single thing. They had already done Universal Studios, and as much as he would love to go back, he knew that Yuki wouldn’t think much of it. No, it would have to be somewhere else, but where?

He suddenly felt a rush of cold as he thought of something else. He would be alone with Yuki. He finger stopped its random patterns and froze. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Yuki, but being alone with him? For a whole afternoon? He felt a wave of panic begin to swell. What if he did something stupid and pissed Yuki off? What if he said the wrong thing? Oh shit, he thought frantically, his mind racing. He hadn’t considered that aspect!

As soon as Sakano finally finished everyone swiftly vacated the room, scattering in all directions to go about their tasks for the rest of the day. Shuichi quickly caught up with Hiro, who had been sitting closer to the door.

“You gotta help me!” he hissed, arm around Hiro’s neck and pulling his taller friend down so their heads were even.

“What with?” Hiro whispered back. “And why are we whispering?”

“You and Suguru have got to come out with me this afternoon. And I don’t want other people to hear us!”

“I hadn’t planned on going anywhere,” Hiro said, looking at Shuihci. “I was thinking of just taking it easy before tonight.”

“You can take it easy coming out with us.” Shuichi stated firmly, not releasing his friend.

“Us?” Hiro was curious now.

“Yeah. Yuki’s here.” Shuichi felt his face flush a little and hoped his friend didn’t notice, though it was unlikely that he could miss it when their faces where only an inch apart.

“He is?” Hiro just raised a brow, not saying anything more. He hoped Shuichi wouldn’t notice the slight twitch in the corner of his mouth as he fought the curve of a smile at this unexpected news. Perhaps the two of them were finally going to get somewhere now.

“Yeah, he came down last night and might be able to stay for a little while. So I want to go out places. You know, do stuff together.” Shuichi sounded a little flustered and his friend took pity on him.

“So what did you have in mind?” Hiro asked, getting down to business.

“Um, I’m not sure,” Shuichi frowned in worry. “I don’t really know Osaka very well and I mean I don’t want to drag Yuki off to someplace that seems too…over the top. You know how he is.”

“What about somewhere fairly common?” A voice asked directly behind them, making them both start in surprise.

They turned to see Suguru standing behind them.

“When did you get here?” Shuichi squeaked.

“I came in at the point where you didn’t know where to go.” Their third band member replied.

“So you have some ideas?” Hiro asked his other friend.

“Well, I don’t know whether you’re going to like them. They aren’t exactly your type of places I wouldn’t think. And I have no idea what Yuki would like.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Shuichi said, waving a hand and brushing Suguru’s concern aside. “Where?” he demanded.

“Well, I thought that since you don’t want anywhere too over the top, why not go someplace that is still a popular attraction but nothing outlandish. There will still be people around so it won’t look like you’re trying to just be alone with him or anything, yet there will still be some opportunities for quiet moments.”

“That sounds just perfect!” Shuichi said, beaming happily. “Where?”

“The aquarium.”

Shuichi stared at his friend. “The …aquarium?” he questioned. “That’s got fish.”

Suguru frowned at him. “Yes. That’s what aquariums generally have.”

“I don’t know if Yuki’s into fish,” Shuichi said slowly.

Suguru shrugged, turning away. “It was just a suggestion. No skin off my nose if you don’t go.”

“Hey, wait!” Shuichi reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him back, his other arm still around Hiro’s neck.

“You know, I think it’s a good idea,” Hiro commented.

“You do?” Shuichi asked, eyeing his best friend.

Hiro smiled at him. “Yeah. Like Suguru said, there would be enough people to not make it seem like you were trying to go for something intimate, yet it probably won’t be packed as Yuki isn’t much for crowds. But best of all it certainly does have the …opportunity for you to grab some quiet time together if you want. Or not, depending on how things go.”

Shuichi chewed his lip for a moment as he considered it. “You really think it would be okay?” He released his hold on his two friends.

“Don’t see why not,” Hiro said, straightening up and rolling his shoulders to get rid of the kinks from being bent over for so long.

Shuichi considered it for a moment longer and then began to smile. “I think you’re right! I mean we can always leave anyway if we get too bored. It’s not like we have to stay there the whole time. And we’re still going to have to leave with plenty of time for the concert tonight.”

“Precisely,” Suguru agreed.

Shuichi began to bounce a little on his toes. “You know, I think it might work!”

“Whatever,” Suguru commented, turning away again.

“See, I told you it’d work out,” Hiro said, slapping Shuichi on the back, smiling at his friend. “Good luck!” And he also turned to follow Suguru.

“Hey, you two!” Shuichi yelled, closing the distance between then and grabbing them both firmly again. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Suguru looked at him with a frown. “I’m going to have a rest,” he stated firmly.

“Oh no, you’re not,” Shuichi said just as firmly, not releasing his grip on their arms. He began to walk, pulling them both reluctantly along. “This is your idea so you are both coming with me to look at fish.”

“But I don’t want to,” Suguru said, trying to dig his heels in but finding no purchase on the shiny tiled floor.

“That’s too bad,” Shuichi said flatly, ignoring his protest. “There’s no way you two are leaving me alone with Yuki!”

**********

Yuki smoked as he waited on the side walk, leaning against the wall, just watching the traffic race past on the road before him. He took another puff on the cigarette, exhaling slowly and shrugged his shoulders in his jacket. It was beginning to get a little cooler. Perhaps he should have put on his coat after all.

He spotted the sleek black car as it turned the corner and pulled up at the front of the hotel. Shuichi immediately stepped out from the back door on the other side, all smiles.

“Sorry we’re late,” he said.

“That’s okay,” Yuki replied, dropping the cigarette stub to the ground and stepping forward. As he entered the car, Shuichi also returned to the interior of the vehicle.
“So,” Yuki said, trying to keep his voice neutral. “How did it go?”

“Fine,” Shuichi replied brightly. “There weren’t any real problems.”

“That’s good.”

There was silence for a moment when Yuki broke it. “So where are we going?”

Shuichi didn’t answer straight away and looked a little embarrassed, making Yuki immediately suspicious. He was beginning to wonder if this was going to turn out to be a very, very bad idea. Just what had Shuichi picked out?

“I thought you, um, might like some place a little quiet, since it was so late last night,” he said. “So I thought perhaps the,” Yuki waited for it. “aquarium.”

Yuki stared at Shuichi, shock stunning him into complete silence. “Aquarium,” he said slowly, fingers twitching as though seeking a cigarette.

“Yeah. I know it’s probably not really your thing but it is supposed to be good!”

“Uh huh. Aquarium.”

“Yeah,” Shuichi nodded, looking at Yuki as though trying to read his expression.

Yuki wished he did have a cigarette. “That’s got fish,”

“Uh, yeah,” Shuichi agreed.

“Huh,”

Yuki mulled it over, biting back against his instinctive reaction to Shuichi’s choice. He didn’t do fish. Still it did mean that he was spending time with Shuichi. And he had told him to choose so he supposed fish wasn’t too bad considering.

“Okay,” he finally muttered.

“Really?” Shuichi said, disbelief clearly evident in his voice as though he hadn’t truly expected Yuki to agree to it. Then a look a relief crossed his face as he continued. “It really is supposed to be good!” He tried to reassure Yuki.

“Yeah,”

By this time they were drawing close and Yuki immediately sought out his cigarettes as he exited. If he was going to spend the next few hours looking at, gods forbid, fish, then he definitely needed a smoke now!

He gazed up at the bright blue frontage of the building. He had seen pictures of this place before but hadn’t paid that much attention to it really. It certainly had never been high on his list of ‘must do’s’ in his life!

“Come on,” Shuichi said with a smile, starting up the steps. He bounded up the first few and Yuki followed more slowly.

“Hey, Shu! Hurry up!” The call carried clearly down to them and Yuki looked up to see Nakano and Fujisaki standing at the top of the stairs where they were heading.

“What are they here for?” he growled, stopping.

Shuichi looked over his shoulder, his smile fading as he saw Yuki’s scowl. “Uhm, they wanted to see it too so I thought we could all go together. Do you, ah, not want them here?”

Yuki ground his teeth together and restrained the impulse to just turn and walk away. He’d be damned if he would let Nakano of all people drive him away from Shuichi!

“Forget it.” he grumbled and stomped up the remaining stairs, Shuichi hurrying at his side with a worried look still on his face. That only made him feel even angrier. So much for a nice afternoon, just the two of them.

Hiro smiled at him as they reached the top. “Glad you could make it,” he said to Shuichi, then, “Hi, Yuki. Long time, no see.”

“Nakano,” He managed to utter without making it sound like a swear word although his irritation still showed.

Hiro heard it and his smile didn’t falter, in fact it seemed to just grow wicked. “This is just going to be so much fun!” He said, sarcasm colouring his voice though his smile didn’t slip.

Yuki saw Suguru roll his eyes and turned to acknowledge the third member of Bad Luck. He was acutely aware of Shuichi hovering by his side, still exuding worry vibes and he was angry that his partner was feeling like that. Okay, he would try to make the best of this no matter what. He was sure he could put with the other two for a few hours.

“Fujisaki,” he nodded curtly, not wasting words.

“Yuki,” Suguru replied just as shortly. At least he didn’t have to worry about snide comments from this one, he thought. That would only come from Nakano and he would be hard pressed to not return in kind.

Now that the pleasantries, or not so pleasant pleasantries, were over they all stood for an awkward moment, no-one moving.

Yuki raised his almost finished cigarette to his lips. “”So when do we get this fish feast on the road?” he finally asked.

This seemed to snap Shuichi from his uncertainty and he hurried to the fore, waving them to follow. “Let’s go. There’s a lot to see and we don’t have much time.”

As they moved through the aquarium, going from floor to floor, Yuki had to admit that the choice of venue wasn’t that bad after all. It was dark so none of them were likely to be noticed easily so there was no dodging of rabid fans. The atmosphere was actually quite soothing and the only drawback being that he couldn’t smoke.

Even better was that Nakano and Fujisaki soon separated from them and although they were still present on the same floor or looking at the same exhibit, they were generally on the other side of the room or some distance away. Yuki didn’t know if this was by design or not and he didn’t really care. As long as he was with Shuichi, that was all that mattered.

And best of all was that Shuichi still seemed happy and comfortable being with him which was all he asked for.

“Wow, that is really big!” Shuichi said with awe, leaning forward to stare at the large sunfish as it slowly swam around the tank.

“It’s certainly a lot of sashimi,” Yuki drawled, more intent on the touch of Shuichi’s shoulder against his as they leant on the railing side by side. It was the closest that Shuichi had come to him during this visit so Yuki wasn’t going to do anything to make him move away.

“I could stay here watching this for hours,” Shuichi said with a sigh.

“You’d be bored in ten minutes,” Yuki replied.

“Hey,” Shuichi said, turning his head to look up at him. “I would not!”

“Yeah, right,” Yuki said. “You’ve got the attention span of a firefly.”

Shuichi just rolled his eyes. “Just because I know there are so many more interesting things to see and do,” he exclaimed. “and speaking of which, we’d better move it!” He turned and grabbed Yuki’s arm, tugging him around to follow him.

Yuki grumbled but allowed himself to be pulled along in Shuichi’s wake as they caught up to Hiro and Suguru. He saw Hiro glance down at Shuichi’s hand wrapped around his arm and the grin that spread across his face. He saw Yuki looking at him but didn’t try to hide his amusement. Instead he gave Yuki a broad wink and Yuki felt his cheeks flush a little. Thank goodness it was dark. Was he so damn obvious in his desire to be close to Shuichi?

He turned he head away and ignored Nakano; it was the only way to deal with him. In doing so, Fujisaki met his eyes. The young man’s face didn’t change at all on seeing Shuichi holding him. He refused to admit that there appeared to be an unseemly twinkle of amusement in the eyes of the normally serious young man. Of course, Fujisaki wouldn’t be amused by this. It wasn’t in his nature. At least he very much hoped so. The last thing he wanted was him reporting all this back to his cousin! He would be bound to receive an irritating call from Tohma all too soon if that were the case!

“Hey, we’d better get moving,” Hiro said, glancing at his watch.

“What? All ready?” Shuichi responded, looking at his own timepiece. “Oh man, you’re right But I wanted to see more!” he practically wailed.

“We’re nearly finished,” Suguru said. “This is the last floor.”

“Then we’d better do it fast or we’re not going to make it. The last thing we want is for K to turn up here.” Hiro said seriously.

They all stood still for a moment as visions of what damage their eccentric manager would do in the fragile environment of the aquarium. Images of fish fragments, charred and singed hulks of sharks, and water cascading down the passages, sweeping them all along like the force of a tidal wave came to them.

Shuichi could picture them all riding on the flat surface of the dead sunfish as they practically surfed the wash of water that would pour from the front of the aquarium and down the steps to the plaza before it. He shuddered. No, he didn’t want K inflicting that sort of mayhem on this nice place. Although the vision of Yuki drenched to the skin, wet blond hair slicked back and thin shirt clinging to his torso so his nipples showed through was very tempting and almost enough to change his mind.

He shook that vision away. No, not a good idea – no matter what the perks might be. Lots of dead fish did not balance the scales just to get a vision of a wet Yuki.

“Hey, are you in there still?”

A voice brought him back to the present and he looked up to see Yuki staring down at him. He just gaped at him for a moment, his vision of the man before him soaked with water overlapping the one before him. Oh boy, got to shake that image as he felt his whole body flush with heat.

“Uh, yeah, I’m good.” He managed a shaky smile. “Hiro’s right. We’d better get going. K could do a hell of a lot of damage here.”

“Or anywhere,” Suguru put in.

“Well, you’d certainly end up with a few fried fish,” Yuki agreed.

“Yeah, not a good thing to have,” He grinned. “We’d like to be invited back to Osaka again you know, and destroying one of their main attractions probably wouldn’t be the way of going about it!”

They raced through the last of the exhibits and were breathless by the time they reached the exit and waiting car, piling into the vehicle, thankful that there was enough seating for all.

“So are you doing anything tonight?” Shuichi quietly said to Yuki who was sitting next to him as Suguru and Hiro chatted opposite.

He shrugged. “Hadn’t thought about it,”

“Would….would you like to come to the concert?” Shuichi asked a little hesitantly.

“Guess I could,” was Yuki’s bland answer.

“Really? You’ll come?”

“You just asked me to, didn’t you? Besides, beats sitting around dying of boredom in the hotel room.”

They pulled up in front of the hotel just then and Yuki got out, leaving the others seated as they were going directly to the concert venue.

Shuichi leant forward to speak to him. “I’ll arrange for someone to pick you up at around 7pm. Then I can see you after the show and we can come back together.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Yuki agreed.

Shuichi bestowed one of his 1000 watt smiles on him, stunning him completely. It had been a long time since he had seen that expression and it took his breath away. “See you then!” Shuichi called out, waving

Yuki allowed the door to be slammed shut and watched as the car sped down the street, disappearing from view quickly. He looked at his watch. He’d just have enough time to shower and dress, even have something to eat before it was time to join Shuichi.

He turned and entered the hotel, making his way to the room he was sharing with Shuichi. He tried not to think of it as ‘their’ room but he couldn’t help but feel pleased to enter it and see Shuichi’s clothes and other articles strewn around the room beside his as they once used to be. He hoped that sometime soon he would be able to see this every day for many years to come.