Lion's Pride

"I believe very strongly that when it comes to desire, when it comes to attraction, that things are never black and white, things are very much shades of grey." - Brian Molko

Chapter 15

Shades of Gray

Dear Mama,

It's been a week since Loke vanished. I won't say I'm getting used to it, but my friends are helping me to get by one day at a time. Wendy finally took me off my treatment yesterday. I still feel weak, but I'm so much better than before. I can walk on my own, but I still get weak after only a few minutes. I lost not only fat, but a lot of muscle. Of course, the bane of all women is that it's harder to gain muscle than fat. Natsu said I should lift weights with him, but he's a total monster. I couldn't lift his weights before getting pregnant, let alone attempt it now!

Natsu is still upset about Gray being the godfather. He insists he'll wait until Loke returns to pick one of them officially. Listening to him talk makes me hopeful that Loke really will come back soon. If it was up to Natsu, he'd probably punch the Spirit King and drag Loke back by his hair...and I'd probably kiss him for being that reckless!

I feel like the other guild members are giving me room and treating me cautiously. Only Erza and Levy come by every day. Erza usually escorts Gray to my room—something about Ruchio not trusting him after he left my room without pants—and Levy drops by after dinner. Wendy visits twice a day for checkups. Gray, though...

Gray always seems to be here. He has been coming every day, usually arriving before breakfast and not leaving until after dinner. It was awkward the first couple days after he said I was beautiful, but he's trying hard to move past that minor confession. He hasn't brought it up, and thankfully he acts the same as before, not self-conscious when he has to hold me to help me walk around, nor weird or perverted.

Some days, Gray acts bright and sunny, almost forcefully so, completely out of character. Then there are days when he sits quietly reading a book, and hours pass without either of us speaking. Sometimes, I catch him watching me a little too intensely, but when I look back at him, he just smiles passively, which makes me the self-conscious one. Lately, it's been raining a lot, and still he shows up every morning and stays until after dinner so he can clean the dishes. Once he got caught in a sudden downpour and had to shower off here. It was awkward, but he kept a bright disposition around me...a little too bright. I could tell that was one of the times he was forcing himself.

Mama, I really don't know what to do about him. I guess what makes me feel worse is a question I asked myself last night. If Loke and I never got together, would I want to date Gray? Now that question haunts me because my heart answered a little too quickly...yes!

However, Loke made the first move. I fell for him. We're about to have a child, and I'm proud about that. I love Loke so much! He's out there somewhere, Mama. My heart shivers in pain when I think about what Aries said, that he'll be detained indefinitely. "Until they know if the baby is dangerous."

That's a frightening thought. Could this baby really be the next Zeref? How long until they know? Loke once said something similar, and he warned that the Spirit King might not be satisfied until the day the child dies. If he dies! If he doesn't live for centuries like Zeref. Either way, I'm worried that Loke and I might be separated for a very long time, if not forever.

No, I can't think that! He has to come back to me someday!

But really, Mama, this is just too cruel of the Spirit King to do this to us. Even criminals have the chance to meet their families, but there are no conjugal visits for a human and a Celestial Spirit. It makes me cry.

Gray does his best when I start crying, but I feel sorry for him. I don't know what he's thinking, and I'm afraid to ask. Gray isn't the sort of person who would cruelly rejoice in the fact that Loke and I are split apart. He said he'd fight to get him back. Yet I know now that Gray likes me, and I guess...maybe I like him a little, too.

I'll probably burn this letter after I write it. If Loke returns and sees it, he'd be sad and jealous. If Gray accidentally came across it...well, I don't want him to get the wrong ideas. I'm still going to wait for Loke. I have to believe that he'll find a way to return to me. I have to believe!

I keep wishing on Regulus to give me strength. Maybe you can give me some too, Mama. You and Papa! The baby is due in about a week, so I need all the strength I can get.

Hey Mama, Papa! You'll soon be grandparents!

Sending you my best, your loving daughter,

Lucy

"Lucy?"

She folded the letter neatly and shoved it into an envelope. Unlike her other letters which she signed "To Mama," she left this one blank. Gray stepped out of the kitchen wearing her frilly Kawaii Kitten apron. Seeing him in it made her giggle softly.

"Erza knocked just now. Natsu is outside waiting for us. Are we still going to the baby store today?"

"Yes," she said, slowly standing, being careful of the massive belly as she moved around the desk. "Something I ordered came in, but the store doesn't deliver."

He sighed and shook his head. "Lucy, you just have to ask me and I'll fetch it. It's no big deal."

"I also want an outing. I haven't gone walking around town in a long time. I miss hanging out with you and Natsu."

He blushed a little, and it was almost too adorable along with that frilly apron. "I miss those days, too," he admitted. "I think we really took that time for granted."

"But we had fun, which is what counts," she grinned. "We'll still have fun. You two just better not fight around me or I'll call Taurus to pound you into crushed ice."

Gray laughed and took her arm chivalrously as they headed out the door. "Don't worry, if that flame-brain acts up, I'll cool him off. And Lucy," he said softly, "it's good to see you smiling again."

She gave him an extra wide grin and held her heavy belly as they left the dormitory. Natsu was chatting with Happy while the landlady Ruchio guarded the door with a stern glare. Natsu joyfully leaped forward when he saw Lucy come out.

"Wow, you're even bigger than the last time I saw you." He leaned down to her stomach and poked it. "How can women stretch that big?"

"That's why we have such soft, supple skin. And stop poking me, idiot!" she yelled, slapping his hand away.

Gray took Natsu's fingers. "Try this instead." He laid Natsu's hand flat over the bulge.

The dragon slayer's eyes lit up. "Is that...kicking? That's the baby, right?" he exclaimed in wonder. "He's kicking hard."

"Yeah, and it hurts," Lucy grimaced.

Gray began to rub out her shoulders, which made her hum in enjoyment. "It means he's a healthy boy. He'll be strong like his father and beautiful like his mother."

She caught her breath. He did it again, complimenting her in a subtle way. His hands on her shoulders were chilly and sent shivers down her spine, yet she liked the feel of his cool skin.

Suddenly, the baby kicked extra hard. Lucy cried out and rubbed the spot.

"Holy crap!" Natsu shouted. "There really is something living inside you."

Happy tilted his head. "That's kinda creepy."

"It's not creepy!" Lucy flared in motherly fury.

Gray shook his head at Natsu's immaturity. "Let's go."

"Oh! First, Natsu..." She pulled out the envelope. "Burn this. Consider it a snack."

"What is it?" Gray asked, looking concerned. He recognized Lucy's stationary, and he had seen her writing one of her letters.

"Something I need to burn."

"Snack time!" Natsu grinned. He happily set the letter on fire and ate the flames.

"Oh hey, Lucy," Happy said in excitement as he flew above them. "Master Makarov got me the coolest fish. I already ate it, but it was so yummy!"

Lucy listened to them chatter about silly things, tangents that led into weird anecdotes, and banal arguments that made her laugh. She was happy to be with her friends again. For a brief moment, she could forget her heartache and pretend like nothing had changed between them.

End of Chapter 15

Rhov's Corner:

Originally, this chapter's epigraph was lyrics from Waking Ashland's "Shades of Grey" which I listened to while writing this chapter, if you're interested. However, since quoting song lyrics violates copyrights, and I already went through the hassle of getting permission from one band, I changed the quote. Plus this new epigraph really fits the scene too.

Gray seems to be treading through the hazy boundary between "friend" and "sweetheart." He better be careful so he doesn't lose himself in the emotional murkiness. Oh, and I celebrated my wedding anniversary this weekend, so I didn't get to write much. Lots of happiness at home, so I promise the next few chapters will be happy.

=^..^= "Yay, I finally star in a chapter!"

O_o "Huh? Umm...I said it'll be happy, not it'll star Happy."

=^_^= *busy dancing with Plue and totally not listening*