The Time For Change Is Now

Disclaimer: I d own own them…I just *play* with them.

A/N: Not really many notes for up here. We’re in the home stretch now. This is the first of the final 3 (or 4…as the length of one is a bit iffy).

There are more notes at the bottom. Please read and review.

Thanks Nanaka, for reviewing every new chapter, even though you said you hate it. You\'re the only one who does on this site...and it means a great deal ^.^


Chapter 16……….Father Forgive Me…
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‘Orgasmic.’

That was the only word Dee Laytner could think of to describe that first stretch of the morning – eyes unfocused and muscles screaming their release from slumber. It was a feeling unattainable by any other means, and he made sure it was enjoyed thoroughly; curling his fingers languidly and rolling his fists around as they grazed the headboard above him.

It didn’t take him long to remember where he was this time, or what had gone on the night before. It brought a smile to his face – the simplicity of it all. It was an odd hybrid of comfortable domesticity and electrifying newness. The butterflies that welled in the pit of his stomach were similar to the feeling of first dates and stolen kisses; yet somehow maintaining a sense of security, as though they’d done the same a million nights before.

He wasn’t surprised that it was nearly noon; he’d always been known to sleep late if given the opportunity. Acknowledging the late hour, he didn’t wonder why the bed was empty beside him, or why the sheets on the other side lacked warmth. JJ must’ve gone to work.

Dee wiped the sleep from his eyes, noting the pleasant feel of such an action. He laid there for a moment, debating on whether or not to just lie around JJ’s house all day again. The apartment was…cheerier than his own, not to mention twice the size…if not more. The subject remained on his mind as he crawled ben beneath the covers and blindly made his way into the bathroom to empty his bladder.

Hung upon the wall he was currently facing (and would be for quite some time, according to his bladder) he stared into a painting. It wasn’t a real painting; just a framed print, but Dee appreciated the aestheticism anyway. The artist was familiar to him, though he couldn’t remember the guy’s name if his life had depended on it. He wasn’t sure from where…but he’d seen this painting before. ‘Swans Reflecting Elephants’ he thought it was called. His mind dredged up other images from the same artist whose name continued to elude him. He’d never liked his style – surreal, with distorted images and dreamlike visions. Dee preferred art to be more pragmatic; he wanted to see an image as it *was*, see the function of it, not deluded by an artist’s idealistic sense of what *should* be. He had enough metaphysical drabble going on in his head without adding the question of ‘and what does this mean?’ every time he looked at ‘art’. Of course, he knew he hadn’t much room to judge since he was certain he would be as skilled with a paintbrush as a monkey would with his gun. He wondered why JJ hung the painting there. Did he like it so much he wanted to see it every morning while relieving himself? Had he placed it there to be thought provoking? If so…it worked. It wasn’t profound or insightful thought…but it was deeper than the “……….” Dee was used to five minutes after waking up.

The walk to the toilet made known a slight headache; it wasn’t very painful, just a dull ache that he would’ve preferred to be rid of. He found that sometimes when he’d smoked an excessive amount the night before (which, for Dee, would be somewhere near the equivalent of the amount of nicotine needed to kill an elephant) he would be afflicted with a minor throb in his temples. He padded into the kitchen, wincing a little as his bare feet made contact with cold tile. He automatically went towards the mede cae cabinet to see what JJ might’ve had for a headache. There were many bottles of assorted colors – mostly just different brands of simple pain relievers. He noticed a bottle of Midol and quirked a brow, mentally noting to ask JJ about that one later.

He didn’t think on it too long, knowing that there was simply no way JJ had entertained any women. He imagined the silver haired man would sooner bite off his own tongue…maybe he had female friends? Dee realized how much he still did not know about the man who was slowly but surely plowing his way into his life. It wasn’t as though he minded…hell…he hadn’t even noticed what JJ had been up to until it hit him smack in the face…and now, he couldn’t find himself to feel anything but grateful. The train of thought reminded Dee of his conviction the previous night: to learn more about JJ’s illness so that he could better accommodate to it. JJ had a computer; maybe he would look it up while he had his coffee. Suddenly something occurred to him – where were JJ’s pills? The transparent yellow bottle that usually sat upfront was nowhere to be seen. Dee found this odd, especially when he remembered how JJ acted just before they fell asleep.

As his teeth began to unknowingly chew on the already ragged and short nails of his left hand, he told himself to remember Ockham’s razor – that the simplest answer is usually the correct one. JJ was most likely just running late and took his pills to work with him. With that thought in mind, but still a little spooked, Dee decided to head to his own home to shower and change. Then he would go to the station and make sure everything was all right. The thought that maybe they could have lunch crossed his mind and temporarily lifted the uneasiness stirring within him.

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Ryo knew he should’ve reported to work, since he was no longer leaving. Rose *had* given him the day off though…and now he had to unpack. He’d let Bikky take the day off school as well, but kept him restricted to the house, not wanting him to over excite himself.

As Ryo’s hands reached into the few boxes he had packed, he thought about how pleased he was that he could put all of his things back where they belonged. He had chosen only a few knick knacks to bring along with him, to remind him of home. As he began to place them back into their rightful spots, something struck him. This wasn’t a time for putting everything back to the way it had been before.

This was a time for something new.

Ryo wasn’t sure just what his life had in store for him anymore. But he was sure that no matter what, things were going to be different. *He* was different…or maybe he wasn’t…maybe things were just…clearer.

With this thought in mind, Ryo found himself rearranging his entire apartment – moving furniture around and (gasp) changing the order of things. It did give the obsessive compulsive in him a little twitch to see things in such disarray as he worked, but Ryo pushed on, wanting…needing…some right of passage like change to mark the revolution he was no doubt going to experience in the future.

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Dee’s apartment greeted him as it always did – with silent nothingness. The furniture was haggard at best, and it was freezing, since he hadn’t been home or had the heat on in nearly two days. His mailbox had been quite full. He tossed the various envelopes onto the counter, not particularly caring about such matters at the moment. He knew most of them were either bills or junk mail…he never got mail from anyone else. And why would he? He had no friends…not really. He had no family. With a snort, he eyed the mail again with contempt, as though it alone was responsible for his generally lonely existence.

He’d left the sleeping pants at JJ’s, thinking that he might need them again and it would be good to know they were there. He hadn’t bothered with his belt or the buttons of his shirt before slipping out and heading home. Feeling that he should get to the station sometime soon if he wanted lunch to be a possibility, he toed off his shoes and socks, heading for the shower. En route he managed to shed the rest of his clothing and snatch a towel off the stack he kept sitting on the floor by the bathroom. He didn’t have much closet space, and kept most of his things in folded piles…they were just going to end up on the floor anyway.

He’d always hated that – that he couldn’t be tidier. He’d tried…god knows he tried…but it never seemed to suit him. He wasn’t a slob, he just…couldn’t ever seem to keep things organized and pristine, the way Ryo did. He knew that Ryo didn’t like his apartment either, but for entirely different reasons than his own. He could see the uneasiness on the Asian man’s face when he stepped inside Dee’s slightly chaotic world – like the disorder made his skin crawl. He never mentioned it, of course, other than a joking chide now and then. No…Ryo was simply too polite for that. It was both endearing and annoying, Dee thought. Although that anal retentive side to Ryo could be a pain in the neck, it was something that characterized him, made him who he was. However, there was still a part of Dee that couldn’t get over being offended. It wasn’t as though he lived like a sloth…so *what* if there were three glasses in the sink, or (god forbid) a wet towel on the bathroom floor.

Jesus…were there not more important things in life? And just who the fuck was he supposed to be organized for anyway? He didn’t have parties; he didn’t bring home dates…and sometimes he felt so worn out that he only had one thought about the dishes – *fuck* the dishes.

After his internal rant, Dee realized that the shower was ready. He didn’t really remember turning the water on, or adjusting the temperature, but apparently he had – his body on autopilot. With a chuckle, he wished he could do that on command – just slip out of awareness and let his body take over. He realized that might not have been such a great idea knowing his temper…as it would’ve resulted in a few dead people, most likely.

He remembered the day the orphanage was bombed and how very close he’d been to killing the man responsible. Such a reaction could’ve been expected, even sympathized with…but…it hadn’t been the first time he felt that way. They were few and far between, but Dee could remember other times when he *knew* he could have taken a life. It scared him. It was never unprovoked, and most likely not undeserved either, but it was *there* and he hated it. People had called him ‘hot-headed’ or ‘temperamental’. No. He certainly was both…but the word ‘volatile’ seemed more appropriate. To everyone else, it seemed as though Dee had ‘triumphed over adversity’ or some other trite bullshit…but it wasn’t that simple. Sure, he could’ve done a lot worse; he could’ve ended up a criminal or been dead before he saw twenty one…but for everything he overcame in his life, there was something else – some unfairness staring back at him, taunting him with what he never had, but never telling him *why*. There had always been *something* wrong with him, apparently…something he couldn’t see, but kept him from ever being good enough for anyone else.

Most children have the luxury of remembering their first lesson in life to be along the lines of ‘love conquers all’…Dee’s first lesson was ‘life isn’t fair’. He knew how ineffectual it was to dwell on all the things he didn’t have…but that kind of anger, that kind of spite for God and the world doesn’t go away. It infects…like a virus….attaching itself to every fiber of your being until it becomes a part of you. He’d learned to live with it, as one would a chronic illness.

He believed in God. He wasn’t sure whether he had faith in him or not, as faith implies trust, but he *knew* that God was *there*. Having been brought up a devout Catholic, it wasn’t until he was fifteen that he questioned his deity. Sometimes he thought that God was more like a puppet master, making his marionettes dance through life. And he always ended up wondering why so many of his strings were broken. They’d snapped, one by one, unable to withstand the strain of Dee’s struggle to break away and determine his own path. The trouble was, with each snap, he felt unbelievable grief; and realized that the saying was true – hell was the absence of God, be it on earth or elsewhere. He needed people, needed stability. He’d been limping along, hanging on by only a thread for far too long. It seemed that everyone he leaned on broke under the pressure as well, and Dee was getting weary. Did *no one* have enough faith to help him mend his frayed and broken twine? Jess hadn’t been able to bear it, nor had Ryo. He wondered if JJ would be up for the task. Maybe he would…maybe it was easier for *two* people with broken strings to support each other. Dee felt like darkness would be clawing up to him soon and his wooden fingers scraped ineffectually for some sort of purchase…someone to save him.

Unsure just where his dark mood had originated, Dee washed himself clean, feeling sweat and sin slide along his skin and down the drain. He would put it out of his mind for the time being. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, letting the water cascade over his features, and puffed out a silent “we’ll finish this later”.

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Ryo looked around at his ‘new’ apartment. It was going to take some getting used to…like many things. Bikky had come out of his room half-way through and quirked a brow at Ryo, asking if he was okay. He had reassured him and sent him back into his room to rest.

He’d decided to go to the station and see Dee…not to mention he had a few words for Commissioner Rose. Bikky assured him that he would be fine if left alone, so Ryo showered and got dressed. He had been just about to walk out the door when he remembered JJ’s envelope. Fishing it out of a drawer, he couldn’t quell the curiosity to know what it contained. There were no markings on it, and Dee would never know if he just put everything back into another envelope afterwards. Nosiness wasn’t a common characteristic of his, but he couldn’t stand not knowing what it was JJ wanted to tell Dee. He respected the man’s privacy, but couldn’t seem to overcome his own human nature. He flipped it over, intent on pulling it open when his eyes met something not often seen anymore – a wax seal. Ryo stilled…he could still change the envelope, but JJ had obviously put the seal there for a reason. He most likely put a reference to it in the letter as well…and then Dee would know. He could simply ‘forget’ about it…and never give it to Dee…but JJ *would* be back at some point and if Dee ever found out, he was sure there would be hell to pay. Ryo cursed internally…damn JJ and his forethought!

With a grumble, he shoved it into his pocket and headed out the door. When he reached the station, he saw Dee heading inside himself. He wasn’t dressed for work, in a sweater and pair of jeans, and had a determined look on his face. He seemed preoccupied, hopping up the stairs without even noticing Ryo to his left. Before the other man could get inside, Ryo called his name and he turned in response.

“Ryo? Why aren’t you at work?”

Ryo blinked. That hadn’t really been the gre greeting he was looking for. “Well, I took the day to unpack. I wanted to stop by though; I wasn’t sure whether or not you would come in after JJ left.”

Dee shook his head. “What? What are you talking about?”

‘Oh shit’ was all that coursed through Ryo’s brain. It was obvious Dee had no idea about what had gone on between he and JJ, or about JJ’s move.

He tried to think quickly. “Nothing…um…I see you’re not working either. Do you want to get lunch or something?”

Dee walked back down a few steps. “No…how about you tell me what the hell is going on.”

Ryo sighed…this wasn’t going to be fun. But Dee was going to find out eventually…he might as well hear it from him. “Look…I thought you knew…I thought JJ told you.”

Dee was getting fed up with Ryo’s vagueness. “Knew *what*, Ryo?”

“Rose…he…was going to have me transferred for nine months. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about the other night…but then you told me about JJ…and…well, JJ found out about it and took my place.”

Eyes wide, Dee gripped the hand rail for support. Ryo looked on, cautiously. Dee didn’t show any emotion yet, just letting the facts sink in.

“Why?”

That stung. Some part of Ryo had expected Dee to shout for joy and scoop him up, their relationship now free of obstacles. He took a deep breath, preparing for the plunge. “JJ found out…he found out that I told you I didn’t want you because I was leaving so he went to Rose…so we could…”

Ryo saw the knuckles of Dee’s hand go white as he gripped the railing harder. Ryo’s words about wanting him registered, but took a back seat to the rest of the news. He could think about that later. “Let me get this straight. *You* sent me off to JJ because you thought you were leaving. Then *JJ* went off to god knows where so you wouldn’t have to. And *Rose* did all of this to get me away from you in the first place? Am I on the right track, Ryo?”

Ryo timidly nodded…and waited.

“And NOBODY thought it pertinent to inform ME about any of this?!” Dee yelled, flailing his hands around in frustration.

“Dee! I…I didn’t…I mean…”

Ryo didn’t get a chance to finish before Dee turned and stormed into the precinct. Ryo knew exactly where he was headed…and it wasn’t going to be pretty.

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Berkeley Rose stepped away from the blinds in his office. He’d witnessed the scene on the steps and had no doubt that Dee was headed up to see him. He could only imagine what the hot-headed detective had in store…this could be interesting.

He sat down and waited patiently, expeg thg the door to burst open at any moment. He was surprised, however, when instead it opened almost silently and Dee Laytner quietly stepped inside. He closed the door with the same lack of enthusiasm and Rose heard the lock click into place. He quirked a brow at the brooding man, leaning back in his chair.

“I take it you have something to say, Laytner.”

Dee advanced on him. His voice was tight and controlled. “Damn right I do. I want to know why. I want to know why you took it upon yourself to just tinker around in everyone’s lives for your own amusement.”

Rose smirked at him. “That’s fairly simple – because I *can*.”

There was silence for a moment. Rose observed Dee as his mouth fell open and closed again at the blatant remark. With another smug smile, Rose swiveled in his chair to fully face the shocked detective. He steepled his fingers in front of him. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset, in any case. Is it because you weren’t told? Or is it because, for some ridiculous reason, you seem to have *two* people that want to make you happy?”

Dee found that his vocal chords were on strike. Between the shock of it all and the turgid anger inside him he couldn’t find any words. He needed air, and a cigarette…he needed to get *out* of that office. Without anotherd, hd, he turned and started for the door.

When Dee’s back was to him, Rose opened his mouth to speak again. “You’re not worthy of such attention, Laytner…if you’re worth any at all. Yet still you act like the simian you are.”

Dee stopped. “What the fuck did you say to me?”

Rose felt his lips curl again. “Are three syllables too much for you?”

The Commissioner was aware that Dee was strong. He was not, however, aware that he was *fast*. Before he knew it, Dee turned around and leapt across his desk, ripping him from his chair and pinning him against the wall. He would’ve retaliated, if it weren’t for Dee’s forearm cutting off his air supply and nearly crushing his windpipe.

“You think I’m a fucking monkey? Is that it? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARROGANT BASTARD? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY GOD?!?”

Rose couldn’t answer, and instead began gasping for air. The door began to shake as Ryo banged his fists against it, screaming for Dee to let him in from the other side. After another gasp from his superior, Dee stepped back, and Rose fell to his knees, rubbing at his throat.

“I’ll….have your…badge…for…this…” he managed to wheeze out.

Dee took out his badge and slammed it onto the surface of the desk. “Take it.”

As soon as he unlocked the door, Ryo flew into the room. His eyes went huge when he saw Rose still on his knees with his glasses askew. He looked from Rose to Dee and back again. When he opened his mouth to speak, Dee brushed past him, storming through the halls. Ryo stood for a second, debating on what to do. Rose gasped out his name and held his hand out, signaling for Ryo to help him. Instead, Ryo took off after Dee.

He didn’t catch up to him until they were again outside, and Dee seemed immune to his name being called. Ryo reached out and grabbed his arm, causing Dee to spin around and rip it away from him. He softened, although only marginally, when he saw Ryo’s concerned face.

“Dee…just stop…just…calm down, all right?”

To Ryo’s surprise, Dee laughed. “Calm? You want me to be *calm*? Would you be calm, Ryo?”

Ryo tried to keep his voice gentle, and comforting. “I know you’re upset…but…what you did in there…Dee…that’s serious. He could have you fired for it…”

Dee laughed again. It was a hearty laugh, and it echoed into the grey sky as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. After a moment, the laugh dind hnd his voice was serious again. “Do I look like I care, Ryo?”

When Ryo didn’t answer, he raised his voice to a shout. “DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”

“N…no…” Ryo managed to stammer out.

“My whole fucking *life* has been falling down around my ears and I’m the LAST to know about it!” Dee’s focus shifted from Ryo to the sky and several people stopped what they were doing when he started yelling again, seemingly at no one.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT, HUH? DO I ONLY GET ANYTHING SO YOU CAN TAKE IT AWAY? IS IT FUNNY? AM I A JESTER TO YOU?”

Ryo couldn’t let the situation elevate any more than it already had. Once the other officers inside realized what was going on, they were going to come out and slap some handcuffs on his partner…which wouldn’t help matters at all. Seeing no other option he crept up behind Dee and put him in a hold, but kept his voice calm and soothing.

“Dee…we’ve got to get out of here, okay? Just calm down…you’re an officer. We’re going to step into that alley and talk, okay? I can’t let you go until you calm down.”

With a great, heaving sigh, Dee loosened, and Ryo released him. He glanced around nervously before pulling Dee aside and into the alley beside the building. When they were safe from prying eyes, Ryo wrapped his arms around Dee’s neck tightly.

“Don’t *ever* scare me like that again, okay?”

He felt Dee nod against him and they separated. Dee immediately fished out a cigarette and started sucking down the smoke like he’d never breathe again. “I’m sorry…I…it’s just…”

Ryo cupped his cheek in his palm. “I know. I wanted to tell you…but I couldn’t…and I thought JJ was going to…” Ryo suddenly remembered the envelope in his pocket. “Here” he started, handing it to Dee “JJ said he wanted you to have this. I…don’t know what it is…”

Dee took the thick packet and looked at it briefly. Nothing was said between them for a long moment.

Finally, Ryo decided he needed to say what he came to say. “Listen, Dee…I want you to know…I…think this can be a good thing. I want to try…with us…for there to *be* an us…I want…”

Dee pushed off the wall he had been leaning on, moving toward Ryo and placing a finger over his lips. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear that…but…I need some time…I need to think, all right?”

Ryo had been worried about this. He didn’t want Dee to think…he wanted to stop all the thinking, damnit. But if Dee said he needed it…he did. He had no choice but to relent. He felt Dee pull him forward and place a tiny kiss to his forehead.

Dee took another deep, deep breath and started to head out of the alley. Ryo called after him.

“Where are you going?”

Dee managed a smile for his former partner. “There’s someone I need to talk to. I’ll come to your place when I’m done, okay?”

Ryo nodded and watched Dee leave. He had something he needed to do as well. Gathering his courage he headed back inside and up to the Commissioner’s office.

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TBC

OKAY, THAT WAS….no no…okay…much better. All that yelling…heh…hard to stop. Anyways, that was a doozy, no?

This was the most fun I’ve had writing a chapter in a while. I always love it when someone is assaulted. O_o

I know JJ wasn’t in this chapter, but he is *not* gone. Well…he is gone…but we’re not through with him. So don’t dismiss him just yet.

Anyhoo…next chapter we have the envelope and Dee’s conversation with ? Can you guess…most likely, you can. Also, the motivation behind Ryo’s and JJ’s actions will be a little clearer to him next chapter…after he’s had time to cool off. I’ll try to have it up soon, my lovelies.


Love and Kisses,

Reika