Forever Mine

Chapter Fifthteen: Starting Over Part 2


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A faint knock is heard from the lab door. Watari quickly looks up from his paper-scattered desk placing the glass tube in his hand back into its holder.
"Come in," he yelled across the room.

Dirty blonde hair and large emerold eyes are revealed as Hisoka walked into the room. He was holding a folder in his hand. The scientist was surprised to see Hisoka instead of Tsuzuki. Normally, when on a case, Tsuzuki was always the one to interrupt him out of his experiments. Most of the time the circumstances concerned his speciality in test sampling like someone's hair or blood type or even encoding of demons. Why would Bon come to see him? Was it a new assignment?

"Hey, Bon! What‘s up?”

Frigidly, the younger shinigami sits on the stool next to Watari and places the folder on the table. The blonde glanced at the folder. To his dismay it was not a new case. In fact, the folder Hisoka had placed on the table was scrawled in thick black ink: Case Closed - Dr. Kazutaka Muraki.

Hisoka shrugged his shoulders looking at Watari eyeing the folder and then scans it himself only to quickly pull his eyes away from it.

"How did it happen?” Hisoka voice broke the silence.

Watari stares at the boy, speechless. Hisoka's question had startled him. Even though he noticed the boy’s shoulder slump,
Watari seemed more uneasy then Hisoka did. He didn’t know what to say. What Hisoka was asking was a very sensitive topic. A topic the scientist didn’t want to bring back into his mind. Not to relive that memory again. But it seemed the boy was determined as Hisoka repeated his question.

“The fight, I know a little about it but you were there? What really happened?”

"Hisoka..."

"Oh, how I don't want to have this discussion!"

The younger shinigami becoming annoyed clenching his hands. His voice comes out in a plea instead of anger.

“Please! I just need to know! I asked Tatsumi and even the Gushoshin twins but they all seemed to avoid the subject. Like I would be upset or even hurt. Watari, I know that you would tell me. Won't you?”

"He really wanted to know and I have no right to keep it from him. Tsuzuki is his partner. Oh, why is it always me?"

The scientist finally gives in, sighing.

“All right, Bon. What do you want to know?”

“Did Tsuzuki really die?"

"Oh, how I really don't want to have this discussion!"

“Yes.”

Hisoka looked to him with concern.

"But how could a bullet hurt him? Isn’t he immortal?”

Watari fumbled through his papers trying not to look to anxious about the subject. Feeling a little better when 003 perches on his right shoulder. He patted the feathery owl in a gesture of thank you then contuines.

“Yes, Hisoka we all are, but, you see, the guards here carry weapons that make for special enforcement.”

The scientist in his fumbling accidentally tips the holder with the tube in it spilling its contents onto his paperwork.

"Oh shit," Watari hurries over to get some paper towels as Hisoka lifted the unsoiled documents up to safety.

After thoroughly cleaning the area. Hisoka handed back the papers he had saved.

"Thank you," he grabbed the papers with shaky hands.

Hisoka observes his carelessness.

"You seem a bit uneasy."

Watari stops throwing the paper towel into the waste basket and places the documents back onto the table.

"It is just a very difficult subject to talk about, Bon. Especially when it involved Tsuzuki. That’s probably why Tatsumi and the others avoided it. But you are his partner and I think you should know... Besides I am always so clumsy with things.” Watari smiled at him and continues on.

"As you know, we don’t deal with normal situations here. And most of our work is done in dealing with the ranks of unnatural occurrances from demons to entities and so forth. The guards are Lord Enma's personal task force and are only called out in extreme measures. Being that one of our own was being threatened and that magic was being used to extremities, they were called upon for security purposes. Not to mention that Muraki was also a high level threat on the system boards. It caused a immediate red alert."

“Do you think that’s when Tsuzuki realized what was going on? I mean, he had to have been in Meifu at the time?”

“I honestly don’t know, Bon, but I believe so…”

Watari took in a deep breath.

"We were all scared at that moment. I would of never thought a human could weld such power like Muraki showed. It seemed that him and Tatsumi matched in strength and I knew that if it didn’t stop soon all of Meifu would have been destroyed. Not that there would be much that I could do as it was already out of control. I looked over at the two men beaten and bloody but still standing and ran to Tatsumi's side even though I knew Tatsumi would be all right now that the guards were here Muraki had no chance."

He took in another deep breath this time exhaling with a long strain through his breath.

“That’s when it happened, it was like time had stopped. At least that is what it felt like for me. I seen the bullet penetrate his chest and it was like I was running to him but it was only my mind telling me I was.”

He clinched the papers he had so neatly put back on the table in his hands. The memory feeling so real to him even now. To realize that even they can die in certain circumstances and to see one of those circumstance right in front of his very own eyes. Watari lowered his head as he spoke again.

“I mean, he just came out of nowhere right in front of Muraki. At first, I thought maybe it had been Muraki who was standing there, but it wasn’t. The next thing I seen was Tsuzuki falling and...and Muraki caught him in his arms. I was troubled, hurt even. So many emotions were playing in my head, so many questions but there was one that stuck out the most. What the hell was Tsuzuki thinking?"

Watari lets out a small laugh.

"I know what he was thinking. It hit me when I seen that look on Muraki's face. It struck a chord in my heart of sheer sadness. It was at that moment right then that I could see not the killer we all have know Muraki to be but a human with true emotions and love. Tsuzuki sacrificed his life for Muraki the same way Muraki did for him on the Queen Camilla. Because they loved each other, that is why no one wanted to tell you. Because they didn’t want you to feel hurt or betrayed. I‘m sorry Bon. It must really hurt to know that."

There was a long silence before Hisoka looked up into Watari's eyes, his green eyes filled with tears.

“It does hurt, Watari. And I did hate Tsuzuki for a very long time because of it. So much so that I wanted to stop being his partner. I felt betrayed by him. I questioned myself at times wondering how could he do this to me..fall in love with my murderer. To love a man that would do such horrid things to me. But I realized Tsuzuki is not me. Muraki, despite it all, probably really did love Tsuzuki. He made Tsuzuki happy.

"I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized that my love for Tsuzuki and his happiness was worth more than any piece of hatred I had for Muraki. I mean, doesn’t Tsuzuki deserve to be happy? That’s all I ever wanted to see. I never thought someone like Muraki could bring my partner that happiness, but he has. It makes me hate that bastard even more. I am so conflicted by the two and now that Muraki is dead I don’t know what to do or what to feel.”

Hisoka looks to his arm remembering the day he noticed the curse was gone. He rubs his hand unintentionally over the skin in lines where the curse would have been.

"I should be happy Muraki is gone but I’m not. Not when I know even under his false emotions on the surface Tsuzuki is truly suffering. Of course I can lie and just play along with him and thinking that every thing is fine but I know it isn’t. I see him smile at me and tell me everything is okay but under all that I know he just wants to drown himself in temporary fixes, like alcohol. A false feeling to ride himself of anymore pain. Because once the mind goes numb nothing else seems to matter, right? He is going to destroy himself like this. He comes in to the office with dark circles under his eyes like he had not been to sleep in days. But yet still seems to have the energy to finish the day out.
Watari, I am worried about him. I don’t know what to do anymore. He refuses to let me in. when I came back and he told me that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t think it was going to be like this. Have we truly lost Tsuzuki? Had he really went so far into his mind that only these simple fixes can sedate him?”

Watari places the tipped over tube back in its holder and pulls off his glasses.

"Hisoka, Tsuzuki is just trying to get over Muraki. It is hard enough on him as it is. He has been tryng to clear his mind by getting rid of anything that reminds himself of Muraki. Basically pushing him away and out like the man never exsited. Sometimes when it hurts so bad you just want to forget. He is like this because he is hurt and a part of him is blaming Muraki for leaving him.. ...It happens. Him hating Muraki and allowing himself to believe it is the doctor's fault. Permit himself to forget Muraki faster, the alcohol is just to speed up the process a little.

Watari eyed the worried guardian knowing Hisoka's feeling of helplessness.

“You know, there is another way, but you have to look in your own heart on that.”

Hisoka narrowed his eyes toward the blonde.

"You know I can’t do that, Watari."

"I know, Bon. Maybe it’s better this way anyway. Tsuzuki just needs time to heal.”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1:42 a.m., an ungodly time to be waking up, as the phone rings in the scientist’s ear.
“Hello” a groggy voice answers.

“Um…..hey it’s me, Tsuzuki. Did I wake you.?”

What a dumb question. But he could hear the slur in the voice on the other line.

“Tsuzuki? Hey, yeah, I was sleeping” he yawned.

“Oh, I’m sorry I..”

Watari protests before the other shinigami could say anything else.

“No, no wait! What is it? You sound bothered. What’s wrong?”

Hesitantly, Tsuzuki answers.

“I was.. I was just wondering if you could come over?

Annoyed at the response Watari retorts.

“Tsuzuki…it’s almost two in morning!"

“Yeah, I know but I need the company if you don’t mind much. Could you, please?"

After a long silence then a sigh, Watari brushed his hair out of his face.

“Ofcourse. Let me just get dressed and I’ll be right over.”

Tsuzuki smiled not that Watari could see it but he assumed that was what the guardian did.

“I‘ll be waiting.…oh, and Watari. Thanks.”

Okay. It was one thing to call his house at almost two in the morning but then to drag him out of the bed just to have a hour chat was crazy. What was he thinking? The man sounded like he had already downed a few drinks and there was no telling how much more his friend was going to consume by the end of the night. So now he felt obligated to go over to see him. Not that Tsuzuki lived far. Only two floors above him. How convenient was that, not that he ever seen Tsuzuki's apartment before because most of his time was spent sleeping on a cot in his lab. But, perhaps, this one night he decided to live a little and sleep in the comforts of his long awaited bed that surely he would have been dreaming by now but instead received a dreadful phone call.

Why is it always me?

Watari knocked on the door only to be confronted by a drunk and overly giddy Tsuzuki.

Oh boy. This is going to be one hell of a night!

"Hey, Watari! Welcome to my house.”

The brunette pushed Watari into his house throwing a few scattered clothes out of the way from Watari‘s path.

"It isn’t much to look at considering my salary. Isn’t this is the first time you have ever been over here?”

Watari quietly scanned the only room in his friend's whole place. Smiling back at Tsuzuki.

"Yes. I never really had a need to come over since you are always in my lab with me. “Which reminds me.” he pointed a finger at the brunette in which it almost hits Tsuzuki in the nose.

"You still haven’t tried out my new potion. I would like for you to try it out.”

Tsuzuki shook his head dizzily.

“Oh no! You're not placing me as a gueina pig for one of your sex changing potions!"

He then smiled at Watari.

"Drink?”

The brunette went to the kitchen pulling out a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. Watari followed right behind.

“You changed your drink?"

Tsuzuki opened the bottle trying hard to concentrate on pouring the liquid into the two glasses.

“Well, yeah. There is a lot of stuff I chose not to have anymore. Besides this stuff is good and it can get you shit-faced real fast, too.”

Spilling just a little on the counter he places the bottle back down. Handing one of the shots to the scientist, he raised the glass in the air.

"To forgetful pasts and new beginnings." He chimed.

They both gulped it down in one quick swig.

Watari realized that maybe Tsuzuki just needed the company and so relaxed. They talked about everything from the time they all spent their vacation on a deserted island, where they had to live off of coconuts and dried berries and the nightmarish Konoe surprise nude show. To Yuma and Saya buying Hisoka a pretty pink dress for Halloween from pink house, it was all giggles and laughs and after a bottle and a half later, they were pretty plastered.

Watari for the first time finally took in his friends surroundings for what it was

"Your apartment sure is small."

His eyes barely focusing in front of him.

"Sheez, Tsuzuki do you ever clean?"

The other shinigami shrugged his shoulders.

“What for? It's going to get messy anyway.”

Watari just agrees tipping his glass to his mouth in another swig.

Tsuzuki gets up stumbling over his own feet as he grabs the two glasses.

"Want more?"

He walks into the kitchen.

"Don’t you think we had enough?" Watari accompanies him, bringing in the bottle.

Tsuzuki missed the sink and the two glasses land on the stove inside a pot of old noodles instead.

“Oops…..no.” Tsuzuki stunned face quickly turns into laughter looking at the two glasses filled with red tomato sauce and bits of noodles.

Watari fumbled for a paper towel laughing himself at Tsuzuki

“You are hopeless, Tsuzuki.”

He falls over Tsuzuki shoes as he hits the pot making it fall to the ground splashing noodles and sauce everywhere. Tsuzuki laughs even more as he wipes the sauce from his face.

“Me?” they both laugh hysterically at each other.

Watari straightens himself up as Tsuzuki then wipes off some of the sauce on the blonds face.

"I guess I am just as hopeless as you, huh?”

Tsuzuki looks at him silently. His face turning serious while his eyes start shifting around the room.

“Watari I...I” the guardian bits down on his bottom lip.

Watari tries to act serious himself but just tends to sway back and forth. He could see his friend had suddenly changed his mood. And wondered what Tsuzuki was thinking. What was he trying to ask him.

“Yes….Tsuzuki?.”

Before coherent thought could take place .The brunette slams the blonde into the counter looking seriously into golden eyes

“You don’t love me so there are no ties. Just meaningless sex, right?.”

SEX!

The brunette forces a kiss onto the scientist hard and relentless. Snaking a tongue into the other's crevice. The action was forced but still a sudden shock to the blonde. After a moment Watari comes into realization and pulls away catching his breath.

“Tsuzuki! He calms down! Your drunk and so am I! This isn’t right!"

Tsuzuki starts to unbutton the man's shirt ignoring what his friend was saying. He needed this more then Watari knew. And there is no turning back now. The brunette kisses the soft skin on the blonde's chest, ripping feverishly at the fabric in his way.

‘Watari, please! I need this to forget I can’t take it anymore don’t you see it’s making me insane!"

He raked his teeth on one of the nipples trailing his finger to the hem of his best friends pants. Thus allowing a little moan to come from the scientists mouth. The brunette hands fumble to unbutton the black slacks in his way but Watari grabbed Tsuzuki hands before he could go any further.

“Tsuzuki……” The scientist pants out in breath as Tsuzuki continues to trail hot kisses on his chest.

"As much as I am truly enticed by you and would love to have sex, you are my best friend. It would only make matters worse.” The scientist sighs.

"This is not going to make you forget Muraki."

At that Tsuzuki stops, pausing for just a moment before he slams the blonde's hands against the cabinet pinning them there.

“Don’t! Don’t say his name!.”

His eyes fill with both anger and hurt but then shortly change to desperation.

"Can’t you see, Watari? It's tearing me apart! Please! Let me forget if just for this one night.”

Watari relaxed a bit as he heard those words. The man was desperate for anything to stop the pain. Now Watari could clearly remember what Hisoka said.

I see him smile at me and tell me everything is okay but under all that I know he just wants to drown himself in temporary fixes. A false feeling to rid himself of any more pain. Because once the mind goes numb nothing else seems to matter.

Tsuzuki firm in his advances, kissing the blonde's neck, licking it up to his ear

"Please. It doesn’t have to be sensual just meaningless fucking. I need this."

Watari bit his lip to prevent yet another moan from escaping. Man, why did he have to touch such a sensitive spot?! Fingers are moving too fast to keep my own mind all together. His touches are starting to feel real good. I have to stop this.

“Tsuzuki stop! It’s not right!"

The brunette suddenly pushes away hard, knocking the blonde's head callously against the cabinet. Watari regained himself losing all sense of drunkenness and sees his best friend shaking miserably in front of him eyes even more angry than before.

“Damn it, Watari! You’ll never understand! I just want to stop loving him! I hate him for doing this to me! Making me love him then leaving me. That selfish asshole left me again and I just want to forget! I deserve to forget! To stop feeling this pain inside of me. I hate him, Watari! Don’t you see? I fucking hate him for leaving me!!"

He fell to his knees. crying

"Oh gods! I miss him...I miss him so much...it hurts so bad. I just want him to be here and hold me. I feel so alone.“

Watari slid down next him cradling him in his arms. He knew that Tsuzuki had pent it up inside for so long he just needed to release it and if this is what it took, then so be it.

Tsuzuki screamed with all his might gripping tight enough to his clothes to tear the fabric.

WHY DOES THIS FEELING HAVE TO HURT SO BAD?!! TELL ME!!!

"I don’t know Tsuzuki."

The brunette sobbed in his shirt.

"It’s unfair."

Watari gripped tighter rocking the shinigami in his arms.

“"Life is always unfair."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Sixteen: One Thing Left to Do


Pour brûler les restes - means to burn away the remains.

Not again, not to awake in this feeling.

depressed, emotional, angry, terrified, hurt.

DEATH

an open invitation, my arms stretched far and wide.

consume me, coax my body in that bitter numb haven so that I may not feel nomore.

there is no coming back she said

correct and I will not come back without him.

There is only one thing left to do...

Pour brûler les restes.


Next the finally Chapter! I just love torturing poor Tsuzuki-chan.