The Calm
folder
+. to F › Cowboy Bebop
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
2,483
Reviews:
34
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+. to F › Cowboy Bebop
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
49
Views:
2,483
Reviews:
34
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Cowboy Bebop, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Perspectives
Disclaimer: Not owner of Bebop... stop reminding me!
****
Song: Vermillion
Artist: Slipknot
****
The Calm
Chapter 17: Perspectives
* She seems dressing in all the rings of past fatalities.
So fragile, yet so devious*
I’ve been running forever now. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. I suppose, it was my purpose, my reason. Escape. I’ve escaped everything: my family, my childhood, the hunters at my back, the syndicate, death. Ah yes, death, a reminder of all I am, death is always at my side, at my heels. I can’t run from it forever, I can’t evade it forever.
“You alright?” his voice breaks my thoughts. My James, my Wraith. I love him, but I know it won’t last. He’ll be like all the others, he’ll use me for a while and then toss me aside.
“Peachy keen,” I answer, just to humor him. He thinks he can unravel me, his great mystery.
“Right, an’ Sith is harmless,” he jokes. He’s so wary of her, won’t it be interesting when he finds out who she really is to him. That she’s histerster.
* She continues to see
Climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home... Forever*
“I’ll be better once I get some sleep,” I say, hoping that will quiet him. He gets so worried sometimes, but it won’t last. He’ll break my heart like all the others. Or I’ll break his, whichever comes first.
“Sleep, right.”
I guess he has noticed. That I hardly sleep now. The dead don’t need sleep. Shells don’t need sleep, just like we don’t need food. But we need pain, I need the pain. If I don’t get it, I can’t feel, and if I can’t feel, I can’t pretend anymore. I look down at the corpse at my feet. Lucky bastard. His blood stains the wet ground, mixing with the mud, turning it black. Why can’t I rest yet? Why isn’t this over?
‘Because the Dragons are still surviving,’ the voice within answers.
“You’re right,” I whisper.
“I know I am, pet, you aren’t sleeping. Now let’s get out of here,” James’ voice calls out.
*Oh*
He heard me? Did I speak out loud? I should keep an eye on that. I’m following his back now, how I love him. Too bad really, I wish he were different. I wish he’d stay, but they never stay, they either die or break my heart. I’m not a pessimist, mind you, I’m a realist. Just going by history here. Everyone thinks I use people, that I break hearts, but I’m more broken then them. Sure, I use sex to get what I want, all women do in some way. But no one can see my shattered heart, no one can see how many times it’s been stepped on. And no one will.
*She is everything and more, the solomn hypnotic,
My Dahlia, bathed in possession... She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her its worse,*
He’s so strong. Inside and out. Far stronger than myself. God, he’s good. I love the feel of him on me, in me, feeling his arms around me as he hammers inside. I can feel it, the delicious pain. He makes it feel so good, so sinful. I’ve been with so many men in my life, all different, non none of them compare to him. He’s… he’s like me. He understands. He sees the truth in me. He’s kindred. God, he’s perfect.
* But the stress is astounding,
Its now or never, shes coming home, forever,
Oh, shes the only one that makes me sad,*
He’s everything.
* Hard to say what caught my attention,
Fixed and crazy, aphid attraction,
Carve my name in my face, to recognize,
Such a pheremone cult, to terrorize*
He’s my soul.
* I wont let this build up ie ofe of me
Im a slave and Im a master,*
I’m still awake. He’s laying at my side, his arms around me, bringing such warmth to my cold body. I don’t deserve him. But that’s okay, it won’t last, it never lasts. Eventually they get bored and toss me aside for something newer, something more alive, something that they can love. All I am is a bed warmer.
The pain feels so exquisite. The bite of the blade into flesh, so much better than drugs. I should know. When I was Eve, Drugs helped. Red eye was fun, red eye made me alive then. They’ll never know, they’ll never find out. Red eye can’t help anymore. Only the pain, only the feel of blood leaving my body. That’s all that works now.
* No restraints and unchecked collectors,
I exist through my need, to self oblige*
I don’t need anything but the pain. I live off it now. It’s the only thing that helps. Pain and sex. What would they say now? What would the boys say if they knew? I can’t say, I never could see into their minds completely. They were the first, though. The first to love me and toss me aside, I don’t blame them, they didn’t know. I chose this. I chose to become this pain craving whore before the mirror. I need my mirror. I can see my true self in that broken reflection.
“I’m not whole, I’m broken. I’m a broken whore,” I mumble.
‘Exactly, why are we here anyways? He’s just going to toss us aside like the others,’ the voice says. My only true companion is the voice. My only true friend.
“Because I love him. Even if I am a whore, I can still love.”
‘He’s just going to break your heart. It’s doesn’t really matter anyways, just as long as we can still finish the task ahead.’
“It won’t interfere. The Dragons will fall and then I can die. The pieces are set. It’s only a matter of time. I’ll be able to destroy that which killed me and keep those I care for alive,” I snap at the voice.
“Am I included in this little plan?” a voice asks from the doorway.
* Shes something in me that I despise
I wont let this build up inside of me,
She isnt real, I cant make her real.*
My eyes widen as I see him, his blue eyes fixed on my bleeding arm. His hair is a bit mussed and he’s dressed only in a pair of black pants.
He knows.
~*~*~*~
* She seemed dressed in all of me,
Stretched across my shame,*
I’m no fool. I know who she is, and I know who she was. I don’t care. I love her. I love the feel of her presence, I love her smell: of bittersweet smoke and rain. I love all of her, completely. But as I said, I’m not a fool. I know that she may be playing me, that she may be out to kill me in the end. I’ll be ready when that comes.
“You alright?” I ask. I can see such sadness in her eyes, such pain. She’s so fractured. I wish I knew why.
“Peachy keen,” she says.
She must think I’m a bloody idiot. I can see the pain in her eyes as she watches our newest target bleed onto the concrete. I can see the longing for death. I’m no fool.
* All the torment and the pain,
Leaked through and covered me
Ide do anything to have her to myself,
Just to have her to myself,*
“Right, an’ Sith is harmless,” I joke. I like the woman, Sith. But there is jus something about her that… she seems almost like a memory a ghost of someone I knew, but can’t remember. I want to say that I know her, but that would be a lie.
“I’ll be better once I get some sleep.”
“Sleep, right.” Does she think I’m stupid? Or that I wouldn’t see? She doesn’t sleep, no matter how tired she seems. She barely eats now as well. She’s going to kill herself if she doesn’t change that.
“You’re right,” she whispers.
“I know I am, pet, you aren’t sleeping. Now let’s get out of here,” I say. I know she wasn’t talking to me, I can hear her in the bathroom some nights, talking to something inside, something that is making her feel worse. I’m no fool.
* Now I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to do,
When she makes me sad.*
I’ll never get sick of her. The mewls of pleasure she makes when I’m inside, the way she digs her nails into my back when I get it just right. She has the endurance of a demon, she does. She doesn’t complain when it gets rough, hell she makes it rougher. I’m starting to believe she gets off on the pain. I can see it in her eyes.
She’s so tight, so warm, so… real. She’s real. Far more than the other girls I’ve been with over the years. She understands. She… she’s kindred. My soul mate. The only one I’ll ever love as long as I live. No matter how long that is. She’s, in a word, perfect.
* She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
The song that no one sings,
The unattainable*
She makes me want to sing to the world, I love her so much. But I can see something in her eyes. Something tragic. She suffers every day, save when she’s under me or on me. She’s only happy when she’s connected; only when we’re one. She’s my little goddess of death and rain.
* Shes a myth that I have to beleive in
All I need to make it real is one more reason,*
My wolf.
* I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to do,
When she makes me sad,
But I wont let this build up inside of me*
My broken dream… but I’m no fool.
* A catch in my throat,
Choke,
Torn into peices,
I wont,
No,
I dont want to be this,*
I can hear her talking to herself again. I can hear mur muttered answers to whatever voices in her mind. Her poor, tragic, fractured soul; much like that mirror in the bathroom of her room that she has with Vicious and Sith. Slowly, I get up and pull in a random pair of pants and stalk closer. What is she saying?
“I’m not whole, I’m broken. I’m a broken whore,” she mumbles.
Is that how she sees herself? She’s not a whore. She may be broken, but not a whore.
“Because I love him. Even if I am a whore, I can still love.”
She loves me? I hope she does. Please be talking about me.
“It won’t interfere. The Dragons will fall and then I can die. The pieces are set. It’s only a matter of time. I’ll be able to destroy that which killed me and keep those I care for alive,” I hear her snap at the voice inside that pretty head of hers.
Destroy the Dragons? Oh… oh god. She’s the one, she’s the betrayer. Oh bollocks! She’s trying to take it down? What about Vicious? This is insane! She’s standing here, cutting herself. Damn I knew she was the cause of all those scars on her arms. I knew she got off on the pain. She’s going to save the ones she cares for? She’s going to let the Red Dragons fall around them, and let them live free?
“Am I included in this little plan?” I hear myself ask.
She turns to me, I can see the shock in her eyes as she registers it all. She knows that I know.
* But I wont let this build up inside of me,
She isnt real,
I cant make her real.*
Like I said, I’m no fool.
~*~*~*~
Levii: I tried something different this time, I went from first person perspective. The first half, if you had not already deduced, is Amaya\'s and the second half is James\'. Natakamani recomended the awesome song, and the chapter sort of evolved around it. Tell me what ya\'ll think! Review!
Ja ne! ^_^
****
Song: Vermillion
Artist: Slipknot
****
The Calm
Chapter 17: Perspectives
* She seems dressing in all the rings of past fatalities.
So fragile, yet so devious*
I’ve been running forever now. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. I suppose, it was my purpose, my reason. Escape. I’ve escaped everything: my family, my childhood, the hunters at my back, the syndicate, death. Ah yes, death, a reminder of all I am, death is always at my side, at my heels. I can’t run from it forever, I can’t evade it forever.
“You alright?” his voice breaks my thoughts. My James, my Wraith. I love him, but I know it won’t last. He’ll be like all the others, he’ll use me for a while and then toss me aside.
“Peachy keen,” I answer, just to humor him. He thinks he can unravel me, his great mystery.
“Right, an’ Sith is harmless,” he jokes. He’s so wary of her, won’t it be interesting when he finds out who she really is to him. That she’s histerster.
* She continues to see
Climatic hands that press her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home... Forever*
“I’ll be better once I get some sleep,” I say, hoping that will quiet him. He gets so worried sometimes, but it won’t last. He’ll break my heart like all the others. Or I’ll break his, whichever comes first.
“Sleep, right.”
I guess he has noticed. That I hardly sleep now. The dead don’t need sleep. Shells don’t need sleep, just like we don’t need food. But we need pain, I need the pain. If I don’t get it, I can’t feel, and if I can’t feel, I can’t pretend anymore. I look down at the corpse at my feet. Lucky bastard. His blood stains the wet ground, mixing with the mud, turning it black. Why can’t I rest yet? Why isn’t this over?
‘Because the Dragons are still surviving,’ the voice within answers.
“You’re right,” I whisper.
“I know I am, pet, you aren’t sleeping. Now let’s get out of here,” James’ voice calls out.
*Oh*
He heard me? Did I speak out loud? I should keep an eye on that. I’m following his back now, how I love him. Too bad really, I wish he were different. I wish he’d stay, but they never stay, they either die or break my heart. I’m not a pessimist, mind you, I’m a realist. Just going by history here. Everyone thinks I use people, that I break hearts, but I’m more broken then them. Sure, I use sex to get what I want, all women do in some way. But no one can see my shattered heart, no one can see how many times it’s been stepped on. And no one will.
*She is everything and more, the solomn hypnotic,
My Dahlia, bathed in possession... She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her its worse,*
He’s so strong. Inside and out. Far stronger than myself. God, he’s good. I love the feel of him on me, in me, feeling his arms around me as he hammers inside. I can feel it, the delicious pain. He makes it feel so good, so sinful. I’ve been with so many men in my life, all different, non none of them compare to him. He’s… he’s like me. He understands. He sees the truth in me. He’s kindred. God, he’s perfect.
* But the stress is astounding,
Its now or never, shes coming home, forever,
Oh, shes the only one that makes me sad,*
He’s everything.
* Hard to say what caught my attention,
Fixed and crazy, aphid attraction,
Carve my name in my face, to recognize,
Such a pheremone cult, to terrorize*
He’s my soul.
* I wont let this build up ie ofe of me
Im a slave and Im a master,*
I’m still awake. He’s laying at my side, his arms around me, bringing such warmth to my cold body. I don’t deserve him. But that’s okay, it won’t last, it never lasts. Eventually they get bored and toss me aside for something newer, something more alive, something that they can love. All I am is a bed warmer.
The pain feels so exquisite. The bite of the blade into flesh, so much better than drugs. I should know. When I was Eve, Drugs helped. Red eye was fun, red eye made me alive then. They’ll never know, they’ll never find out. Red eye can’t help anymore. Only the pain, only the feel of blood leaving my body. That’s all that works now.
* No restraints and unchecked collectors,
I exist through my need, to self oblige*
I don’t need anything but the pain. I live off it now. It’s the only thing that helps. Pain and sex. What would they say now? What would the boys say if they knew? I can’t say, I never could see into their minds completely. They were the first, though. The first to love me and toss me aside, I don’t blame them, they didn’t know. I chose this. I chose to become this pain craving whore before the mirror. I need my mirror. I can see my true self in that broken reflection.
“I’m not whole, I’m broken. I’m a broken whore,” I mumble.
‘Exactly, why are we here anyways? He’s just going to toss us aside like the others,’ the voice says. My only true companion is the voice. My only true friend.
“Because I love him. Even if I am a whore, I can still love.”
‘He’s just going to break your heart. It’s doesn’t really matter anyways, just as long as we can still finish the task ahead.’
“It won’t interfere. The Dragons will fall and then I can die. The pieces are set. It’s only a matter of time. I’ll be able to destroy that which killed me and keep those I care for alive,” I snap at the voice.
“Am I included in this little plan?” a voice asks from the doorway.
* Shes something in me that I despise
I wont let this build up inside of me,
She isnt real, I cant make her real.*
My eyes widen as I see him, his blue eyes fixed on my bleeding arm. His hair is a bit mussed and he’s dressed only in a pair of black pants.
He knows.
~*~*~*~
* She seemed dressed in all of me,
Stretched across my shame,*
I’m no fool. I know who she is, and I know who she was. I don’t care. I love her. I love the feel of her presence, I love her smell: of bittersweet smoke and rain. I love all of her, completely. But as I said, I’m not a fool. I know that she may be playing me, that she may be out to kill me in the end. I’ll be ready when that comes.
“You alright?” I ask. I can see such sadness in her eyes, such pain. She’s so fractured. I wish I knew why.
“Peachy keen,” she says.
She must think I’m a bloody idiot. I can see the pain in her eyes as she watches our newest target bleed onto the concrete. I can see the longing for death. I’m no fool.
* All the torment and the pain,
Leaked through and covered me
Ide do anything to have her to myself,
Just to have her to myself,*
“Right, an’ Sith is harmless,” I joke. I like the woman, Sith. But there is jus something about her that… she seems almost like a memory a ghost of someone I knew, but can’t remember. I want to say that I know her, but that would be a lie.
“I’ll be better once I get some sleep.”
“Sleep, right.” Does she think I’m stupid? Or that I wouldn’t see? She doesn’t sleep, no matter how tired she seems. She barely eats now as well. She’s going to kill herself if she doesn’t change that.
“You’re right,” she whispers.
“I know I am, pet, you aren’t sleeping. Now let’s get out of here,” I say. I know she wasn’t talking to me, I can hear her in the bathroom some nights, talking to something inside, something that is making her feel worse. I’m no fool.
* Now I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to do,
When she makes me sad.*
I’ll never get sick of her. The mewls of pleasure she makes when I’m inside, the way she digs her nails into my back when I get it just right. She has the endurance of a demon, she does. She doesn’t complain when it gets rough, hell she makes it rougher. I’m starting to believe she gets off on the pain. I can see it in her eyes.
She’s so tight, so warm, so… real. She’s real. Far more than the other girls I’ve been with over the years. She understands. She… she’s kindred. My soul mate. The only one I’ll ever love as long as I live. No matter how long that is. She’s, in a word, perfect.
* She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
The song that no one sings,
The unattainable*
She makes me want to sing to the world, I love her so much. But I can see something in her eyes. Something tragic. She suffers every day, save when she’s under me or on me. She’s only happy when she’s connected; only when we’re one. She’s my little goddess of death and rain.
* Shes a myth that I have to beleive in
All I need to make it real is one more reason,*
My wolf.
* I dont know what to do,
I dont know what to do,
When she makes me sad,
But I wont let this build up inside of me*
My broken dream… but I’m no fool.
* A catch in my throat,
Choke,
Torn into peices,
I wont,
No,
I dont want to be this,*
I can hear her talking to herself again. I can hear mur muttered answers to whatever voices in her mind. Her poor, tragic, fractured soul; much like that mirror in the bathroom of her room that she has with Vicious and Sith. Slowly, I get up and pull in a random pair of pants and stalk closer. What is she saying?
“I’m not whole, I’m broken. I’m a broken whore,” she mumbles.
Is that how she sees herself? She’s not a whore. She may be broken, but not a whore.
“Because I love him. Even if I am a whore, I can still love.”
She loves me? I hope she does. Please be talking about me.
“It won’t interfere. The Dragons will fall and then I can die. The pieces are set. It’s only a matter of time. I’ll be able to destroy that which killed me and keep those I care for alive,” I hear her snap at the voice inside that pretty head of hers.
Destroy the Dragons? Oh… oh god. She’s the one, she’s the betrayer. Oh bollocks! She’s trying to take it down? What about Vicious? This is insane! She’s standing here, cutting herself. Damn I knew she was the cause of all those scars on her arms. I knew she got off on the pain. She’s going to save the ones she cares for? She’s going to let the Red Dragons fall around them, and let them live free?
“Am I included in this little plan?” I hear myself ask.
She turns to me, I can see the shock in her eyes as she registers it all. She knows that I know.
* But I wont let this build up inside of me,
She isnt real,
I cant make her real.*
Like I said, I’m no fool.
~*~*~*~
Levii: I tried something different this time, I went from first person perspective. The first half, if you had not already deduced, is Amaya\'s and the second half is James\'. Natakamani recomended the awesome song, and the chapter sort of evolved around it. Tell me what ya\'ll think! Review!
Ja ne! ^_^