Suppressed

Reviewers: I love you all! Thanks for being so loyal!


Disclaimer: do I even have to write it by now?

Comments and criticisms are always welcome.


‘He’s been distant.’ Kyo thought, glancing at the rat. Yuki turned and gave him a weak smile clamoring half-heartedly for his hand. Kyo took the hand, but he realized if he let go, those fingers would slide through his probably without the notice of their owner. ‘He’s been distant and he won’t tell me what’s going on.’ Ever since his talk with Shishou… Kyo let out a loud sigh. “What’s wrong?”

Yuki cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“You’re acting… funny.”

The rat smiled and shrugged. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

‘Ahh… what did I expect?’ Kyo kicked a rock across the street. ‘Him to actually tell me something that’s going on?!?’

As the three approached the school building, Yuki hesitantly withdrew his hand. Kyo grimaced. When was he going to stop being ashamed of their relationship? The trio was immediately confronted by a panicked looking Haru. He snatched Yuki by the shoulders and steered him away. Yuki shot an apologetic and confused look at Kyo, who simply smiled and waved him on.

‘What the hell?’ The kitty wondered. He sighed. ‘There’s no need to get worked up, you have no reason not to trust him… Though, he doesn’t trust me.’ He could feel the anger welling up in his stomach. He didn’t trust the kitty enough to be public with their relationship. He didn’t trust him to protect him from Akito. He didn’t trust him not to run off on him like that stupid cow. He didn’t trust him enough to confide in him about what Shishou said to him. He didn’t even trust him enough to tell him what was on his mind. ‘You can only trust someone as much as you trust yourself…’ The kitty thought, balling his fists angrily. They turned the corner. He peeked back over towards Yuki. The poor guy looked like he was going to be sick. The kitty momentarily forgot his anger as concern flooded his system. He then noted that the cow was sitting uncomfortably close to him, one hand draped about the rat’s shoulder and the other resting on his knee. Jealousy quickly replaced that concern. Yuki wasn’t even attempting to brush that cow aside. Kyo turned his shoulder sharply and headed for the building. “Damn rat.” He muttered under his breath.

Yuki walked in only moments before the bell rang. He gave Kyo an anxious smile and scooted into his seat. The morning drug by with little incident, though the kitty couldn’t wait for lunchtime to see what was going on between those two. He drummed his fingers impatiently on his desk. The cat glanced over his shoulder at Yuki. The prince seemed cool and collected as ever, though his foot was tapping, probably annoying the hell out of the person in front of him. The lunch bell finally rang, and the cat caught Yuki at the door. He pushed him into the hall.

“O.K., so what’s going on?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

Kyo tapped his foot impatiently. “Don’t give me that, you know perfectly well what I’m talking about.”

“Nothing, nothing’s going on!” Yuki insisted. “I don’t know what you…”

“YUKI!!! Are you coming to the meeting today?” A random student counsel member popped up over his shoulder.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” The rat said calmly. “Kyo, I don’t know what brought this on, but we’ll talk about it after school, O.K.?”

The kitty hung his head and nodded. Scowling, he turned and walked
deliberately to his locker for his bento. ‘Why should this be any different? Of course he’s not going to tell me what’s going on.’ He ducked angrily out of the building and found his perch on the roof. He was so angry! He punched the wall, scraping his knuckles on the rough brick surface. Flexing his aching fingers, he flopped down and tore into his lunch.

Kyo returned to the classroom at the sound of the bell. He rubbed his stomach. He’d eaten too fast and given himself a stomachache. ‘Perfect!’ He thought, kicking the doorframe.

“You O.K. there Kyon?” Asked the blonde headed Yankee.

The cat gave her a sour look and flopped into his chair, still clutching his belly.

“What’s the matter?” Yuki looked genuinely concerned.

‘Oh now he cares!’ Kyo huffed. “I’m fine.” He muttered.

“Does your stomach hurt?” The rat asked, kneeling beside him.

“NO!” He snapped. Yuki gave him a doubtful eye, struggling to detach the cats arms from around his abdomen. “O.K. fine, yes.” He muttered.

“Oh NO!” Tohru bounced to his side. “Do you need to go to the nurse?”

“NO!” He wiggled away from Yuki. “It’s not that bad.”

The teacher entered the room. “O.K. everybody, get to your seats.”

Yuki left him leaving a gentle squeeze on his shoulder as he went. ‘Damn rat!’ Kyo thought. ‘Always acting like there’s nothing wrong.’

Kyo’s day went from bad to worse. The teachers seemed to pick on him relentlessly until the end of the day. He swore as the bell finally signaled their release. He stomped away to his locker, kicking it. He heard footsteps come to a stop behind him. He whipped around expecting to give Yuki an earful.

“LISTEN YOU…”

It was the brash fan club member from before. “O.K. Satan,” she hissed, “it’s time to spill it all!”

“LEAVE ME ALONE, WOMAN!” He roared, brushing past her. “I’M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR GAMES!”

He stomped away headed for Yuki’s locker. The rat smiled as he arrived, but it was painstakingly obvious that the smile was forced. Kyo cursed.

Yuki’s fake smile faded. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Like you don’t know.” Kyo muttered, glaring.

Sighing, the rat gave him an apologetic glance. “ I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’ve done.”

“How about starting with what was going on between you and Hatsuharu this morning!” Kyo demanded.

Yuki’s face fell. “Oh, that…” His voice trailed. He stared nervously at his feet.

“Well?”

“It’s nothing.”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Kyo glared at the rat.

“Well, it’s just that…”

“Hey Yuki!” Some boy that Kyo didn’t know rested his hand on the rat’s shoulder. “Are you coming?”

The mouse gave him an impatient look. “Coming where?”

“To the meeting?”

“Meeting?” Yuki glared at the boy. “Why wasn’t I informed about this meeting?!?” He snapped.

The boy jumped back. “I-I-I’m sorry, I thought…”

Yuki sighed heavily. “Please forgive me. Go on ahead, I’ll be there shortly.” The rat turned toward Kyo with apologetic eyes.

The cat shook his head and turned away, heading down the hallway.

“Kyo, wait!” Yuki called.

“No, I get it.” He mumbled with his head hung.

The rat chased after him. “Kyo, please…” He placed his hand on the cat’s shoulder and gently turned his chin. “You have nothing to worry about.” The rat leaned in to capture Kyo’s down turned lips.

Kyo turned his head. “Aren’t you afraid one of your fan girls will see?” He asked coldly.

Yuki sighed. “I don’t care about them right now.” He slipped his arms around the cat’s waist.

Kyo pulled away from him, sighing. “Please talk to me when you get home.” He turned and walked away, his eyes cast at his shoes.

As he rounded the corner he heard Hatsuharu’s cheerful voice greet Yuki from behind him. His eyes narrowed and he let out a heavy, defeated sigh. A group of Yuki’s fan girls were headed the other way. They glared at him.

“Leave me alone.” He muttered, ignoring their snide remarks about his frown.

He walked home never taking his eyes off of the ground in front of him. His heart hurt. His chest was literally constricting around his organs, squishing them into a congealed lump that he wished he could throw up. As he arrived home, he made his way to his perch on the roof, mind still digesting the events of the day. He bit back the urge to cry. Everything was so damn important to that rat, everything but him. He knew he was making an effort, but not the right kind. ‘If he could just trust me… If I could just trust him!’ He closed his eyes, trying to think of something, anything besides that damn rat. ‘What does he have to lose? What does he have to hide?’ Yes, Yuki was hiding something. Kyo knew that much, but he couldn’t discern what it was. He closed his eyes, racking his brain for something, any reason Yuki would have to hide anything from him. ‘What have I ever done?’ He saw Haru sitting so close to Yuki. The rat didn’t even bother to push him away. ‘Of course he didn’t, he didn’t know I was watching.’ The thought crossed his mind again. ‘What does he have to hide?’ His eyes narrowed and he balled his fists angrily. He felt jealousy creeping through his system. ‘He won’t even sit that close to me in public.’ Kyo thought he was going to be sick. He felt tears springing to his eyes. ‘Would he do that to me? Is this just a game to him?’ He stared blankly ahead. ‘What if Haru is jealous and wants him back?’ He sighed. ‘What if all of this is just a rebound?’ Kyo started knocking his head on the roof, though the pain he was causing his head could not begin to rival the pain in his chest. “I love you.” He choked. “Why?”

Twilight descended upon the distraught kitty before Yuki walked into the clearing. His eyes scanned the roof for Kyo, but the cat had crept back away from the edge of the roof to avoid being spotted. The kitty sighed. ‘Might as well get this over with.’ He dropped into his room.

The cat heard Yuki padding quietly up the stairs. He whipped his door open into the face of a startled mouse, his fist positioned to knock on his door. Yuki jumped back. He entered and quietly closed the door behind him.

He looked concerned. “What’s going on, Kyo?” He asked.

“One might ask you the same thing!” Kyo snapped.

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you hiding from me?!?”

Yuki’s eyes grew wide. “I’m not hiding anything…”

“BULLSHIT! You’re such a bad lair!” Kyo could feel the tears accumulating in his eyes.

“I don’t know why you think that…”

“Ah hell, I don’t know.” Kyo spat sarcastically. “You won’t trust me, you won’t talk me. You’re running around with that damn cow all the time!”

“What are you talking about?!?” Yuki’s brow was knit.

“I think you know!”

“Are you accusing me of cheating on you?”

“What the hell am I supposed to think! I know you’re hiding something from me!”

“Kyo, that’s ridiculous!”

“FINE! If I’m wrong, tell me!”

Yuki backed up against the wall. “I can’t! There’s nothing to say!”

“Quit LYING TO ME!!!” Kyo’s tears began to slip over the corners of his eyes.

“What am I supposed to say to you now?!?” Yuki asked, dropping his head in his hands.

“THE TRUTH?!?”

Yuki peered at Kyo from between his fingers. “There’s nothing to say!!! Nothing happened!!!”

“I don’t care if I’m wrong about you and Haru, that isn’t the point!” Kyo snapped angrily.

“Then what is this about?!?” Yuki snapped back.

“You’re hiding something from me! You’re LYING to me about it! But mostly, YOU DON’T TRUST ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME!!!”

“Kyo! It’s not like that!”

“THEN TELL ME!”

Yuki shook his head, dropping it back into his hands. “I can’t.” He whispered.

Kyo punched the wall; agonizing pain shot up his arm. His face was fully stained with tears by now, and Yuki’s was following suit.

“So what the hell are we doing?!?” Kyo spat.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t trust you; you can’t trust me! MAYBE IT’D BE BETTER IF WE WEREN’T EVEN TOGEATHER!” Kyo’s heart stopped. What had he just said?

Yuki’s head snapped up. “Do you mean that?”

Kyo remained silent, though he was sure that his pain was clearly painted across his face. The rat sighed and dried his face on his sleeve. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. They opened revealing the emotionless glaze that Kyo had almost forgotten existed.

Yuki nodded and pushed himself away from the wall. “I’m sorry, Kyo.” He said flatly. “I really am.”

The kitty’s eyes followed the rat as he walked assuredly from the room and down the hall. He didn’t bother to look back as he opened his door and disappeared into his bedroom. Kyo sighed, tears flowed unchecked from his broken eyes. He collapsed onto his futon.

‘What have I done?’ He wondered, his heart fragmented into thousands of dull shards, etching away at his insides. He swallowed, ducking underneath his covers. He ignored Tohru’s calls for dinner, especially when he heard Yuki padding quietly down the stairs.

“I’m trying to sleep!” He grumbled when she knocked on his door.

“Are you O.K.?” She asked.

“Yeah, just tired.” He mumbled burying himself under his covers.

He felt his eyes pucker as she turned and headed downstairs. He wrapped himself into a protective little ball and drifted into a restless sleep. Morning came far to quickly for the kitty, though he wasn’t sure he was actually sleeping. He grumbled, pulled on his uniform, and trudged downstairs for breakfast.

“Feeling better Kyo?” Tohru asked.

He nodded and rummaged in the fridge after the milk. He poured his cereal and flopped down in front of the table. He was about halfway through his cereal when the front door rattled and Yuki’s form crossed the room. Kyo refused to lift his eyes from his breakfast.

“Yuki! I didn’t know you were awake.”

“I’ve been neglecting my garden. I was hoping I could catch you guys before breakfast, am I too late?” He asked.

“No, I was just getting ready to…” she gasped. “STAWBERRIES!!! Here let me clean them!” The sounds of splashing water flooded the kitchen. “Kyo? Do you want any strawberries?” She asked.

He shook his head. “No thanks.”

Kyo could sense Yuki entering the room, he still didn’t look up from his cereal.

“Are you leaving?” Tohru asked the rat from the kitchen door. “But what about breakfast.”

“I already ate.” He assured her. “I’ve still got a lot of work to do for our class trip.

The door rattled and Yuki was gone. Kyo sighed heavily, this was going to suck. The days passed quietly. The weather was unusually cool and refreshing for this time of year, and not a single cloud tainted the perfect blue sky. Kyo sighed. The perfect weather only served to depress him more. ‘It should be raining.’ He thought with a smirk. He had yet to really speak to the rat. He was kind of irritated that he seemed to be ignoring the kitty, but on the other hand, maybe Kyo was ignoring him too.

Darkness. That was the only way he could think of describing himself right now. He was surrounded by a cold oppressive darkness that was trying to swallow his very soul. He constantly had to fight the tears that wobbled in the corners of his eyes, threatening to betray his pain he kept tucked beneath his scowl.

He felt guilty, knowing somewhere in his heart that Yuki hadn’t really betrayed him, but he was angry and frustrated nonetheless. He wanted nothing more than to apologize, but the same story would remain. Where there can be no trust, there can be no relationship. Perhaps he had been tough on the rat, but he supposed it was better to end it now than when he was really hung up on the rat. He rolled over in bed half expecting Yuki to be sharing his space. ‘Ah hell!’ He thought. ‘I’m already really hung up on that damn rat!’ He pressed his palm to the empty space in his bed beside him. He groaned and sprawled out as wide as he could, taking up every inch of his futon. ‘This is nice!’ He thought stretching his toes. If only it weren’t so cold.

Kyo awoke still sprawled spread-eagle on his futon. He sighed as he headed downstairs for breakfast. The only sign of the rat’s existence was a dirty cereal bowl in the sink and a noticeably empty spot by the door where his school shoes usually lay. The kitty ate his breakfast in silence, waiting for Tohru to finish getting ready for school so they could walk together. He was clearing his breakfast bowl when she appeared downstairs.

“Ready?” She asked.

Kyo nodded, gathering his books.

She smiled brightly. “I guess Yuki left without us again.”

Kyo nodded again as he pulled on his shoes. The two disappeared out the door and made their way towards school.

“What happened?” Tohru asked thoughtfully as they headed down the path.

“Huh?”

“Between you and Yuki, what happened?”

“Oh,” Kyo shrugged. “He still won’t trust me…” He sighed. “And on top of that he’s hiding something.”

Tohru nodded. “I thought so.” She stared at her shoes. “So you don’t trust him either?”

Kyo whipped his head around. “What do you mean?!? I know he’s hiding something, he can’t lie.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. I’m sure he is keeping something from you, but you don’t trust his judgment in not telling you what it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe he feels like you aren’t ready to hear. Or maybe he’s just not ready to tell.”

‘If he’s messing around with that damn cow I don’t give a damn if he’s not ready to tell me.’ Kyo shrugged. “I’m just frustrated. Do you know what it is?”

Tohru shook her head. “Not exactly, but I can guess.”

Kyo cocked his head. “Well?”

“I can’t tell you that, Kyo!”

“Why not?”

“Because it isn’t my place! When the time comes, he’ll tell you.” She chirped.

Kyo looked at his feet. He knew he’d made a hasty decision, but could there be anything between them without trust? “Why should I trust him, when he doesn’t trust me?” He asked.

Tohru shrugged. “I guess that’s something else you’re going to have to figure out.”

They walked the rest of the way to school in silence, Kyo mulling over the things Tohru had said. It seemed like what she was thinking didn’t have anything to do with Haru, but then again, she said she really didn’t know. ‘He could be hiding a lot of things.’ Kyo thought. ‘If he’s lying to me about one thing, he could be lying about everything.’ He let out a loud sigh. He didn’t know what to do. ‘If he’d only let me in…’

When they arrived at school, the kitty slipped soundlessly into the bathroom, hoping he could be alone for a while before school started. That and he didn’t feel like facing the rat in class just yet. The flushing toilet signaled to the cat that he had no such luck. He hurried into a stall before whoever was in here could see him. He heard the faucet spilling water into the sink, and the gurgle of someone washing out their mouth. The water continued to run. Kyo sighed tucking his feet underneath him, this guy just wouldn’t leave. The kitty heard him swear under his breath and slip back into the stall. The boy was getting sick.

‘Eew!’ Kyo thought, deciding it would be best to slip back out of the bathroom, hopefully unnoticed.

He left the bathroom and made his way to his class. Kyo walked quietly to his seat. He noticed that Yuki’s desk was empty. He sighed and glared at the vacant seat. He wondered if offhandedly if it had been Yuki who had been sick in the bathroom, though he wasn’t sure why. He laid his head down without saying a word to anyone.

“Yuki, are you O.K.?” Came Tohru’s concerned voice.

“I’m fine, Miss Honda. There’s no reason to worry.”

Kyo peaked out from underneath his folded arms. Tohru stood transfixed within that damn hypnotic stare Yuki was so good at creating.

He saw her swoon. “Um… O.K.”

Kyo’s eyes narrowed and he put his head back down.

“Damn, he’s good at that.” Kyo heard Arisa mumble.

Kyo sighed, closing his eyes. Yuki did look pretty bad. His skin was discolored his hands were shaking violently. He could see the remnants of water droplets clinging to his hair around his face. Maybe that was him earlier. The class scuffled around for their seats as Mayuko-sensei called the class to attention. The kitty sighed. He’d rather be anywhere but here.


When the bell rang for lunch, the gang headed out of the building. Kyo saw Hatsuharu grab Yuki by the elbow and steer him into the bushes. He was flooded with anger and jealousy, but curiosity overwhelmed the cat. The kitty realized he’d had been eavesdropping a lot lately, so why stop now? He was drawn like a moth to the flame. Was he right about those two? He carefully obscured himself from their view.

“He thinks I’ve been seeing you.” He heard Yuki say curtly.

Haru snorted. “Well, you are my first love after all!”

He could almost see Yuki’s glare. “I told you that if you kept saying that, someone was going to take you seriously.” The rat muttered.

“Well, it’s his fault for not trusting you! I mean, come on!”

Kyo’s heart shook. He’d overreacted, misjudged the situation. He doubted Yuki would ever forgive him. The little mouse looked so hurt when he’d accused him. But come to think of it, that wasn’t the point. Yuki was still lying to him about something. How could he trust anything from the mouth of a liar?

“ Well, if you told him the truth, I’m sure he’d forgive you for being a dick.” Hatsuharu commented.

‘The truth?’ Kyo wondered; he grimaced. ‘What the hell is he hiding?’ He felt his temperature rise. ‘Does everyone else know?!?’

“Either that or kill himself.” Yuki muttered. There was a long pause. “No, Kyo was right. It’s better this way.”

“He said that?” There was another pause. “Ouch.”

“Well it’s better than ‘it would have been better if we’d never been together.’ That’s a definite improvement.”

Kyo’s eyes narrowed. ‘That stupid ox said that to him?!? No fucking wonder he has problems trusting people!’ He let out a silent sigh. ‘But he has no reason not to trust me! What’s he got to hide that’s so important?!? I’m not going to walk out on him!’

“So what’s next?” He heard the cow ask.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe Kyo can marry Miss Honda and live a happy fulfilling life.”

‘What the hell is he saying?!?’ Kyo wondered.

“And you?” Asked Haru.

Yuki let out a cold laugh. “I’ll be insanely jealous, but pretend like it doesn’t bother me.”

Haru snickered. “That’s not what I meant.” Pause. “Hey what about that Machi girl? She’s kinda hot.”

“Are you kidding me? She’s got more issues than I do, and that’s hard to pull.”

“You’re O.K., though?” Haru asked. “I mean you look like shit.”

Kyo had to bite back a snort.

“I’m fine.” Came Yuki’s curt reply

“Liar.”

“Well I’m fine as I’m going to be considering the circumstances.”

He heard Hatsuharu let his breath go. “Tonight?”

‘Tonight what?’ Kyo wondered.

The two grew quiet for a long time. Haru finally broke the silence with some menial chatter about the goings on in the main house. Kyo crept away silently. He’d heard enough anyway.

“Prince Yuki give you the ditch?” Someone asked upon his entering the building.

Kyo glared at her, but made no move to speak. It was too much effort. He sighed as he made his way toward the roof to eat. His heart pained him as he settled down, not sure if he was even hungry. He sighed again. ‘I guess I’ll have to apologize to him later about the Haru stuff.’ He munched on his lunch. ‘But why does he feel like he has to hide anything from me?’ He felt like the food he was chewing wasn’t making it down to his stomach, as though it was collecting into an impassable lump in his throat. He gave up on his lunch and laid back on the roof until the bell called him back to class.

After school, Kyo followed Yuki to his locker with the intension of apologizing, at least a little bit. His heart beat relentlessly in his chest as he approached the rat. His nerve was failing, but it’d be better to get it over with. He leaned with his back against the locker next to him, hiking up one knee.

“Hey, ah… Yuki?”

The rat looked startled as he whipped his head around. He took a deep breath. “Yes?”

“I… uh…” Kyo met Yuki’s eyes. He looked terrible, the discoloration in his skin was worse than it was this morning. There were dark rings of dehydration pressed beneath his glassy eyes. “Oh man, are you all right?”

Yuki gave the cat a soft smile. “I’m fine.”

Kyo shook his head, clearing the sparkling illusion before him. “Don’t try that on me!” He ordered, then, in a softer voice spoke, “I know you got sick this morning.”

Yuki looked a little surprised, but just shook his head. “Well, I will be fine. I’m sure it’s just a bug or something.”

“Do you have student counsel tonight?” Kyo asked.

The rat nodded with a sour look.

“Why don’t you skip it tonight. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Yuki shook his head. “Not tonight. I have to go tonight.”

Kyo gave him an impatient look from beneath his lowered brow.

Yuki gave him that charming smile once again. “I’ll tell you what. If I’m still sick in the morning, I won’t go tomorrow.”

The kitty sighed, pushing himself away from the lockers. “I suppose.”

He waved and meandered down the hall. “That was less awkward than I expected.” He mumbled to himself. His heart was still aching. ‘I forgot to apologize.’ He thought as he exited the building and headed home. ‘I guess I’ll do it, when he gets home from school.’

Evening grew into night and the rat still hadn’t returned from his meeting. Kyo was a little worried; he knew how Yuki could be. He’d throw himself into his work to drown out any emotions that might try to surface. ‘Damn rat, always avoiding me!’ The kitty climbed into his bed and switched off the light. ‘I could use some good sleep.’ He thought. He scrunched into a little ball as sleep overtook his weary form.

The cat awoke with a start. ‘Not again.’ He thought, rubbing his face. The sweat poured down his nose. He shuddered as the graphic images of his dreams flashed before his face. “Damn rat.” He muttered.

It was that same hardwood floor. Yuki was slumped on the floor of Akito’s chambers receiving blow after blow from the angry god’s fists, feet, and whip. ‘STAND UP, YOU IDIOT! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU?!?’ The rat would stand proudly, only to be kicked again. He crashed to the floor with a cry of agony.

Kyo sighed. He wanted some tea to help him get back to sleep. He was so angry with Yuki; he wanted to hate him. Why the hell didn’t he come home before bed! Kyo was sure it was his angst over the situation that caused his nightmare. ‘Come in here right now, and I’ll give you a piece of my mind!!!’ Kyo sighed. No, he wanted to hold the mouse. To apologize, promise him they could work through anything. He wanted to tell him he wouldn’t back out on him now; he’d live up to his promise to himself. But… he couldn’t. Yuki wouldn’t let him. Someone rattling the door downstairs startled him. ‘Intruder!’ He thought. He heard a crash. He snuck out of his room and down the hall. Shigure’s voice startled him.

“Are you O.K.?” He asked.

“What are you doing awake?!?” He heard a horse Yuki snap.

“Relax Yuki. I’m not trying to hurt you. Do you want me to call Hatori?”

“If I wanted to see him, I’d have gone to him.” Came the cool response.

Kyo wanted to peak down the stairs, but he didn’t want to dare being caught. ‘What’s going on?’ He wondered.

“Are you sure?” The dog asked. The floor creaked.

“Yes, there’s nothing he can do anyway.”

“I see. I expected as much.” Kyo heard some shuffling. “Here, let me help you.”

“I’m fine.” Yuki said coldly. Kyo heard uneven footsteps approaching. “Shigure?”

“Yes.”

“Please don’t tell the others.”

The footsteps continued up the stairs. Kyo quietly dashed into his room, not risking the noise his sliding door would make. He hopped into his bed and hid under his covers. The kitty heard the footsteps pass his doorway. He peeked out from underneath his blankets. He could see Yuki staggering slowly by, gripping onto the opposite wall for support. ‘What happened?’ He wondered. ‘He said he was at student counsel but…’ He looked at his clock. ‘2 A.M.?’ Kyo knew where Yuki had gone. He felt like he was going to be sick. He rolled over in his bed and put the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the sound of the cracking whip that echoed through his skull. He tossed and turned, drifting in and out of restless sleep for the next couple of hours. His dreams revealed the same horrors as before, the same pain, the same hidden tears, the same agony. He sat up. “6 O’clock.” The kitty mumbled. He could see the light of morning barely peaking over the hilltops. He couldn’t get the rat off of his mind. He fought bitterly with himself and finally decided to check in and see what was going on. His knuckles grazed the door so lightly that a sleeping rat would not have been able to hear the sound.

“Go away.” Yuki said curtly.

“Yuki, it’s me.”

No reply.

Kyo slid the door open. He could see Yuki stiffen. The kitty sighed. It looked like the rat just flopped into bed. He lay on top of his covers with his back to the cat. Kyo walked a little closer, revealing that the mouse was still in his school uniform. Actually, he was even wearing his shoes. ‘Yuki never forgets to take his shoes off.’ The kitty thought. He sat down on Yuki’s futon, carefully pulling his shoes off. Yuki drew away, wincing in pain.

“What happened?” Kyo asked, setting the shoes on the floor.

Yuki remained silent. Finally he replied, “I’m fine.”

The kitty exhaled heavily. He grabbed a blanket from the bottom of Yuki’s bed and unfolded it over him. He put the edge of it in Yuki’s delicate hands. The rat closed them around it. Kyo sighed again, lying down next to the bundled rat. He pressed his warm body against Yuki’s. The rat was so stiff, so tense, no wonder he hadn’t been sleeping. He draped his hand gently over Yuki’s stomach, giving him an encouraging squeeze. Kyo could feel the tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He was utterly heartbroken. He’d never been so close to someone yet felt so far away. Kyo felt the rat begin to tremble. He was gasping for breath. Kyo’s own tears spilled mercilessly down his cheeks. ‘I love you.’ He thought. ‘I love you so much!’ He began to shake, his breath growing uneven. ‘I LOVE YOU!!!’ But he couldn’t say it. The words wouldn’t form on his tongue. He wanted to shout it, longed to hear Yuki say it in return, but that could not be so. He squeezed the rat as tightly as he dared, afraid to let go. If he did, he feared these precious moments, perhaps the last time he’d ever get to hold his mouse, would slip away forever. The sun rose on the tearstained boys, but their embrace went uninterrupted. For once, Kyo was thankful for Shigure’s meddling. The kitty placed a coarse palm under Yuki’s damp cheek. He could feel the tears slipping through his fingers. He wiped them away with his thumb, only to feel them replaced by a fresh set. Finally, Kyo felt the rat’s body slump. It seemed he’d cried himself into complete exhaustion. A fresh bout of tears traced the well-worn lines down Kyo’s face. He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could. He lay awake for hours, listening to the slow, methodical breathing of his only love. Afraid to move; wanting to be anywhere but there, but nowhere else at the same time. His eyes felt like broken glass. Eventually, Yuki stirred. He faced the slow realization that someone was in his bed. He whipped around, confused, but the heartbreak slowly spread through his features. Kyo felt his broken eyes pucker, threatening to spill his salty brine once again. His beloved sat before him with puffy features. His eye was obviously black, slowly fading down his face to blue, green, and yellow. His swollen lip was broken at the corner, and the dried blood still clung to his chin. Kyo sucked in his breath; Yuki turned his face away quickly.

“A little too late to hide it.” Kyo croaked with a horse whisper. The rat deflated. Kyo grabbed a tissue from the rat’s bed stand and wiped the blood from his face. The kitty could feel himself getting angry, but he strangled it until new tears flowed from his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?” Kyo choked.

Yuki sighed, still facing away. “I thought you’d try to stop me… or him.”

Kyo placed his trembling hand on Yuki’s shoulder. “Good god, no wonder you were sick yesterday.” He gently pulled the mouse so he was again lying down. “What did you tell him?”

“The truth. There’s nothing going on anymore.”

Kyo sighed. That stung.

“I’m… sorry.” The rat let out a deep breath, dejected. He turned to face the cat, silver hair spilling across his face. Their fingers slowly slid together. Yuki latched on to Kyo’s hand. “I do love you,” he began, sparking hope in the kitty’s broken heart, “but you were right. Maybe it is better this way.”

“Better?!?” Kyo choked, retracting his hand. “You call this better?!?”

Yuki sighed again. “You’re safe.”

“And you?!?” Kyo demanded.

“I’m used to it.”

“Like hell you are!” Kyo hissed.

Yuki closed his eyes before the pain could grip his face. When they reopened they were hard as ice.

Kyo looked away. “I’m sorry too.” His chest rose and fell. “I’m sorry I accused you of doing anything with Haru.” He paused again. “I guess I was just so frustrated that you didn’t trust me… I guess I… Ahh, hell I don’t know.” He faced Yuki again, reaching for his clammy hand.

“I’m not mad. I never was.” The rat let him take his hand, but did not return the warm squeeze. That stung too. “Like you said, maybe it’s better like this.”

The exhausted Kyo started to lose his temper. “I take that back!” Kyo snapped. “Nothing could possibly be worse than this!”

Yuki gave him a doubtful glance.

“WHAT?!? AND YOU THINK YOU”RE THE ONLY ONE HURTING?!?”

“I never said that.”

“You give me this look like you know so much, like you’re so experienced. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?!?” He glared at the rat. “Maybe you are still hung up on that stupid cow.”

“Kyo, this has nothing to do with…”

“I know!” He interrupted him. “Maybe you aren’t still in love with him, but you’re sure as hell stuck on him!”

“That’s not true.”

“You’ve been in one relationship before this, YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT!”

“I never said that I did.”

“But somehow you know that I’m going to be just like that cow, you know that I’m going to ditch out on you, but I’m not!”

“It isn’t like that! Haru and I…”

“QUIT COMPARING ME TO HIM!!! ARE YOU ALWAYS GOING TO DO THAT?!? IS HE ALWAYS GOING TO BE BETWEEN US?!?”

“He’s not between us!”

“LIKE HELL HE’S NOT!!!”

“Why won’t you believe me?”

“WHY WON’T YOU LET HIM GO?!?”

“I never held on!” The mouse sat up.

“That’s bullshit!” Kyo snapped. “This whole relationship has been weighed down by your fear! You’re so busy protecting yourself…”

“I’m protecting you!”

“Well, you’re doing a piss poor job! I don’t even need to be protected!”

Yuki looked away, scooting back against the wall.

“What makes you think I need you to shield me from Akito?!? I can handle myself!” Kyo spat.

“And so can I!” The mouse snapped.

“OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!” Kyo jerked Yuki chin toward him. He obviously hit a nerve. Yuki looked crestfallen, broken. His tears teetered atop his bottom lashes. Kyo felt bad, but he wasn’t finished yet. “And where are we?!?” Kyo demanded. “We’re right back where we started!” He hissed. “YOU’RE AFRAID I’M GOING TO BE LIKE HARU!!!”

“Kyo, please. This has nothing to do with him! You’re the one imposing him on our relationship!”

“AND HOW THE HELL AM I DOING THAT!!! IF YOU WEREN’T SO HUNG UP ON HIM…”

“I’M NOT HUNG UP ON HIM!!!” Yuki raised his voice for the first time. Pleading fire raged from behind his eyes.

“HOW AM I THE ONE ‘IMPOSING’ HIM?!? IF YOU WEREN’T SO…”

“THERE IS NO ME AND HARU!!!” Yuki screamed. His eyes were wide. He hung his head dejected. “There never was.”


AN 2: Cliff hanger! I\'m so mean. I have the next chapter written, but I\'m proof reading and such. I\'ll try to post by Friday. Right, and does this chapter seem too rushed? I don\'t know how I feel about it. Maybe I should rework it a little???