True Feelings

This chapter is dedicated to kiokukabia. \' Thanks for all the extra help with the story, and your reviews really helped.\' ^_^

Anyway, this chapter as you can tell is about Muraki\'s past. It is the longest chapter I have out and will probably be the only one this long.

Disclaimer: don\'t own

Warning: explicit sex scene ahead and graphic scenes of death.

Please review! ^_^

This chapter was re-edited, to all of those who read it- I made the rape scene longer and better for those of you who wanted more.
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Muraki waited for his father to come home from work as he sat on the edge of the porch swinging his legs. The sun was slowly setting as he waited patiently watching the sky turn from blues and whites to pinks and oranges.

“ Kazutaka, where are you?”, a woman called out. He continued to sit there not moving or answering the woman’s call. The woman came to the door and looked outside, “ There you are. How many times have I told you not to go outside.” She wore a long dress with bight yellow flower designs all over it. She had long flowing silver hair that reached down to her elbows and silver white eyes like her son; height just reaching five feet five

“ But mom... I wanted to wait for dad to come home.”

“ You can wait for him inside then.”

“ But...”

“ No buts, Inside now!”

The young boy walked inside slowly not looking at his mother. He was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis making him have a weak immune system. When he was seven, a common cold had almost claimed his life. Now at the age of sixteen his mother still was keeping him locked up in the house.

He walked to his bedroom, lying down on his stomach, and waited for dad to return home from work.

Muraki’s dad was a doctor just like his father thus he had to work long hours in the day. When home he would teach the platinum blonde sciences in the medical field in hopes that one day the boy would follow in his footsteps. There was an office outside of the main house that Muraki’s grandfather had built and it housed records of patients from long ago.

There was one patient that the young boy had found most interesting. It was of a man in his mid-twenties and was lying in bed with a patch over his right eye. According to the record he stayed alive for eight years without eating, drinking, or sleeping. The last thing reported on the young man was success in a suicidal attempt. The picture of the patient was in black and white with the name ‘ Asato Tsuzuki’ and a date of 1925 written on the back.

As for the boy’s mom, she would just stay home as she was just a normal house wife. Since Muraki’s family were full of a long line of doctors so they weren’t poor at all. Butlers and maids occupied his house during the day and went off to their families at night. Everyone in the house were on good terms with the over so life there was nothing exciting or different.

The only time there was anything different going on in the house was when the young boy’s rheumatoid arthritis would start to act up. The symptoms would occur at random but often times it would come and go every other month. When acting up, he would hurt to move and suffer from light fevers. He often took medication to keep the symptoms from becoming too much for his body.

Because of this, his mother made him stay inside and rest in bed. He still went to school like any other kid but was taken out when the symptoms would appear. So life was almost normal for the boy until the day his father brought someone else home with him.


Muraki waited outside for his father to come home when his mother spotted him again. It was still light outside but he was sure that his mother would make the speech once again. Often times when he went out it was dark and cold but this time something made him go out earlier.

“ What have I told you about outside? I said...”, she said as she approached her son.

“ That I can wait for dad inside and that there was no need to be out here; I know, I know.”

“ Then why do you do it anyway?”

“ Why can’t I?”

“ You can’t because.....”, she paused and stopped talking.

“ Because what?”, Muraki asked standing up as he looked at his mother. She was staring out into the yard, her mouth hung open as if she was actually going to finish her sentence. He looked into the yard and saw his father walking towards him and his mother. He had short brownish hair that started to gray in certain areas. He had hazel colored eyes and easily topped six feet.

Someone much shorter was walking along side of him towards the house. He was unable to make out the face of the person that stood next to his dad. His father approached the house and stopped in front of his wife.

“ Hi, honey. I would like you to meet Saki, he will be living with us for awhile.”, he said casually. The other boy bowed down in front of the woman and looked up at her with a smile. “ A pleasure to meet you.”

“ Kazu, this is Saki; he will share your room.”

Saki wore a plain white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. He had sandy blonde colored hair and green eyes. He was the same height as Muraki but seemed older in appearance. There was something about him that didn’t exactly meet up but the platinum blonde couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“ Hello, I hope that I don’t cause too much trouble for you. I’m sorry that you had to give up some of your room for me”, the blonde boy said sweetly.


Ever since that day, Muraki’s parents would argue. His dad would leave the house and get drunk or would stay at work longer. As for his mother, she would lock herself up in her room and refused to come out. Saki was the only one that remained fine; he acted as if nothing happened.


One night Muraki walked pass his parents room and heard them arguing. He hid to the side of the door and pushed it up to a crack so he could hear what they were arguing about.

“ How could you do this to me!”, his mother screamed.

“ Do what?, What are you talking about?”

“ Don’t play stupid with me, you know what the hell I’m talking about!”

“ Why do you have to ask this every night?!”

“ Because I want to know the truth of why you brought that boy here!”, she said; her voice mixed with tears.

“ Do you want to know the truth?”, he yelled. The silver eyed boy never heard his father so angry
before.

“ ...”, the mother was crying to hard to answer her husband.

“ Well, do you want to know the fucking truth or not? Huh? I’m asking you a god damn question.”

Never before had he used such language in front of his mother. Muraki had once heard stories the other kids at school would tell of how their fathers beat their moms. There were also some kids at school that had bruises on their bodies; telling that their dads had turned the abuse on them when they were in a drunken rage.

The boy feared the safety of his mother. His father was not an abuser but that didn’t mean he couldn’t turn into one.

“ The truth is that I was with someone else! Happy now!”

“ Wh... why?”

“ Because I wanted to!”, he said angrily.

“ And... Saki?”

“ Saki is my son and the only reason he is staying with us is because his mother died!” His mother let out sobs and he looked in to see her fall to her knees with a thump.

Saki came up from behind the silver haired boy and shoved him in the door. Muraki went forward tumbling into the room. His father’s whipped around and the boy saw that his face went from anger to hatred as he saw his son. He walked towards the door as Muraki stumbled to his feet and out the door; slamming behind him.

The green eyed boy stood on the other side of the door, watching his brother sprint towards the bedroom. A smirk played across his face as he slowly made his way towards his room.


Muraki was on lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling. He had never seen his parents act like that and what he had heard raised another question; ‘ Was Saki really his half brother?’ His father could have just said it to hurt his mom but there was still a chance that it could have been true.

The blonde haired boy walked in the room and sat down on Muraki’s bed. “ Why are you so depressed looking, Kazu?”

Muraki flinched when he heard Saki say his name like that. There was something unsettling about him calling him by his nickname. “ Please don’t call me that.”, he said not taking his gaze off the ceiling.

“ Saki... Are you really my dad’s son?”

“ Why would you ask me something like that?”, the blonde said knowing full well why his brother
was asking.

“ Just answer me, please.”

“ ... yes”

“ Oh, ... I’m going to bed.”, Muraki said as he turned over and shut off the light in his room. Saki walked to the over to his bed and thought of ways to make this better for himself.


The next couple of weeks were hell for the silver eyed boy. His father never stayed home and when he did, he would lock himself up in the grandfather’s study. His mother sunk into a deep depression and slowly lost grasp on reality.

She began talking to her china dolls; carrying on conversations with them as if they would respond back. The platinum blonde haired woman kept talking to one in particular; a blonde haired, blue eyed doll.

Muraki had once walked in the room to check on his mother. She ignored him as he entered the room.

“ Mom”; no answer came from her as she continued to talk to the doll. The teen walked over to the bed and his mother looked up. She placed her hand on his head and stroked his hair lightly.

“ Such a pretty doll, such beautiful hair and soft skin.”, she said but then her face turned to anger. The silver haired boy ran as fast as he could out of the room as his mother picked up objects such as her hair brush and threw them. He would run to his spot outside and catch his breath.

Saki no longer made his presence known in the household. The only time he came around was when he was going to bed. The maids would often complain about the kitchen knives being misplaced, and soon after Muraki had seen something gleam from over in his brother’s bed.

The next night that the teenager was unable to sleep. There was this unsettling feeling in the air. He got up from his bed and noticed that his half-brother wasn’t in his bed. Thinking nothing of it, he walked out to the porch and rested his back against a pillar that supported the front of the house.

He looked up to the sky and watched the stars. There was a crescent moon out to give light to the outside. Wind was blowing gently and forced him to move his hair to behind his ears, as it blew into his eyes. The calm sound of trees rustling their leaves in the wind slowly lulled the teen to sleep.


Muraki woke up as the sun began to shine down on his face. He shut his eyes tight and covered them with his hand so he wouldn’t be blinded by the sudden light. His body ached all over as he was still sitting up against the pole. The silver eyed teen stood up slowly; joints popping in protest.

He stood there trying to wake up enough so he could walk without falling over. He walked to the kitchen to grab some breakfast, when it hit him. He woke up on the porch, which meant his father never left. Being a doctor meant that you had to be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. His father was too dedicated to his work that he wouldn’t do anything to miss a day.

If his father had left he would have woken up his son or brought the teen to his bedroom. Something wasn’t right so he rushed to his parents bedroom in hopes of seeing him there. The only person there was his mother. She was sitting up straight, her head down with that blonde haired doll clutched in her hands.

“ Mom, have you seen dad?”, Muraki asked standing in the door way. The platinum blonde didn’t want to come any closer in fear of reenacting the events from the pervious night. He had received no answer from her; no screaming, no throwing things across the room, nothing.

He took a careful step towards his mom; still she did not move. He stopped as noticed something dark across her chest. There was but only one light for the room and that was the lamp that sat beside her. There were no windows for the bedroom which made turning on the lamp was the only way to light the room.

Taking a deep breath he slowly advanced towards her. He stopped when he reached the night stand and extended a trembling hand towards the lamp. Muraki flicked on the light and stepped back quickly, for the light could have woken his mother up. As the light filled the room he saw what made his mother’s clothes dark colored.

It was blood; blood had soaked through her clothes. He ran over to his mother and pulled the doll from her hands. More blood was present behind the doll and among the blood was her heart. Tears built up in his eyes making his sight blurry.

He ran from the room screaming out for his father. As he rounded the corner to head outside he ran straight into a maid, knocking them both over.

“ Sorry, Master Muraki, it was my fault.”, she said as she got to her feet and brushed off her bottom. She extended her hand down to help up her young master who was still on the ground.

“ Have you seen my father?”, he asked in a panicked tone, not taking her hand.

“ No, I haven’t seen him all day. The last I had seen of him was in his study yesterday.”

Muraki took off across the yard leaving the maid there. He opened the door and saw his father sitting in a chair. His head was down looking at his paper work that was out in front of him. He held the pen in his hand steady; unmoving.

“ Dad... mom... she”, he said crying as the scene of his mother played across his eyes. His father didn’t move or say anything, just sat there. “ Dad?”, he said as the tears ran down his face. He reached out to nudge his father’s shoulder causing his father fell out of his seat and hit the floor with a thud.

He turned his father over to face him and there was blood over the front of him as well. His throat had been cut open. Blood had run down the front of his body, soaking his shirt. Muraki reached for his neck and felt for a pulse knowing in the back of his head that there was already no hope.

Blood had gotten all over hands and without thinking he wiped his eyes getting it on his face. He ran from the study crying and stopped by a sakura tree. He clutched his stomach and bent over puking up dinner from the pervious night. He couldn’t stop his body from convulsing and started to dry vomit.

One of the butlers had seen the young master and ran to his side. Muraki tried as best as he could to tell the man what happened.


Police had come and taken away the bodies of his parents. They questioned everyone in the house hold as the day went on. Muraki’s parents were the only people in his family; everyone else was dead except for Saki. He had inherited the house and his parent’s money but he didn’t want it. He would give anything in the world to have them back.


A funeral service was held days later. As the boys were the parents children they had to walk in front of the line as the maids and butlers walked behind them. The sun made the outside air a little to warm for everyone but no one had complained. Muraki held a picture of his parents in his hand as they walked the streets to his parents’ final resting place. Saki walked next to him not saying a word but held a straight face through the interrogation. Walking down the path the silver eyed teen took a side glance at the blonde.

Anger built up in the teen as he noticed that the green eyed boy was smiling. The hate for his brother had reached a point that needed release. He dropped the picture on the ground making it shatter and jumped his brother.

Saki was caught off guard and they both went tumbling down a hill. Muraki was on top of the blonde punching his face. The force of his blows gave Saki a blooded nose and busted lip. He pushed the platinum blonde off of him and punched his younger half-brother. Two of the men ran down the hill and picked up the boys holding them from one another.

“ DAMN YOU SAKI! I KNOW YOU DID IT!”, Muraki yelled as tears began to fall down his face once again. The blonde teen just smiled at his brother making things worse. The silver haired teen was the only one struggling in the man’s arms.

The other man had released the green eyed boy and they walked back up to join the group. The man holding Muraki wouldn’t let him go and stood in the same spot as the group of people continued to walk to the grave.

“ DON’T LET HIM GO! HE IS A MURDERER, HE KILLED MY PARENTS!”, the teen screamed. He stopped struggling and cried as hard as he could. The man let go of Muraki and he fell to his knees.


The funeral was almost over as Muraki joined the people; the man not leaving his side in case the boys went at it again.

When it was over they headed back to the house and Saki dismissed all of the workers so they could get back to their families for the night.

Muraki sat outside with his eyes closed as tears ran down his cheeks. It was night already but there was no moon to light the sky. The green eyed boy approached his brother and grabbed him by the back of the neck.

The platinum blonde jump and tried to twist out of the grip. Saki threw Muraki back against the ground. The younger teen tried to push himself up but the blonde boy pinned him to the ground with his own body.

“ What you did earlier was uncalled for, but since your parents are out of the way there will be no one to stop me!”, Saki said as he grabbed his brother’s hands and held them tight above his head. Freeing up his other hand he undid the belt he wore and tightened it around Muraki’s hands. There was an iron stand that held firewood for winter outside. Saki wrapped the other side of the belt around the leg of the stand with no fear if it tipping over for it was bolted to the ground.

Letting go of his arms, Saki pulled his younger brother’s shirt above his head. Muraki started to scream for help as his half-brother began to run his hands over his chest. The green eyed boy reached into his pocket and took out a handkerchief. He stuffed it into Muraki’s mouth, muffling the screams that were let out.

Satisfied, Saki leaned down taking one of Muraki’s nipples into his mouth. The other teen shivered as he felt the heat surround his body. Tears escaped his eyes as Saki took his other nipple into his mouth making it as perk as the last one.

Muraki felt his brother’s tongue slide down his chest and stop at his navel. The blonde dipped his tongue in and back out again. Muraki squirmed as he was getting pleasure out of what his brother was doing to him. He hated himself for feeling this way; \' How can I enjoy this feeling knowing I am about to be raped.\'

Saki undid the button and zipper of Muraki’s pants pulling them off along with his shoes and socks. He stared down at the body that was lying underneath his own. He got off his brother and walked into the house. The silver haired teen began to struggle against the belt only to have it tighten against his wrists.

Saki walked back outside holding a bottle of oil in his hand. He saw that Muraki was trying to get away and laughed. Muraki froze as he heard his brother laugh. He looked up and saw what was in his hand. He continued to struggle and Saki just walked over to him; placing the bottle next to his body. He leaned down and spread Muraki’s legs, sitting between them.

He took off his own shirt and then began to remove the rest of his clothing. Soon both boys were naked. Saki undid the cap on the bottle and poured it on his hand. Placing the bottle down he grabbed Muraki’s dick. The silver haired teen arched his back off the ground as Saki slowly began to pump him.

He felt the warmth surround his penis as his brother slowly took him into his mouth. Muraki let out a moan as he felt the green eyed boy’s tongue massage the underside of his member. His penis swelled and began to get painful. The blonde pulled back and looked at his brother, seeing his swelled erection arched towards Saki.

“ See, no matter how you fight it, I always have the control. Your nothing but a puppet to be used as I am the puppet master.”

He began to pump Muraki again making the boy under him throw his head side to side. Muraki arched his back and he released his seed all over his brother’s chest. Saki just smiled and kissed his brother’s shuddering form on the cheek. He leaned over and whispered into Muraki’s ear, “ And now to punish you for what you did to me.”

He grabbed Muraki’s ass, spreading him before pushing himself into his brother’s body. Muraki arched up and screamed as Saki’s penis filled him. The emerald eyed boy pulled out a bit; his member covered in blood, and pushed back in. Saki continued to trust into Muraki as his penis swelled with heavy friction.

He lifted the platinum blonde’s leg over his shoulders and began to pick up a frenzied pace. He penetrated Muraki deeply with this new position and made trusting into him easier. Muraki closed his eyes as the tears continued to flow down his face. His back kept scraping on the wooden floor as Saki continued to pound into him. The tears not only fell from the pain he had to endure but the humiliation of his body betraying him.

“ Kazu, open your eyes. Look at me, look at what I’m doing to your beautiful body.” He ran his hand over Muraki’s body slowly. The silver haired teen shook his head; screams muffled with every thrust. He licked up his younger brother’s chest leaving behind a trail of saliva. He grabbed Muraki’s member once again and started to pump him slowly.

Muraki arched his back as he felt the green eyed boy grab his penis once again. The older teen trust deeper in to the younger one’s body from the new position Muraki was in. The silver eyed boy screamed even louder as he felt more pain inflicted on his already abused body. Saki demanded again, “ Look at me Kazu, now! Or do you want me to never stop doing this to you?” Muraki opened his eyes and looked at Saki through his tear filled eyes.

“ That’s it. Watch as your body wants this too.”, he said pumping Muraki faster. The silver eyed teen thrashed his head side to side and he felt his penis swell to painful levels. He shut his eyes not wanting to view the painful scene in front of him. He felt his stomach coil then he climaxed in Saki’s hand once again. Muffled sobs followed as felt his release.

Muraki muscles clamped down on the blonde haired boy’s member. Saki continued to trust as the friction built up. He released his seed inside of Muraki as his body could no longer take the sweet friction. He fell on top of the boy and panted hard. He pulled out of the younger teen and kissed him on the forehead.

“ You are so sweet Kazu, and your all mine forever.” Saki undid his brother’s hands and left him were he lay.


Muraki woke up in the morning and found himself in bed. He looked around to see the maid he knocked over before cleaning up his room. He placed a hand on his head as he felt a headache coming on.

The maid turned and noticed her young master had finally woken up. “ Good day, master Muraki.”

“ How did I get here?”

“ One of the over employees found you and brought you to your room.”

He got up from bed and the maid turned the other way quickly. “ Fresh clothes are on the edge of the bed, sir.”

Muraki looked down and noticed that he was still naked. Quickly he dressed and walked out of the room. He was heading out to leave the house, ashamed of what had happened the night. Something shoved him from behind and he fell to the ground. He turned over and saw Saki standing over him with a sword in hand.

“ Where are you going Kazu?”, he said as he raised the sword up and brought it down. The blade came down and got Muraki in the right eye. He screamed and covered his eye with his hand; blood flowing through his fingers.

Saki laughed at the display and raised the sword again. “ Now to send you to where your parents are.”

In the distance a butler had seen what was going on and grabbed a gun that was kept in the parents bedroom and rushed to where the boys were. As Saki raised the sword up the butler raised the gun and fired.

The green eyed boy dropped the sword and fell forward onto Muraki. The silver haired boy moved as far away from the body as possible.


From that moment on he swore that he would become a doctor in hopes of one day being able to bring Saki back to life so he could kill him instead.

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