To the Moon and Back

To the Moon and Back – Epilogue Part 2





Hiroki groaned slightly as a sliver of sunlight hit him right across the eyes, causing him to stir from his not so peaceful sleep.





Opening his eyes gingerly, he turned his head immediately towards his right, half hoping Nowaki would lie there slumbering, the other half hoping that he wasn’t around to see him in an uglier state than he normally was in.





The space next to him was empty, and the sheets cool to the touch.





While relief did come first to him, Hiroki could not deny the cold emptiness that was disappointment and loneliness that crept slowly into his heart.





They had returned to Tokyo and their apartment together, almost two weeks ago. And immediately Nowaki had been plunged right back into work. His three months absence from his work at the hospital had been frowned upon by the hospital, and had nearly cost him his trainee position at the hospital. It was only with a long pleading session with the Head Doctor, and Nowaki’s sincere explanation of Hiroki’s situation, was he granted a second chance.





Hiroki had spent that entire time worrying, and blaming himself. For his moment of weakness in letting Nowaki stay in Kyoto, and risking his entire future. He had nearly ruined everything he had left Tokyo to protect. But thank goodness, the time away from his work had not done Nowaki too much harm career-wise, otherwise Hiroki would never be able to forgive himself.





However, this second chance came at a price. For everything Nowaki had missed over the last three months, including clinic hours, rounds and observations, he had to repay his ‘debt’ in as short a time as possible while taking on what was currently on the trainee programme as well.





This meant that Nowaki had spent most of the two weeks in the hospital, working endlessly and tirelessly, in his bid to catch up with all that he had missed. He had lost so much weight in just the short few weeks. Exhaustion and weariness shone through in Nowaki’s entire being, dark eye circles on a gaunt face, and a thinner frame. It had made Hiroki’s heart ache to see him so worn-out.





This also meant that Hiroki barely got a chance to see Nowaki anymore.





If he had thought the time before he had left for Kyoto was bad, this was a million times worse. It seemed like he had only seen Nowaki less than 5 times over the past 2 weeks.





They had returned to their apartment together, only to have Hiroki go to sleep alone at night, wake up alone in the morning, and eat the meals prepared by Nowaki by himself.





Hiroki usually was a rational man. A man who understood the importance of career to a man, and the necessary sacrifices that were involved. He understood that both he and Nowaki had to sacrifice many things for Nowaki to attain his goal of becoming a doctor, and that was originally what had pushed him to leave Tokyo in the first place.





However, now that Hiroki was left alone in his quiet apartment, with only his self-doubts, self-disgust and loneliness surrounding him... Rationality had been the first thing to go.





Hiroki started questioning Nowaki’s love, doubting if it was real, or whether it was simply pity or an obligation to care for a sick man who had been his lover, after all they hadn’t been intimate ever since he had left Tokyo more than 8 months ago.





Hiroki knew that Nowaki had his physical cravings that required satisfication. Hell, they used to have sex at least twice a day if they could afford to. And yet, Nowaki had not made a move to touch him ever since they had been reunited, not as though Hiroki thought that he was anything to desire.





Burying his head into his pillow miserably, Hiroki felt the tears building behind his eyelids as his insecurities and doubts threatened to overwhelm him.





However, despite his loss of self-esteem and despondent outlook, Hiroki would not allow himself to sink any further lower beneath his dignity by staying in bed crying and moping while his lover was out at work, slogging his guts out.





After what seemed to take forever, Hiroki managed to get up and wash up, ready to face another day. The whole time avoiding his wretched reflection in the mirror.





Laughing rather mockingly at himself in his mind, he thought to himself, ‘how can you even expect Nowaki to look at you lovingly when you look like a shrivelled up monster?! Much less make love to you.’





Clamping down on those painful thoughts, he slowly trudged into the kitchen, aching muscles protesting loudly as they were stretched with each step.





On the table, as usual, sat his breakfast together with a note from Nowaki apologising again for having to work, what time he’d be back, and how long to microwave the food for. Gee, you’d think that after years of microwaving food, he wouldn’t be needing Nowaki to give him microwaving instructions.





Grabbing the plate of grilled fish, he was just about to pop it into the microwave when he noticed a brown paper bag on the table. Curious, he opened it. Shit, Nowaki’s lunch! Nowaki must have had forgotten to bring it with him to work.





He knew how busy Nowaki was at the hospital nowadays. To the point that sometimes he did not even have the time to go to the cafeteria to grab a bite. So Nowaki had taken to packing small sandwiches and various energy boosting snacks that he could eat on the go while running from one place to the other in the hospital.





Damnit, Nowaki was probably going to go without food for quite awhile if he did not have his packed snacks with him. Realising that, Hiroki immediately made up his mind to bring the paper bag to Nowaki at the hospital. It was bad enough he was working tirelessly, he didn’t want Nowaki to starve too.





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After what seem to take like forever, Hiroki was finally ready to leave the house. He was incredibly self-conscious of the way he looked nowadays, especially without his hair. So he had grabbed an old baseball cap, and shoved it over his head, in his attempt to cover his bald head up.





Furthermore, due to his extreme loss of weight, his old clothes no longer fit him quite so well. They hung loosely on him, like clothes hanging on a hanger. He hated seeing himself like that.





Shoving those thoughts aside roughly, Hiroki gritted his teeth, and stormed out of the house. He was doing this for Nowaki, and all he had to do was get to the hospital, pass Nowaki his lunch, and then he could come home to his little hide-away place.





Hopping into a cab he had flagged down along the road, he directed the cab-driver to the hospital.





Sitting in the cab, watching the world pass him by as the taxi-driver weaved in and out of the heavy lunch-time traffic, he thought of how far removed he was now, from the outside world. He had taken to hiding away in his apartment, slowly whiling the days by. His life nowadays seemed to lack a purpose, and he felt completely useless as a person, and just a parasite on society and Nowaki.





His thoughts then drifted to the phonecall he had received a week ago, from Professor Miyagi. Apparently that stupid Nowaki had rang the university up, and informed Professor Miyagi and the Dean of his condition, asking for a second chance for him as well.





The Dean had been extremely kind in his understanding and generosity, offering Hiroki his old place back the moment he was fully recovered and ready to start working again. Professor Miyagi had relayed the Dean’s concern and intention in the phone call, while complaining about the few idiots who had attempted to take his place when Hiroki was away.





Apparently, no one could compare to his ‘Kamijouuuu-darling’. Snorts. It was more likely that none of them were able to handle Miyagi.





But concerning his job... Hiroki had completely pushed that out of his mind, with all the treatment, recovery process and Nowaki. Though he was still constantly reading, and did miss the fulfilling work he did in the university, teaching students and researching on the literary works that he loved, he had thought them out of his reach after all that had happened.





But he was incredibly lucky. After all that had happened, he still had his job waiting for him, and Nowaki there by his side. He already had Nowaki back (he hoped), and it was only a matter of time before his body finally healed to allow him back to work to pursue his other love.





Without Hiroki noticing it, the cab had already pulled up in front of the hospital. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Hiroki embarrassedly paid the cab-fare, before hurriedly entering the hospital.





He immediately headed up to the Paediatrics floor, in search of Nowaki.





Upon reaching the floor, he stepped out of the lift, and was just about to approach the reception desk, when he heard, ‘Nowaki-kun! Come here! I’ve missed you today!’





Hiroki immediately whipped his head towards the direction of the voice, and saw Nowaki’s sempai, Tsumori standing in a corner with his arms draped from the back, over Nowaki’shoulders.





‘Nowaki-kun! You’ve been so busy today, rushing here and there, that I haven’t had time to see you or talk to you today!’ Tsumori pouted as he repeatedly poked Nowaki in the arm.





‘Sorry Tsumori-sempai! The lab results for a few of my patients came out today, so I’ve been rushing to get them to the patients. But now is lunch time, we can go have lunch together if you want, though I can only spare half an hour.’ Nowaki smiled gently as he patted Tsumori on his head.





‘OK! That sounds great! Let’s go!’ Tsumori happily grabbed Nowaki’s arm and dragged him in the direction of the lift, which brought Nowaki face to face with a pale, ashen-faced Hiroki.





Hiroki immediately noted the shock and surprise that registered upon Nowaki’s face, and how he immediately pulled his hand out of Tsumori’s grip. The weeks and months of self-doubt and his worries regarding their relationship came crashing down on him.





Unable to stop the flood of images of Nowaki and his sempai together, of Nowaki leaving him, Hiroki immediately bolted. Dropping Nowaki’s lunch on the floor, he spun around wildly, and jumped into an opened elevator, and jamming the close-doors button.





‘Hiro-san! Wait! It’s not what you think! Hiro-san!’





Despite Nowaki’s desperate cries, Hiroki jammed the button even harder, praying that the door would close before Nowaki got to him, which they did, just before Nowaki slammed into the closed elevator doors. The last thing Nowaki saw, was his precious Hiro-san’s face of unrepressed misery and unshed tears hovering in his eyes.





Hiroki on the other hand, was now trembling furiously in the lift. He felt so hurt, so betrayed. His deepest worries that Nowaki was only staying because of his obligation to his illness, or that he was leaving him, or that he had found someone else which was why they hadn’t been intimate, had all seemed to combine together in that moment when he had seen Nowaki laugh so carefree and happily with his sempai.





He had not seen Nowaki laugh so easily around him ever since they had gotten back together. It felt that everytime Nowaki looked at him, there was an unspoken grief and regret that was hidden in the depths of his eyes. Maybe it was because Nowaki was regretting getting back with him, or that he found the current state that his Hiro-san to be in disgusting and repulsive.





Such thoughts swirled constantly in Hiroki’s head, as he fled desperately from the hospital, as he returned home and as he lay, curled up in their bed, tears falling furiously down his face.





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Hello hello! I’m so sorry for the lack of updates. Been extremely busy, with studies and travels. Originally planned to only have 2 parts to the epilogue. But the 2nd part was getting so long that I decided to cut it into 2 parts. SO THERE WILL BE THREE PARTS TO THE EPILOGE (((:





Hahaha. So do keep reading please! Much love to all my readers out there, for always reviewing, always encouraging me, and well for always reading! Thanks my loves! xxx