Unlocking My Love

Title: Unlocking My Love
Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: some mild bad language

Author’s Note: To all who celebrate the Festive Season, I trust you will enjoy yourselves. For those that don’t I hope the past year has been good and best wishes to all for 2008.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creator of ‘Gravitation’.

-oOo-

Chapter 18

“There’

Yuki looked across to see Ayaka stepping back from the table with a satisfied expression. He saw her frown for a moment, reach out to minutely shift a glass a fraction to the left before making a satisfied ‘hmm’, before looking over to him.

“What do you think?” she asked.

He looked over the table preparations and shrugged, reaching up to place his cigarette in his mouth. “Okay,” he muttered.

He chose to ignore the flash of ire on Ayaka’s normally calm countenance as he turned back to the bench and picked up the knife he had been using. He began to dice the vegetables before him with quick, precise strokes, the blade thumping against the wooden board in a brisk concerto.

A hand reached up and swiftly removed the cigarette dangling from between his lips, startling him so he lost his rhythm which almost resulted in the loss of digits also.

“Hey!” he snarled, turning, knife still in hand, and glowered at the culprit.

Ayaka calmly stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray on the bench. “It is extremely unhygienic to cook whilst smoking,” she stated calmly, before emptying the ashtray into the trash can, then turning to rinse it under the tap, giving it a quick shake before wiping it clean with some paper.

Now she met his glower, saying, “You don’t really want not only yourself but your home to stink of cigarette smoke on the first night he’s back do you?”

Yuki thought about it for a moment to try and come up with a suitably scathing remark but couldn’t, so instead he turned back to his preparations, saying in a sulky voice, “He’s used to it.”

Ayaka snorted delicately. “Well, he’s more tolerant than he should be!” she said, picking up a few dishes and retuning to the table.

“You can’t talk. What about your lapdog?” Yuki snarled at her, feeling a little put upon. “He smokes.”

“And Hiro at least makes the effort when he sees me to not come smelling like a chimney, or putting in my food!” she stated archedly.

Yuki just growled and tipped the contents on the board into the simmering pot. The aroma that wafted from the uncovered meal pleased him. Yes, it was coming along nicely.

“Is there anything else you need?” Ayaka asked.

He thought a moment then shook his head. “No.”

Ayaka sighed. “You could, at the least, say thank you,” she said with some exasperation as she picked up her bag, then coat, slipping it on.

He looked briefly at her, not ceasing his cutting. “Thanks,” he said shortly, embarrassment making him brusque.

She just rolled her eyes as she slipped on her shoes and picked up the carefully wrapped box beside them. “You are welcome, Eiri,” she said with a small smile. “And thank you for doing this for me.” She indicated the box she was carrying.

He just nodded briefly.

“I’ll let myself out,” Ayaka said, glancing at her watch. “I’ll have to hurry or I won’t be home in time myself.” She opened the door and gave him a cheerful wave. “Have a good evening, Eiri. I hope it all goes well for you both.”

“Huh,” was his only reply as she closed the door behind her.

When he had planned this evening he’d struggled with whom to ask for some assistance. He couldn’t ask his sister. Mika would have driven him crazy, not to mention that she would want to know every single detail as well as expect a full report afterwards. On top of that, she would also never let him live it down for the rest of his life and he wasn’t about to give her anything further that she could embarrass and blackmail him with. She had far too much as it was.

So with Mika scratched, he wasn’t left with many other options. In fact it really only came down to one person and that was Ayaka as the logical choice. He knew he could count on her to help him if he asked. She had always remained steadfastly loyal and with her engaged to Nakano that meant that he still saw her rather regularly and she certainly kept up with what was happening in his life. It was funny in a way. After he’d broken off their engagement he had thought he would never see her again and yet here they were, years later, still spending time together. In fact, they spent more time together now than they had previously. Life was weird like that.

It had been almost a week since he’d last seen Shuichi. On his last day in Kyoto with the Bad Luck tour he had gone to some lengths to try and do something special for Shuichi. So far it had seemed that Shuichi had been the one doing everything and Yuki was beginning to worry that if he didn’t reciprocate then Shuichi would think he was putting in the effort. So when Shuichi had said that he would have almost the entire day off before that evening’s concert Yuki had put things in motion.

He had refused to tell Shuichi where they were going, simply bundling him into the chauffer driven car and told him to sit back and enjoy the trip. He had, however, ensured that the car had been well stocked with soft drink and snacks, namely Shuichi’s favourite, strawberry Pocky. He personally hated the flavour but he had to admit that he had always liked it on Shuichi; or at least on Shuichi’s lips and tongue.

Watching Shuichi talking animatedly whilst they drove along made Yuki aware again of just how things had changed. Not once did Shuichi whine at him, demanding where they were going and that Yuki tell him, crying when Yuki didn’t, or wailing in the way he used to. Now, this composed young man leant back in the plush leather seats and waved a hand with leather bound wrist around as he went over the finer points of the previous night’s concert, even asking Yuki’s opinion on some matters. Yes, things certainly had changed. Yuki had to keep remembering that or he would screw everything up again.

So the drive had passed very pleasantly for them both, with not a single harsh word said although there was still plenty of banter in the conversation. When the car finally pulled up at their destination, Shuichi seemed more like his old self, curiousity and excitement causing him to plaster himself against the window as he tried to peer out and see where they were.

“Why don’t you just open the door and get out, you moron,” Yuki said with a touch of sarcasm as he did exactly that. He straightened his jacket, smoothing the wrinkles, then turned as Shuichi exited on the other side.

“So where are we?” Shuichi said, turning to look at Yuki across the top of the car.

“Come on,” Yuki said, striding towards a large building. He could hear the tapping of Shuichi’s shoes behind and knew he was following.

Yuki lead them to a small side door where a man was waiting to meet them. He bowed as Yuki stopped and said a few quiet words and then motioned for them to accompany him which they did. Although Shuichi was saying nothing, Yuki could almost feel the tension building as the younger man tried to control his inquisitiveness.

As they finally stepped back out into the open air Yuki turned to see what Shuichi would say now. The singer was standing and staring, mouth open as he gazed all around him, up at the multitude of hanging baskets with bright flowers in bloom, at the rail tracks and then he turned back to Yuki.

“Is this….?” His voice trailed away as he waited for Yuki’s response.

“Yes,” Yuki replied, lighting a cigarette. “It’s the Torokko Ressha Train. I thought you might like it.”

“This is just great!” Shuichi said, almost bouncing in place, a broad smile on his face. “I’ve never been on it before!”

“I know. That’s why I chose it.”

“Thank you!” and Shuichi suddenly flung himself at Yuki and hugging him briefly then spinning away and almost running down the empty platform before turning and waving at Yuki. “Come on!” he called out.

“Okay, okay,” Yuki called back, walking more slowly. That hug had caught him completely by surprise so he hadn’t had time to respond in anyway at all and it had been over all too soon. Now he regretted that he hadn’t been able to hold onto that warm body for just a little longer.

Their escort motioned them to a bench and bowed again. “Please remain here,” the man said politely. “Screens will be erected so you will have complete privacy from the rest of today’s commuters. Please be assured that we will do everything to ensure you have a pleasant trip.” He bowed again and then walked away, and only a moment later some maintenance personnel appeared and true to his word screens were installed, blocking their view of the rest of the station platform so they now sat in their own private alcove.

“What’s that for?” Shuichi asked, leaning forward to look at the screens with a frown.

“I said I didn’t want to be bugged by other people,” Yuki replied around his cigarette. He leant back on the bench, both arms stretched across the back. “It’s going to be pretty damn crowded so I told them if they want my business they need to keep the mob away.”

Shuichi looked up at him with a half smile. “And knowing you, you probably said it exactly like that too!”

Just then there was an explosion of sound and they were forced to cease all conversation as the rest of the commuters were allowed entry to the platform. Shuichi got up and peered through the crack between the screens and was amazed at the number of people he could see milling around, all of them talking loudly and the air seemed to crackle with the excitement that was exuding from everyone.

He turned back to look at Yuki in amazement. “Wow! I never thought it would be so busy!”

“It’s a very popular thing to do,” Yuki explained, removing his cigarette and exhaling slowly. “Especially for couples.”

“Really?” Shuichi questioned, returning to his seat beside Yuki.

“Yeah. That’s why it pays to get here early and make certain you get a seat. If you’re too late or it’s exceptionally busy it might take you nearly all day to get a seat even if you did arrive first thing in the morning.”

“So how did you get tickets so quickly? It looks pretty packed out there. Don’t tell me you pulled some strings or something?” Shuichi tilted his head to one side, waiting for Yuki’s answer but before he could do so there was a loud whistle that made Shuichi jump in surprise.

Turning his head in the opposite direction he saw the train slowly drawing nearer. “Wow!” he exclaimed, leaping to his feet and moving closer to the edge of the platform as the train drew nearer.

“Watch it!” Yuki snapped. “You fall on the tracks you’ll be nothing but a smear and I’m not scrapping you off!”

Shuichi looked over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at Yuki, not bothering to answer as he returned his attention to the train that was now settling in against the station.

Their escort returned and motioned them forward, opening a carriage door for them. Shuichi bounded in first with Yuki following more slowly.

“So where can we sit?” Shuichi wanted to know.

“Anywhere,” Yuki replied, sitting down in the middle of the carriage, back against the window.

“But what about everyone else?” Shuichi wanted to know as he slid in opposite.

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” Yuki said, sliding out of his jacket, tossing it in an untidy heap to the seats across from them.

Shuichi just stared at him, then frowned. “What? You’re going to call me an idiot again, aren’t you?”

“Well, in this case you deserve it,” Yuki replied. “If you don’t want to be called it, don’t act like an imbecile.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes and leant back, crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at Yuki. “Okay then, Mr I’m-so-clever, explain it to me!”

“I’ve booked out the entire carriage,” Yuki said, enjoying the sight of Shuichi’s brows rising in surprise. “How else do you think we’d get any peace at all on this thing? It’s packed with people, most of whom would know either Bad Luck or Yuki Eiri, so unless you wanted to be pawed to death this was the only way we could do it.”

“No, no, pawing to death isn’t high on my list of things to do today, truly it isn’t!” Shuichi said with a broad smile. “You thought this through pretty well, didn’t you?”

Yuki grunted. “Well someone had to. It sure wasn’t going to be you.”

Shuichi leant forward then, resting his chin on his cupped hands and smirked at Yuki. “You’re not just a pretty face after all!”

“Put a sock in it!” Yuki snarled back in mock anger.

Shuichi just laughed and then bolted to the other side of the carriage with a delighted yell as the train pulled away from the station and began its journey.

The rest of the trip went exceedingly well. They talked, they laughed, they joked, they teased. Halfway through a sumptuous picnic lunch was brought in and laid out for them, complete with their alcohol of choice. It was all light food which meant that none of it would sit heavily in their stomachs making it easier for Shuichi to digest so it wasn’t likely to affect him later that evening when he was performing. Yuki had taken great care in selecting the menu for just that reason.

When they reached their destination they disembarked, again discreetly hidden from view and were whisked into a darkly tinted car to be driven further into the mountains. There, they were lead into a secluded tea house where light refreshments were served to them in the elegant garden, under the weeping wisteria bursting with colour. It was a pleasing way to relax and it wasn’t long before Yuki glanced over to see Shuichi curled up on the bench, eyes closed, face relaxed.

He looks tired, Yuki thought, gazing at the slumbering features. It’s a good thing they use such heavy make-up or those dark circles would start to show through. He felt that he was the cause of those blemishes. Shuichi had been trying to cram everything in during these last few days; still doing the preparation for each night’s concert, the performances, and trying to spend time with Yuki.

Yuki quietly lit up another cigarette. Well, he could let Shuichi sleep for a bit, and had leant back and closed his own eyes, allowing his hand to fall to his side so his fingers were just touching those of Shuichi’s.

He came out of his doze at the quietly words spoken and opened his eyes to see the owner of the establishment bowing before him. “My pardon, sir, but your car is waiting.”

“Thank you,” he said in acknowledgement and turned to see that Shuichi was still sleeping. He had rolled over onto his stomach at some point and was looking a little less elegant than he had begun. A smile tugged at the corner of Yuki’s mouth. It reminded him only too well of how Shuichi loved to hog the bed.

He stood and leant down to lightly shake the shoulder. “Come on, Shuichi,” he said softly. “Time to wake up.”

“Yu…ki…..ah…no…..yessss….” Shuichi snuffled in his sleep but showed no sign of waking.

Yuki froze and stared down at the sleeping figure. Was Shuichi dreaming about him? What was he dreaming about? That had almost sounded…..sensual. Or perhaps he was reading too much into it.

He mentally shook himself and rocked the sleeper again. “Shuichi,” he called a little louder this time.

“Later….a little longer….” Shuichi’s mumbled.

Yuki felt himself snap then. “Get your stupid ass up, you idiot!!” and he kicked the base of the bench, making it rock precariously for a moment and threatening to tip Shuichi to the ground.

“What…..what…?” Shuichi now sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

“Shit, you sleep like the dead.” Yuki exclaimed, shrugging into his jacket. “Hurry up. We’ve got to get back or we’ll miss the train.”

“Oh, okay,” Shuichi gave another sleepy yawn and ran his hands through his orange tipped hair before rubbing his eyes as he followed Yuki out to the car.

They returned to the station and again at their own private carriage. Shuichi spent most of the trip back hanging out the open window and waving at the people in the boats as they took the return journey along the Hozu River. Yuki had momentarily contemplated that for this trip but after his misfortune on the Santa Maria cruise in Osaka he decided not to risk it.

By the time they had returned to Kyoto Shuichi hadn’t had much time to get ready for the evening’s show and afterwards he had simply fallen directly into bed, his soft slow breathing indicating clearly to Yuki that he had drifted immediately into sleep again. However, when Yuki had then entered the bathroom to get ready for bed, having allowed Shuichi to go first due to his tiredness, he found a message scrawled in shaving cream across the top of the bench saying, “Thank you, Yuki!” and those simple words had sent butterflies flapping through his stomach.

“Idiot,” he had muttered to himself as he grabbed a towel and wiped the bench clean, erasing the words completely. Still he hadn’t been able to stop the small smile that had slipped onto his face.

The next morning had been rushed as he had to depart early and Shuichi had a prior appointment so they had no time to do more than a few hurried thank you’s and a promise that when the tour returned to Tokyo that they would have dinner.

So that was where they were at now. He had contacted Shuichi as soon as Bad Luck had arrived in Tokyo for the last leg of the tour and they had set tonight as the day. There was no point trying to do it immediately as Shuichi would be far too busy but there were only a few more days to go now so it seemed the best time. Yuki wasn’t about to say that he didn’t want to wait any longer without seeing him!

However, he had been a little in a quandary then. He had ensured he got Shuichi’s commitment to come over tonight but then he had had to try and think of what else to do. He wanted to try and make the occasion special in some way; without going over the top. The cooking wasn’t a problem. He knew all Shuichi’s favourites and that hadn’t seemed to have changed but he hadn’t wanted things to be a little…more. He was loathe to use the word ‘romantic’ but even he had to admit that was probably what he was trying for. He wanted to coax Shuichi back and he wasn’t very good at subtle.

So he had swallowed his pride and called Ayaka to help him out in this, knowing that she would be able to keep it low key, yet tasteful. She had agreed, with a condition of her own which was that he helped her with a couple of dishes that she wanted to make for Nakano as a surprise. He readily accepted; that was hardly as terrible as what he could expect from Mika if he’d approached her. At least Ayaka wouldn’t give him a hard time about it either.

He looked the preparations over. It all seemed just perfect; from the table to the rest of the apartment. His home had been cleaned from ceiling to floor, so much so that even the wooden boards seemed to sparkle. Ayaka never did anything by halves so when he had asked her to help him set up things for a nice meal as soon as she had walked in there was no stopping her. He’d been forced into the hall as she had swooped upon the kitchen, scrubbing till it gleamed and then was herded into that corner and ordered to begin preparations whilst she tackled the rest of his unsuspecting apartment. He hadn’t even known he’d had enough cleaning materials in the house to do the wonders that she had in such a short time.

Yuki looked over it all again and chewed on the unlit cigarette between his lips. His fingers crept towards his lighter but he dragged them away. As much as he hated admitting it but Ayaka was probably right. He should at least hold off on the smoking till after dinner. This time Shuichi was, after all, a guest so he should try and put on some sort of good front.

Well, he’d better go and have a quick shower before Shuichi arrived, he thought, when there was a knock on the door. It startled him so much that he made no immediate move towards it. His heart beat rapidly and his throat was suddenly dry. Surely it wasn’t that time already? Shit! He hadn’t even got changed!

The knock came a second time and this galvanized him into action. A few long strides brought him directly in front of it where he paused for a moment to drag a hand briefly through his hair in an attempt to smooth it into place as he opened the door.

On the other side stood a beaming Shuichi, looking fresh and bright, teeth gleaming as he smiled and holding up a brown bag. “I come bearing gifts!” he declared magnanimously.

“What is it?” Yuki wanted to know, feeling more than a little seedy as he noticed that Shuichi seemed to positively glow with freshness.

“Beer!” Shuichi eyed Yuki still blocking the doorway. “So does this mean I can come in?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” and Yuki stepped aside. Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He could hardly leave Shuichi standing in the hall while he went and bathed!

Shuichi immediately entered and slipped out of his shoes, then jacket, hanging it on the hooks by the door. He was wearing a bright red shirt, half unbuttoned with the gold chain around his neck glittering. He’s still wearing it, Yuki couldn’t help but think. Just seeing that warmed his heart.

“Your hair’s getting long,” Shuichi suddenly said as he turned and scrutinised Yuki for a moment.

“Yeah,” Yuki replied, reaching up and tugging on the long strands falling into his eyes. He then half reached towards Shuichi’s before halting his hands progress and just said, “So’s yours.”

Shuichi laughed and nodded agreement, reaching up to run his hand’s through the shorter fringe and down through the orange streaked mass at the back.

“I know. I’ve been thinking perhaps I should cut it short like it used to be.”

“I like it like this,” Yuki said before he could stop himself.

Shuichi just looked at him, surprise on his face.

“I mean,” Yuki said, glancing away self consciously. “I think it suits you like that.” He half shifted his weight on his feet, feeling uncomfortable still. “Except for the orange bits which make it look diseased.”

Shuichi’s face remained blank for a moment and Yuki wondered if he’d been too blunt and pissed him off but then he burst out laughing.

“Only you would come up with that one!” Shuichi said, still chuckling, running his hand though his hair again. “I’ve been threatening Sakano to dye it blue. You should see his face then!”

“I can imagine,” Yuki said as he turned and made his way towards the kitchen with Shuichi trailing after him.

“Wow!”

His sudden exclamation made Yuki hurriedly spin around, wondering what had happened now. “What?!”

“This is amazing!” Shuichi stood by the table. “Did you do this?” He gazed at Yuki with sparkling eyes, obviously impressed.

As much as Yuki wanted to take all the credit he couldn’t bring himself to lie. “I had some help,” he conceded, not bothering to elaborate.

“Well, it still looks great. So what’s for dinner?” Shuichi said, hopping up to perch on the stool at the counter.

“You can wait to find out,” Yuki said, beginning to set out plates and bowls. “Why don’t you find some music to put on?” he suggested, nodding towards the stereo system. “And nothing crappy.” he warned.

“So you’re admitting that you have crappy stuff in your collection?” Shuichi said impishly.

Yuki glared at him, refusing to answer. In fact he hoped that he had put away all the really embarrassing ones.

As Shuichi attended to that task, occasionally calling out the possible selections whereas Yuki responded with either a flat out ‘No!’ or a grudging acceptance, he continued to set out dinner. There didn’t seem to be any point in putting off eating, it would only have the chance of spoiling if they waited. Besides, he was hungry. His nervous tension had prevented him eating all day so his stomach was insisting on getting something substantial into it before the day was done.

As soon as the music began and Shuichi had considerately turned it to a suitable volume that did not preclude conversation, rather unlike the level that he used to set it which had resulted in frequent complaints from the neighbours initially, he joined Yuki at the table just as the last dish was set down.

“Want to drink your beer out of a glass?” Yuki asked.

“Nah,” Shuichi replied as he sat down. “It will only mean more washing up after.”

Yuki grunted agreement and swiftly grabbed two beer cans from the fridge and set them on the table. They looked completely incongruous amongst the elegant setting. Ayaka would definitely disapprove. Yet that sight put him a little more at ease.

Shuichi immediately raised his can, cracking it open and looking over at Yuki who was doing the same. “Here’s to us!” he said brightly, stretching his hand to the middle of the table.

Yuki lifted his can, trying not to read too much into that statement, and Shuichi clicked his against it, chuckling as he drank.

“You’ll get hiccups if you do that,” Yuki stated as he too drank.

Shuichi smacked his lips together, still smiling. “No fear!” he said bravely. “Ah, beer always tastes better out of a can!” He took another deep draught.

Yuki watched his throat bob as he swallowed. At this rate Shuichi was going to have finished his first drink before dinner had even begun.

“If you get sick don’t be spewing up in my house,” he warned, having another drink himself.

“Don’t worry,” Shuichi assured him. “It’s just really good to be able to relax and have a drink. K watches us like a hawk when we’re away in case we have a few too many. He takes all the fun out it.”

“Must be tough being a star,” Yuki reached out and began to dish up, including placing portions onto Shuichi’s plate who didn’t make any attempt to stop him.

“Well, it’s tiring if nothing else,” Shuichi replied, and Yuki could hear that underlying tiredness even in his voice. Not surprising. This tour had been gruelling, with all the lead up and new image for Bad Luck, the release of the new album and then straight into a tour. No, it hadn’t been easy on him.

“So it’s still been going okay?” Yuki questioned, wondering if it would help Shuichi to talk about it a bit.

“Yep,” Shuichi sparkled again. “Just three more days and it’s over!” That would be the last dates of the tour which was finishing here in Tokyo.

“How are you going to feel about that?” Yuki asked, knowing how much Shuichi enjoyed the live performances.

“Hmm,” Shuichi leant his elbows on the table, supporting his chin on his hands, his face taking on a thoughtful gaze. “I’ll be a bit sad that it’s all over,” he said slowly. “It’s a real buzz touring and really exiting. But it will be nice to finally have a breather and a chance to get our heads back together again.”

“So what’s planned next?” Yuki asked as they ate.

“Oh, Tohma hasn’t said anything, apart from the usual interviews and guest appearances and stuff. I think he’s waiting to assess how the whole tour has gone before deciding on what we have to do.”

“That sounds like him,” Yuki agreed with Shuichi’s assessment.

They continued with the meal, Shuichi occasionally getting up to change the music to something different when either of them were tired of what ever had been playing. He even helped Yuki clean up after, offering to dry the dishes whilst Yuki washed.

“Hey, I just noticed something!” Shuichi suddenly said.

“What?” Yuki asked, placing the last pot on the bench and tipping the water out, before wiping his hands dry.

Shuichi looked up at him from where he knelt before an open cupboard, a smile on his face that seemed a little nostalgic. “You’ve got everything in exactly the same place as it used to be before.”

“Have I?” Yuki peered down with a frown. He certainly hadn’t done it intentionally if that was the case. He looked again at Shuichi gazing now into the interior of the cupboard.

“Well, I guess some things don’t change, do they?” Shuichi said then, standing up and closing the door firmly.

Yuki didn’t know if he meant it as a good thing or not and wasn’t game to question it. Shuichi finished the last couple of items and then joined Yuki in the lounge room where he immediately managed to cajole Yuki into playing some video games with him, something that Yuki hadn’t done since Shuichi had left. Still, although he argued and snarled at having to do it, he wasn’t that unhappy to have the opportunity to be able to sit so close to Shuichi.

Finally Shuichi glanced at the clock on the wall and gave a little sigh.

“Guess I should be going now,” Shuichi said, standing. “It’s getting kind of late.”

“Yeah,” Yuki agreed, following suite.

“Thanks for the meal. It was fantastic!” Shuichi said brightly, walking toward the front door.

“Not a problem,” Yuki replied, watching as Shuichi bent to pull on his shoes. No, he wasn’t paying attention to how Shuichi’s trousers stretched tight across his arse. No, he was definitely not checking him out like that. Not at all.

Shuichi straightened, yanking his jacket down from the hook and turned to face Yuki.

“Ah,” He began, standing in front of Yuki but then paused in what ever he’d been about to say. He remained silent, only shifting a little from foot to foot almost nervously.

Yuki too began to feel edgy at the lengthening silence. He needed to say something but what? How should he do this? What was the way he needed to finish of this night? Everything had gone so well up to this point, the last thing he wanted to do was have it go to pieces again.

After a little longer and it was obvious that Shuichi wasn’t about to speak again, the tension had become almost unbearable and so Yuki finally said a little gruffly, “Well, goodnight.”, then he almost held his breath awaiting Shuichi’s answer.

“Uh, okay,” was the only response. Not quite the enthusiasm that he was hoping for but perhaps it was the best it was going to be at this stage.

Still they stood there, neither moving, both obviously ill at ease. Yuki ground his teeth together. Damn it, this wasn’t supposed to be happening. Why was it so fucking hard to say ‘good night’?!

Finally Yuki made a decision. If he didn’t do something it looked they would both remain where they were until they died of sedentary blood clots or something.

So taking a deep internal breath he leant down, carefully aiming for Shuichi’s cheek. However, at the last moment, just before his lips would have connected, Shuichi moved his head and instead Yuki lips fell upon Shuichi’s.

He almost jerked back in shock but temptation was greater, so he remained where he was, holding the kiss. It was a gentle kiss, nothing like what the kisses used to be between them. In the old days they had been hot and heavy, filled with passion, lust and a desire for sex. This kiss was none of that. It was soft and gentle and simple. He didn’t try and force the issue, not wanting to push things further, fighting against his desire to thrust his tongue into that moist cavern and claim Shuichi’s mouth all over again. Instead he just allowed their lips to remain pressed together.

He’s wearing that damn lip balm, he half thought , recognizing the slightly slick sensation and the almost medicinal taste. At least it wasn’t some sickly fruit flavoured stuff; that was one saving grace. Even if it had been at this point he really wouldn’t have minded.

The kiss continued and Yuki held himself tightly in check, keeping his hands clenched tightly at his sides, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around the man before him and clasp him tightly. He knew full well that if he tried to do that, if he tried in any way to restrain Shuichi or make him think he was trying to use force again it would all be over. He wouldn’t get another chance at this. So he kept control of himself.

But although this was like a dream come true for him there was only so much self control he had and if this kiss continued for much longer he would lose the last strands there were. So he reluctantly withdrew from those soft lips, despite his inner voice screaming at him to do otherwise. He mentally swatted it silent. Now was not the time or place. He was not going to screw up like before.

As he lifted his head, he opened his eyes to look down at Shuichi’s upturned face with eyes still shut. He’s got such long eye lashes, Yuki thought absently. Just then Shuichi opened his eyes and captured his gaze with those intense amethyst eyes that always stopped his breath and made his heart pound in a way no-one else could make it. Yuki drew back further before he truly did lose control completely, putting some distance between them.

“Er,” Yuki fumbled for something to say. He didn’t want this night to end now. That kiss only made him want to keep Shuichi’s presence near him for longer. It had been such a long time since he had had that, and now he didn’t want to let him go just yet. Not when it seemed they were finally coming together.

“You know, you could just stay here tonight,” Yuki said suddenly, his voice sounding loud in the silence that had settled in the apartment. He kept his eyes turned to one side, refusing to look directly at Shuichi . “You’ve had a few to drink so you can always stay the night.”

He glanced at Shuichi from the corner of his eye and saw him flinch a little. Shit! “Look,” he said hurriedly, trying to forestall any hurried escape Shuichi may try to initiate in panic. “The couch is comfortable enough. You could have the bed and I’ll sleep there.”

Damn it, he thought, fumbling to a stop. He’s pushing too hard again.

He waited for the explosion, tensing up, fully expecting to be hit even, but when none immediately came he looked down at Shuichi and was surprised to see a small smile on his face.

“Thanks,” Shuichi said quietly. “But it’s okay. I’ll head home.”

“Yeah. Sure,” Yuki didn’t try to make any attempt to forestall him this time as Shuichi walked to the door, fighting back the bitter disappointment he felt. Still at least Shuichi hadn’t run out screaming so perhaps he could take that as a good sign.

Yuki followed him to the door, standing silent as he reached out for the handle before pausing for a moment and then turning to face him again. Shuichi gazed up at him, his face serious and Yuki couldn’t help but wonder once more what was really going on in that head now.

“Hey,” Shuichi suddenly said, beckoning for Yuki to bend down closer.

“What?” he replied, complying.

Shuichi reached out, gripped the front of his shirt and suddenly pulled him closer so their lips touched again in a kiss.

Yuki was caught completely by surprise, the unexpected forward momentum making his parted lips press firmly against Shuichi’s. Before he could recover, he felt the tip of Shuichi’s tongue fleetingly graze across his teeth and lightly touch his tongue before retreating just as swiftly. He was released just as promptly although Shuichi retained his grip on Yuki’s shirt, keeping him bent down so they were eye to eye.

Shuichi gazed at him seriously, large eyes pinning him in place.

“That’s so you don’t forget,” Shuichi said a little huskily. “Hold onto that thought. About staying over.”

Then he released Yuki abruptly and stepped back through the now open door, a crooked grin on his face.

“Sleep tight,” he said mischievously and then turned and walked away, leaving a stunned Yuki at the door.

Had Shuichi just said he would stay over next time? Had he really?

Yuki felt like his heart just might burst.