Stay Tuned As Life Continues

Yamato sat in a chair looking out onto the Hospital’s lawn. Hours earlier he had watched as Takeru was taken away from him. Now he just sat in his room alone, staring out of the windows in front of him. Thinking about his life as of late. Within a few months, his life had changed drastically from where it was. He had broken and repaired his relationship with his brother more times than he could count. His brother’s trust in him had grown, allowing him to reveal three life changing secrets. Yamato hold fallen in love with someone he never had thought he could have. He had lost friends due to this love. And he had even nearly lost his lover/brother in a terrible incident. He had gone into a dark depression, he had hit bottom and tried to take his own life. So many life changing events had happened to him in a short amount of time. Where most people could live their entire lives with only half as many life altering events, Yamato had them all within a few months stretch. And yet, life still somehow continued for Yamato. But Yamato couldn’t shake the feeling that the Fates were only fucking with him. That he was only a toy for them to play around with. He was still deep in thought when he heard someone plop into the seat next to him. Yamato turned and saw his best friend.

“Hi Taichi.” Yamato mumbled out.

“I’m going to assume you heard about Takeru.” Said Taichi.

“I watched her wheel him away. She’s really taken him Taichi.” Said Yamato turning his focus back to the window.

“She could be trying to make amends with him. Something tragic like this could have shown her just how foolish she was acting.” Taichi suggested.

“I hope your right Taichi.” Yamato said gloomily.

“I brought you some clothes, and snuck in your electric razor.” Taichi said trying to change the subject. He then pulled a duffle bag off of his shoulder.

“Thanks Taichi.” Yamato said. He then took the bag and shuffled his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later he came out, his black pants were still fairly tight on him, while his green and white t-shirt was a little looser than it was. The stubble that was growing on Yamato’s face was now removed. All of which made Yamato look much more alive than he felt.

“You look good Yamato.” Taichi said of his best friend.

“But I feel like shit.” Yamato said. He then began fidgeting with his bandages.

“You shouldn’t be doing that Yamato.” Taichi warned.

“I can’t help it Taichi. They itch like mad. If they don’t hurt they itch. If they don’t itch they burn. And if they don’t burn they hurt like a son of a bitch.” Yamato said.

Taichi wanted to tell his friend that, that’s what he deserves for doing what he did. But decided against it. Instead he said, “You just need to get your mind off of them is all.”

“How do you propose I do that?” Yamato asked, still messing with his bandages.

Taichi pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and tossed it to Yamato. Yamato winced in pain as he barely caught the cell phone. Whenever he curled his finger too much, to grab some for example, his arms exploded with pain. Once the pain began to go away, Yamato asked, “What’s this for?”

“To call and see if you can talk with Takeru.” Taichi said.

Yamato’s face filled with worry, “Is that really a good idea? What if Takeru still has Amnesia and this phone call makes it worse. Or what if Takeru has his memory back and he doesn’t want to talk to me. Or what if…”

“You worry too much. Just call him, it will be fine.” Assured Taichi.

Yamato stared at the phone like it would have suddenly grown teeth and bit him.

“I’ll be outside.” Taichi said. He then stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Yamato stared at the phone a little longer, trying to gather the courage to call. He dialed his brother’s cell phone number. It began to ring. And ring. And ring. It eventually went to Takeru’s voicemail.

“Hi, this is Takashi Takeru’s Voicemail. Sorry I couldn’t answer your call, but if you leave me a message I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you, bye.”

Upon hearing his brother’s voice Yamato’s courage started to break down. It had been over six weeks since he had heard his brother’s voice. After the voicemail beeped signaling Yamato to leave his message, Yamato found that no words would come out. He tried to speak but couldn’t. The message timed out and the call was dropped. Yamato stood there listening to the silence that the phone was producing for a minute before sitting down on his bed.

He sat there looking at the phone, now looking at it like it was some poor sick lost puppy dog than something dangerous. He dialed his brother’s cell number again. It rang, and rang, and rang. And then it once again went to voicemail.

“Hi, this is Takashi Takeru’s Voicemail. Sorry I couldn’t answer your call, but if you leave me a message I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you, bye.”
Yamato could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. The message beeped, and Yamato found he could barely keep the tears in as he began to talk. “Hi Teeks, It’s your brother. You left the hospital today before I got a chance to see you, so I was calling to see how you are doing. I hope you’re doing fine. I really miss you Otouto-chan. It was nice to hear your voice again, even if it was just your voicemail. Anyways, gotta go. I Love you Teeks. Bye.” As Yamato hung the phone up he began to think why Takeru didn’t answer his phone. Was Nancy not letting him answer his phone? Was he purposely not answering his calls? It then dawned on him the true answer why. Takeru’s cell phone was still in Yamato’s bedroom back at his apartment, so there was no way for Takeru to get it. Yamato then dreaded the next call he was going to make. He had to call his mother’s phone, and that was going to mean that he would have to talk with her.

Yamato slowly dialed Nancy’s number, as if each number hurt him, which in actuality they slightly did. Yamato dialed the last number and put the phone up to his ear. It began to ring.

“Takashi residence, this is Nancy speaking.” Said the female voice on the other end.

“Hello. This is Yamato. I was hoping I could talk with Takeru.” Yamato said.

“Yamato?” Nancy question, “How are you calling? I thought you weren’t allowed to have phones.”

“It doesn’t matter. Now can I talk with Takeru?” Yamato said.

“I’m sorry, Yamato. But he just started a nap. I’ll have him call you when he wakes up. Goodbye.”

“I’m using Taichi….”Yamato said quickly trying to get his message out, but it was too late. Nancy had already hung up. Yamato went over to the door and opened it and ushered Taichi back in.

“How’d it go?” Taichi asked, sitting down in a chair.

“Nancy wouldn’t let me talk to him.” Yamato answered.

“She really is cutting him off from all of us isn’t she?” Taichi asked.

“I’m afraid so.” Said Yamato. He then sighed and looked out the window again.

“You’ll get him back Yamato.” Taichi said, trying to pick his friend’s spirits up.

“How can you be so sure?” Yamato answered hesitantly.

“Because you two really love each other. And I’m sure that a crazy mother and some lost memories couldn’t stop you two from being together again.” Taichi said.
“I really hope you’re right Taichi.” Yamato said.

Taichi then turned his gaze out the window, hoping that he was right too.

Yamato sat on his hospital bed, dangling his legs off the edge, killing time. He had left his psych evaluation slightly flustered a couple hours earlier and was now playing the waiting game. His father and him had spent the morning running through questions that they thought the psych panel might ask. Where he had felt that by the end of their practices he had successfully escaped further entrapment, he didn’t feel the same way about the actual evaluation. They had asked some serious questions along with some prodding statements, that when mixed with Yamato’s nervousness and the Ishida temper seemed to have taken away Yamato’s certainty that he would be leaving the hospital that day.

“The doctor should be here soon.” Hiroaki said to his son.

“You said that over an hour ago.” Yamato said to his father. He then turned to friend who was his ‘in’ at the hospital, “What is taking them so long?” Yamato asked.

“The panel has to look over your mental health. See if you are stable enough to be returned to society without mishap, they don’t want to see you in here for another attempt, or out committing crimes, as it would make them look bad. They also have to look over your physical health and make sure that there isn’t anything wrong with you. Then they have to discuss everything and come to a consensus.” Jyou said.

“But it has been over two hours! What the hell could they have to discuss about me for two hours?” Yamato asked.

Just then a knock came from the door, and in walked one of the doctors from Yamato’s evaluation panel. “Well Yamato. I have some good news for you. You’ve been cleared to leave the hospital, under a few pretenses. The first is that you have to be discharged into someone’s care, and the second one is that you start seeing a psychiatrist. We felt that you have a lot troubling you, and having someone to help you talk those problems out would be of great benefit to you. As well as getting your anger under control. Does that sound okay to you?”

“Sounds great.” Yamato said jumping down.

“Just need to have you sign a few papers as well as the person who we are discharging you to.” The doctor said.

Hiroaki stood up, “That would be me.”

“Very well, if you two would just follow me, you’ll be out of here in a few minutes.” The doctor said with a smile.

An hour later Yamato and his father walked out of the front doors of the hospital. Yamato was glad to be free of the cage he had been in the past few days. It was a living hell, where time seemed to have no meaning, as nobody seemed to be able to accurately judge time. He followed his dad to the van that was tucked away in a parking garage. They loaded themselves into the van and silently made their way to Yamato’s apartment. Yamato and his father hadn’t really spoken since Yamato revealed his love connection with Takeru to their father. Hiroaki had only really talked with his eldest son to help him pass his psych evaluation, and other than that had said very little.

As soon as Hiroaki pulled the van into the parking lot of Yamato’s apartment complex Yamato started to get out. “Thanks for the ride Dad. I’ll see you later.”
Hiroaki put as hand on his son’s shoulder to stop him from getting out, “Yamato, we still need to have our talk.”

Yamato paused, “Can it wait till later? I would like to get up to the apartment and see just how much of a mess Taichi has made.”

Hiroaki smiled, “He’s a good kid Yamato, let him help you.” The smile then disappeared, “And Yamato, I’ll be by tomorrow after work to have that talk with you.”

Yamato sighed, “Fine, can I go now?”

Hiroaki nodded, “Take care of yourself Yamato.”

“You too Dad.” Said Yamato. He then opened the door to the van and jumped out, and made his way to his apartment.

Yamato turned the door knob and entered into a dark apartment. {What the hell, I thought Taichi said he was going to be here. He must be if the door is unlocked, but if that is the case why are all the lights off?”} Yamato thought as he walked deeper into the dark apartment.

As he walked by the living room, the lights flashed on and people started yelling, “Surprise!” as well as “Welcome home Yamato!” Yamato jumped back in surprise, and looked at his friends. Yamato just wanted to get back to familiarity, and having his friends jump out of the dark and surprising him with parties wasn’t quite familiar.

Yamato looked at his friends, “Whose Idea was this?”

Eyes turned to the young woman with pink hair.

“Mimi, I should have known.” Yamato said.

“What’s the matter with the party? Don’t you like it?”

Yamato just stared at Mimi.

“You’ve always been such a kill joy Yamato!” Mimi cried out. “I just thought with all the bad things that have been going on and all the negative energy that has been floating around. That a party is just what we all needed to get everything set right again.”

Yamato looked at his friends, the smiles that they all had been wearing only a few seconds ago were wiped from their faces. Sure enough he had killed the mood of the party within a minute of it starting. But as Yamato saw it, three people in their group were missing from the party. And although he couldn’t have cared less about where Miyako and Daisuke were, it was the third one that he cared the most about. His brother wasn’t there to join in on the festivities, and that just made Yamato feel depressed. And when he is depressed, like most, Yamato doesn’t feel like partying.

“Go ahead and party, don’t let me stop you. I’m just going to go to my room.” Yamato said.

“At least have some cake! I made it myself.” Mimi said.

“Maybe later Mimi.” Yamato said before walking to his room.

Yamato walked into his bedroom and immediately saw that his mattress was missing. He never thought about it being removed. But he was glad that it was, because he didn’t know if he could stand the sight of his blood stained mattress. Before he could even do anything else there was a knock on the door and without even being told to enter, Taichi came through the door. An angry look on his face.

“That was cold Yamato, even for you.” Taichi said harshly.

“I just want to be alone Taichi. I’m tired, I’m sore, and still wondering how my life can get any fucking worse than it is right now.” Yamato said.

“Don’t you even start talking about how shitty your life is Yamato. You still don’t even realize what kind of hell you have put us all through the past few days, have you? The least you can do right now is get your ass out there, put on one of your fake smiles and pretend everything is okay. Mimi has worked all day getting this party ready. So don’t be an asshole Yamato.” Taichi said before turning and leaving.

Yamato sighed. Taichi knew how to guilt trip him, and he could only help but think, how long would the guilt trips last? He then took a deep breath and then another. Once he felt like he could successfully put on a fake smile, Yamato left the solidarity of his room to go join his friends.

They stayed up late into the morning. Overall it was a decent party. Even though that, most of the smiles were fake, most of the laughs forced. The digidestined were able to share the sorrow between them, the burden of it all seemed less when they were together. The party allowed those that wanted it, a chance to escape it all for a while. But eventually people went home, leaving the safety of the group to wade through the sorrows of life alone once again.

Yamato sat in his kitchen drinking a cup of coffee. While he drank the hot liquid letting the caffeine battle his lack of sleep, he began to think about the previous night. Although that everyone seemed happy and cheerful and had such large smiles on their faces, Yamato knew that they were all lies. The largest lies being his own and Hikari’s. Yamato knew the pain the girl was feeling all too well. The past month and a half had been rough on her as well, she was no longer the joyous person she once was. The bright light she used to give off was now dim, making the whole world seem a little dimmer as well. Yamato could only feel the pains of guilt knowing that he had only added to the misery that she undoubtedly already felt. Taichi was right, he didn’t realize how much pain he had caused everyone.

But he didn’t have time to think about that then. Instead he had to get ready for his father’s visit later that day. And to start off he needed to soak his arms as well as take a shower and get the apartment all cleaned up. Yamato walked into the bathroom and quietly closed the door. He walked over to the mirror and looked into it. If you compared the person he saw now with the person he saw months earlier, one would be surprised to find they were the same person.

Yamato looked down at his arms, they were bandaged from the wrist up to the elbows. The bandages were supposed to come off today so he could soak his arms. Yamato hadn’t seen his wounds yet, he had only felt them through the bandages. Yamato grabbed the end of a bandage the best he could, as he had found he had lost some of his finger dexterity since his attempt. As he started to unravel the bandages from his arm he began to see the truth that they hid. Long red and purple swollen lines ran up and down his arm, with little black stitches running the length of each line. Yamato let out a rather loud cry and felt sick to his stomach. He was expecting them to look so bad.

Yamato was temporarily distracted when he heard a knock on the bathroom door. “Yamato is everything okay in there?”

“As fine as it can be Taichi. I just took my bandages off, is all.” Yamato answered.

“If you need me for anything Yamato. Don’t be afraid to holler.” Taichi said.

Yamato swallowed down the bile that was lodged in his throat, and looked away from his arms. They were going to scar, and serve as permanent reminders of his failures, his weaknesses, his regrets, his should have beens, and if onlys. Yamato now couldn’t help but have those out on display for anyone to see.

Yamato started running warm water into the sink. Once the sink was almost full to the top he turned the water off and looked down into it. Yamato braced himself the best he could for the pain he was undoubtedly going to receive. Yamato pointed the bottom of his arms upward, to try and avoid the pain for as long as possible, and began to lower his arms into the sink. When his arms first touched the water, everything was fine. Until the water reached the first cut, Yamato clenched his teeth as hard as he could, but even then the pain was too much, he let out a loud yell.

Another knock came from the door, “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in.”

“I’m pretty fucking sure!” Yamato shouted out of pain.

No response came from Taichi.

Yamato submerged more of his arms deeper into the warm water. Yamato shouted out a wide array of curses as tears of pain started to flood his eyes. His fingers instinctively curled into the best fists they could, adding to Yamato’s pain instead of helping to relieve it. Yamato began to think that not even the act of creating the wounds seemed as painful as soaking them did.

Taichi had, had enough, “That’s it I’m coming in.”

Yamato knew he couldn’t reach the lock in time, so instead he placed his foot against the bottom of the door. “No you’re not.” Yamato said. Yamato had realized what Taichi had said the night before was true. Yamato was still thinking of himself, and not seeing the pain he was causing others. So he decided that keeping Taichi from seeing his arms was the best thing. He knew Taichi would react in much the same way. The scars were hideous, vile, too much of an eye sore to take in. From keeping Taichi from entering and helping him, he was protecting Taichi.

Yamato submerged the rest of his arms. Yamato felt the additional pain but it was nothing compared to what he was already feeling. But it was still very painful and so Yamato screamed out again, although it was perhaps the quietest scream of them all.

“Damn it Yamato! Let me in!” Taichi screamed as he banged on the door.

Yamato was breathing heavy, trying to breathe through the pain. “I’m fine Taichi. My arms are all the way in now.”

“Then you have no reason to keep me out.” Taichi protested as he leaned against the door.

“Damn it Taichi! I’m not in the mood to put up with this bullshit” Yamato shouted back.

Yamato felt as Taichi pushed himself off the door. “Fine Yamato. Put yourself through hell completely alone! But if you change your mind, give me a call. I’m going to see Hikari.” Taichi then walked down the hallway and out of the apartment.

The pain in his arms and the emotional distress he was now feeling over snapping at Taichi was too much. The bile returned to Yamato’s throat, he jerked his arms out of the water and turned to the toilet to expel the new problem. Once the problem had been fixed Yamato groaned at the realization that he had to return his arms to the water to finish their soak. He then gently retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and looked at the time. It was only a few more hours till his father was supposed to arrive, Yamato suddenly felt the problem reappear. Which only confirmed his thoughts that he wasn’t ready to talk to his father.
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Author's Note: Hello and thank you for reading for reading one of the newest chapters of this story. To those that it applies to I hope you had a happy Independence Day, to those that it doesn't apply to, I hope you had a happy 4th of July or Sunday...which ever one floats your boat.

Had company through out the weekend and then some, so I wasn't able to get online. So that is why, there are two new chapters tonight!!!!!! YAY!!!!! I thought about just waiting to post chapter 20 till later this week....but that would just be cruel, I have it written so why not post it.

So hope you enjoyed Chapter 19. And if your still reading this instead of going onto the next chapter....Well hurry. Go! GO NOW!