Somewhere I belong

Title: "Somewhere I belong - Chap. 1"

Author: J.J.

Warning: It's an AU... it contains not too descriptive rape, probably some OOC, use of Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness, some spoilers...

To the 2, 3 people who are reading this fic and want more... work keeps me quite busy. I almost never know if I've time to write or when I've time to write. Please be patient. I've almost everything planned out. I just need time to write it.

Extra Warning for this chapter: This chapter is placed in Kamakura, in the Kurosaki house and, due to this, you get to see Hisoka's 'lovely' family and the two local monsters... You also get to know Tsuzuki's Shiki Touda better. Who feels the need to have more canon information about Hisoka's family or Touda can find them at the bottom of my notes. They will contain spoilers about the 'Kyoto Arc' and 'Tsuzuki & Hisoka's Shikigami Series' (also known as 'GenSoKai Arc' or 'Kamakura Arc') and it shouldn't be strictly necessary to know them to understand the fic. Oh and in this chap is used a word you shouldn't use in polite language.

Notes: I've been inspired by what Hisoka thought in Vol. 3: 'No one... saved me... But maybe Tsuzuki... If you had been there... you would save me...'.

Warning over notes: This fic is filled with notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. Many of them explain references to other series, to YnM manga only or YnM anime only facts for who didn't get to read the manga or see the anime, explain apparently illogical things or warn you there's an explanation for illogical facts but that you'll get it later. However I suggest you to read the notes _AFTER_ you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more or search for spoilers.

Disclaimer: "Yami no Matsuei" belong to Matsushita Yoko. I'm merely using her characters because I love them... expecially Touda, Tsuzuki and Hisoka... "The Unforgiven" lyrics belong to Metallica. Ehy, do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?

Thanks: To Larania Drake for betaing this! Thank you a lot!

Summary: 1993. Kamakura. A certain silver haired psycho was feeding himself with a poor woman's energy when the Kurosaki's heir spotted him. He had a plan for the boy but someone else was there and decided to interfere...

"They dedicate their lives

To running all of his

He tries to please them all

This bitter man he is

Throughout his life the same

He's battled constantly

This fight he cannot win

A tired man they see no longer cares

The old man then prepares

To die regretfully

That old man here is me

What I've felt

What I've known

Never shined through in what I've shown

Never be

Never see

Won't see what might have been"

[Metallica "The Unforgiven"]

The man, mercifully finally alone, panted, as he laid sprawled on the futon, gritting his
teeth to avoid moaning in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut as he gul He He was Kurosaki
Nagare, the 'Ichizoku no Chou', Head of the Clan, descendant of the great hero
Kurosaki Ren. He had to endure this torment; he had to for the well being of the people of
the village. Crying would do no good to him. If his brother could only know that
_that_ was the positionenvienvied him so much! Laying on a futon, submitted to
the luxury of...

He was a strong man. He had to be. He had no choice about it. His ancestors would be ashamed
of him if he started bawling like a child for the curse they all endured. He forced his body
to move as he attempted to sit. Time was making him growing increasingly cold and bitter.
Why he had to endure all this? What did he do so terribly wrong to deserve this? Why his
father had to hate him so much? He could understand the man favoured his brother, everyone
would favour his brother to him but still... still...

And as if this wasn't enough he even lost his child and the woman he loved. What did he gain
from his 'oh so glorious' title of head of the Kurosaki clan?⁽¹⁾ An
ancient mansion that couldn't even be renovated due to its historic relevance. A woman who
was the mirror copy of the one he loved and yet so different, just a painful memory of what
he couldn't have back.⁽²⁾ A son, Hisoka, who looked so much like him, both in
appearance and in behaviour, cursed with a dark power⁽³⁾ which made him unfit to
be the new head, a son he barely knew and understand and that, all in all was unable to love
due to what happened to his firstborn and to the child striking resemblance to the child he
had been⁽⁴⁾... when? It seemed so long ago and yet it couldn't be since he was
only 33. Then he had an older brother, an older brother who despised him because he took the
place he wanted. And all that terrible torment and shame to endure each night till
morning... It came to think it wasn't dawn yet and still _IT_ had hurriedly
retreated in whatever place _IT_ resided as if something had disturbed
(scared) _IT_. He quietly rewrapped some of the loose bandages that covered
those horrible scales, which had started to appear on his body, and then covered himself up
better in his kimono as if nothing had happened. If his personal Akuma had better things to
do than torment him he wasn't going to be disappointed. He was going to enjoy whose few
hours of sleep before dawn would come...

Noise coming from outside his room shattered his dream of a quiet sleep.
Tasuke⁽⁵⁾, one of his oldest servants, sounding both apologetic and hesitant
required his presence, apparently for something regarding his son and some intruders. Had
they mercifully killed the boy so he wouldn't be forced to submit to his same fate, or deal
with that cursed power of his? He stood, straightened his back and followed the servant
trying to find a sense in the man's rambling and failing.

As afraid of the boy's dark power as the servant was, yet the man seemed to still take at
heart the destiny of his young successor and distress made difficult for him to formulate
coherent sentences. Well, it was fairly comprehensible. Should his son die there would be no
heir and so who _IT_ would visit when he, the last head, would finally die?

He was surprised to see almost all his servants assembled in front of the door and even more
to see them cringe as a young, foreign, determined voice demanded they do something. The
crew opened as he came closer so he could finally see who raised such a fuss. They didn't
look to be such terrible threat. They were just twok hak haired young men. One was dressed
in black clothes and in his arms, wrapped in a black coat, lay his son, disturbingly pale
even in the dim light of the hallway and apparently unconscious. One step back stood the
other man, who was wearing a jacket and was maybe one or two years older and a bit taller.
He looked bored and uncaring as if the whole thing didn't matter to him and yet he was
somewhat alert, wary of anyone who came close to his companion and ready to react should
someone pose a threat for the man he was with; as a silent bodyguard. The attention of the
two turned to him, as they understood he the the master of the house. The man in black,
while holding his son with a care nobody used with the cursed boy, explained him they heard
someone screaming, went to check and found a man... hurting the boy. The man escaped and
they went to the first house they saw in search of help. The man also added that who
attacked his son was probably the murder of the woman they found laying close to where the
whole thing happened. Nagare internally sighed; this, to him, meant only more problems and
more shame carried by his heir to the Kurosaki's good name. Calmly he told the sets tts to
take the boy where he belonged, which they knew, didn't meant the boy's bedroom but a dark
room in the basement where he usually confined his son every time he did something improper
(and where he too had been confined when he had been younger) and to prepare rooms for the
two men who took care to take back his disobedient heir. He was about to leave when one of
the two foreigners asked him to stop. More like ordered, really. It had been ages since the
last time someone ordered him around, more precisely from his father's death. He glared
coldly at the two foreigners and noticed they hadn't given boy boy to the servant who came
to get him and who was now looking at him troubled. The dark clothed one was glaring back
and something instinctive inside him was telling him LOUDLY he would do better not to
cross this

"Aren't you going to call for a doctor?" He demanded. "The boy is... that man... he had hurt
him." The man finished with as much tact as he could. It was the delicate way to say his son
had been raped. He frowned. It wasn't what he wished the boy to experience, especially at
such a young age but... it was in his destiny anyway. Now, or in years to come, what
difference would it make?

"We're not going to disturb Hazama Sensei⁽⁶⁾ for this. My son should have known
better than to go out in the middle of the night." More important... he couldn't allow the
people from the village know the Kurosaki heir had lost his honour. That wasn't something
two foreigners would understand. His tone was meant to be definitive but the man apparently
refused to acknowledge it.

at'sat's that supposed to mean- 'You're not going to disturb the doctor for this'?
Are you insane? Do you realize what that fucking peile ile did to your child? Do you know
how horrible is it?" There was incredulity in the man's voice as he spoke as if he couldn't
believe Nagare being so amazingly dense, as well as a cold rage, which persuaded some
servants to take a step back. Nagare didn't pay it attention.

"Better than you will ever know." He replied bitterly, thinking to all the night
_HE_ had been the one shamed and never been visited by a doctor or taken care
of after.

"Don't bet on it." The man answered darkly, as he tightened his hold around the boy in an
almost protective manner. His reply startled Nagare who stared at those deep eyes reading
clearly the disappointment for his behaviour written in capital letters. He fought the urge
to back away sensing he had somehow... failed. It was a weird trip back to his childhood; to
the time when he cringed under his father's severe gaze. Somehow he had always managed dis disappoint him no matter how hard he tried.

"Danna-sama... what are we supposed to do?" one of the servant asked him, taking his mind
away from his memories and back to the present situation.

"Don't try anything funny if you want to see tomorrow." The man's companion suggested
speaking for the first time before he could formulate an answer, and he said it in such a
calm, confident way the threat sounded 10 times more effective. The servants looked back at
him, confused and sd, wd, waiting for instructions. He stared at the strangers feeling
strangely unsure as well. Why those two men could affect them all so much? It was the dark
clothed man who took control of the situation.

"Fine, that's it." He said in a calm, formal tone under which still lingered anger "I'll
take care of your son since you _obviously_ don't plan to do it, so let us in
please." And saying so he made a couple of steps toward him.⁽⁷⁾ His companion
tensed, ready for an attack and so did his servants. He stared first at the man and then at
his son who looked so small and young in that stranger's arms. Come to think, he couldn't
remember the boy being held by anyone after he had learned how to walk. The Kurosaki heir
didn't need to be spoiled and when the boy's..normnormality was discovered, no one wanted to
be close to him nor the boy allowed someone to do so, no matter if he was awake or asle
Ma
Maybe it was that what persuaded him. The fact that Hisoka was allowing the man to hold him.

"Miya⁽⁸⁾. Take them to the guest room." He ordered moving away to let them pass.
Miya, a young maid with short hair and round face, almost jumped hearing her name then
hurried to obey, inviting the duo to follow her. He heard Tasuke asking him if he believed
this was a wise choice but he had no answer to offer to the old servant beside "They helped
my heir, didn't they? We can't refuse them hospitality."

He met the black clothed man's eyes before turning away. They were of a strange variety of
deep blue⁽⁹⁾. Differently from his companion who was glaring suspiciously at
everyone, he was looking straight at him as if the man was trying to understand him, sort
him out. He felt bitterness rising in him as he remembered himself. No one else except
Kasane had ever tried or wanted to do so and, after instructing the servant to not inform
the mistress about what happened, hurried to l.
.

If Nagare had hoped to find peace back in his room he had been severely disappointed. All he
could do was sitting as still as he could to keep himself from starting to walk in circle
like a caged animal, a behaviour completely improper for the head of the family. He closed
his eyes and remembered pausing, before coming here, as the blue-eyed man had thanked him
for allowing them to stay before following Miya inside. He hadn't replied. He shouldn't have
allowed such weird, disrespectful strangers inside his house. He shouldn't have showed such
weakness . Yet... it puzzled him, how the man had intrigued him, how, for a second, he had
wished so madly for his comprehension and approval as he had when he had been a child in
front of his father. He had always feesigesigned to his fate, used to it, hopelessly chained
to it. Why he felt like those foreigners could change this? He frowned. He knew he wouldn't
find the answer in his room so he decided to go searching for it.

Meanwhile, Miya had showed the room to their two new guests and was standing in the middle
of it unsure about what to do after. They were Hisoka-sama's oursours but they also
challenged Danna-sama and she...

"Miya-san isn't it?" the one carrying Hisoka-sama asked. She nodded shyly. Now that she
could give them a good look under the full light of the lamp she realized they were both
quite gorgeous looking if a bit odd. It had to be because they probably came from some big
city, maybe the capital itself. "Would you please get us a futon? The child needs to be laid
down." The man continued, flashing her a warm, smi smile. She blushed profusely and
promptly but clumsily complied, blushing even more when the other man, after catching the
glance his companion gave to him, silently helped her to prepare it. As the futon was ready
the man laid Hisoka-sama down on it with extreme care. The child moaned pitifully and the
man gently caressed his cheek in attempt to soothe him. Miya blinked, in that state
Hisoka-sama seemed so defenseless she was almost forgetting he was cursed. Her musing was
interrupted when the man spoke again "Miya-san? Miya-san, I'm sorry to bother you but I need
some warm water and a cloth to clean him up and... Don't you have a med kit or something?
And I guess he'll need clean clothes also. His are...e mae man trailed off and gritted his
teeth as his mind went back to what that man did to the child. Miya smiled sympathetically
and promised she would get everything and carry it back to them. She paused at the door,
unsure if she could let Hisoka-sama alone with two strangers when the man spoke again.
"Miya-san? What's the child's name? In all the fuss before I didn't get it."

"His name?" it was afectfectly normal request and yet it sounded weird to her. No one really
paid much interest to the Kurosaki heir unless it was in avoiding him "He's named Hisoka.
Kaki aki Hisoka."

The man smiled kindly at the sleeping child, brushing away some strands of the boy's honey
blond hair⁽¹⁰⁾ from the child's forehead.

"Hisoka." He repeated. "Don't worry Hisoka, now you're safe. No one will ever hurt you
again." He said to the sleeping child. Miya smiled again, strangely reassured and left.

When Nagare entered in the guest room he saw the two foreigners had freed themselves of
thjackjackets. The man who had carried his son had loosened his tie, folded the cuffs of his
shirt to just below his elbows and unlatched two of its buttons. There were some bloodstains
on the shirt probably caused by the fact he had been the one who carried the bleeding boy.
The other man was wearing a sleeveless shirt and... well a strap around his neck and one
around his upper left arm under which he could see glimpses of what he believed was a tattoo
of some sort. Definitely weird but what was even weirder were the eyes of the two. In the
pale light of the entrance (and probably also due to his increasing bad sign) he had mistook
them for having respectively blue and brown eyes. Now he could see the eyes of the man who
had carried his son were purple while the other's eyes were red. Both pairs were almost
unnaturally bright and yet beautiful in their own abnormality, like they were amethysts and
rubies. Plus, the one wearing a belt around his neck had dark purple shades in his hair
while the other's hair was thankfully a normal dark brown.

Now he realized why his maids were all betting the two strangers were some sorts of rock
singers. No respectable person in Kamakura would be caught with such weird coloured contact
lenses and painted hair. Not mentioning the belts...

His ancestors were probably all turning in their graves at the thought he allowed such
people to enter in th'oh 'oh so respectable' house. He decided he didn't care. What was done
was done.

"... Kurosaki-san... isn't it?" the brown haired one asked with a bit of hesitancy as if he
wasn't sure he got the name right. He nodded, his gaze falling on his son. They had laid the
boy, now wrapped only in his yukata, on a futon, the dark coat now between him and the bed.
He looked quite pale and he was moaning pitifully. Nagare wondered if he also looked like
that after each night meeting with... he felt nauseous but forced himself not to show his
weakness.

"He hadn't woken up yet." The amethyst-eyed man said, smiling at him sympathetically,
probably believing his distress was due to what happened to his son. He wished he could say
it was. He wished he could be more concerned for his only child than for the good name of
his house. He couldn't. The house had become his obsession. All he could do to prove his
father he deserved his affection was to take care of it. Even if he hated it. He was trapped
in a circle, the same circle in which he was trapping his son. He clenched his fists. He
didn't want it so why was he playing along with his father's plans? While he was lost in his
musing the brown haired man wet a cloth, opened the boy's yukata and started to methodically
wash him from any trace of dirt, blood or... other things. It was then he noticed the blood
on his son's chest was smeared to form an inscription of some sort.

"What are those... signs?" he asked. "Some sort of... rape ritual?"⁽¹¹⁾ He hadn't
expected to receive an answer and was surprised when the man gave him one.

"A Juso." Nagare blinked. "A curse. They're curse marks written with blood to make them more
effective." The man explained sensing his confusion.

"Another curse" Nagare muttered, "As if the boy wasn't cursed enough already." He noticed
the glare the man gave him and turned away his eyes. Foreigners couldn't possibly
understand. The boy had to take his place as clan head. He couldn't have any sort of
weakness or abnormality or... or he would end up like his namesake, he knew Iwao would make
sure of that... and he wasn't sure he knew how to stop his brother.

"I'll see if it can be undone but I can't assure you of good results." The man told him,
brushing gently his son's hair. He looked straight at the man, his eyes widening in
surprise. He saw him placing some clean water in a basin and then adding to it some white
crystals, salt of some sort maybe? He wet in it a new cloth and used it to clean up the
signs on the boy's chest with extreme care, a line at time, very slowly and precisely as if
following a ritual. Nagare blinked as he watched, it couldn't be- but to him it looked like
each line glowed for a second before being washed away by the man.

"How... how is it possible?" He murmured not even sure if he was referring to the glowing,
to the erasing part or to the fact the man knew how to destroy the curse.

"If the curse isn't active it can be kinda... erased as long as I wash away it in the
reverse way compared to how it was written." The man explained as he continued his work
methodically. "We only have to hope that guy didn't manage to active it
all..."⁽¹²⁾ His words sounded doubtful as he worked with agonizing slowness and
accurate precision, pausing to look at the signs after each line had been erased as if
checking he was doing the work the right way. So far it seemed he was.

"Who're you?" Nagare asked him all of sudden as the man paused for the nth time to check how
the work progressed.

"Eh?" The man turned to him, startled, blinking whose unusual coloured and yet so vividly
expressive eyes "Oh, forgive me, we forgot to introduce ourselves, didn't we?" He continued
with an almost ludicrous, guilty expression, which was in sharp contrast with the serious,
firm ones he showed before "I'm Tsuzuki Asato and he's Touda⁽¹³⁾. Pleased to meet
you." He explained smiling friendly. He had a very friendly, yet charming, smile. The sort
of smile that can light up the darkest of the days. On the contrary, the one named Touda
didn't even bother to look friendly or pay him attention. He just stubbornly glared at the
floor, his arms crossed on his chest. Evidently he wasn't pleased about how things were
going. Nagare didn't mind.

"No, I mean, how do you know about curses and how to unmade them." He clarified. The man
looked embarrassed.

"Oh... ehm... let's say I'm kinda an Onmyoji⁽¹⁴⁾..." He stammered returning back
at his work.

"Kind of?" Nagare eyebrows lowered. He wasn't sure if he wanted to risk his heir in the
hands of some Jujutsu amateur.

"That's the easiest way to explain it. Don't worry, I know my work." He assured him. He
worked smoothly for half an hour then frowned looking at the last signs. "It's gonna be
complicated from now on. I don't think those will come off. They're too definite compared to
the others. They're probably active."

"So what now?" Nagare inquired looking at him curiously. The whole thing felt weird, absurd,
like he was watching some movie and not just witnessing a Jushi practicing in his house on
his son.

"If they're active this is gonna stung and it'll probably temporally woke him up no matter
how exhausted he is. If that's the case I'll give you the name of some Juso
expert⁽¹⁵⁾. It'll be better if a professional tampered with it."

"I was under the belief YOU were the professional." Nagare remarked. The man didn't take it
as an insult.

"I'm professional enough but Jujutsu is well... a wide thing to study." He explained gently
as if he was talking to a child "I've not great specific, detailed knowledge over every sort
of Juso. I won't try on a child something when I'm not sure it's the best for him."

"And what you did so far... was the best?"

"The sooner he'll get rid of this the better. Juso tend to have nasty side effects. Now
please be silent. This is gonna be more complicated."

The man smoothed gently the boy's hair before starting again to wash sign after sign. Nagare
watched him silently. So far everything seemed to work well. Only the last bunch of signs
remained and, as the man said, they were unusually clear and well defined for being only
signs drawn with blood. As the man had expected, as soon as he tried erasing one, Hisoka
bolted up screaming. Nagare jumped at the sound but the scream didn't last long. The boy
slumped in the arms of the man who saved him, his green eyes once so bright now glazed and
threatening to close back again. Tsuzuki-san held gently the boy, making sure he was
comfortable, rubbing his back and murmuring soothing words till Hisoka returned back to his
exhausted sleep. When he was sure the boy was asleep again Tsuzuki laid him back down
against the mattress.

"I'll end with washing him with normal water and I'll change him if you don't mind." He said
quietly. He looked... sad. Nagare wondered why, since the boy's well being was clearly not
Tsuzuki-san's problem. He didn't even know the boy. It hit him how someone could care for a
perfect stranger. In his family no one even cared for the most closed relatives... of course
if you excluded how his father had worshipped Iwao but that was another story.

"The servants can take care of it." He offered as he stood.

"I don't mind doing it." The man assured him. "That's all I can do for him right now." He
murmured. Nagare simply nodded. Should he be the one who took care of the boy like that?
Would he be the one, had the boy been normal, been the son of his first wife? Would he be
able to, had his life been a normal one and not the one of the head of the Kurosaki family?
Did he deserve anything that had happened to him since he was no different from his own
father? He had no idea. He paused before leaving, turning to look at the man taking care of
his son.

"Whatever you could need, it doesn't matter what it is, ask the servants and they will give
it to you." He said hurriedly before exiting, without even giving the man a chance to
answer. It was all he was capable of.

After giving the last orders Kurosaki Nagare headed back to his room.

3:30. Too late in his book to try to get some sleep. Too early to get up either. So, with
nothing better to do, he started thinking to how his life was going. He never really paused
to think at it before, persuaded there was nothing he could do to change things and
repeating to himself that things were going the exact way they were supposed to go, so he
had no right to complain. Now, after meeting the two strangers... he wondered. He'd been
taught caring and affection were something you had to deserve, something he would never get
because he was the second born, because he never was very expressive, because Iwao was
already just so special he would never be able to top or at least compare to him. Yet today
he saw a man, a perfect stranger probably a dozen of years younger than him, helping his son
out of a potentially dangerous situation and... taking care of him without even knowing him,
expecting something in return or being forced by the situation. Tsuzuki-san had just seen
the boy in trouble and had... took the child at heart, even if he knew he was cursed, shamed
and disgraced. Would his life have been different had someone took care of him as well,
comforted him and protected him? Nagare smiled a bittersweet smile. He was thinking like a
scared, little child. Yet he couldn't help but wonder...

Tsuzuki sighed. There was nothing else he could do for the child. He had cleaned him, took
care of his injuries, changed him in a clean yukata and put him back to bed. He also had
washed away the signs of the active Juso. There was no need for the child to see what had
been done to him and... well an expert knew how to force them to show up again if necessary.
He smoothed those honey blond hair again as he noticed those young features scrunching up in
pain. The gentle gesture must have helped a bit, as Hisoka seemed to relax back again.

"You didn't get much affection in your life, did you?" he mused. "Too bad cause you're
really a cutie..."

"I doubt he'll appreciate you saying so, since his look is probably what got him in that
trouble." His companion stated coldly. He was in a bad mood, Tsuzuki could clearly tell. He
sighed. He was too exhausted to keep up a discussion. He swore to himself once he was back
home he was going to start a full immersion in his Juso book. Dispelling that one had been
pure hell. Not mentioning the short exchanging of spells he had with Hisoka's attacker and
the scene he witnessed... that poor woman laying on the ground like a broken doll... all
that blood... the sign of the abused child sobbing like he too had sobbed and Ruka's
words⁽¹⁶⁾ coming back to his mind as clear as they would as if she had been
present... He felt a hand on his upper arm and shook his head to fight back the waves of
nausea that had came back to plague him. He turned to meet red eyes, now filled with concern
and weakly smiled back "Are you well?" The other simply asked, temporally forgetting his bad
mood to this more pressing matter.

"Yeah, don't worry. Just tired." He said pushing away from his forehead his dark brown,
rebellious hair. It had been too much all at once and he knew he would never get used to the
smell or the sign of blood ever again...⁽¹⁷⁾ The other snorted. He clearly wasn't
going to buy it but thankfully was allowing him to drop the subject. "What's wrong Touda?"
He asked as the man left his side to sit back against the wall. He should have asked a futon
for Touda too. One of them could use some sleep.

"You really had to save this child _also_, hadn't you?" The other answered
glaring at him, back in his bad mood. "You must have a thing for saving children..." He
never really understood why Tsuzuki felt like it was his duty to take care of everyone
else's business, he just accepted it as a side of the man but this didn't mean he was going
to enjoy babysitting every soul Tsuzuki happened to meet. Especially when that meant Tsuzuki
was going to put himself in trouble.

"Back to this, are we?" Tsuzuki replied and there was mild amusement in his voice "I also
have a 'thing' for taking care of grumpy men..." Touda snorted pretending the matter didn't
regard him "Beside this will teach you to not argue with people while we're on a train." The
man ended up with mocking seriousness.

"He woke me up." He remarked defensively in a low grumble as if this explained it all.

"Couldn't you just have turned on the other side and back to sleep? You really had to smack
him up to the ceiling?" Embarrassed silence followed. Beside Tsuzuki, Touda had never got
used to let others come close to him when he was sleeping. It was stupid because very few
people here in ChiJou could represent a danger to him but his instinct always kicked in
before his common sense. Sensing his embarrassment Tsuzuki switched topic. "Tatsumi is going
to eat us alive for not being back to Tokyo in time." He said with a sad resigned tone.

"Wanna me to eat him first? That I could do very easily." The offer more than helpful
sounded wistful. Touda and Tatsumi had never got along right from day one and when Tatsumi
broke his partnership with Tsuzuki things only became worse.

"I'll prefer no, thank you." He said rolling his eyes. First thing in the morning he had to
phone Kobayashi⁽¹⁸⁾ and tell him to explain to Tatsumi why he wouldn't be in
office. Then he'll ask him to ask Watari, since Kobayashi and computers where somehow
incompatible, to give him the list of the best Juso experts. Of course he knew some but when
you can get access to the list of the best ones why not to use it? Then they've to find a
place where they can eat something, possibly something sweet, get to the station, buy the
tickets and hope they hadn't to wait much for the first train for Tokyo. "Do we have money
enough for two tickets for Tokyo?" He asked to his companion. He had never been good to keep
track of all their expenses therefore he left almost all the money in Touda's hands. Anyway
it wasn't like he didn't know ways to get the man to buy him what he wanted.

"Probably. If you don't overspend it all in desserts." Tsuzuki groaned.

"You know dessert is absolutely the _most_ important meal of the day, don't
you?"⁽¹⁹⁾ He remarked glaring. The other shrugged.

"You can get all the desserts you want after we left this cursed place." Tsuzuki sat near
him learning a bit against his shoulder.

"You feel it too?" He asked.

"To what exactly are you referring? The presence of some earth bound Yurei in the nearby
pond or the lingering scent of some water Bakemono on our houseguest?⁽²⁰⁾ And
trust me, you don't want to know how he knew what his son is going through right now."
Tsuzuki frowned.

"It's like... this place is filled with... YouKi but not only. I don't really like the
feeling I get here Touda. It felt like my home but without Ruka in it." He admitted.

"We'll leave tomorrow early." The other assured him.

"Do you think it's fair to abandon those people? Hisoka's merely a child and I don't think
Kurosaki-san is that bad after all and the servants..."

"Tsuzuki!" Touda interrupted him. "Don't even start. It's their problem and they will deal
with it. We aren't even welcome and we're waited at Tokyo. You want to keep Kobayashi as a
partner don't you?" Tsuzuki nodded. "Then you'll better not leave him all to himself. That
guy looks barely able to recognize his own shoes. I don't want to know what he'll do if they
send him on a case alone." Not that Touda really care if Kobayashi ended up in a million of
pieces or more it was just he knew Tsuzuki would feel as if he was the one guilty for it
even if he was on the other side of the world.

"I know, I know. It's just..." He rubbed his cheek against Touda's shoulder as a pet in
search of attentions. Touda groaned but shifted so the man could rest more comfortably instinst him. "I feel like I'm abandoning them." Touda snorted.

"You're too soft. Try get some sleep. We've to be up early tomorrow." He said closing his
eyes. Tsuzuki straightened and moved back near to the child. Touda opened his eyes and
frowned. "Tsuzuki. Get some sleep. Now." He ordered in a commanding tone. Half of the time
that tone got Tsuzuki to obey.

"Tomorrow." Tsuzuki answered back with a tone that didn't leave space to discussion. "I'll
sleep tomorrow during the travel back to Tokyo. Tonight I'll take care of Hisoka. It's all I
can do for him." It made him feel miserable to just look at the child and knowing, after all
that little boy went through, no one cared enough to stay with him for the night. It
reminded him of long, empty lonely days and nights in which all he could do was staring at
the window waiting for someone to put him out of his misery. It was something a child that
young shouldn't ever experience.

"Do as you prefer." Touda grumbled, crossing his arms behind his head and closing back his
eyes. He hated when Tsuzuki was like that. It wasn't his fault if no one cared for the
child, it wasn't his fault what that pedophile did and yet here he was dealing with all that
as if it was his specific responsibility. Ok, so he probably was still free and alive
because the man was done like that and hadn't abandoned him at the first sign of trouble but
this didn't mean he had to enjoy when Tsuzuki reserved the same attentions he gave to him
for other people who were probably going to betray his trust first chance they get.

"Touda... do you want to lean on me? I'm more comfortable than a wall, you know..." All he
got as an answer was a snort. Some people were just too proud to accept help. Tsuzuki smiled
anyway. "Hey, Touda?"

"What now?" It was the irritate answer.

"I'm glad you're here with me. I would feel lost and miserable if I was here all alone." He
said in a low tone without looking back at him.

"I know." The other answered after a moment of silence. "Scoot over. If you're going to be
my pillow you'll better be a comfortable one." Tsuzuki smiled as he changed his position so
the other could lean against him. It was really easy to get Touda to do something as long
as one knew the right button to push. "And wipe that self-satisfied smirk from your face.
I'm merely going along because one of us will have to be well rested and fully functional
tomorrow when we're going to leave." Tsuzuki suppressed a chuckle as he smoothed the man's
hair gently the same way he did with the child.

"I know, I know." He assured him. Touda merely snorted. He didn't really mean to go along
with Tsuzuki's idea but he knew the man depended a lot on physical contact and he was
already too stressed to leave him deal with all that had happened alone. Beside, he really
made a comfortable pillow and Tsuzuki's hand as he smoothed his hair... He didn't even
realize he was falling asleep. Tsuzuki smiled at the sign his expression turning worried as
he looked back at the child. A side of him refused to abandon the child there, in that cold
house. Something was telling him that guy would return back to finish what he started. He
went back to their meeting frowning. He had been a stupid to throw himself head down in a
fight with another Jushi without even pausing to think at the consequences. Yet, when he saw
the man holding the knife high over the kid a flash of what had already happened in the past
came to his mind and he just... couldn't help it. His memories, after seeing that, were
blurry, confused. He knew he used some spells but couldn't remember which ones, and knew the
man answered with some of his own. He didn't remember how he got the man to leave the child
or when. He couldn't remember what the man told him but he was sure he had spoken. He was
mostly... in automatic. He had been able to use spells because he knew them from childhood
and could recite them without even thinking. He knew some side of his mind must have
realized his adversary was powerful. He knew he was going to be an easy target anyway in
that state of mind and probably, hadn't Touda be there as well, he would be as dead as that
poor girl. Not that he would have minded, there had been a time in his life he had almost
begged for death and he still wasn't exactly sure why he was going on, but his death would
have caused Touda to end up all alone and he had promised him he wouldn't abandon him. He
only wondered if one day he would manage to... stop his past from dragging him toward
insanity or if he would give it up as a lost cause. The child whimpered catching his full
attention. He sighed as he returned to caress the boy's hair soothing him. He was a real
jerk sitting there worrying about himself when that poor child...

He closed his eyes for a second in exhaustion. He couldn't abandon the child like that so
he'd better start to think about something to help him out. Touda was likely not going to be
pleased but... but he couldn't, wouldn't abandon the child like he had been. He wouldn't
abandon someone ever again he decided as he rested one hand over Touda's head and with the
other held Hisoka's. He smiled then. It could be he didn't belong to that world but at least
he too had a reason to live, protect the people he cared about and as he remembered himself
that, spending the rest of the night awake guarding Touda and Hisoka's sleep didn't seem so
bad. In fact, weird enough, it was like guarding his family's sleep.

JJ's Notes:

1. Nagare always showed a lot of respect for his ancestors in the manga... but he didn't
   seem too happy of his position as head (and who can blame him for that?).
   
2. I think Nagare loved Kasane and that the main reason he married Rui was because she
   looked like her. I also think after loosing Kasane and the baby and meeting Yatonokami
   Nagare found 'difficult' to get attached to someone else as he was with Kasane.
   
3. Hisoka's parents never took well Hisoka's empathy and considered him a Bakemono or a
   cursed child due to it. They also hid him in the basement every time they believed he was
   using it.
   
4. Hisoka looks a lot like Nagare when he was young (See YnM Chap. 74) however I think
   there are some differences in their behaviour (it's just Nagare who didn't notice them).
   Even if in the manga Hisoka says he hated his father I don't think Nagare hates him back
   even if I seriously doubt he loved him. All in all I think he simply had no idea what to do
   with him.
   
5. Tasuke is one of Nagare's servants in the manga too. He's the one who saw him going to
   Iwao with a small blade and the one who went with Tatsumi and Miya to search for him later.
   
6. Hazama Rinko was the Kurosaki's family doctor in the manga too. She died a month before
   the 'Tsuzuki & Hisoka's Shikigami Series'.
   
7. Yes, Tsuzuki is deliberately very impolite behaving that way with Nagare but he was
   quite upset...
   
8. Miya is the 'most famous' maid in the Kurosaki house since she gets a lot of
   light in all the 'Tsuzuki & Hisoka's Shikigami series'. She seems nice and caring.
   I've no idea if she was working for the Kurosaki in 1993 but I think so.
   
9. Tsuzuki with blue eyes? Well... people apparently never paid much attention to Tsuzuki's
   unusual eyes colour in the manga. I figure they either didn't realize it was purple due to
   bad illumination (and the closest normal colour I could think was blue) or believed he was
   wearing coloured contact lenses. Nagare's eye sight is getting bad. In the dim light he
   mistook Tsuzuki's eyes for blue and when he got to give them a good look he simply assumed
   he was wearing coloured lenses. I don't think the Kamakura people would have allowed a guy
   with abnormal eye colour to enter in their village if they believed the colour was natural,
   not mentioning entering in the Kurosaki house...
   
10. About the hair colour... Since in the various pics about Hisoka and Tsuzuki are used
    various shades for their hair colour I state now that in this fic Hisoka's hair will be
    honey blond. The same goes for Nagare and Iwao. Tsuzuki's are a dark brown.
    
11. I may be wrong but the signs on Hisoka's body don't look like... readable kanji... the
    same goes for the writing over some of the Fuda used in the manga. So in this fic whatever
    spell, curse, Fuda or such will be written in magic runes (unless specified differently) and
    therefore normal people will not be able to read them. That's why, to Nagare, the writing on
    Hisoka's body had no sense.
    
12. No idea how a Juso works (especially the one Muraki used on Hisoka) and how to dispel
    it. In some fantasy books it's mentioned you can deactivate a spell doing a reverse version
    of the process used to create it so I figured it can work with Hisoka's curse as well. Of
    course this doesn't apply if the curse had been activate. You DON'T tamper with an active
    spell in the same way you don't attempt to disassemble an engine while it's working. Oh, and
    if you're wondering about why Tsuzuki has some knowledge about Juso... I supposed they're a
    branch of Jujutsu. Tsuzuki doesn't use them but had some Juso knowledge because he needs to
    know them to be able to deal with them. As for why it can be that only part of the Juso is
    active... I suppose since the curse Muraki put on Hisoka is quite complex and had various
    effects it isn't just a single curse but more a 'series of curses' or, if you prefer,
    a 'list of actions the curse had to do'. He activated each part of the curse once he
    had done writing it. Since he didn't finished writing it he didn't manage to active it all.
    
13. Touda is one of Tsuzuki's 12 Shikigami. Tsuzuki summoned him in the 'Kyoto arc'
    to kill himself. As all the Shikigami he has two forms, one of a flying snake (the one
    showed in the 'Kyoto Arc') and one human looking. So, what's Touda doing in Kamakura
    with Tsuzuki? It'll be explained later. Why he's in his human form? Nobody said Shikigami
    can't use that form in ChiJou, Caesar used both his two forms while he was in Okinawa (see
    Vol. 6) and no, I don't think Caesar had a third who's human looking. Where his visor went?
    It'll be explained. Oh and yes, in this fic he's a Shikigami. I didn't turn him into a
    human. Why he had red eyes? In a coloured pic Matsushita-san gave him red eyes. Plus all the
    Shikigami who appeared in coloured pics had red eyes so Iure ure red eyes are a Shikigami's
    characteristic. Why he had black hair with purple shades? Almost everyone in and out of
    Japan thinks he has black hair. Point is Matsushita-san in a coloured pic gave him purple
    hair. Since I'm not sure if that is his definitive hair colour (She did 2 pics of Kurikara
    one with red and one with black hair, and various pic of Tsuzuki with black, brown and even
    blue hair) I opted for a solution that mixed both possibilities.
    
14. Onmyoji are Onmyodo practicing. Onmyodo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology,
    divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the
    forces of nature. Onmyoji can invoke and channel power from natural elements and spirits,
    into talismans (like Fuda). They are both magician (they can draw power from nature) and
    sorcerer (they can draw power from deities and spirits (including plants and animals)),
    they're skilled in the disciplines of astrology and fortune telling and they can also summon
    Shikigami.
    
15. The expert people Tsuzuki talks about aren't evil guys, just people who studied Juso for
    knowledge purpose.
    
16. Ruka was Tsuzuki's sister. She's mentioned in the manga but never showed. All the info
    the manga gave us are she taught Tsuzuki how to dance a waltz and how to cook. When Tsuzuki
    saw the murdered woman he remembered something his sister told him.
    
17. In Vol. 1 and 7 the sign and the smell of blood shocks Tsuzuki quite a bit. I conserved
    his 'aversion' for blood in this fic even if I made up his own reason for it.
    
18. Kobayashi was one of Tsuzuki's partners. He got a mention in the first story in Volume
    1, 'Two On The Opposite Coast Of The River'. Right now he is Tsuzuki's partner.
    
19. "You know dessert is absolutely the _most_ important meal of the day,
    don't you?" Tsuzuki said something similar in the 1st episode of the 'Nagasaki Arc'.
    
20. I figured since Shikigami are part animals they have better senses than normal humans.
    That's why Touda can pick up the Yatonokami's scent on Nagare. Plus both he and Tsuzuki have
    a strong Reikan (spirit sense or ability to detect spirits or supernatural things) so
    p
    perceive there's something not normal there.