Numb

I just want to thank people for all the support; I\'ve never gone and written a full chapter only half a day after posting the previous one. ^^ Thanks for the cookies Bloodrose, they\'re nice and yummy, they kept me alive long enough to type all this up. ^^ Oh boy! Well this chapter kinda delves into my idea for Shu\'s past and centers on the relationship between Brad and Shu. *is still not sure weather or not she should make them get together* I\'ve only seen the episodes before and after the one where they find out about Farfie\'s past (including that episode) so I don\'t really know if them tell about his past or not, but it\'s my take on things. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Same as before, don\'t own\'em, just make their lives hell.

//telepathic communication//

Chapter 2: Guilty

Letting out a low moan, I curl up into a ball, pulling the sheets over my head against the invading sunlight. I’m thoroughly convinced that sunlight is the root of all evil, hell, almost anything is with a headache like this.

“Good, your awake.” Huh? Pulling the covers down just enough to find out who had invaded his privacy, he was greeted by an almost violent blue clad boy. Oh, Nagi.

“Out, now.” I mumble as I point to the door. He hurt to much to care why Nagi had the gall to be in his room without permission.

“Would you like me to send some medicine up with Crawford later?” Peaking out from my shelter, I suddenly find a new love for the boy.

“Please?” I watch as he shakes his head and leaves. He waited until the footsteps faded before letting out an exasperated sigh and falling back against the bed. Memories of the previous evening returned slowly, and with it came the familiar coldness. Damn it Abyssian! Are we not happy with just causing pain? Must you drag me into your pit of depression as well? Sighing he flopped his arm over his eyes. He hated depression more than anything, it always brought him the most pain and it never passed quickly. Soon memories of his childhood would resurface and once he was done hating himself and his father he’d have to spend weeks carefully rebuilding the walls he had so painstakingly constructed ever since Esset had saved him from the pits of hell that was Germany. He had nothing against Germany. In all reality he loved Germany. It was a nice place, he loved the music, the people and their violent ways, the language, it was just the small villages that he hated. They reminded him too much of his own village full of cowards and his good-for-nothing father that did nothing to protect him from the abuse that was rained down upon him.

Sighing yet again, he rolled over on his side, curling into a ball. It hadn’t been his fault that nobody would teach him ho use use his powers safely. It wasn’t his fault that whenever he had got scared or mad his powers would go crazy, along with the closest living thing. He’d only been nine, how was he supposed to know? He’d been scared, he didn’t mean to drive the old man insane.

By now tears were streaming down his face, staining his pillow. He shut his eyes, trying to shut out the memories of his mother\'s screams. His mother had tried to protect him from the soldiers. She had begged for mercy, saying it wasn’t his fault, that it was an accident. She had turned to his father begging him to understand, to spare him. He just turned away as they shot her down. It’s your fault she’s dead. You killed her. You should have controlled it better, but no, you drove that man insane and so she died in your place. Next time there won’t be anyone to protect you. Now you know why I named you Shuldig.

“SHUT UP!!” Falling off the bed, onto the ground, it was all he could do to keep from pulling his hair out from the roots. His mother had loved his hair. He had always kept it long for her. She had always told him how beautiful and soft it was, she had said he had the hair of an angle. Yeah, an angle of death. He’d tried his hardest to control his powers after that, he stopped making friends so that they wouldn’t be at risk, besides, no parent allowed their child to be around him long enough to make friends anyway. He hardly slept, he was lucky if he ate more than once every two or three days, he was constantly beaten up and picked on. The hatred wasn’t limited to just the children though, the adults were the cruelest, especially his father, the drunk bastard that he was. He’d been alone all for seven years, and had it not been for Esset, he would have ultimately lost his mind to the demons that plagued his nights.

He’d been sixteen when they’d found him, beaten, raped, and half frozen to death out in the snow, blood pooling around his dying body. When he’d woken up in one of their hospitals a week later and they offered to take him in, protect him, and teach him how to use his powers, and in return all he had to do was become an assassin for them, he’d accepted immediately. Anything was better than that life, even if it meant killing people.

For four years they trained him at Rosenkruez, rebuilt him, turned the terrified child into the cocky, smart-ass he was now. He’d regained his confidence, became stronger, healthier, and over all happier. They had even given him the option to use medication if the nightmares visited him too constantly. Even when they had started placing him into teams during that final year, he’d been happy. When they had placed him in Schwartz, they had thought it was a failure, yet he had demanded they leave him in the team and had refused to work for anyone but Brad. They’d had no other choice, and although yes, it had been a rocky start, they were not disappointed.

He’d been with Schwartz for four years now and even when he’d been fighting Weiss, he’d loved every minute of it. He loved planting strange images into innocent little Nagi’s mind, and watching Farfarello was amusing on its own, no need for him to step in there. Brad was the funniest to mess with of course. Pushing Brad’s buttons was the greatest, all he had to do was be careful not to do too much or he’d be punished and put into solitary confinement for the rest of the day.

He shuddered at this thought. Solitary confinement was a punishment that Rosenkruez had discovered early on and found it the most effective. He hated to be alone, not only that, but he was claustrophobic to boot. After spending seven years alone, and even longer being locked in a closet as punishment when he was a child, he had little desire to go back to such cruel ways. He could take beatings, but not being alone in a small room. It freaked him out, caused him to lose control. It was because of this, that he always got the biggest bedroom. He could only be alone if there was at least one window and he couldn’t touch more than one wall at the same time. He also had to have either the window or the door cracked open. If he didn’t, he’d feel closed in and he’d hyperventilate and pass out. It scared him more than anything, which was another reason why he liked Brad. Brad only locked him up like Farfarello if he had done something deathly bad or Esset forced him to, thankfully that didn’t happen too often.

“I thought we were done spazzing for the day.” He jumped when Brad spoke, whirling around. Brad just looked down at him, his normal scowl replaced with a look of concern at the sight of the disheveled German. “Nagi wasn’t exaggerating when he said you looked like hell. Tell me you weren’t actually startled when I said that just now?” I just look down at my hands, ashamed of myself for slipping so much. Sitting down next to me, he hands me a water bottle and some pills. “Here, this’ll help.”

Shoving the pills in my mouth I open the bottle and take several gulps before capping it and thanking him. Closing my eyes, I lay his head back against the bed and relax. He could never have done this around anyone else, yet, he trusted Brad more than anyone else. He didn’t understand why, really, they’d both guessed it was because they both felt similar pains and were forced to relive their pasts whenever their “gifts” got out of hand. He couldn’t really blame it on anything else; it wasn’t as if he could connect with Nagi and Farfarello in the same way.

“You gave me an anti-depressant along with the pain killers, didn’t you?” I said, opening my right eye to look at him.

“And if I did?” A smile crept up on his face; he knew the drugs were working.

“I think I’m gonna have to get Farfie to let up on God a little as a thanks for giving you the ability to see the future along with common sense.” Smiling I stand up, swaying a little, as I make my way towards my dresser. Opening the second drawer I pull out one of my many green tank tops. “Now tell me, how long have I been out this time?” Pulling it on I note that I’m only wearing boxers and go looking through my third drawer for jeans.

“You’ve been out for three days. This was one of the worse incidents.” He just sits there watching me get dressed.

“Three days, damn! I haven’t done that badly in a long time. Not since we supposedly killed Weiss at least! Tell me it wasn’t a waste.”

“It wasn’t. Esset was just as intrigued by Abyssian as we were. They’re letting us keep him for the time being.”

“Has he woken up yet?” I start hunting for my brush. I really need to clean my room more often.

“About a day and a half ago.”

“Really, said anything about being with his former enemies?”

“Actually, he hasn’t said a thing at all. We doubt he even knows who we are. That’s the reason they’re letting us keep him. They want to know what caused it and whether or not they can use him as an assassin.”

“Of course. No wonder they put him in there.” I mumble as I find my brush next to a pile of dirty clothes. Picking up both, I toss the clothes into the hamper in the corner.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What exactly did you see?”

“That’s the thing. I didn’t see anything. That’s why I hate asylums. There’s always someone who doesn’t think or feel. They just shut down completely. It’s like they have no soul, like they’re an empty shell.” He turned and looked directly into Brad’s eyes. “When I invaded Abyssian’s head all I could feel was coldness. It was everywhere, I couldn’t breath. I panicked. It was just too much to handle so I passed out. What’s worse is the fact that when I woke up I could still feel it’s effects, hence the reason I got depressed. Depression eats away at the mind, and for someone like me, it’s extremely easy to get. I could just barely touch some guy’s head and still feel it’s effects a day later. I hate it. It always takes forever to go away.”

“I see.”

“So what did you find out?” Quickly changing the subject, I walk over to the mirror and begin running the brush through my hair.

“Not much. Weiss has definitely disbanded, though we’re no quite sure why yet.” He looks at me through the mirror. “Do you have any idea what could cause something like this?” Setting down the brush I let out a sigh, going over everything I knew about Abyssian.

“Well,” I pause. “he did have a thing for Balinese. I think they ended up getting together not long before his sister woke up, at least, I think.”

“They were!? And you never told me?!\"

“I didn’t think it was important enough to mention.” Shrugging I look around my room. “What did you guys do with my bandana anyway?” Shaking his head, Brad points towards the door where my coat and bandana are hanging on the hook. “Oh.”

“And to think all those times we could have used that against them...”

“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t ask the right questions.” Grabbing my bandana I walk back to the mirror and begin putting it in my hair.

“Okay, so we’ll assume for now that the rest of Weiss is still dead. Now knowing that those two loved each other we could probably guess that he lost it after watching Balinese die.”

“So?” I make one last adjustment and then walk over and climb onto my bed, reaching to open my window.

“So that would explain why he’s withdrso mso much dimwit.” He turned his head to watch me.

“Ah, I see. So you\'re just now realizing this?” he just growls at me asie die down on my bed, reaching out for my pillow on the floor. “It was kinda obvious why he was there from the beginning. Kritiker was stupid with how they used him and put too much pressure on him for too long and he cracked yet again, only this time Balinese wasn’t there to put him back together again.”

“Hmm...so it might be possible to recreate him. If he doesn’t remember anything and doesn’t know that we’ve tried to kill him in the past, we cake ike it look as if we saved him from them.”

“Good job! You figured it all out, and to think, it only took you three days!” Laughing he rolls over and hangs his head off the side. “And on a completely different note, you really need to pick your nose, it’s kinda gross looking at all those lovely green boogers.”

“ I think it’s apparent that you\'re feeling better.”

“Thanks to you babe!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Aaawww...why not? It suits you so well! Hey! Where do yink ink your going?”

m prm pretty sure I’ve gotten all I can out of you for now, and I’d rather not be subject to an idiot’s mindless dribble”

“Aaww... your so mean! I’m just trying to have some fun. I guess I can go back to thinking about the crappiness of my childhood and how much I hate my father if you want.”

“No, I’d rather you just got a little more serious. This could change the way of life for us and your rolling around making a joke of of life.”

“I’m hungry.” His stomach growled.

“AGH!” Opening the door Brad left.

“Hey! Come back!” Rolling off his bed he ran down the hall and followed Brad down the stairs. “It’s not my fault I’m hungry! I haven’t eaten in three days. Jeez, lighten up!” Brad just flipped him off and went into his study, slamming the door in his face. “Jeez, ya don’t have to be such a jackass about it.” After sticking his tongue out at the door he went to the kitchen and went hunting for Red October.

“I see someone is high off happy pills.” Nagi was sitting at the table eating a sandwich with a book in his hands. It looked like it was French.

“So what if I am?” Opening the refrigerator he began taking out stuff for a sandwich of his own. “For your own sake, I hope you left me some tomato.”

“There’s three of them in there Shu. We all know about your obsession with the things. Why would we be caught without them?”

“Good question. I have a better one. Who can live without them?” Nagi just rolled his eyes and went back to his book. Taking out a hoagie roll he placed the ham, lettuce, Swiss cheese, tomato, and more Swiss cheese onto the bread. Yumm...sammich. Placing the stuff back into the fridge, he picked up the hoagie and sat down across from the kid and picked up the paper. Brad loved the things yet the only good thing he could find in them was the funnies. Pulling them out he scanned over them, reading the ones that caught his eye. There was only one thing missing to his picture of contentment. Looking up he blinked and looked around.

“Where’s Farfie?”

“He tried to cut up the cat yesterday so he’s currently hanging upside down in his closet”

“Oh. I see.”

“What’s Crawford doing?”

“From the feel of it, I think he’s on his computer. Hmm...he\'s frustrated about something, not sure what though. You know I can never get more than a half decent reading of him.” Shrugging I take another bite of mndwindwich.

“I suppose it doesn’t help to be drugged?”

“Nope. I’m getting fuzz around your thoughts and there’s no way I could talk to you telepathically right now.”

“How reassuring.”

“By the way, lovely story your reading. I didn’t think you knew German. What’s really surprising is that a German guy would write romance.” He laughed as Nagi’s face turned beat red. “What, are you embarrassed that you read about sex and you’ve beaughaught, or is it that it’s yaoi?” It was all he could do not to fall out of his chair laughing at the kid. He looked mortified at the fact that he had said two very forbidden words in front of him.

“Stop laughing!” He didn’t think there was a more violent shade of red, but the boy showed him other wise, causing him to crack up even more. Clutching his side he tried to calm down some.

“Sorry short-stuff, but really, you should see yourself, you’d laugh too!” a few more giggle erupted from him before he got up to put both their plates away, ruffling his hair on the way. “Don’t worry about it kid. Brad still seems to think your just as asexual as he is, but I knew you’d hit puberty sooner or later and need to find some way to vent off that kind of frustration. Tell you the truth I’m kinda glad your just reading about it instead of running around whoring yourself off to anything that moves. Though I am kind of surprised your not experimenting yet.” he saw the puzzled look on the kid’s face and realized he hadn’t gotten quite that graphic with his reading material yet. Ruffling his hair again he leaned over the kid’s shoulders and smiled. “Don’t worry kid you’ll understand soon enough,” Picking up the book, he looked at the title and knew immediately where he’d gotten this particular book. “So that’s what you we’re doing in my room. I thought Bradly was just having you check to see if I was awake. Good cover kid!”

“I’m sorry. I should have asked.”

“Aw, it’s okay kid.” he handed the booked back to Nagi. “You were embarrassed. As far as you know, sex is bad for someone your age, no thanks to Brad of course.” Winking he went and sat down again. “Tell me when you\'re done and depending on how ya like it, we can go from there.”

“You mean you won’t tell Craw?” God the kid looks cute. It’s kinda scary now that I think about it.

“Course not. I’ll leave it to you to disguise this for however long you wish. After all, rebellion is fun!”

“Thank youmuchmuch Shu!” Okay now this is getting just a little too scary and way too cute.

“Sure kid, now, where did’ja put the cat?”

“He’s in the spare bedroom that we store stuff in.”

“Thanks.” Getting up I leave the kitchen, going through the living room, up the stairs past Brad’s study, and down the end of the hall. No wonder I got depressed earlier, he’s so close to my room it must have taken twice as long for me to recover. Stopping outside his door, I smirk.

“Well, this certainly will be interesting, now won’t it Aya?”


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So what do ya think? Celine Dion music really helps writing angst I\'ve found ^^\' I couldn\'t resist putting in the Nagi thing at the end; it was too cute an idea to pass up. By the way, I\'m confused as to whom Schwartz ultimately works for. Some stories say they work for Esset and others say Rosenkreuz. I\'m just gonna leave it at Rosenkreuz for now at least until someone tells me how this works, and to do that you have to REVEIW (BTW: I do know that they worked for Takatori until he died, and that they were really working for Esset at the time.)

By the way, Shuldig means guilty in German so that\'s kinda why I poke at it using Shu\'s father, umm, yes his parents knew he was telepathic (how, i have no clue ^^\'), Shu is special and gets fast working medication (we can\'t have insane psycho powers running amuck now can we?), and the Red October thing comes from the movie Hunt for Red October about a German sub that gets hunted down by an American sub ^^’

Please review again! I type more and post sooner if you do!

**Thanks again Bloodrose, you help me so much. I edited the story and made the appropriate changes. Rosenkreuz is the place where Schwartz trained and Esset owned both Schwartz and Rosenkreuz. Thanks again Bloodrose ^^ **