The Scars Remind Us

“...And on the third floor should be the building’s back up power reactor. One of us will have to sneak up there while the guards are distracted on the second floor. I think, with his skills, that Yohji would probably be best for that... and then, when the reactor is down the rest of us will split for the sixth floor. I’ll hack open the doors from the central control room, which should still have enough power to run for about three or four minutes after the lights go out. Then Ken will keep guard while Ran completes the assassination.”

Yohji raised a hand. “What do I do after shutting down the reactor?”

Omi smiled. “Stay there so no one can turn the power grid back on. They might send reinforcements.” Yohji nodded in approval. “Let’s get this party started!” Omi closed up the laptop.

The lights started to power off one by one. That was the cue. Ken followed behind the sound of Ran’s footsteps as fast as he could. Maybe it was just the blinding darkness, but for some reason, he didn’t seem to be moving as fast as he usually could. He should have caught Ran in his sights again, but he was too far ahead. It was frustrating. On a normal day, he knew he could outrun Ran... his lungs were already burning. An ex-soccer player getting winded this fast?

He could feel the anger rising up in his chest and into his skull as he pressed himself harder. “Come on Siberian! You’re slowing me down!” Ran’s harsh tone struck at him like a knife.

“Yeah, sorry!” Ran’s trench coat whipped around the dark corner, then down the long hallway to the main office.

“Mishinaka Naota! Face your death!” He could hear Ran’s voice, but the darkness was thick enough to shroud the entire scene.

“Nooooo! Nooo!”

Footsteps pounding. A scream.

“Siberian!”

He couldn’t tell which direction the voice was coming from. Then, suddenly, from out of the darkness emerged a figure. Ran? No! Mishinaka! He didn’t unsheathe his claw fast enough and the figure slammed into him, knocking him to the floor hard, then running past down the hall.

A hand seized the collar of Ken’s shirt, a strong arm lifting him off the floor to his feet. He caught a brief glimmer from Ran\'s katana. “Idiot! What are you thinking!? You let the target escape!” Ran’s hand came straight across Ken’s face, sending a stinging sensation down even to his neck. “Wake up! We have to catch him!”

The flights after flights of stairs seemed to go on with no end in sight. Mishinaka could barely keep hold of his breath, as out of shape as he was, but this run was for his life. He’d push every muscle until it dissolved to a pile of goo before giving up. He would die trying to escape rather than let the assassins have their way with him.

Suddenly a pale light appeared, almost stinging his eyes. A croaking laugh dryly forced itself from his mustached lips. Freedom. Sweet freedom.

Mishinaka fell to the ground hard, sliding several feet before his heart even stopped beating. The muddy ground nearly enveloped him, covering the wide-eyed look of horror that was now frozen to his chubby face. The bolt sticking halfway out his jugular glinted for a moment, then went dull, as if mimicking the soul as it escaped from its cold, fleshy cage.

Ran and Ken caught up, stopping in their tracks with the sight of their target’s corpse. Omi jumped down from the awning over the doorway, his crossbow still in hand and in ready. “Hey! What happened?”

Ken put his hands on his knees and gasped for air. “I screwed up.”

“You don’t look so good, are you all right?”

Ran crossed his arms and diverted his gaze. “We should have left him behind.“

******

“You need bed rest! Stop struggling, dammit!” Yohji flinched only slightly as Ken’s elbow knocked the back of his head. Yohji repositioned the wily brunette over his shoulder and continued down the hall.

\"You don\'t have to do this! I can walk, dammit!\"

Omi opened the door to Ken\'s room briskly, allowing plenty of space for Yohji and Ken to go through. \"You almost blacked out. We can\'t take chances like that. Imagine if we\'d been chased down by guards or something.\"

\"I\'d of taken their fucking heads off!\" Ken pounded his fist on Yohji\'s back.

\"That\'s not what I saw.\" Ran crossed his arms, refusing to look at his companion. Ken could feel the anger that was still seeping from the older boy’s skin. Yohji flipped Ken onto his bed gently. Ken sat up with an irked knit in his brow. \"And you can\'t go on missions sick! You\'ll just be a burden,\" Ran trailed from the doorway.

\"A...burden?\" Ken said, only slightly above a whisper. \"But-but you don\'t understand! This is all I have! If I can\'t fight, then I\'m just useless!\" Ken\'s words were choked, his eyes glassy and red.

\"Exactly.\"

Ran\'s voice cut Ken straight in the heart. He tried to scramble from the bed, only to be forced back down by a firm shove from Ran. \"Idiot! God damned idiot! You could have gotten us fucking killed! Lay down and shut up!\" Everyone took a step back. Ran\'s words had pinned Ken down to his bed. Beside that, it was so rare to hear Ran curse and yell out so emotionally, even in anger.

Ken felt as though the knife earlier lodged in his chest had now split all the way through his heart. The pain was so real. But it wasn\'t just his heart that was hurting... he could swear he felt just a little bit of himself shrivel up and die. Then a warm, almost stinging sensation rolled down his face, dangling from his chin for a moment, and then finally dropping down onto his shirt.

Ran looked straight at him, so indifferently, so coldly that everything but the pain suddenly went numb. It was only then he realized he had been holding his breath. He had never felt so hated in his life. The callous boy\'s gaze was still tightly locked on him. He wished they would all just leave him alone, go away and never come back. \'Stop staring, Ran! Stop fucking staring and leave me alone!\' His head pounded. He rolled away from them, visibly shaking from his tears.

Omi felt his throat clot up at the sight of Ken\'s tears, the intense shaking that ensnared his entire body. He almost felt like crawling in a corner himself, somewhere, anywhere where he didn\'t have to see Ken in pain. He just wanted to make it all right. He just wanted to fling himself onto the bed and cradle Ken in his arms, to stroke his beautiful chocolate brown hair and touch his golden skin. He felt his fingers curl up into themselves. \"This is what\'s best, Ken-kun... you have to get better...\"

The shivering figure laid on the bed his throat emitting strange sounds like creaks or moans. Ken\'s voice had escaped him.

\"I\'ll go make you some soup, Ken-kun. It\'ll help you get back on your feet.\" Omi watched Ken intently, but he gave no reaction. It was so unlike Ken to just say nothing at all.

Hesitantly, the three boys left the room in single file, shutting the door behind them. Ken couldn\'t get himself to move. He felt broken. Time seemed to stand still. It could have been minutes, days, years, but the burning in his heart did not subside. \'Why do I feel this way?\' His mind reeled. \'Why does it have to hurt so much? I can\'t live like this. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.\'

******

The wooden door emitted a hollow thud as Omi dropped his forehead against it. Yohji sat gracefully across the couch, flicking open the top of his zippo. Omi turned toward him, wanting to tell him he wasn\'t allowed to smoke in the house, but he just didn\'t have the energy or the will. It didn\'t matter anyway. Ran had shut himself up in his room since the incident with Ken. Maybe he felt bad for the hurtful things he had said, or maybe he was just tired or drained. Any way, it didn\'t really matter. \"If you\'re gonna do that, you might want to turn off the smoke detector.\"

Though Omi couldn\'t see it, Yohji flashed him a very confused look. It wasn\'t very often that anyone caught Omi without a smile on his face. \"Hey, you need a drink? I won\'t tell if you do.\"

Omi paused for a second. \"Yeah, maybe I do need a little. My nerves have gone haywire and I don\'t know what else to do.\"

Without a moment\'s hesitation, Yohji stepped over to the bar in the den, thoughtlessly flicking open the little bronze lock with a simple twist of a key. He pulled out a bottle and two medium sized glasses. \"Rum and coke all right?\" Omi nodded. He really didn\'t care at this point.

\"Ken hasn\'t been himself, lately, has he?\" Omi and Yohji sat down on the floor next to the coffee table and each took hold of his respective drink. \"I mean, he\'s just been beating himself up, like out in the cold, on the mission... even when we tried to get him back in his room. It\'s like he holds no respect for himself.\" He took a small sip of his drink and brushed a few locks of strawberry hair from his eyes. \"He doesn\'t talk much anymore, either.\"

\"You\'re right, Omi-chan. He\'s usually a happy guy, and kind of a chatterbox at times.\"

\"I don\'t think I\'ve heard him laugh in over a week.\" Omi resisted the urge to just slam his entire drink right at that moment. A sigh wafted from Omi\'s lips and he pulled the black ski cap off his head.

Yohji put a hand on the youngest boy\'s shoulder, trying vainly to comfort him. He really wasn\'t sure there was anything he could do. \"You really do care about him, don\'t you, Omi-chan?\"

Omi\'s face twisted. \"I didn\'t mean to fall in love with him, Yohji-kun... it\'s just... he\'s so...\" A tear fell from his eye and landed squarely on Yohji\'s hand, which now lay on top of his.

\"Don\'t be ashamed, Omi, there is nothing to be ashamed of.\"

Omi laughed cynically. \"That doesn\'t change anything. He\'s so wonderful... I can\'t bear to see him in so much pain... He deserves to be happy... I wish I could be the one to make him happy, but I can\'t... I can\'t... It\'s scary to love him... like I\'m not supposed to.\"

Yohji chuckled light heartedly. \"Hey, how is Ken scary? You sound like we\'re talking about Ran, here!\"

\"Stop it! You don\'t understand! How could you? Everyone loves you! You\'re so good at getting anything you want! You\'re not confused like I am!\"

\"That\'s not true.\"

Omi\'s grief momentarily washed away and he looked over at the older boy in surprise. There had suddenly been a drastic change in the feel of Yohji\'s mood.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

\"You see, well... I\'ve never told any of you guys about this ‘cause... I didn\'t think you\'d understand, but... well, this is hard to say... chibi... I like guys too.\" He shook himself out a little. \"Whoo, that feels really weird to actually say.\"

Omi\'s eyes went wide. His eyes darted wildly across the floor, not really sure how to handle or respond to Yohji\'s confession. He felt the red flood into his cheeks as if he\'d just been slammed in the face with it. \"You\'re... gay?\"

Yohji\'s head and hands shook in unison. \"No, no, no, bi. I don\'t consider myself \'gay\'... I still like girls. In fact, I like girls a ton, but every once in a while...\"

Omi smiled for a moment, but it quickly faded away. \"I don\'t think I\'m gay either. This is the first time I\'ve ever even looked at a guy that way.\"

\"I understand. It\'s kind of hard not to look at Ken. I mean, he\'s always so full of life, well until recently that is... but he\'s so selfless, so easy to get along with and so god damned gorgeous!\"

Omi blushed. \"It\'s kind of weird talking like this...\" There was a long pause between the two of them. \"But I have this feeling that he\'s not... um... that way.\"

\"Well, I don\'t know about that. Ken came to me earlier today, asking me about crushes. Apparently he\'s got a really bad crush on someone.\"

Omi\'s heart dropped into his stomach. \"Oh.\"

\"Hey, hey, now! Let me finish before you get all depressed! Whoever this crush is, though, Ken is really afraid and confused about his feelings for this person. He doesn\'t understand how or why he could possibly feel the way he does. He\'s confused as hell. Call me crazy if you will, but I think it\'s totally possible that this certain special someone could be a guy. Don\'t you think?\"

\"R-really?\"

\"And if so, there\'s a pretty good chance it could be you.\"

Omi began to fidget, the blush returning to his cheeks. \"But, what do I do? I can\'t just march into his room like some kind of fool, babbling and stumbling over my own feet! I\'d look stupid! And what would I say to him? Would I just go about telling him that he\'s beautiful and perfect and that I love him and I want to make him happy? Should I tell him that he\'s wonderful and I hate what he\'s been doing to himself because he\'s too precious to be so miserable all the time?\"

A large, warm smile crossed Yohji\'s face as he propped his chin up on the heels of his palms. \"You should use that. It\'s really flattering and heartfelt. Stuff like that could make anyone melt.\" Omi turned even a darker shade of red. \"Hey. I\'ll help you out, Omi-chan. I\'ll give you a deadline. You have to make me a man\'s promise that you\'ll confess yourself to Ken within the time of a week.\"

******

The alarm in his room went off violently, the electronic beeps scraping out the inside of his skull. Still in a sleepy but irritated haze, his fingers felt around for the switch on the top. After struggling with it for a moment, he finally clicked it over to the radio. His eyes, still shrouded in whatever sleep he may have gotten, focused for a moment and finally found themselves locked on the red digital numbers. Six thirty on the button.

\'Oh, yeah,\' Ken remembered, \'it\'s Tuesday, I have kitchen duty today.\' Pulling himself up into sitting position he let out a huge yawn and tried to rub the remaining sleep from his eyes. Finally gaining a real shred of consciousness he winced at the radio. The song was jazzy and upbeat, a song he\'d heard dozens of times before, the obnoxious, poppy sort of song that was so infectious and yet so obviously pressed from a cookie cutter. The type of song everyone knew the lyrics to, no matter how much they hated it. Goddamn he hated that song. He picked up the clock radio and hurled it across the room, knocking down whatever had previously sat on top of his dresser.

The clock, and a collection of other things, clattered to the ground. The music stopped. Great. Now not only would that dumb song be stuck in his head all day, but he\'d probably busted his alarm clock as well. Ken dragged his feet out of bed and shuffled down the hallway.

A glint of confusion passed over him, suddenly noting that the kitchen light at the end of the hall was already on. He continued on, wondering if, perhaps, someone had left the light on the night before. There was no way that could\'ve been it, though. Ran was way too much of a neat freak to let something like that happen.

*You\'ll just be a burden*

Ken felt his heart drop. \"Why\'d you say that, Ran?\"

*Idiot! God damned idiot! You could have gotten us fucking killed!*

Ken released a heavy sigh. As he made his way closer to the kitchen, the faint clinking of metal on metal became apparent. Then the dull thudding of feet pacing back and forth. The airy humming of an open refrigerator. The abrupt, hollow, almost sucking sound of it being closed. A cupboard opening with a creak, closing with a creak. The tap of cracking eggshells. Ken passed the threshold from cream colored carpet to cold, white linoleum.

He blinked in surprise. Then again. Then again. \"Wha—? Ran?\" The redhead turned, gazing at Ken through narrowing eyes. For a moment a shiver went down Ken\'s spine, then Ran simply turned, resuming his cooking. He stood in shock. The look in Ran\'s eyes had been so eerie. He almost felt displaced by the cold, emotionless, purple void that laid beyond the shining orbs. \"But... today I had kitchen duty.\"

\"Go back to bed.\" It was cold, harsh and unfriendly coming from Ran\'s lips.

\"But Ran! Why are you doing this? Is it because of yesterday? Are you still mad at me or something?\" Ran stopped and turned toward Ken. His face was angry and piercing as he looked directly into Ken\'s eyes.

His hand shot out and firmly wrapped itself around Ken\'s wrist like a vice. Next thing Ken knew the taller boy was dragging him down the hall. Ran twisted open the door to Ken\'s room and with a single quick jerk, sent Ken flying, or stumbling quickly, more less, inside. The door was shut hard behind him. Ken stood up and headed back for the door, but as he attempted to push it open he realized Ran had locked it from the outside. Ken put his back against the door and slid down. And he hadn\'t even seen him pull out the keys.

******

There was a click in the darkness. Ken looked up, the light that began to pour into the room with a single widening ray burning his eyes. He hugged his knees tighter, sinking his face into them so only his eyes could be seen. The black figure that stood in the doorway looked like an angel wreathed in holy light, but when the figure reached over and flicked on the overhead light he realized it wasn\'t even close to an angel. It was Yohji.

\"Hey there, big guy, breakfast is ready.\"

Ken blinked, still trying to adjust to the light. \"I\'m not hungry.\"

Yohji lifted an eyebrow. Ken, not hungry? He\'d never heard that one before. \"Suit yourself.\" He turned and walked off, still leaving the door open for Ken to follow if he happened to change his mind.

\"Is he coming?\" Omi looked up innocently at Yohji, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. Yohji shrugged and sat down.

No one spoke. All that could be heard was the occasional click of the forks on the glass plates. It was obvious everyone had something on their minds, but no one bothered to put it into words.

Suddenly, a fork was thrown down and hit the plate with a loud \'clack\', chipping the corner. Ran stood up, angrily. Omi and Yohji stared, and for a moment no one could move. Ran marched off. Omi and Yohji turned toward one another.

The door to Ken\'s room was still cracked open, but the light had been shut off. Ran pushed the door open. Ken was still sitting where Yohji had left him, against the bed on the floor, his knees curled up to his chest. Ken\'s gaze did not meet him as he walked in. \"You\'re acting like a little kid.\"

Ken did not reply. Ran glared at the lack of reaction, his fist tightening a little. \"Fine.\" He started to turn away.

\"You think you can read me, but you can\'t.\"

\"What\'s that supposed to mean?\" Ran stopped, his eyes narrowing into a fierce glare.

\"Nothing. It doesn\'t mean anything. Just leave me alone.\"

Ran snorted and walked out the door, completely abandoning his intention of getting Ken to come out of his room and act normal again. It didn\'t matter. He didn\'t know why he had let it bother him in the first place.

\"Ssh-ssh!\" Yohji and Omi looked intently down the hallway as Ken\'s door creaked open and Ran emerged from behind it. He silently returned to the table, sitting at his place and finishing his breakfast as though nothing had happened. The other two boys were silent for the rest of the morning.