LOVE CONFESSION

A quick note:
Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my story, I appreciated the feedback. J But most especially to Breathlessnight, Tina Caps, Noor, and Jayne: Thank you so much for everything.

Rating: R for references to past chapter and cursing/cussing.


LOVE CONFESSION 2

Hanamichi stared blankly at the sheets he had ripped off the bed and had thrown into the farthest darkest corner of his room.

It had been well over a week and the only time he had seen that damned guy had been during practice when he couldn’t participate because of the bruises and tenderness he felt from that day Rukawa had forced him…he grimaced he didn’t like remembering but every time he looked at himself in the shower or touched himself all he could do was remember Rukawa. His room had stunk of it and the sheets stained with their release.

All he had wanted to do was forget it and give Haruko his candy and card to tell her how beautiful she had grown and how cute her smile was and her cute little round face and those big doe eyes. She was the love of his life and nothing that bastard had said or what they had done, no what he had done to him could change that! Grrr! He trembled in anger his eyes blazed and then it was as if everything in his eyes seemed to become snuffed out, like he was an empty husk.

Yohei watched his friend quietly observing his pain and angst but this pain seemed different from all the other times Hanamichi agonized over telling a girl his feelings for her. But then again Haruko Akagi had given Hanamichi something no other girl had, a purpose, to become a better basketball man than Rukawa.

Hanamichi was restless and even more moody than before last week While waiting for his chance to talk with Haruko, he clutched and un-clutched the Valentine card he held with care. She looked so adorable in her school uniform. So lovely the way she smiled and laughed, even when it was with her friends.

She waved at him and he felt himself smile his biggest goofiest smile. It was their lunch period and even though he usually spent it with his boyz he had decided today was the day, and lunch was the perfect time to tell her of his love for her and that his heart was hers to keep.

“Hi Hanamichi-kun!”

“Ehe ee Haruko-chan,” His hand was behind his head nervously scratching his hair.

She looked up at him with that friendly sweet look and all he could do was act like a nervous fool again. He had worked so hard on being cool around her and now it came down to this. He was scared.

“I, I just wanted to say hi and see if you could - urr… uh help me with the rules of basketball. You know I could use the practice, even a genius like me hehehe” he laughed uncontrollably, then immediately sobered, “Needs help once in a while. What with our championship on the line and all, hehe!”

She gave him her usual blank look.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! I can’t believe I’m being so stupid! Act cool, tell her, just tell her!” he thought desperately. Instead his mouth moved on its own saying words of its own, and the next thing he knew he was on his way from her with a sort of date to meet up with her after school to practice basketball.

He found himself ambushed by his buds, “Hey Hanamichi! What the hell kind of confession was that?” they looked like a pack of laughing wolves. They found themselves each with a bump on their heads but none of the usual cursing or scolding had followed. They watched him leave worried because that was so not like their loud friend.

“Well that was no fun!”

“No kidding.”

“Well that sucked.”

Hanamichi walked home quietly again feeling a twinge in his posterior leading his mind back to a certain raven haired fox eyed boy.

Hanamichi sat in his room once again loathed to touch those sheets in his corner he knew he should wash them but all he could do was turn a way from them and blanch at what they told of him.

How was he going to be able to tell her how much he cared for her with what that bastard had done to him? He shuddered thinking of how he had been maneuvered into his own bedroom. He couldn’t even sleep in his own bed without feeling sick. This is where it had happened. How the hell was he ever going to be able to relax in here again, even his house felt unbearable he had taken to sleeping at Youhei’s whenever it would become to much for him to handle.

He double-checked his doors and windows he wanted to make sure they were locked and no chance in hell that damned fox could get him. Though last time he had just let him in, but this time if Rukawa showed up he wasn’t going to let him in. Hell he wasn’t even going to speak to that bastard until well, maybe never. What he took was something to precious not just his virginity but his trust and his ability to take care of himself, of being able to defend himself in a struggle. That bastard had barreled in and forced him… forced him to see that he was weak.

Hana’s eyes burned. “I should never have been so weak.” He hissed.

He forced his mind on to happier thoughts. He had to get ready. He was going to tell her tonight. Even if it killed him he was finally going to tell the girl that he loved that he was in love with her.

He smiled his huge happy smile. So pleased that finally his dreams were going to come true and Haruko would be his girlfriend.

Hanamichi searched his closet for the sweater his grandmother had sent him a few months back at the time he thought the thing was to much of a sissy’s shirt being a dark wine color with a woven sakura floral pattern in it, it was sissy like to wear but now it would be perfect for what he had to say to her. He found it underneath the pile of clothes he had in his closet he had purposely put it there so no one would ever see it especially the guys, Youhei and the others.

He pulled out his best dark khaki pants after all he had to look suave when telling the girl of his heart and dreams that he loved her deeply.

He grabbed a towel and took a shower once dressed he splashed himself with a touch of cologne and nodded now did he want to slick his hair up as usual or keep it natural. He looked at his image in the mirror moving his head left and then right looking at himself sideways and then deciding what the hell he let it be loose it was really rather long without the gel keeping it in his usual style.

He looked once more in the mirror pleased with himself he had to admit he was one hot guy and no way could Haruko resist such a handsome guy as himself. He grinned like a happy idiot and grabbed his school jacket as he exited his house.

As he was reaching the park he could hear the distinct sound of a ball swishing in and down through the hoop as it made a perfect basket.

He thought that maybe it was Haruko. That possibly she had brought a basketball to their meeting. However, as he entered the gated concrete court he was disappointed to see that it was Rukawa in a pair of black shorts and a sleeveless shirt.

Damnit! He thought as he cursed his luck. There was that evil fox bastard.

“Rukawa-grr!” he snarled as he stormed over to him.

He was going to make that bastard leave. Rukawa would ruin his plans if he was here. But Hanamichi froze as if caught in a pair of headlights. He still couldn’t face Rukawa.
He still couldn’t face what that guy had done to him.

What that BASTARD had done to him!

Of what Rukawa had made him feel.

The betrayal still hurt, it hurt as if the assault had happened only minutes ago rather then days ago. Screwing his courage tightly around him Hanamichi made up his mind. He would not falter.

The bastard had to go!

Haruko was going to show up any minute and he just couldn’t allow her to see that fox before hearing what he had to say to her.

Rukawa reached out for the ball as it bounced a way from the net and gripped it in his hands. He turned to dribble it but stopped as if he felt the glowering presence of Hanamichi Sakuragi. He turned his head and his body turned and with complete accuracy he faced Sakuragi.

Rukawa felt his breath catch at the sight of him. He looked fucking gorgeous. Fucking being suddenly foremost in his mind as he drank in the form that stood frozen and the look on his handsome face. It was a face of pain and anger and fear moving almost too quickly to track, the redhead was easily readable his emotions were always brilliant and passionate. Resolve and anger took up residence there on that scowling beloved face.

“Sakuragi,” and suddenly Rukawa didn’t care that Hanamichi’s entire presence and face wasn’t pleased to see him, but Hanamichi must have wanted to see him or why else would he be here?

Hanamichi knew him most of all and knew he would be here, so Hanamichi must have come looking for him, he thought as he again appreciated the beautiful man in front of him.

He took a step towards him and brought his hand out reaching for Sakuragi as he dropped the ball his steps carried him forward as Hanamichi took a step back in realization that Rukawa was reaching out for him and he was suddenly enveloped into a hug and then a husky voice whispered into his lips. “You smell really good,”

The hungry mouth was upon his lips kissing him, devouring him, and a tongue came out flicking in and touching his lips asking him to open up for him.

Rukawa was suddenly and violently pushed a way from Hanamichi, “God damnit Rukawa! Don’t touch me you Bastard!” and then he let loose with his fists striking Rukawa across the face like before Rukawa blocked his punches.

Rukawa felt confused. Why the hell was Hanamichi hitting him? Wasn’t he here to be with him, to be his?

“Why are you here if you’re not here to be mine?” he asked.

“Bastard I, it’s none of your concern why I’m here. But know this, it isn’t for you!” roared Hanamichi.

Rukawa’s eyes narrowed as he glared angrily at the dahou and then he just nodded once. Repeating coolly, “Not my concern,” he suddenly snorted, “I think it is my concern when you look like that, and smell like that. Who are you here to meet if it’s not me, hmm?” he asked acidly.

“Damnit you bastard it’s not my fault you fell for me! I can’t help it if I’m blessed with good looks.” He tried to be his arrogant self in front of Rukawa hiding his fear and his embarrassment at Rukawa mistaking his reason for being here.

Rukawa was jealous. He knew Hanamichi had to be meeting someone special to be dressed as he was. The stubborn fool though, wasn’t going to tell him, and that was just the way it was going to be. Rukawa wasn’t entirely certain how to crack Hanamichi’s stubbornness.

Rukawa didn’t bother saying anything more he just dismissed Hanamichi with a snort of disdain and walked a way taking his ball and his bag with him. Hanamichi didn’t have to tell him anything because one way or another he was going to find out by eavesdropping on the fool.

“That’s right, leave!” roared Hanamichi, cockily. “I don’t have to tell you anything! I don’t owe you a damn thing. Bastard!” he growled.

Rukawa ignored the idiot’s insults. He knew Hanamichi was just being hurtful because he was still probably feeling embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened on Valentine’s Day. Even he felt ashamed by his own behavior but he also knew that it was probably the only chance he’d have. The year was coming to an end and then Rukawa would be off to basketball camp in America, training to succeed to the leagues.

“Finally, that bastard’s gone now, I just need to calm down and wait for Haruko-san to show up, and then everything will be okay.” He murmured.

He’ll finally be able to tell her his feeling for her and Haruko-san will be his girlfriend and he’ll be so happy that it won’t matter what Rukawa had done to him or what Rukawa felt for him and how he had felt in that moment he had orgasmed with Rukawa.

“Sakuragi-kun!”

“Ha-Haruko-san!” He turned around smiling his large happy to see her smile and glowed at her so glad she was there. He gathered her hands into his and they both went over to the bench there to the side of the court.

“Rrrmm Sakuragi-kun,” she looked at him her face had a puzzled look on it as she looked him. “I thought, that is I thought you asked me here to go over some basketball terms and rules.” Her eyes looked him up and down but they didn’t have the same look Rukawa had, had when looking at him the way she was doing right know.

“I uh-uhmm Haruko,” his tone was soft but tentative as if he was scared to talk to her about something.

“Yes Sakurgi-kun?”

“Please Haruko-san please call me Hanamichi.”

“All right Hanamichi-kun.” He was so pleased he almost forgot why they were there.

Here it goes he thought as he started to talk to her, he was pretty sure the best thing to do was to just tell her as fast as possible what he had to say to her. “Haruko-san there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now, and I like you Haruko-san.”

She smiled but the kind of smile she was giving him wasn’t one of returned affection it wasn’t the kind of warm and soft look that usually came over a person when feelings were returned. “I like you too Hanamichi-kun, you’re so kind and sweet and a really, really good basketball man. You’ve come so far in so little time. Hanamichi-kun, it’s really been awesome to see.”

His face fell as he realized she had misunderstood him, “Haruko-san I, I don’t mean as a friend…. I love you, Haruko-san.”

Her smile wilted and looked strained for moment before it returned to her face only in a small sad little smile, “I wish Hanamichi-kun I could feel the same way for you, but I’m in love with Rukawa-san. Please I’m sorry this must be hurting you to hear this.”

“Bu-but Haruko-san he can’t, he-he doesn’t even acknowledge your existence. He doesn’t even know your name, no matter how many times he’s been told it. He looks’ right past you! He’s a cold son of a bitch! He’s a bastard!” Cutting him off mid speech he felt her strike him with the palm of her hand.

“Please don’t speak of him like that Hanamichi-san. I’m sorry I don’t love you. I wish I could but my heart loves him despite how he’s behaved towards me. Please forgive me.”

“I think it’s best I go now.” She stood up from the bench taking a step back to where she had entered the park from.

“Ha-Haruko-san, please don’t go, please let me at least walk you home.” His eyes were that of a wounded puppy.

Haruko wavered. “Onichan is waiting for me in the car, I’m sorry Sakuragi-kun.”

“I’ll just walk you to the car then. I’d feel bad if something happened to you, it’s getting late out.”

“Thank you for your concern Sakuragi-kun.” She replied quietly.

He took a step closer to her taking her hand in his, only she gently pulled her hand free of his, and they walked along together to her brother who was waiting for her with his usual look of dislike.

Rukawa had been watching them he found himself hurt by the idiot’s insults. He was not cold. He was reserved and his feelings weren’t there for just anyone to see. They were only for Hanamichi to see. He had known of Sakuragi’s stupid crush on the girl, the only thing he could feel for the ditz was anger that she had his Hanamichi’s love and thought so little of Hanamichi.

Some small bitter satisfaction was felt at hearing her say she wasn’t in love with Hanamichi, however he felt disgust at her confession that she was in love with him. She was nothing compared to Hanamichi. She had no passion. She couldn’t ignite the same emotion in him that Hanamichi could.

He felt somewhat happy that now Hanamichi would understand Rukawa better. Fee the same feelings that he had felt, what he had been feeling for some time. The anger and madness at loving something he couldn’t have loving someone who was unable to love him back in the same way he wanted to be loved in return.

He felt inconsolable jealousy and an uncontrollable need to see Sakuragi and talk to him again about his feelings. Maybe now that idiot would understand and just maybe he would let him touch him without needing to be forceful about it.

Hanamichi would need to be consoled over the pain of being rejected by the one he supposedly loves. Rukawa planned to be that consolation.

Rukawa went home he grabbed a shower and dressed in his finest sapphire blue shirt he had and a pair of slacks after all if Hanamichi was wearing his best He might as well wear his best too.

He approached the steps of Hanamichi’s house without a single butterfly in his stomach. He did not feel nervous which he felt was strange because Hanamichi now had a reason again to hate him fully. Though he wasn’t looking forward to the possibility of getting his ass kicked he was desperate to see Hanamichi again. It had been weeks since that day and he had promised himself he would leave Sakuragi alone and let the other boy find him. He would not go to Hanamichi and beg to touch him.

He knocked on the door feeling anticipation at what was to come. Would he be greeted cordially or would he be met by hostility?

Hanamichi had opened the door with a beer in his hand. His eyes were red and swollen from the tears he had been crying. They widened in shock at seeing the idiot fox on his doorstep, “What the hell are you doing here?” he asked outraged yet sounding somehow defeated.

He stepped forward and pushed on past Hanamichi who was trying to shut the door in the boys face.

“Fuck, fine! come in why don’t you!” he growled and finished shutting the door and then fallowed Rukawa into the living room.

“Though I don’t usually repeat myself Rukawa what the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, Idiot.” Rukawa replied icily.

Sakuragi’s eyes narrowed and then he just took a swig of beer from the can he was holding.

“If you came to see me you shouldn’t call me an idiot.” He argued, glaring, he was so ready to fight. “If you’re here to rape me again you better think twice, cause I’ll kick your ass this time for sure!”

Rukawa paled in comparison to his normal pale complexion. He looked ashen at the mention of his despicable deed.

“No I didn’t come here to rape you.” He said firmly and with great sincerity.

He had taken a seat on the couch he knew Hanamichi was close to exploding he was rather shocked the boy wasn’t exploding right now.

“Then why are you here stupid fox!” Screamed Hanamichi, boiling point nearing ignition.

Rukawa pointed to the beer in his hand,

“You want a beer?” asked Hanamichi disbelief in his voice, amazement at the sheer audacity of his unwanted guest. “Forget it, beer is for company I like and you I don’t like.”

Rukawa’s eyes flashed, “Please don’t remind me of that fact.”

Hanamichi clenched his jaw and felt frustration at having to talk to this fool who was imposing himself upon him.

“Tell me what you want!” it was like pulling teeth from this guy.

Rukawa just kept on staring at him and saying very little as usual thought Sakuragi as he threw his empty beer can at the garbage can at the far wall and then he lunged forward and grabbed the Kitsune eyes boy by the lapels of his shirt and brought him up to his face he knashed out, “Tell me!”

“I thought you might want to be consoled.”

The idiot’s jaw dropped and he gaped like a fish his eyes glowed with confusion and then like lightning the knowledge was there in his eyes, “You spied on me, you bastard!” Then he threw Rukawa away from him sneering, “I don’t need consoling from the likes of you!”

“From the likes of me?!” His voice came out cold and hard like an iceberg.

“Yeah from a queer rapist!” his voice came out hoarse but quiet like he didn’t want anyone to know what had happened just a few short weeks ago.

Rukawa’s fists clenched and unclenched he knew he deserved that but he just couldn’t accept the fact that he had been a lone in his desire. He stood up so fast Hanamichi didn’t have time to react as he was grabbed by Rukawa. Rukawa’s fingers dug into Hanamichi’s arms, his eyes were cold but deep in their blue depths a fire flickered alive in them as he gritted out “In the end you were as hard and eager for it. It wasn’t just me in there fucking you.” He spat out.

Giving Hanamichi a moment to digest his words, he continued this time with less venom but with just as much harsh truth as the earlier statement reiterating. “You were there and just as hard and eager for it as I was.”

Hanamichi just went berserk trying to throw the bastard off of him. He wouldn’t accept his truth, their truth. Rukawa just held on to him until all Hanamichi could finally do was glare at him for a moment more before his eyes fell and his face slackened and his entire body went limp in Rukawa’s arms. Hanamichi’s face filled with a different kind of turmoil then, it was shame. He was ashamed of his weakness that night and even ashamed now as he allowed Rukawa to hold him.

He had to admit it. He had to admit it to himself and stop running from it. Rukawa was right it hadn’t just been him. The truth was he had wanted it in the end. And that is why he didn’t strike out for the kill, though he wanted to more than anything just to make it go away, to no longer have to see Rukawa and know the truth of that night.

Rukawa gently cupped Hanamichi’s chin and lifted his face up for him to see into those open red amber colored eyes he could see it, see Hanamichi admitting it to some extent in side his mind but the slow tightening of the mouth, the teeth gritting together was a telltale sign Hanamichi wasn’t going to embrace this truth, at least not tonight. The one truth, that they were meant only for each other it would be sometime before Hanamichi was really ready for that kind of life.

Rukawa felt himself saddened as the truth hit home. Hanamichi may never come to that place, that realization and acceptance of that kind of love from him to him, not for a very long time, if ever.

Rukawa started to pull away from Hanamichi but he was stopped by the feel of Hanamichi’s arms tightening around him for a moment before letting him go.

He felt bereft at the distance between their bodies, he tried to pull Hanamichi to him but he stopped himself and released his grip on Hanamichi’s arm and he walked a way. His eyes felt warm and wet as he continued heading towards the door ready to leave. He was walking a way from the only person he had ever fallen in love with.

“Ru-Rukawa! Don’t you walk a way from me! I haven’t said my peace!”

Rukawa froze but didn’t turn around, he couldn’t bare to have him see him with tears in his eyes.

Hanamichi walked over to him and stood close by for the words he was about to say weren’t for anyone else to hear. He spoke to Rukawa’s back. “I-I don’t think I can feel… The thing is I, we’re good as a team, and I miss that feeling. Maybe when this thing, when I can stand to look at you again, maybe, we can be friends, or at least rivals in basketball again.”

His words had come out lame sounding to his ears and he had no doubt they were lame to Rukawa’s ears too.

A long pause as Rukawa thought over his words and thought over his own response, “I have missed us being a team, but I can’t go back to that existence. Not when I know what I’m missing, not when I can’t have you or you’re love. I’ll be leaving at the end of this school term Hanamichi, I won’t be bothering you again.”

“Rukawa…” There was nothing Hanamichi could say to that only, “Will you write and let me know where’ve you gone too?”

Rukawa shrugged and left Hanamichi standing in the muggy spring air feeling uncertain if there would be a future with his rival and friend.

There was a lot for their minds to wrap around and it would take them a long time to figure out love and life in general and their places within each others worlds.

Rukawa was the only one certain that he would never love anyone as much as he loved his favorite Da’hou

The End.


I hope this works and no there will not be another chapter.

No,

No,

I mean it!

^-^ lol

Please leave some comments I would love to hear from you.
Sincerely, jazzy2may