Empty Spaces

Terazuma had never felt so numb. His hearing was down, his
sight was non-existent and his sense of touch was abysmal. Everything was...
human. With the loss of his shikigami he had also lost his senses. A year
ago he would have loved to be normal, to be like everyone else. He had
hated his senses, he had hated being different, seeing so perfectly well,
hearing so sharply, and touching had been... bad. Sohryu had taught him.
Sohryu had given him a unique insight into his abilities, into what it
was like, what he could do, and he had become more stable in that way,
balanced... had accepted that big, stupid cat.

Now Kagankokushunkei was gone, outside his body, and Terazuma Hajime
was normal. Round ears, brown eyes, no stripes... normal.

It felt so wrong.

Sohryu's caresses were wrong. It felt like his touch was on numb skin,
like he had been given an anesthetic. The kisses were still the same, with
the same intensity, but he felt less. He felt... not like himself.

A strong arm pulled him close to the smooth, slender form of Sohryu
and the dragon nuzzled his neck.

"Hajime?"

"It's wrong," the shinigami murmured.

"What is?"

"Everything. I feel... wrong. Like there's a layer between me and you."

Blue-gray eyes gazed down at him. Sohryu ran a tender hand over his
hair, smiling a little.

"You're still the same. You only lost your shikigami."

"And it feels bad."

"That from the man who never wanted one to begin with," his lover teased.

"Oh stop it," Terazuma groused.

"Do you want him back? You can decide now. It's the only chance you
have."

Terazuma tensed. "I don't know," he finally whispered.

He missed his senses, but did he miss the possession? The physical changes?
He had still to see his shikigami. He had spent the last days just recovering
from his ordeal, getting warm, sleeping a lot. Terazuma still felt cold
sometimes, a bone-deep cold that crept through his system and had him shiver.
Sohryu had done his best to warm him, either way.

The shinigami wrapped his arms around his lover and held him close.
There was only silence between them and it was a comfortable one.

Tomorrow he would go and see the Black One.

Tomorrow.

° ° °

Tsuzuki was walking through the Palace of Candles, a place he had gotten
to know quite well in the past years. Not just because he had visited Ryu
quite often, but also because he was the stand-in for the Count when he
was with Rikugo. When he entered the large, sunlit room that went out into
the garden, he was surprised to find Touda there. The black-dressed shikigami
was sitting within the open doors to the terrace, gazing out over the garden.

"Touda?" Tsuzuki asked, a bit surprised.

Golden eyes looked at him, a strange expression in them.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I should ask you that."

Tsuzuki smiled. Touda knew exactly how he was. The bond took care of
that. There was a wordless exchange between them, then Tsuzuki just settled
down beside him.

"What's wrong?" he only asked.

"I challenged you," Touda answered, eyes on the garden again.

"Uhm, yes."

Tsuzuki remembered that. Touda had been in his mind, had fought to bring
him back, and Tsuzuki had accepted a challenge.

"You won," he added.

"Yes."

Tsuzuki frowned a little. "So... you're actually free."

It was like a heavy realization settling in. Touda, his shikigami, had
challenged his master, and he had won. By the laws and rules of such a
challenge, he was free now. It was as if Touda had rebelled against a weak
master, someone he despised, and he had won.

He was free.

"It wasn't a real fight," Touda murmured.

"It was. You challenged me, I accepted. You won." Tsuzuki felt something
flicker through him. His own emotions. His disappointment, his regret,
his fear...

Touda was no longer one of the twelve.

It wasn't that he prided himself that he had all twelve Divine Commanders.
He loved each shikigami whatever he or she was, but Touda had always been
special.

He summoned a smile. "I'm happy for you."

The hard features of the hell serpent seemed to freeze even more.

"Don't be stupid. It wasn't for real!"

"It was. It was as real as Genbu's challenge."

"You never won me in the first place, Tsuzuki! You were my punishment!"

The shinigami blinked. He had never looked at it this way, but in a
way... yes... he had been Touda's punishment. To have a master, to be bound
to a shinigami, to serve him.

"I... I never thought of it that way. Touda..."

He touched him, silencing his protest. "I know, Asato. You were my savior
and my friend. I was yours, without a fight, because I... I knew you were
the right one."

Tsuzuki's eyes reflected a myriad of emotions and he felt a tremor race
through him as the bond did the same, this time from Touda's side.

"I would have gladly taken you as my punishment, Asato. You were anything
but... you were the one who accepted me."

"And you're free now."

"I was never a prisoner or a slave. None of us is."

Tsuzuki sighed and shrugged. "But I lost against you when you challenged
me."

"It wasn't a challenge over me belonging to you," Touda said forcefully.
"You are a strong shinigami and your psychic powers are what shaped us.
None of us want to break away from you, least of all me. I am yours. Your
will is mine. My life is yours."

Tsuzuki got up, walking out onto the terrace. The sun was brilliant,
there was a light breeze, a few clouds. A perfect day in Meifu. Touda followed.

"I was your punishment, your new chains," Tsuzuki murmured. "But you
were pardoned. You are free, Touda. I never had any hold on you. Sohryu
and the others decided over your life."

Touda radiated concern and annoyance. "Tsuzuki..."

Tsuzuki turned to his friend, squaring his shoulders. "You are free,"
he repeated.

The golden eyes narrowed. "You are so thick-headed," he growled. ::I
am yours, Asato!::

::Not any more!:: Tsuzuki argued and the pain doubled. ::You beat me.
You bested your master. By the rules...::

::It wasn't a challenge fight!::

::I remember what happened! I asked you if it was a challenge and you
answered that if it has to be, it will be one!:: Tsuzuki felt his emotions
go all over the place.

He had never given the fight a lot of thought, until now. Until it had
really hit him that Touda had beat him.

::I could never win against you:: Touda whispered and walked up to him.
His hand cupped Tsuzuki's cheek. ::You are very strong, Asato. What I went
up against was a weak version of you. You are my master...::

::Touda, no... You are free::

"Then it is my free choice to serve you," the serpent answered out loud.

And he went down to one knee, bowing his head in a clear sign of submission.

"Please accept me, Tsuzuki Asato."

Tsuzuki breath caught in his throat. "T-touda..."

"It is my will," was the soft, final answer.

He sank to the ground and wrapped his arms around the taller form. "Idiot,"
the shinigami breathed. "Idiot!"

Touda held him, chuckling softly. "Does that mean 'yes'?"

"Why would you throw this all away?"

"I'm doing no such thing. I will always belong to you. Do you accept
me?"

"Yes," Tsuzuki heard himself whisper. "You idiot."

° ° °

Watari knew he was looking at the ruins of a life he had led so innocently,
in complete oblivion, ever since he had left the Mother project. He had
pushed all of it away, had refused to think about being one of the Five,
but now it had come crashing back. Born out of a moment of need and desperation.
It had left him with a terrible knowledge and he knew he had to tell the
others.

So far, only Tatsumi was around. Hisoka was with Tsuzuki, who was under
the protection of the Count. Terazuma was just now recovering from his
stay in Limbo and he was in GensouKai with his lover.

So he had to tell Tatsumi.

Who still chewed on the revelation that Watari had been involved in
the Mother project. He would soon be reeling even more.

Watari ran a shaky hand through his tousled strands. The headache that
had accompanied him ever since disconnecting from Mother had grown in size
once more and he was trying to ignore it, but that didn't help. The special
pills had helped for a while, deadening his nerves, cocooning him in blessed
numbness, but that grace period was over.

"I wish I hadn't seen it," he murmured.

003 hooted softly and nipped at his fingers.

"I know that we had to know. But I never realized just what had happened,
what was behind all of this, and when it started."

Another hoot, then the tiny owl looked past him, ruffling her feathers
and then smoothing them again.

"Taka?"

Watari turned and looked at his lover, smiling faintly. "Hey."

"You wanted to talk to me?"

He nodded, biting his lower lip. "Sit, please?"

Tatsumi gave him a mystified look and sat down.

"Seii... when I was in Mother, she showed me everything. And I mean
everything. I know what happened... I know why... and how... and by whom..."

Tatsumi blinked. "Taka...?"

Watari inhaled deeply and began.

 

 

tbc...